THE SCENARIO

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   Hello and Welcome to the courts of Los Angeles and the Trial of the Decade!

JAY:   I thought the Menendez Brothers was the Trial of the Century.

PAT:   No, I think that was billed as the Trial of the Year.

JAY:   Oh.

PAT:   We have some gripping courtroom drama for you today as the team of Mason and Quincy attempt to take down the Juice over the hardened defense of Matlock and Fletcher. The court is in recess at the moment, so let's get to some of your comments during the break...

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

Zorak! writes:

I am the Lone Mantis of the Apocolypse, think of me when you look to the night sky and I say that all of you little pretty ones must join the Klugmanrevolution!!!!

Oh, what the heck, you ugly ones can join, too.

KLUG-MAN, KLUG-MAN! KLUG-MAN!!!! He's better than a lawyer, he's a mortician!!!! Forget Batman, forget Superman, I go for Klugman!!!! He the man! The KLUGMAN!! Oh, and here's my parting thought: Take off one of your shoes, now put it in your mouth... Uncle Zorak will wait...... Now bite it! Bite it!!!!! Mmmmmmm... doesn't that taste good, kids?

KLUGMAN RULES, SPACEGHOST DROOLS!!!!

clickclickclick

Editors Note: Having seen that episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast, I get it. Good one!

Captain Freedom writes:

Okay, guys, first of all: Perry Mason is NOT a prosecuting attourney, like Matlock he is a defense attourney. Like Matlock, his specialty was not just defending an innocent client, but managing to find the guilty party and elicit a dramatic courtroom confession. But, he was not a prosecutor, that was usually his nemesis Assistan DA Hamilton Berger.

Laying aside that one little quibble, I gotta go with Perry all the way on this one (and Quincy, I guess...). First of all, Perry is the archetype upon which Matlock is based. The prime source is always preferable to the watered down secondary versions. Second, Perry has a much better support team. Paul Drake, his investigator, is not only a highly-skilled private investigator, he's a 50's tv private eye. As we all know, this gives him a lot of extra cool to call on when faced with a wimpy, pc 80's type investigator. Paul would have the real story slapped out of Kato Kaelin quicker than you could say 'dead blonde and male companion'.

Della Street is also way cooler than the competition because she has that 50's private eye secretary thing going for her. Thirdly, Quincy would actually come in handy here for two reasons. First, as an actual employee of the city of Los Angeles, he could get the real info on what was going on. Second, he has a strong rapport with Japanese-Americans that would give him an in with Judge Ito. All in all, it's a sad day for OJ and a happy day for those of us who believe in truth, justice and the american way.

Rich Stellato writes:

Well, as much as I hate Quincy, he is a fellow forensic scientist. Put me down as voting for the "home team."

Jeff "T-REX" Hayes writes:

Quincy and Perry will win this courtroom brawl. Why, might you ask? Look at the oppisition: Mrs Potts and Andy Taylor.

Jessica Fletcher is a yenta who does nothing but stick her nose where it does not belong. Mattlock does not like rock and roll that in itself makes him evil. I bet you anything Perry and Quincy would be nice to Steven Tyler or Ted Nugent. Hey I'm from the south but for some strange reason Andy Griffith makes me mad maybe becuase he messes up all those great gospel song on that crappy album he put out. And dont you remember Raymond Burr survived the original Godzilla. Nuff Said!

Trekkkie writes:

This isn't that hard, really. If you think about it, Matlock and Fletcher are both much older and more experienced. Of course, they're lucky this ain't a fistfight...

Katrover writes:

Impartial jury, eh? Judging from my experiance watching Simpsons, if even half the jury is a senior, they're going to vote innocent. Why? They love Mattlock!! MATTLOCK!!!!

Iron Lantern writes:

This is a really close match, I must admit. Ben Matlock and Perry Mason are both very experienced litigators, and they both have excellent investigative teams at their disposal, but victory must go to the Mason/Quincy team on this one.

Point one: the facts of the case clearly show OJ's guilt. The prosecution will have no trouble proving motive, method, and opportunity. Mason will have no trouble refuting the Colombian drug lord theories, shaky alibis, and accusations of police misconduct. The case will be all about the evidence, especially if Mason gets the jury he wants.

Point two: DNA evidence. Quincy is an trained forensic pathologist, and it will not take him long to match the blood found at the crime scene to OJ. Nor will he make the stupid mistakes the labs made during the criminal trial. And the evidence will be uncontested, because Jessica Fletcher is not fluent enough in forensic science to refute Quincy's expert testimony.

Point three: Perry Mason has never, to my knowledge, lost a case. Matlock, on the other hand, lost only one. So the legal edge goes to Mason, slight though it is. I will also add, for the record, that Perry Mason is not stupid enough to make the blunders Clark and Darden made. Matlock's only hope is if he can get the ruling reversed on appeal. And knowing how thorough Mason is, any grounds for appeal will be shaky at best.

The defense team goes down like a White House intern. Death penalty, anyone?

Skeearmon writes:

Let's keep this short and sweet... I hate Miss Fletcher. I was forced to watch her over and over as a kid. Plus, wherever she goes, someone dies for her book. And Matlock.... ick, he's the type of lawyer who would sue someone for teaching evolution or try to make a fradulant insurance case for some dumb schmuck.

On the other hand is Perry Mason, who was a real hardcase in the old days, real no nonsense. And Quincy, too, was surrounded by people who died, but then again he was coroner. So the second team wins by professionalism and personal contempt of the other. Case Dismissed!And, BTW, can you send Quincy to go find Lina... she'd be a great matchup with Harley as a personal interviewer. And think of all the fun we can have with dumb ol' Gourry.

Aubri writes:

Well, you know, he IS guilty. And in TV shows, you never get out on a technicality -- so he will be convicted. Even Jessica Fletcher couldn't write her way out of this one. Case Closed.

Dark Force writes:

OJ's guilty. That makes the prosecutors the good guys. Good guys always win. Nuff said. By the way, would anyone who goes to this site watch these shows?

Esrom writes:

In the closing Defense, Jessica Fletcher and Matlock will prove that it was OJ's evil twin who committed the crime, for the sole purpose of creating a huge media circus at the expense of his famous twin. Mason, not being able to handle defeat (since he's never been beaten) will attempt to (metaphorically speaking) shoot down the case, but fail miserably. The evil twin will be found guilty, and given 'the juice'. OJ will go back to his golf, and go on to star in another 'Fugitive' spinoff movie with Tommy Lee Jones. Anyway, I'm sure that if any of the four TV sleuths in this confrontation had handled the OJ case, they would have found out the truth. What the REAL truth is, I have no idea.

MasterManG writes:

O.J. is guilty, evrybody knows it, that's why Mason and Quincy are gonna take this one. O.J. screwed himself over royal and left a trail a blind dog with it's nose cut off could follow. He's left so much evidence against himself, the defense won't be able to defend him. Besides, once they realize he's guilty they'll help convict him.

Kato writes:

Fletcher and Matlock will prove victorious. Not because of their court room prowess. Not because of their good looks. Not because of their prime time shows. Its because of Columbo. The greatest detective of all will be hired by Fletcher (they were high school sweethearts). Columbo is the only man who could discover the second bloody glove. Only Columbo could find the bloody knife. Only Columbo is bloody gorgeous.When Columbo interviewed my beautiful self, he asked me all kinds of weird questions. "Where do you buy your underwear?" From this Columbo drug up my agent and proved he was guilty. IT WAS ALL A PUBLICITY STUNT SET UP BY MY AGENT AND THE PROSECUTION. Nicole Simpson is still alive and was found gagged in my agents basement. COLUMBO FOREVER.

hellmouth writes:

Quincy is the man. No one ever puts it over on him. As far as Perry is concerned, he is simply unstoppable. The only way this duo could lose is if they were against Batman and Robin or maybe Kirk and Spock (there's a pretty good matchup for the future,by the way).

Achin' Dave writes:

I reckon if you really wanna find out you should sic Columbo onto him... a few days of that trenchcoat coming in and out with "Just one more question" and we'd know the truth...

Duke Chaos writes:

I voted for Perry Mason because Ozzy Osbourne has a song about him.

Lornoss writes:

Somehow Matlock always seems to get his view across with his 'Now I don't know much about law, but where I'm blah...blah...drunk as a...blah blah...'. And Fletcher always comes accross as knowing the culprit from the very beginning (even though i think she really stumbles upon the solutions dangerously close to the end of the show). But let's face it Mason's never lost a case (that i remember anyway)...and Klugman is just kickass. Plus there's the senility factor... I mean think of all the "depend's" team-old must go through...

Peter writes:

See, the funny thing is that this fight will be about OJ's guilt, not who the better sleuth is. Plus, Jessica Fletcher (the best super sleuth ever - can't you tell who I voted for?) isn't a law girl - she gets out and actively tries to solve the mystery for herself, rather than do all that legal stuff. In the end, I reckon it'll be Perry Mason (even though I voted for Fletcher - I still say the she kicks butt!) I'm just wondering who the judge will be...

Well of Souls writes:

OJ is going to be squezed like the plump californian round thing he is or isn't. The only thing that is going to save him is if the defence gets $3,000,000 and hires Lenoard Cochran to pull off the Chewbaca defence.

Besides look at the contestants: THE best lawyer in history and the greatest TV pathologist verses two people they pulled off the street at random and just happen to have solved a couple of things that even the Scobie-Doo gang could have done and still have time of a couple of Zoinks! and some chasing of monsters before the end of the episode.

Corwyn writes:

I think Callisto did it... anything to get ratings... now she should strike the Houseboy down for stealing her token Blonde Spot in the Media Hype

Fred writes:

It seems to me that there's just not a viable alternative explanation for Fletcher and Matlock to prove. So my theory is that all four are working to convict OJ (mistrial laws be damned!), and are setting him up so that justice prevails!

Dragon writes:

I've been a silent voter on this site for a while now, but I have yet to see such a hard reality jump into the stream as this.

In my opinion, the impressive deductive skills and the verbal might of Perry Mason will quickly out maneuver the weak, clutching defensive strategy of the Murder she Dote grandmother, and the unmatched medical expertise of Quincy will surely find ways to include and support the vast amount of Simpson DNA evidence found at Simpson home and the crime scene.

Matlock will likely be totally unable to use the 'Race Card' defense, so Simpson will be forced to face the actual evidence against him.

Perry Mason will duel mightily with Matlock, but will manage to get AC Cowlings as well as Simpson himself on the stand and flay them alive during the examination.

Fletcher will be forced to use the baseless blasting of Mark Fuhrman as her only standing point, but that hasn't even worked out well in real life.

All in all, I say Mason and Quincy will convict Simpson faster than Anakin turns to the Dark side.

The Cat writes:

Have you no sense of cuteness? All these guys are old! Why don't you find a new, young, CUTE guy to prosecute OJ. He's so obviously guilty that only Marsha Clark and whatshisname could screw up that case! You don't even need a certificate to be a lawyer (whatever their called!).

Thanos6 writes:

Somehow, the Mason-Quincy team is leading by 60. I don't even know who the heck Quincy is! Never heard of him! Also, it is proven Matlock has the superior detectoring (?) power.

Mason gets to work with the full cooperation of the police, county, and state... and always gets his man.

Matlock, however, is a defense attorney, meaning he works AGAINST the police, county, and state, and always gets his man.

Even though I personally believe OJ's guilty, Matlock'll clear him faster than Quicksilver can take down the Porcupine.

I don't even consider Jessica Fletcher and this Quincy guy (whoever he is) to even be factors.

Matlock in two.

Whitetrench writes:

Mason and Quincy will only win by default. After finding out that OJ is guilty of the crime, Matlock will quit and then OJ will be without a defense.

Sindel 77 writes:

First, thank God your back! The net has been dull without you! And, Fletcher and Matlcok are gonna kick some Prosecution ass! Have you ever watched Murder she Wrote??? And Quincy??? Does he really have a chnce? Besides, Matlock and Fletcher make a cute couple!

Blue Beetle writes:

Where�s the remote?

The_Big_Bad_W0lf writes:

Oh COME ON. After Pery Mason pioneered the TV lawyer/sleuth. Matlock, nice as he is, just can't hold a candle. And Fletcher's enthusiastic amatuerism can't even be compared to Quincy's extensive forensics expertise. Fletcher'll be lucky not to get tossed out of the courtroom for making up the facts as she goes along; she's a writer, not a lawyer, and has no relevant expertise. There is no doubt in my mind that OJ will be found guilty on all counts. Case closed.

mrchuckles7 writes:

Given the fact that Fletcher is from Maine and her town is on the factual list of cities with the highest murder rate, something's not right with that. Mason, has lost, what, 1 case in his entire career! Matlock, well, he tends to take cases he has no faith in and then by the end miraculousy changes his mind?

Justicar writes:

I'm of the firmest opinion that the forces of Mason and Quincy will bring down the murderous OJ. The reason is really quite simple in this case. Mrs. Fletcher and Matlock would never stay in the employ of OJ. Once they saw the evidence they would be compelled to join the prosecution. Fletcher and Matlock are not lowlife scum so they would not consider using the race card. Without that being used there would be no defense. Quincy could handle the presentation of DNA and forensic evidence much better than the previous dunderheads. Plus Perry Mason is incredible with handling the courtroom and jury. He would easily sway that racist and closeminded jury.

Lastly Mason and Quincy has the awesome power of GENOM behind them. They would have Judge Ito so deep in their back pocket he would need SCUBA gear.

So in closing OJ dies faster than Clinton can murder US Foriegn Policy.

Hysteria writes:

Sorry, Matlock, but Perry Mason has had just too much experience. Plus, he tends to get his hands dirty, and while he is polite, he knows when to push, and be aggressive, something Matlock lacks. Not only that, but Perry Mason inevitably pulls off a surprise witness, which means that Matlock will have no time to prepare, and seeing as how the judge in Perry Mason's cases are very lenient when it comes to allowing a surprise witness, Matlock will be caught off-guard. Plus, Perry could always get his "friend," Ozzy Osbourne to appy some heat to the Matlock-Fletcher team...

Mr. Silverback writes:

At this point, as long as all four of them get together after the trial and beat the crap out of Alan "I'd defend Hitler" Dershowitz, I'll be a happy camper.

Easily Swayed writes:

Come on folks, leave the Juice alone. I mean, isn't it obvious that bloody glove was planted in a grand conspiracy of magnitudes which only Matlock and Fletcher could prove. And so what if the stupid DNA evidence says there'a 1 in a billion chance it was him, that still leaves FOUR OTHER people in the entire world who could have done it! Oh wait, OJ played for the Bills didn't he? In that case, nail him Perry!

The Match Maker writes:

I never thought that a Matlock/Mason fight would ever happen. I thought it a "dark horse" at best. I assumed that both characters were a little too obscure for your average comic book reading "CBUBite". I'm glad to see that you thought differently. And adding Jessica and Quincy was a masterstroke. (If I thought Matlock/Mason was too obscure, I SURE wouldn't of thought anyone would remember Quincy!)This battle all revolves around one thing. Is O.J. guilty in this scenario or not? Because if he IS, then of course Matlock/Fletcher will win. If he ISN'T, then of course Mason/Quincy will win. You see, in this set up it doesn't come down to individual skill, it comes down to whether O.J. did it or not! What's the penalty for murder in Khazan anyway?

WhereWolf's Mother writes:

I've got to go with Mason because I've seen the other ones lose. And I agree with the Canadian. I think he's guilty as sin. :)

G. Bob writes:

It's Quincy, you see. He's the reason OJ is a free man. The trial was going good untill Matlock brought up the sloppy lab work done by the county coroner. A Mr. Felix Unger was brought to the stand and asked to comment on Quincys habits. Felix railed at the sloppiness of Quincy, leaving enough doubt in the mind of the jury as to the forensic evidence.

Later, Jessica Fletcher was arested for the murder of Nicole Simpson. The jury didn't believe that sh just "happned" to be at the scene of hundreds of mysterious murders.

MadTom writes:

Quincy will find some dirt inside OJ's shoe that can only be found at the meadowlands stadium, in New Jersey. The prosecutorial team will go there, dig up Jimmy Hoffa, and find the necessary evidence to convict OJ under Hoffa's hairpiece. Mason will make it stick, even though it's silly.

Matlock, unused to LA's environment, will still be stuck in traffic by the time the case is decided.

Nine writes:

Despite the eloquence of Perry Mason, the Juice will once again be acquitted... and for similar reasons that allowed his victory in the actual trial. When you give DNA evidence to Jack Klugman, the Oscar Madison side of his personality will collect the evidence in a sloppier manner than even the L.A.P.D.

On the prosecution side, Andy Griffith will hold the jury spellbound with his own hillbilly explanation of football. Matlock really scores big with the jury when he cross-examines Mark Fuhrman, and exposes the witness not only as a racist, but a "Baaaaaaad Cracker"!

Deeds writes:

Why send amateures like Quincy and Mason to represent the people when you know D.A. Jack McCoy & Abbie Carmichael with Detectives Rey Curtis and Lennie Brisco from Law & Order could put O.J. away in an hour topps. Jack McCoy could destroy any speculative concoction Lansbury could put together and bring Matlock to tears with his final statement.

The boys and girls from Law & Order are the only people that can put O.J. away.

THE BATTLE

JAY:   Some strong and logical arguments there, Pat. Thanks to our audience at home for the great opinions.

PAT:   Indeed. Now, lets go down on the field for today's exciting testimony. It's a circus of personalities down there today... who knows what might happen.

Perry Mason:   The prosecution calls to the stand Quincy, MD.

Bull, the Bailiff from Night Court:   Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth?

Quincy:   I do.

Bull, the Bailiff from Night Court:   All right, then.

Perry Mason:   Dr. Quincy, is it true you have conducted DNA testing on the samples of blood provided from the scene of the crime?

Quincy:   That is correct.

Perry Mason:   And was there found to be DNA evidence that suggests Mr. Simpson was indeed in Los Angeles at the scene of the crime and not, in fact, in Chicago as his alibi suggests?

Quincy:   There is proof that Mr. Simpson was in Los Angeles, at the crime scene.

Perry Mason:   No further questions, your Honor.

Judge Ito:   Defense; your witness.

Matlock:   Thank you, your Honor. Now, Dr. Quincy... I reckon I'm just a poor boy from South o'the Mason-Dixon, an' I might not know much about all this fancy testing business. Why don't you explain to the court how this works?

Quincy:   Well... we gather a number of samples...

Matlock:   Thank you. That's plenty. Tell me, Dr. Quincy, are you a cracker?

Quincy:   Excuse me?

Perry Mason:   Objection! Quincy's race is not a factor...

Matlock:   Your Honor, I am attempting to establish collusion.

Judge Ito:   Proceed.

Matlock:   Thank you, sir. Now, Quincy... I might not know much about your laboratory, but I know a thing or three about how the Klan works. Are you a member of the Klu-Klux-Klan, Dr. Quincy?

Perry Mason:   Objection! Dr. Quincy's race, political affiliations and character are not on trial today! I demand to know what the defense hopes to gain from this display.

Judge Ito:   Objection sustained. Mr. Matlock, please get to the point.

Matlock:   Hmmm... No further questions. The Defense will instead call to the stand Mrs. Jessica Fletcher to shed a further ray of light on the dark, muddy swamp of ol' Dr. Quincy's character.

Bull, the Bailiff from Night Court:   Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth?

Fletcher:   Yes.

Bull, the Bailiff from Night Court:   All right, then.

Matlock:   Mrs. Fletcher, will you tell the court your profession.

Fletcher:   Yes. I am a writer and sleuth.

Matlock:   I see. And will you tell the court what you saw last Monday evening.

Fletcher:   While investigating allegations of officer Mark Fuhrman's racial bias, I saw officer Mark Fuhrman and Dr. Quincy having a drink together in a bar.

Matlock:   You saw Mark Fuhrman, whose racism is well known to this court and Dr. Quincy together. I reckon that's a bold statement, Mrs. Fletcher. Do you have evidence to support this claim,

Fletcher:   Yes, I do. I have photographic evidence!

Matlock:   She says she has pictures to support her claim. May the court see these pictures, Mrs. Fletcher?

Fletcher:   Yes. Here are the photos.

Matlock:   The Defense submits as evidence these photos taken by Mrs. Fletcher.

Perry Mason:   Let me see that.

Matlock:   No further questions.

Perry Mason:   Waitaminute! These pictures were taken inside the Mos Isley cantina on Tatooine!

Fletcher:   Yes, the Mos Isley Cantina.

Perry Mason:   But, you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...

Matlock:   Couldn't a' said it better myself Mr. Mason.

Judge Ito:   Your witness Mr. Mason.

Perry Mason:   These photos prove nothing. They could be any sentient life forms with inherent disguise abilities. Mrs. Fletcher, is it true you frequent the Mos Isley Cantina on Tatooine?

Fletcher:   Well, I wouldn't call myself a regular or anything....

Perry Mason:   Ah-Ha! Well, Mrs. Fletcher, how do you explain this video? Roll the film, Bailiff. Now, isn't this you with the Cantina Whirling Jizz band? Why are you dressed like that, Mrs. Fletcher?

Fletcher:   I... oh, my.

Matlock:   Objection, your honor. Mrs. Fletcher stated she was not a regular! She did not say that she never stopped in for a friendly social.

Perry Mason:   Oh, this is social, all right. Mrs. Fletcher, is it not true that you are in fact known around the Mos Isley Cantina as Grandma Smuggle Bunny?

PAT:   Uh... this is getting into a whole weird area.

JAY:   Let's just fast forward and see who wins, huh?

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Mason - Quincy: 316

Matlock - Fletcher: 195

THE WRAP UP

PAT:   Okay, that's a wrap. From Los Angeles, this has been Pat Summers.

JAY:   And Jay Peoples. Goodnight.

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Matlock, Quincy, Fletcher and Mason (TM) are the property (c) of whoever they are the property of. Not me, anyway.

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles