THE SCENARIO

A galaxy's ransom in beautiful females will surely be in attendance, and prowling this delectable smorgasbord of womenflesh are two great predators Austin "Danger" Powers: International Man of Mystery.

"Leisure Suit" Larry Laffer: Lady Killer Extraordinare. These two swingers will be facing off under the disco ball, skulking from dance floor to bar stool. It's a fast paced contest of dueling pick-up lines and innuendo as these guys shake-rattle and roll In search of Romance and a little "somethin' somethin'".

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

KANG:   Greetings, Earth woman. Did you know I'm the ruler of my homeworld.

KODOS:   You were not, you tubby bastard.

KANG:   Well, maybe not, but I once conquered Earth with a slingshot.

KODOS:   Who hasn't? Anyway, brother, stop harassing the Earth women; we have a show to do!

KANG:   Oh, relax, we don't go on for a wh...Hello, everyone. Welcome to tonight's show. Due to, um, "unforeseen circumstances", Pat and Jay are still not back. I see that are two contenders have entered the club, and we're almost ready to start.

KODOS:   Speaking of which, where DID you hide the parts we stole from Q's retrieval device?

KANG:   Quiet you! Let's just go to your comments.

YOUR OPINIONS

Editor's Choice Award

The Great Disco Stew ! writes:

Take it from me I have been around the Disco floor a few times and a few decades I got to go with the man called Austin on this one ! That cat has some fly moves even showed me the great Disco Stew one or two ! And Disco Stew knows Disco .Can ya Dig it ?All right like far out man ! Hey yo Callisto if your there like what�s your sign Babe ?!? Oh yeah I like totally dig that hole leather clad Warrior Queen thing you have going on ! Call me some time we can hook up OK . Listen up everybody Disco Stew is your Hookup !Holler if ya hear me ?!?

Dr. Evil writes:

No real challenge here, Mr. Powers has had the privilege of meeting me face to face before, and he survived which is more than I can say for this shell-suit wearing dipstick. I mean come-on throw me a frickin' bone here.

Dr. "Justicar" Disco writes:

This battle is swing... its hip... its OK. Yet, the dynamics of this battle are freaky. Austin Powers is a 60's throwback. Larry lives in the 80's. The battlefield is a 70's wonderland.
Both men are going to have adjust themselves to the music. Great bands like ABBA, The Bee Gees and Sister Sledge aren't to be taken lightly.
Another factor hear is drug tolerance. If this battle is truly set in the 70's (in a Studio 74 type nightclub, no less) both had better know how pound ungodly amounts of drugs and booze.
Lastly, both men need to be insane, inspired satyrs of lust because the rejections that both men are going to face is daunting to say the least.
Larry's short, fat and bald. He's never known really known sexual success he just gets lucky from time to time. That will be his main disadvantage. Once he finally adapts to his surroundings, he's going to end up with the wrong woman. You'll find him tied to a bed frame, no pants, no wallet and once again no life.
Austin has this battle in the bag! Austin adapted himself from the 60's to 90's and still shagged some hot bitches. The 70's is going damn dreamland! He will be in heaven where women are loose and numerous. He has the sexperience and the will to use it.
Austin will score faster than Larry can die in a tank of sharks with frickin' lasers on their heads!!

The Sandman writes:

Leisure Suit Larry may be the underdog because he is not as well known and doesn't carry a 9mm, but he will goof his way to victory against dumbass Austin Powers. WhereWolf writes: I cast my vote for Larry.

1. Larry can "save game", therefore, he can hit on the same czich several times until she says yes.
2. Austin Powers can't.

:)

The Brain writes:

As much as I love the Leisure Suit Larry games, I'm afraid I'll have to go with Austin Powers on this one. Why? For the simple reason that he's a babe magnet. Larry is a loser. In Larry 1 (Land of the Lounge Lizards), he was already balding. The object of the game was to lose his virginity. Not exactly the kind of person you'd expect to win this kind of contest, hmm? Austin all the way, baby!

Hari Seldon writes:

The One known as Austin will win. This is his mojo, baby, and it will really freak Larry out. He can take out an entire room of female assassin droids with only a cheezy dance and a union jack themed wardrobe. He has 60's style vs disco. In addition he IS Dr. Evil. A very cool villain. (just ask Mr Bigglesworth)

Charge Man writes:

Leisure Suit Larry, while an funkmaster extraordinaire, cannot defeat the ultimate funkiness of Powers. You know why? Because he's quoted by Gex, one of my top ten video game heroes. "We got a 211 in progress, baby." "Judo chop, baby, yeah!" Somebody who Gex looks up to has to be tough. Or, to quote Kang: "It does not matter who you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed! DOOOOOOMED!" Editor Kang's note: I am flattered that you would quote me, but do not plagiarize my words, human, or I will introduce you to the food preparer.

E.C. MICK writes:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. ALL I HAVE SEEN IN THIS WEB PAGE SO FAR IS CRAP. YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE WORST MATCHUPS THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. I HAVE GAVE YOU PEOPLE OVER 20 GOOD IDEAS AND YOU AER TO STUPID TO GET THE HINT AND GRAB A BRAIN YOU [censored] FOOLS. Editor Kodos' note: You humans perplex me. Why do you let the criminally insane have access to this Internet device? What I would like to know is: why does he continue to come if it is "crap", as he so eloquently puts it?

Kibble writes:

Austin Powers -- Women want him, men want to be him. Can't be stopped, even by unnecessarily slow dipping mechanisms. Leisure Suit Larry -- A Computer Geek's vicarious life who can be sent to heel with a reset button. Sorry, but I've never seen a computer babe that has looked better than Elizabeth Hurley. Austin wins easily. Yeah, baby!

Chris Sawler writes:

Austin Powers is just too good at this for Larry to keep up. Even with those horrible teeth he got Olotta Fagina, and now with his brand new chompers he will have to use that 9mm gun to keep the girls off of him. Larry is just another balding, out of shape, polyester-wearing has-been. Heck, Austin could even pick up Larry, he is so good.

mickeyden writes:

Larry is the man and he's going to kick his ass! Go Larry!Go Larry!Go Larry!Go Larry! All the way!

DamieN Brimstone writes:

I am voting that both guys will go home alone for one simple reason: BECAUSE DISCO [censored] SUCKS THATS WHY!!!! And anyone who bases their scoring strategy around such crap deserves a sad, lonely death. Kang and his sister Kodos would be doing the free world a favor if they vaporized the discotheque while they were calling the fight. The only other thing I have to say is, "SHAG THIS" *makes middle finger gesture to Austin and Larry*

Player writes:

Well interesting Idea. . . However you missed the most obvious conclusion to this question. They both go home with each other.

Daki writes:

Looking into my magic 8-ball I see....a great many slaps to the face, several cold shoulders and Austin without any puss...er...women. This battle boils down to the teeth. Clothes are a moot point since they both wear clothes older than I am. Next you have smooth talking...well neither have that, just some bad pick-up lines for Larry and psychedelic speech for Austin. Physically...well, I don't think I have to go there. So what we have left is the teeth. Austin's would make a billy-goat puke. Larry takes care of his teeth. Larry gets the girl in the end (he always does in his computer games too!)

THE BATTLE

KODOS:   Oh, by the way, all of you who wrote and complained about this match are first on the list of people we will enslave when we conquer Khazan.

KANG:   *Sigh* How many times do I have to tell you: don't warn people before we enslave them.

KODOS:   Sorry. Anyway, both contenders are shaking their respective stuff on the dance floor.

KANG:   Let's go to our side line commentator to see who they're trying to hit on. Chef, can you here me? Chef:   Hey, guys. I'm like a pig in slop with all these lovely ladies...by the way, why the hell are you guys dressed like those guys from "A Night at the Roxbury?"

KANG & KODOS:   No reason. Who are Larry and Austin targeting?

Chef:   Well, Larry's heading towards Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Austin is over by Supergirl. I've got a video camera strapped to my little buddy Kenny's head, and he's making his way towards Austin.

KANG:   Well, let's switch to Kenny Cam. Wow, with that dress I've got a good view of Supergirl's...

KODOS:   Not so loud. Those women with the picket signs are still outside.

Austin:   Hey, baby, are you a member of the Mile High Club?

Supergirl:   No.

Austin:   Well, do you want to be?

Supergirl:   Oh, I'll send you a mile high!

Austin:   Alright, I'm ready when you are, pussycat.

Austin's Jaw:   POW!

KANG:   Oh my God! Supergirl just decked Austin, knocking him through the roof.

KODOS:   Chef, can you see him? Chef?

Chef:   Sorry, children. Chef has more important duties to attend to. Come on, ladies. You'll be safer back at my place.

KANG:   Damn, we lost our commentator to two Earth women. We still have the Kenny Cam. Let's check on Larry.

KODOS:   Larry's standing next to Buffy, who's chatting with Deadpool.

KANG:   What's that glowing blue powder he's putting in Buffy's drink?

KODOS:   I think that it's orgasmic powder, brother. It's also renowned as an aphrodisiac.

KANG:   He's tapping her on the shoulder.

Larry:   Hi. I'm Laffer (ha, ha) Larry Laffer. I just had to ask: did that fall from heaven hurt?

Buffy:   I don't talk to parasitic twerps: I kill them.

Larry:   Ouch.

KANG:   Buffy is picking up her drink and turning back to Deadpool

Larry:   Hey, pajama boy: Why don't you go play with the other Teletubbies and let me get to know this fine young filly.

KODOS:   I've seen Earthlings do some pretty dumb things, but insulting Deadpool takes the cake.

KANG:   Deadpool's unsheathing his swords, and Larry's making a break for the exit.

KODOS:   I think Larry's in for it. Wait a minute...what's that sound.

Ceiling:   BOOM!!!!

KANG:   Austin has reentered the disco and landed on the stool next to Buffy.

KODOS:   Uh, oh. The disco ball is coming loose.

Ball:   CRASH!!!

KANG:   Oh my God. It landed on Kenny!

KODOS:   You bastards! Well, the camera's still operational.

KANG:   Buffy seems to be shaken. She's taking a big swig of her drink.

KODOS:   Now, she's looking lovingly into Austin's eyes.

Buffy:   Ever been with a Slayer?

Austin:   No, but I don't bite. Unless you want me to, baby. Let's go back to my flat and get to know each other.

KODOS:   It seems Larry's escaped the mob and Deadpool by getting in a taxi.

KANG:   Now the frustrated feminists are taking out their aggressions on Deadpool. They're pummeling him with their signs.

KODOS:   Not pretty.

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Austin: 426

Larry: 232

Both go Home Alone: 158

THE WRAP UP

KANG:   Who's that coming towards the booth?

KODOS:   It's Q! He's got a board with a nail in it.

KANG:   Run, sister, back to the ship.

KODOS:   We will return, Khazan. Count on it! Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

Hollywood Online: Austin Powers.

The Leisure Suit Larry Channel.

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Austin Powers (TM) is the property (c) of Mike Meyers (?)

Leisure Suit Larry (TM) is the property (c) of Sierra Games

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles