THE SCENARIO

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   Folks, we have quite a show for you today.... Everyone's favorite black hearted Star Spawn of an Elder God, Cthulhu, matches wit and power with those two sharp dressed masters of magic, Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate. Hello and welcome, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. You may wonder why we are wearing sunglasses. These are our special ultra-dark Mad-Ban goggles which filter out the unwelcome insanity effect that comes with looking upon Cthulhu's person. Cthulhu just surfaced recently off the shores of Malibu...

PAT:   Malibu is the swanky West LA beach property where all the stars live...

JAY:   I was just going to say that. And I'll tell ya, he didn't stop for autographs.

PAT:   That's right... first thing this behemoth monstrosity did was step right on Walter Matthau's house.

JAY:   Well, at least we won't have to endure Grumpy Old Men III, hehe. His comedy always left me flat.

PAT:   OK, let's go down LIVE now to our own Sideline Commentator Harlene Quinzelle, who is hovering in a chopper trying to get an interview with The Big C....

Harley Quinn:   Mr. Cthulhu... it's good to see you getting out again. What are your plans now that the Stars are Right and you are just kicking off your World Tour?

Cthulhu:   eh... shub-rugguthooogathooogga... er... yib nug phoug shoggoth ...uh... Ikuta.

Harley Quinn:   That's great! That's Great! I think that something like that would play very well in Nebraska. Now, Mr. Cthulhu, I want you to project ahead a little bit for the audience and tell us.... where do you see Cthulhu five years from now?

Cthulhu:   Uh... rliecch snat flooushithnogor gak frasher qualathoon

Harley Quinn:   Now, folks, that's ambition. Back to you guys....

PAT:   Guess she don't need the sunglasses... she's already nuts. Well, let's look in the mail bag.

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

Nine writes:

While Dr. Fate amuses the god of chaos by mispronncing "Cthulhu", Stephen Strange traverses time and convinces H.P. Lovecraft that his writing is overloaded with too many damned adjectives.
They instead merge as one entity--Dr. Strangelove. Returning through the time vortex, they drop the "HP-bomb" on the elder god. Although it was a direct hit, the god-beast only shattered into hundreds of smaller, "mini-cthulhu creatures" who traveled the U.S. wreaking malicious havoc.
And thus, the Republican Party was born...

Megatron writes:

Weeeellll, I know very little about Cthullu, but I do know a bit about the two respective doctors and know that both are masters of the occult and are damn hard, plus there are two of them, leaving one to keep the elder god busy and the other to tear chunks out of him.

MasterManG writes:

Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate easy, assuming they can work together, which I am sure they can, as both have teamed up with various heroes and been members of teams (Dr. Strange has been a meber of the Defenders and has teamed with such heroes as the Anegers and Spider-man, he actually gets along very well with all of them, even Spidey; and Dr. Fate was a meber of the Justice Society, the very first gruoping of super-heroes ever, including the Atom and the Spectre; if Doc Strange could put up with Spidey's wisecracks and Doc Fate could put up with the lameness of the Atom or the very nasty attitude of the Spectre, then I am positive they can work together, heck they'll probably become best friends). Besides, good always triumphs over evil. Actually a more interesting fight would have been the Spectre, the Wrath of God (no lie, he is actually the agent of God's wrath) vs. Cthulu, the Most Evil of the Elder Star Gods.

The Mighty Blou writes:

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagk fhtagn".
The Great Squiddiness will devour the two "sorcerers" within nanoseconds after his appearance. After all, in his entry in the "Call of Cthulhu" Rulebook, 5th edition, it is clearly stated that 1D3 (That's 1 to three,for you non-gamers out there) characters die each second as soon as Cthulhu appear. So, if they are lucky, they will last 2 seconds of combat. Not much.
With a mighty belch releasing a plume of eldrich energy, Mighty Cthulhu will only need to find a toothpick suitable for his tentacles.


'Nuff said.

Gammablast writes:

I like this fight! You know, I've always wondered what would happen if superheroes fought Cthulhu. They'd be pretty much outclassed, except for Superman (if he doesn't lose it), the Incredible Hulk (which is what Bruce Banner would become if he saw Cthulhu), Preacher (Jesse Custer might have a chance if he used the Word of God), and of course Strange and Fate. Anyway, insanity shouldn't be a problem. These guys have probably seen more hideous, horrifying things.

Justicar writes:

As much as I respect the two good Doctor's I don't believe that they would win. To absolutely be victorius they would have to destroy Cthlulhu. That they simply can't do in all honesty. If they kill his physical he'll just turn to mist and reform. They must kill his essence. They can't beat his experience. Cthulhu set up residence about a million years ago. Dr. Strange's school of magic dates back to mid human history. Dr. Fate has the power of Order true, but I don't see Order matching the power of an Elder god. So Cthulhu's magic is older and more powerful, in my estimation. Lastly, if the magical power existed to destroy Cthulhu wouldn't it have been used already. The best I see them doing is trapping him. If the Doctors win then I'll buy a snowblower and make some cash in Hell.

The one and almighty bunghooole writes:

he two sorcers beat this overgrown squid dude hands down. Although I know nothing about this Chutuli guy or whatever, I do know that when Dr. Fate and Dr. Strange where almangated to become Dr. Strangefate, they created the most powerful being in comic histroy. Besides that, Dr. Strange has the mystic bands that once held mighty and all powerful Galactus and they will definatly work on this guy.

Winter Oak writes:

Hey, in a battle of popularity, Dr. Strange and Fate will probably win hands down. But Ol' tentacle puss has more power, age, and skill that both the heroes combined. Calimari breath wins if the fight were real.

Lord of the Pie writes:

Okay, Earth's Sorcerer Supreme has faced down Dormammu, Eternity, the Living freakin' Tribunal, Nightmare, D'Spayre, Adam Warlock while he was in possession of the Infinity Gems(warlock, I men), and sooooo many others. Don't let his current crappy, thought soon to be fixed, state fool you; he could beat Sqiud-lips by himself.....THAT AND he's got Dr Fate on his side!!! Who I hear(from Wizard..people with the resources to know for sure) is like a Lord of Chaos or something, and ultra-powerful beyond Strange.....Besides, how do we know Dr Strangefate won' make his move, unite these two, beat Chthulu, and take over the world??? I KNOW that a lotta people are gonna say that, but, well, deal with it.

Jeff"T-REX" Hayes writes:

Dr Strange and Dr Fate will win. First they're heroes. Second H.P. Lovecraft is way too wierdo for me. To make it more intersting when the fight begins have South Park's Dr Mephisto be the referee. That will be a good thing. If you cant get him as ref Mad Max could keepe em all in line. And thats the way it is. *LOL*

RobF writes:

Death, destruction, madness, sounds like your average day in Los Angelas. But seriously, folks, the Docs are in big trouble. Their magic might allow them to ward off the insanity effect, but Cthulhu's just too freakin' powerful. On the other hand, Dr. Fate does get his powers from the Masters of Order, and they sound like Cthulhu's natural enemy. Therefore, Dr. Strange goes down first, then Fate puts up one helluva fight. The winner's up in the air. I'd give it to Fate, but only because I REALLY hope he wins this one...

Eddie Filth writes:

ooh this one had me rubbing my chin but I have to go with the Magic duo. Wasn't Cthulu defeated by getting impaled by a ship's stern? Nonetheless it's gonna take a lot from Stange and Fate.

MediaMan writes:

Cthulu is... Ummm.... LOSING? Hang on, hang on. Reality check time: Dr Strange is, essentially, human. As a human, this makes him subject to Cthulu madness, as in since he thinks like a human he will be driven insane like any other human and have his magical abilities completely stifled by the sight of Cthulu. And NO artifacts can prevent this because Cthulu madness is NOT an extra effect! Cthulu madness is something inside all of us and is a completely natural reaction to seeing Cthulu. No counterspell will work for this one because it's not a spell. And that's only the first line of offense for Cthulu. Star Spawn. He has thousands of these things. All of them ALSO cause lower-levels of Cthulu madness, possess Hulk level strength, can fly, ALSO know an ungodly deal of magic, and can rip people apart with their claws. Then you have Cthulu himself. According to the actual Call of Cthulu rulebook, Cthulu knows how to cast every single spell but better. He can match these two's spells on a one for one basis and e ven overpower them! Then you have the fact that Cthulu is around 900 stories tall. SQUISH. ALSO according to the Call of Cthulu rulebook, Cthulu AUTOMATICALLY eats 1d3 people a turn. Cthulu is youe savior. Cthulu is your messiah. Cthulu is all that is important in the world. Therefore, vote for Cthulu.

Rich Stellato writes:

If it was a one-on-one battle, Cthulu would have it in the bag. Fortunately for Los Angeles, Dr. Fate is almost as powerful as Cthulu, seeing as how he's being helped by a Lord of Order. Dr. Strange will provide the necessary distractions with his own considerable powers so Dr. Fate can land the finishing blow. End result-one large heap of organic slag, two very tired wizards, and a very bad Excedrin headache for property insurance companies everywhere.

The Brain writes:

As a player of Call of Cthulhu, I must say that there is no way that Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate will win this one. Cthulhu is much too powerful for them. Elder Gods cause insanity in humans because of the fact that they are beyond what we can understand. Cthulhu cannot be stopped by humans. To think so is to fall prey to the wrath of Cthulhu! CTHULHU FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Peter writes:

Well, this was a tough battle. The two magicians are tough lookin' dudes, but Mr Octopus-mouth looks pretty mean. Darn tooting, where is that Both Mangled and Killed button?

Azrael writes:

Look, guys, the good guys have to win in the funnybooks, especially when you have two high-caliber mystics as Fate and Strange. Also, not only has Strange been revamped by the Marvel Knights line, leading to better characterization and cooler fights, but he also wins against people with really weird names. Dormammu, Shuma Gorath, and now, Cthulu. Chalk another one up on his board. Fate will get his ass kicked, because no one understands pre-Crisis DC.

Corwyn writes:

As Much as I love my Ex Girl Friend I gotta go with Dr Fate and Dr Strange on this one...
Nabu has allready toasted a few elder gods (spectre year one annual Honest!) and Dr Strange has Tea with the Living Tribunal for Hogoths Sake!!!! The Capes have this one... (screw Jarred Stevens!)

TheBigGiantHead writes:

First off, Strange and Fate are both immune to the madness (though for different reasons). Fate is a Lord of Order. He's a God himself. His mind is nearly as alien as that of Cthulhu himself. Strange's is a bit more complicated. Basically, when you use magic in the Marvel Universe, you're either getting some sort of boon from some supernatural being or other, or you're imposing the laws of the Magical Universe (long story) on the one everybody lives in. Thing is, without years of training to specifically make your mind capable of accepting blatant impossibility, even a glimpse of said Magic Universe causes instant madness. In other words, Strange's mind works so ... well, strangely, that driving him mad is a near impossibility. Powerwise... well, as previously mentioned, Fate is a Lord of Order. He's nearly as powerful as Cthulhu by himself. Problem is, he isn't as skilled. Alone, he'd lose. Strange has just the opposite. He isn't on a power level as high as either of the other two - but he's committed virtually every spell in existence to memory. Of course, the same is true for Cthulhu. Againg, he'd lose if he were alone. But Strange and Fate TOGETHER? They'd win, though one of them would probably die before it was over. (Wild card factor: Strange just might be able to call in a couple of his benefactors. And he's got some SERIOUS gunfire right there... the Vishanti would almost definitely defeat Cthulhu.)

HexxJo writes:

Umm... Cthulhu's very visage causes madness in all mortals. Fate and Strange are mortals. They look at Cthulhu, they go insane. End of story. Cthulhu was created with the intent of NOT being destroyed, and two puny mortal wannabe wizard-types aren't going to topple that fate!

Beetle Bomb writes:

You guys upped the ante on this one. As if Fate vs. Strange wouldn't have been good enough, you had 'em team up to take on Cthulu. Sheesh! I vote for Fate and Strange cause they're just so keewwwwwl. Both are the sorcerers of their respective universes. When it's over, Fate'll let Strange take home Cthulu's squiddy little head back to his servant Wong and he in turn will split it up and feed his extended oriental family. Bad triumphs over good, bellies are fed, everyone's happy. L8!

'Lord' Rev. Dr. Paul Soth writes:

WHAT THE HELL!?! CTHULHU IS LOOSING? Kids, come on! Sure, Strange and Fate may attempmt to banish the slimly one, but the stars must be right if the big guy himself is taking down cities again. I'm sorry, there is no way in hell anything short of God Himself (and some would even debate that) can deal with High Priest Cthulhu head on. You'll really need to warm up the BS machine if he looses. I guess in all of Lovecraft's nightmares, he never envisoned the power of idiot fanboys. Oh well.

Quayle the Mighty writes:

Oh, the Docs will put up a good fight, but we all really have to face it...only two beings in comics could face Cthultu, and hope for victory. The Spectre at full power might win in a long, hard battle that would probalby cost the Milky Way. And of course Herbie Popnecker who would bop the Elder God with a lollipop and end Cthultu forever. I know Herbie. I read Herbie. Herbie was a hero of mine. And the Doctors are no Herbie.

The Imperial Wizard Raz, A Grandmaster of All Times writes:

Strange and Fate together. This is no contest. The two master sorcerers won't probably break a sweat. Just imagine, if the two combined in one can actually merge two worlds, An evil flying squid can't be so much of a problem. So Chulthu (or what ever the gooey guy's name is) is an elder, evil, bla-bla-bla. I've seen Strange take on Satan himself and win. I can see it now, Strange and Fate are having lunch in some alternate dimension when they both sense Chulthy come out of the Pacific. Angry that he interrupted their wonderful meal, they go after him amd make him fish bait. A few weeks later Strange receives a letter from the head honcho of some national fishing organization, asking him if he create some more of the bait he gave them a while back. The fishing industry is going through a boom because of what they were given. Seems the fish just can't resist this stuff. Nuff said.

Maskim Xuul writes:

There is a lot to be said about the Great Old Ugly. I could point out that he's been around a few million years longer than either of the costumed fruitbat wanna-be Merlins. Or that he is undefeated. (Can they say the same?) Or that he's been spending the last few thousand years DEAD (for tax reasons) without any ill effect. Or tha he's had a steamship driven through his head with no ill effect. Much could be said. But instead, I'll point out a note from his modern cultists at Chaosium, found in their quality gaming suppliment "Cthulhu Now": "Question: What happens if you nuke Cthulhu?" "Answer: He reforms in 1-100 minutes. Only now he's radioactive." The Great Old One wins it, if he bothers to notice the brightly-coloured insects at his feet.

Southern Fist writes:

Oldest and most evil ELDER GOD. Enough said. Real gods will always know more magic than any human. Big C steps on the duo, battle duration, 23 seconds.

Jiggs writes:

Well it is obvious that Cthulhu yet failed misably at concering or detroying the world. As for the argument of spreading insanity, no one surviving a 3 day trip in a Disney theme park (with kids) will be theatend in any way by that monster. We've seen worse.

Soulmaker writes:

This isn't Dormammu we're talking about here. This is an ELDER GOD. Dr. Fate and Dr. Strange better have a great mental insurance plan and some nice sunglasses, because otherwise, they're psychological toast. Within one second of the fight, both sorcerors are strucken insane and start up a conga line straight into the gullet of the ever-lovin' Elder God.

Mr Paranoid writes:

Sure, all the RPGer's out there might go on and on and on and on about Cthulhu, but they're forgetting one thing: When all else fails, try to hit below the belt (figuratively or physically). So even if Dr Fate is a lord of Order and wouldn't dare to try such a thing, Dr Strange will realise he will have no other choice than to call in Rob Liefield and John Byrne to ret-con Cthulhu in a new comic book series. No matter how evil Cthulhu is, not even he can withstand the awesome power of the ret-con masters' pens! Thus Cthulhu dies miserably as the mutated super-squid he and ALL Old Gods actually are (according to the new ret-conned continuity! Coming to a store near you! NOT (thank God)!

Jimmy Delpino writes:

The vote has obviouly got to go to Cthulhu. There is no way in hell a Pair of Low-Rent Magicians can defeat the most vile and powerful of the elder gods. It would be like placing 2 First Graders in a boxing match with Muhammed Ali and then blindfolding the First Graders. Cthulhu will take one look at these pitiful excuses for magic users and devour them like Bill Clinton and a cheseburger. The only way they could win, would be if cthulhu laughed his balls off at their pitiful antics and died from apoplexy. The great devourer has got it in the bag. And that, my friends, Be that.

Germancity writes:

A brief script of the upcoming battle: Strange thinking: "By the Lubricated LugNuts of Lostica! It has hold of my cape!" *Wet crunching, chewing sounds* Fate attempts to talk through his helmet: Mmmf, mmf, mmmmf! *Additional chewing sounds* ...Fade to black

Lemur writes:

There really isn't much of a contest, here. Fate and Strange are two massively powerful socerors . . . but Cthulhu is the same, plus more experience than a human mind can even imagine. Oh, and don't forget he's about the size of Godzilla, extremely resiliant, able to regenerate after apparent destruction, able to fold space to travel throughout and beyond the universe, able to telepathically destroy minds without effort, and backed up by a whole race of similar beings and various human and Deep One cultists (plus Shoggoth servitors). The stars are right, and the world belongs to Great Cthulhu once again!

LVtheman writes:

Doctors Strange and Fate have been around awhile, and they've seen some pretty weird stuff, so I think they're prepared for this. After all, as guardians of humanity and good, the laws of comic lore dictate they shall be victorious.

Hysteria writes:

Well, this is gonna be one #@!! of a fight. On one hand, we have the two most powerful magicians in either of the two comic book universes. On the other, one of the nastiest beasts since Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin teamed together. The question is, who is more powerful? Mighty as Cthulhu is, I think that the good doctors have more in their favor. First, Doctor Fate is the living embodiment of order, and Doctor Strange has been doing a LOT of interdimensional travel. I think this would shield Strange somewhat from the horror of seeing Cthulhu, while Fate's helmet would provide additional protection. Secondly, Cthulhu cannot take as much damage as everyone seems to think he can. For heaven's sakes, he was hit by a cargo ship full-on and turned to mist. I am confident that Strange and Fate could dish out a LOT more damage than a mere cargo ship. After that, when Cthulhu began to reform himself after turning to mist, Strange and Fate would whip up a spell that would imprison each molcule of that mist in a separate dimension. Cthulhu would have about as much chance of surviving as a disco dancer in a moshpit.

Puck writes:

You have to respect Dr. Strange for his lifetime of work and study in the area of the occult. I'm sure many fantastic spells and sage bits of knowledge have been passed on to him from the past hundreds, nay thousands of years of man's meddeling in the cabalistic. Poor Cthulhu has only been steeping in the arcane for a paltry few millenia. On the other side you have the invulnerable Dr. Fate. Surely no one can stand up to the embodiment of an avatar of one of the lords of order. Not even an.. er.. full blown elder god? Dr. Strange will come to realize that the better part of his most potent spells are cantrips Cthulhu thought up when he was still a wee, whale sized, squidling. It will, of course, be too late as most of his toys will already have turned fataly against him. The immortal Dr. Fate shall remain just that. Unfortunatly immortality is likely the worst curse of all when you have been driven insane by a soul threshing fear. Talk about fate. Fortuantly(or unfortuatly) LA will be spared. Cthulhu will remember he had something much more interesting going on in some other galaxy and, after all, LA didn't really need his help anyway.

Cobalt writes:

Dare I say it? For a 'disease' like Cthulhu, a double dose of Docs has gotta be the cure. Think about it; ol' Clooey has been trying to re-establish his dominion over our reality for, oh I dunno, centuries now, and having the luck of your standard snowball inb Hell. The Dr.s Strange and Fate have smacked around villainous bastiches from the earthly to the interdimensional (Dormammu comes to mind), with not even a black Eye of Agamotto. The good guys rule in this matchup.

Abd Al Azrad writes:

Okay okay so in The Call Of Cthulhu he was knocked out by a steamer, but that was cos he'd just woken up. Shit my boy Cthulhu is the biggest and baddest of the Elder Gods, no one takes him down. Lets look at the fight here, two lame ass bitch boys wih magick power and crappy uniforms vs the most evil entitiy in the whole of existence that can never be killed and comes from a universe where the laws of this reality are mere shadow puppets to Cthulhu and his/its boys. Cthulhu could destroy this reality if it wants, and it also has thousands of star spawn that look like him and are almost on the same level of power as he is. Sorry but the gibbering, mountainous horror will walk the Earth and all will tremble before its presence, the eye!! the eye!!!

Charlie Princeton writes:

Cthulhu mal ngah pghnuglui R'lyeh ftaghn! An elder god versus mere mortals? No matter how super-powered, no human can withstand the incredible evil that is the Great Cthulhu! The darkest and eldest of the Lovecraftian Gods has no patience for the twiddlings of the temporarily sane. Cthulhu can do whatever he pleases in this match; his enemies are at the whims of his capricious nature! He may drive them insane in an instant, or crunch them like popcorn snacks, or let them live for a thousand thousand years of infinite pain and madness in the bowels of the unholy cathedral that is R'lyeh! Or maybe just ignore them - for who can pose a threat to the Great Cthulhu, unless he be another Elder God?

GMW writes:

Anyone who thinks that a couple of mere mortals -no matter how mystically endowed- can trounce an immortal Great Old One (TM) who's had aeons upon aeons to practice up, is the leader of a tribe of slightly smaller versions of himself, comes from outer space, and whose gelatinous form is capable of repairing all damage done to it even to the point of atomization... Anyone who thinks this is hallucinatory and should receive immediate medical attention. Especially when you consider that each of the two has, in comic book after comic book, been beaten bloody by various other mediocre characters in order to preserve suspense. They've no chance at all when the Spawn From Beyond the Stars shows up. Furthermore, the two mortals have no real knowledge of their foe. If either had actually read the Necronomicon, they'd be insane already, and if you think that pansy Darkhold vampire-lore book counts, think again! Destruction spells are right out, due to the big C's regeneration. That leaves confinement, and that's not going to be easy. Strange's fave spell, the Crimson Bands of Cyttorax, is virtually useless against Cthulhu's amorphous coils. Their force-field-type spells are useless due to comics' limitations that any force field can be breached with sufficient strength, which Cthulhu's got in spades. And sending him to another dimension isn't going to even slow him down, since he's got a lot of buddies who are no stranger to strange dimensions, and countless mad cultists who'd sacrifice themselves for a Summoning Ritual if Cthulhu couldn't get hold of his buddies... Finally, their one chance at salvation, the inscription of an Elder Sign, has been rendered useless by the location of the battle: a california beach. Even if they drew one in the sand and managed to keep the tide from washing it away, there's nothing to stop Cthulhu from just going around and eating everyone anyway. If this battle had taken place in a cave network, mine shaft, major metropolis, or insane alien city of non-euclidian geometry, the battle might have been a little more even, but as it is, the two Sorceror Supremes are more of a light snack before the real feast. The winner: The guy from R'lyeh, Cthulhu!

The Cat writes:

I hate it when you guys pick out non-cuties! And those costumes? They su... Why no mommy, I'm not doing anything BAD or MEAN, just enlighting two docters on what went out in, like, 1983.

Lumpenprole writes:

I think Cthulu is overrated. Yeh I know, Lovecraft depicted him as the ultimate cosmic horror. But that was in a more innocent time- I suspect Marilyn Manson could look Cthulu in the eye and laugh. Anyway, I give this one to Fate and Strange, both of whom give extra-dimensional menaces the whup-ass on a regular basis.

The Chubby Bullfrog writes:

Anybody who's played any game made by Square knows that you can't take on the biggest, baddest demon of them all with just magic, save for Kefka in FFIII, where you just Ultima him to death, but I don't think those two are at Ultima level, and anyway, there's only two of them! The Doctors magic will die faster than Scully can dismiss the whole episode as something that can be easily explained by modern science.

J.E. Sawyer, High Priest in Charge of Slurping Sounds, First WWW Church of Cthulhu writes:

According to Chaosium's fine, fine RPG "Call of Cthulhu", our Lord of Messy Devourings can swallow (and thereby instantly annihilate) 1-3 Investigators per round. Strange and Fate qualify. Magic, shmagic. They're bite sized. Yum. McCthulhu's -- Over 9 Billion Devoured.

Kid Kyoto writes:

While I too have nothing but respect for dread Cthulu, I have to conclude that he will fall to the omniverses best-dressed sorcerors. Re-read your Lovecraft and you will find that Cthulu has spent the last billion years doing a whole lot of nothing. Sure he impresses the rubes and the boarderline insane but these two have fought dark gods and the lords of hell itself and won. Once he realizes that these two are not impressed by the "horrors from beyond time, shocking un-natural purple prose that drives strong men to tears" routine, Cthulu is just another Godzilla-sized target for the Crimson Bands of something or another.

Trencher2000 writes:

Well... what have we here? a battle between one giant, nasty looking Elder God, and two little, magic using Queers from San Francisco. I say Ctulhu has it in the bag. Granted he looks like he has an octopus growing out of his upper lip, but still, he's an elder GOD! God being the key word, here. He has access to cosmic powers of a scale so immense, that Dr. Fate would wet his diaper at the smallest realization, then he would get wrenched from the entire space time continuum, as Cthulhu waves his hand. Plus, we're talking about a creature so immense, he easily stands over a hundred feet over any man made structure on this planet. He can do more with his little finger than Superman can using everyounce of strength. Dr. Fate will leave a brown stain in the bottom of his pretty little blue suit, just before Cthulhu smashes him into a tuna can with his thumb. So there you have it, game, set, and global destruction to Cthulhu, our new master...

Davros writes:

I'll concede that Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate are really cool heroes that appeal to the 8th level lawful-good magic user in all of us. But Cthulhu is Cthulhu - he was around back when H.P. Lovecraft was pedaling a bicycle with the giant wheel in the front on his way to pick up some more opium distillate from the apothecary. I don't see the Dr's being destroyed by Cthulhu, but they will be unable to stop him (?) from devouring every soul in LA. At least we can hope, right? After surrounding Hollywood with an impenetrable force field, the rest of america will soon be the victim of retooled television programs with an edgier, late 90's, "diabolic" twist - and the fads for teen youth will center around amulets intended to ward off evil spirits. Which, in my opinion, is a world that is not much worse than the one we live in today.

Ambush Bug writes:

Both the Docs have dispatched beings based off Cthulu by themselves anyway. If Shuma Gorath ISN'T Cthulu re-tweaked, I don't Know my Lovecraft rip-offs!

THE BATTLE

JAY:   OK, and there goes Mark Hamill's house... Wait, here comes the Doctors on the scene!!!

PAT:   Now this ancient, evil, black hearted bastard of a Star God is going to get what for! You got your three sided die, Jay?

JAY:   Sure do, Pat. As many people pointed out in their letters, Cthulhu devours 1-3 people each round, so let's roll this die and see who gets et....

PAT:   Dr. Strange, hovering in the air some 200 yards from Cthulhu has summoned some kind of mystic flash-bang thing... Jay, I have no idea what these spells are supposed to be.

JAY:   Can't read the number I rolled through these glasses... ah that's better...

PAT:   Dr. Fate is screaming some indecipherable words.... A ray of white light has burst forth and impacted Cthulhu!

JAY:   Wow! Yes and I think Cthulhu felt that... that... Ack!

PAT:   Jay, don't look!!

JAY:   Ack!! Guurk!!! Big! Big!

PAT:   My god, his glasses. He's foaming at the mouth!

JAY:   Ack!

PAT:   Dr. Strange summons some eldritch something... Cthulhu has created a spell shield to defend...

JAY:   Corpulent corpse, bloated with filth... gasses rise like feted ghosts unseen by man...

PAT:   Come on, Jay... don't be Insane... stick with me here....

JAY:   ...burst forth rotten entrails stinking of fish... Deep Spawn wet with the dripping slime of mucus and pus... Cthulhu! Cthulhu!

PAT:   As Dr. Fate summons forth a glowing green void to engulf the beast... Jay, don't wander off. Somebody get a rope!!!!

JAY:   By Enlil! By Enki! T'was the Necronomicon in whose very pages written on the skin of man....

PAT:   Tie him to his chair. He's got a sportscast to do. Move it, people.

JAY:   Ohh... pretty dice.

PAT:   Roll the die, Jay.

dice:   click, click, click

JAY:   two.

PAT:   Two Malibu Citizens devoured this turn! There goes... Pam Anderson and David Hasslehoff! Into the mouth of the beast.

JAY:   hehe

PAT:   Dr. Strange has realized the danger... he is using mass teleportation spells to get people away from the octopus head ready for lunch! Meanwhile, Dr. Fate presses an attack....

JAY:   ...

PAT:   Channeling the pure forces of Order, Fate strikes... pure rays or white energy sink deep into the hide of Cthulhu! I think he felt that.

JAY:   Oh, classic gentlemen, with your fish! Nevermore quote the raven! Nevermore! Nevermore! Caw! Caw!

PAT:   I think that's Poe, Jay. Not Lovecraft. Cthulhu strikes out against the helmeted mystic avenger, Fate... engulfing our hero in a swirling vortex of black.... Roll the die, Jay.

dice:   click, click, click

JAY:   Three.

PAT:   As the tentacles lash out and grab... Charo, Ricardo Montalbahn and Patrick Swayze!

JAY:   I liked Roadhouse.

PAT:   Oh no... now he likes Roadhouse. MEDIC!!! Dr. Strange has pulled out all the stops! It's time for the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak!! Dr. Fate is released from the mystic attack as Cthulhu is bound by Strange's spell!!

JAY:   Caw! Roadhouse Nevermore! Quote the raven, Roadhouse Nevermore!

PAT:   MEDIC!!! Hold on, Jay. Help's coming. Woah!! Cthulhu has broken free of the Crimson Bands!! Cthulhu is heading towards the Malibu Betty Ford Clinic! This could be bad. Jay, roll the dice.

dice:   click, click, click

JAY:   One.

PAT:   Cthulhu just ate Kenny Loggins!

JAY:   You Bastard!

PAT:   Strange and Fate have joined hands... hovering some 100 yards away from the beast... If Cthulhu gets to the Malibu Betty Ford, television as we know it might never recover! They appear to trying to link their power... focus their energy... it's an all or nothing play...

JAY:   Roll the dice, Jay. hehe

dice:   click, click, click

PAT:   Moving faster than would seem possible... lunging almost faster than the eye can see.... No!

JAY:   two.

PAT:   Dr. Fate and Dr. Strange have been snagged by a pair of slimy Cthulhu mouth tentacles!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

The Big C: 660

Strange Fate: 591

THE WRAP UP

PAT:   Dr. Strange and Dr. Fate are being devoured! The Horror!... The Horror...

JAY:   Two good things that taste great together! Resources for this weeks big fight came from:

Dr. Strange, Sorcerer Supreme.

The Immortal Dr. Fate.

Cthulhu, Devourer of Worlds, Fan Club.

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Cthulhu (TM) is the property (c) of H.P. Lovecraft (I think)

Dr. Strange (TM) is the property (c) of Marvel Comics

Dr. Fate (TM) is the property (c) of DC Comics

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.