THE SCENARIO

Never before have two contestants so richly deserved each other. In one corner we have...

The Joker: Homicidal and deeply insane, a man who has murdered an untold number of innocents to further no agenda whatsoever. Permanently crippled the Batgirl, Killed Robin, spends free time plotting more carnage. If the Batman has nightmares, the nightmares are of the Joker.

And in this corner....

The Green Goblin: Homicidal and deeply insane, a man who has directly, or through his criminal organization, caused the death and suffering of vast numbers. Killed Spider Man's early love Gwen Stacy, ruined his own son and spends free time plotting the suffering and humiliation of others.

When both make a move to take over the same piece of city turf, these two psycho criminals find themselves going head to head. Vote for the winner and clear the area, 'cause things are going to get nuts.

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   Live from the Gotham waterfront we have an amazing bout for you today featuring a pair of the Earth�s most disturbing villains. Hello and Welcome, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. Interesting choice of words, Pat; these two contestants are quite disturbing! Joker vs. the Green Goblin.... one is an evil lunatic and the other is just pure evil!

PAT:   Ah, but who is who, Jay? In the studio with us now is Dr. Harlene Quinnzelle, better known to some as Harley Quinn. Hello Dr. Quinnzelle, thank you for joining us.

Harley Quinn:   Nah, call me Harley Quinn. Thanks for having me.

JAY:  My, my Miss Quinn, aren't you all dressed up and cute today. Is the Joker ready for the Green Goblin?

Harley Quinn:   HEY! Don't get cute with me or I'll give you some quick dental work!

PAT:   Miss Quinn, what do you feel the Jokers chances are today?

Harley Quinn:   Pat, it's been touch and go all week between these two, but finding the green freaks grandson really swung things around for us. I think, going into the final showdown that Mr. J is gonna kick ol' greenies A...

PAT:   ...Okay, we'll be back with Harley Quinn. Now let's get a look at the audiences comments...

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

SYSTEM LORD APOPHOUS writes:

As much as I like the Joker I think Susan Lucci has a better chance of picking up an Oscar(tm) than the Joker does in a throwdown with Green Goblin. Let me explain. Although the Joker can get crazier than Delta Burke going down on a cinnamon cheesecake, when it comes down to it he's no more than a cross between Norman Bates and Ted Bundy with a real bad hair stylist and even worse taste in make up. He has no super strength no technology and whenever he gets involved in some real fisticuffs he gets beat down like the Buffalo Bills at a Superbowl (tm). Who is the toughest hero he's taken on HMMMMMM? Battyman, a rich boy with an ego bigger than his bank account (I mean c'mon " I am vengeance I am the night " jeez give me a break and what about that car ya' think it's big and flashy enough? I think he's compensating because he's lacking in other departments if ya ' catch my drift.) Now as for Green Goblin there's one bad mammajamma. He's got super strength super agility enhanced reflexes and senses not to mention hell of an arsenal. I mean Goblin has an entire corporation and a impressive crime syndicate to help prepare him for this lowdown showdown. What does ol laughing boy have? A flipped out bimbo in a spandex leotard, a pair of hyenas, a 38 special and an acid spitting daisy. You do the math. Harley Quinn will be lucky if she has enough of his remains left to feed to the hyenas. GOOOOOOOOOO GOBLIN BABY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Editors Note: Crazier than Delta Burke going down on a cinnamon cheesecake? Friend, you got talent.

Azrael writes:

Oh, come now. The Goblin is the villain of a twenty-something kid who got his powers by an accident. And the Goblin's powers? The potion he made BLEW UP IN HIS FACE!! This guy's a genius? He couldn't even make a malt liquor!

The Joker, on the other hand, is the mortal enemy of a man who devotes his entire life towards beating people like the Joker until they're a pile of bone, gristle, and hair. And besides that, yes, the Joker is put in insane asylums, but he breaks out regularly. That doesn't count. The Joker is so massively insane, he reinvents himself every morning. Batman, the most analytical mind in comics, can barely stop the schemes the Joker sets in motion. And the Joker killed a somewhat hero, Robin! Let's see the Goblin do that!

And, of course, Jack Nicholson played him in the movie, and Mark Hamill plays him in the cartoon. When you've got the devil and the Force behind you, where can you go wrong?

geniepants writes:

I just hafta go with the Joker on this one. Yeah, Goblin's got technology and strength on his side, but is also a little more predictable. He just does the same stuff over and over; pumpkin-bombs and the Goblin Glider. Who the hell knows what Joker will do next? He may go homicidal and gas everyone in a three mile radius or hit the Goblin with a pastrami. He's completely unpredictable. Goblin has to deal with his being Osbourne, while Joker is nearly a force of nature: chaos personified. A more interesting battle would be between the Joker and Hobgoblin when he was possessed by a demon a few years ago.

The Brain writes:

Sorry, but the Green Goblin just doesn't have what it takes to defeat the Joker. The Goblin may put up a bit of a fight (pumpkin bombs, that neat-o Goblin Glider, et. al.), but the Joker has a much more powerful mind. The Goblin won't be able to compete with the Joker. The Goblin will be spanked like a 4-year-old in K-Mart.

Editor's Note:: Yes, Spanked like a 4-year old at K-Mart. See, it's catching on

'Lord' Rev. Dr. Paul Soth writes:

Well, I�m going with the Joker on this one. He's smarter and more evil. Sure, Goblin killed Gwen Stacy (one of the most unforgettable moments in comics history), but Joker both pleased fans by icing Jason Todd and pissed them off by putting a slug in Barbara Gordon's spine (perhaps the most unexpected evil act in comic history).

I do hope most of the viewers of this page have read the Killing Joke. Written by the one and only Alan Moore, Killing Joke PROVES that the Joker is the most evil 'street level' villain of all time. ANYONE capable of such inhumanity, such cruelty, can not be matched. Even if they have chemically enhanced strength and a nifty glider.

And hell, Joker isn't about to endure a reboot by John "I'll write it any way I damm well please" Byrne. You got to respect that.

Norman is found with a huge twisted grin on his face.

Jeff "T-REX" Hayes writes:

Why will The Joker win? Well he has been around a lot longer than The Green Gobbly Goop. Besides he was played by Jack Nicholson nobody can top Jack. The Joker is Smart enough tough enough and dog gone it I like him SO THERE!!!!!!

Editor's Note:: And there, folks, you have yet another sharp comment from our own Jeff Hayes, who has been dropping by this website for almost as long as we have. Unfortunately, we can't help but notice Jeff has learned to add his own HTML into his comments... this could get ugly.

Justicar writes:

The Joker wins this turf battle hands down. Let's observe some easy facts here:

1. The Joker and The Green Goblin have been scheming for decades The Joker has never died. How many people have donned the green and purple spandex, 8 ??? (Norm, Harry, Bart, Phil, Larry, Curly, Mo and Shemp) yeah 8! . The Joker's just a whacked out human, Green Gob has superhuman powers, what does that tell you????

2. The Joker is a helluva lot smarter. How many people has the Joker pissed off and lived to tell about it? The Dark Knight may have a code against killing, but not everyone else in the DC universe. The Joker is a criminal genius. He doesn't care about world domination, he just wants play sick mind games with Batman. Its only Batman's equally demented brain that's kept him alive all these years.

3. For all Green Goblin's pumpkins, powers and flying fruitstands what does he have to show for it, aside from the rotting corpses, nothing.

This contest is going to be a battle of wits and that's where The Joker's a master. He's not going to battle the Green Goof mono-a-mono, he'll get someone else to do it for him. He'll completely psyche-out G.G. in the process. So as G.G. dies, YET AGAIN, The Joker will be sitting in the corner office getting some Clinton-action from Harley. (Ooooh.... Harley!....)

Pete writes:

Let's get this straight.

The Green Goblin looks funny and laughs maniacally, but the fact is, it's mostly just an act. Norman Osbourne has always been motivated by power, whether it be cash, political power, or just holding power over Spider-Man. He talks a good game, but he's just too sane.

The Joker is completely, utterly, totally incurably bugshit crazy.

He's a hurricane in human form, tossing off wisecracks and bullets at a whim. He might kill you because he doesn't like your tie. He might kill you because he _does_ like your tie. He's unpredictable, mortally dangerous, and completely ruthless. Put your money on the most evil clown of all.

ferret writes:

The Joker is the top criminal mind of all time. Pure genius. The GG has the super powers. Tough call. Brawn wins once in a while, but even most superheroes end up out thinking their opponent. I have to go with the Joker. He'll find a way.

Chuckg writes:

Norman Osbourne, put your head between your legs and kiss your chemically-mutated kiester goodbye. The Green Goblin is about to embark on his new career as the Green Rug Stain.

I mean, come on, let's look at the Joker's record. He's unloaded tanks full of nerve gas on the entire UN General assembly, he's summoned demons from Hell (Etrigan, to be precise), he's sold weapons-grade plutonium to Arab terrorists, he's the only guy in this contest with a *confirmed superhero kill* (Robin II), he's put another superhero in a wheelchair for life (Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl aka Oracle), he's consistently out-witted the freaking *Batman* (which is like out-pointing Superman at the World Weight-Lifting Championships), he's... he's the Joker, 'nuff said! He is the supreme villain of his archetype, the raving homicidal madman all other raving homicidal madmen in comics look up to and dream of being.

*And* he's got a great sense of humor. Never overlook the advantages of a great sense of humor.

What's Osbourne done with *his* career? Umm... annoyed a super-hero, killed *one*, only *one* superhero love interest, and provided a living example to schoolkids everywhere that Steroids Are Bad For You And Rot Your Brain. Hardly impressive when compared to how many friends, and loved ones of the Batman have died or been crippled at the Joker's hands.

Bottom line -- Mr. Osbourne is going to get spanked like a 4-year old at K-Mart. :-)

Guio deCossac writes:

Good lord, I think I've finally picked a winner. I swear, I always find myself rooting for the underdog, but not this time!

I'm not even going to get into how Joker is smarter craftier, about a billion times more viscous (yeah the Goblin's mean, but he hopes to gain something through destruction, whereas the Joker is malicious just for the fun of it), more well established, more well known, a hell of a lot cooler looking, was played by Jack Nicholson, and don't need no unrealistic superpowers to kick heroic buttocks all over Gotham City.

Since I haven't read an actual comic book in years, I've got to base this on just how much cooler Batman: The Animated Series was than that goofy Spiderman Cartoon. And besides, if he starts losing, the Joker could just use his latent Jedi powers (if you don't get this, pay close attention to the ending credits of a Batman: The Animated Series episode).

Editor's Note:: yes, Mark Hamill is the voice of the Joker

Polar 8 writes:

I think that the Joker is going to rock. For one thing he usually has hench men, there fore he has strength in numbers. Also if you ever saw him that time he killed Robin, lets just say you don't want to see him with a crowbar, it's real bloody. And in the words of Daffy Duck, "I like him. He's Crazy!"

Yugadesrial writes:

Okay, I love the Goblin but come on. The Joker is an A-1 nutso as Lt. Eckhart said in BATMAN. This guy is so far gone that he sees killing as an art and getting caught by Batman as just something that's bound to happen from time to time. He sits in Arkham taking rest and then he routinely breaks out and comes up with a new artful way of killing people. Just look at these three instances:

1. Batman: The Killing Joke. Joker knocks on Comm. Gordon's door. Barbara answers and Joker just smiles and guns her down for no reason.
2. A Death in the Family. Joker uses Robin's own mother to lure him into a trap, beats him almost to death with a crowbar, laughing the whole time, and then leaves Robin and his mom to blow up in a warehouse and locks the door to boot!
3. The Dark Knight Returns. In one last sick gesture, after murdering a whole talk show audience with gas, the Joker has his neck broken by Batman, and to make it look like Batman is a murderer, finishes breaking his own neck!

I don't know what you all think, but that is one sick puppy.

Moogle writes:

Mr. J has it all wrapped up. If the guy can elude the world's greatest detective time after time (although admittedly, only for a short while in each instance), he should be able to think rings around the Green Goblin no problem. Additionally, superpowers don't mean squat when you consider that he has made a few successful forays into Metropolis, and if Big Blue, part time defender of the city and full time square-jawed chump can't stop his schemes before endgame, why should a guy on a flying skateboard be any different?

Hackrat writes:

Joker will hit Goblin with a blow that oughta make Monica Lewinsky jealous. Although Goblin has a large bag o bombs and blades, Joker is more charismatic. Plus he has two things Goblin doesn't have.

1. bad jokes, these things put people on the ground except Bruce Wayne in Batman form
2. Harley Quinn, growl, she looks so hot without makeup, she should do modeling
3. experience against Batman, the greatest mortal superhero ever. Goblin fights Spiderman, who constantly worries about MJ and school (puh lease, send a real fighter!)
4. if this is the movie Joker then he has a 3 ft. long magnum that shoots down flying bat jets! (Goblins wing resembles a bat too!)

Thrawn writes:

Green Goblin will win because he has super strength and Jokers a wimp. Also, Goblin has a fast glider, pumpkin bombs, and can shoot lasers from his fingers. Joker would get vaporized in a second.

BMDPK&ORACA writes:

The Joker may be insane , but he's smart. He's taken out everyone the Batman holds dear. He will (if DC continuity holds it's current course) take out Lois Lane. The Goblin's taken only one person from Spidey (Gwen), unless you count the clone (Ben Riley)as a person and not a thing. The Joker is insanity personified into a big toothy grin , while The Green Goblin is just a man who blames someone for everything bad that's happened to him. On top of all that , with the Joker , death is just a game he plays with Batman while Green Goblin sees death as a last resort.

Reverend S.O.Beehive writes:

Damn!! The Joker will get his ass kicked, the Green Goblin has that cool flying deal, what does the joker have?? Pointy cards?? He's a dirty old man in a cheap clown suit, the Goblin has bombs, a creepy voice, and some seriously funky purple underwear, not too mention those pointy sinbad shoes. The Green goblin will win, hands down, I remember the old rhyming joker, who couldn�t even beat Adam west, the goblin gives Spiderman a run for his money.

The Bunyip writes:

Green Goblin forfeits.

Sorry, he's dead. I don't care that he was supposedly brought back to life in the Marvel farce 4-issue Spidey comic series known as "Revelations." That series was nothing more than a pathetic attempt by Marvel to bring back all the whiny Peter Parker fans who just couldn�t stand to let Ben Reilly (aka Scarlet Spider) live. So they bring back the decidedly lame Norman Osbourne, while killing Ben Reilly, who was a much BETTER Spider-Man than the "My life sucks even though I have an expensive New York apartment, supermodel wife and high-paying job" Peter Parker. So it's a forfeit. At least when Batman was replaced by Azrael, DC Comics actually made Bruce Wayne EARN the right to be Batman again by healing, retraining and personally getting Azrael out of the Batcave!

Sound rambling? Perhaps. But when I remember that I used to like Spidey comics until they pulled this crap, I vote for Joker and then emulate Cartman: "Screw you guys, I'm going home" Screwy, Ain't it?

XXUTAK the Unconquerable writes:

The Joker's cool, yeah, but the bottom line is, he's used to fighting guys who refuse to kill. Normy has no such qualms. Joker might manage to tag the Goblin with one of his poisoned cards or darts, but methinks the "Goblin Formula" might lend him a bit of resilience to that. Besides, Norman has explosives (Pumpkin bombs) and mobility(Goblin glider). Joker will be spanked like a four-year old at K-Mart.

Veritude writes:

Hey, the Green Goblin's history says he SHOULD win.

Think about it - how many times has the Joker actually gotten away with something? Sure, he kills people, but as far as superguys go, you really can't give him any decisive victories. Yeah, he killed Robin, paralyzed Batgirl, yadda yadda yadda - but he always ends up getting nailed by Batman, or someone else if not in Gotham.

Meanwhile, here's the Green Goblin - gets away with EVERYTHING he's done as the Goblin so far, while being a billionaire industrialist and still managing to stay one step ahead of Spiderman. Call me stupid if you want, but this guy's gotta have quite a sadistically crafty mind if he can stay ahead of someone who's love he's killed, who's had his heart pierced and lived, and who basically defines bad guy.

I think the Goblin would be able to whip up a quick & nasty plan for the joker on the ride to work. And by nasty I mean deadly. 'Cause Joker always seems to have some sort of escapable trap for his amusement. Osbourn just decides to kill, then kills.

Noel Schornhorst writes:

Here's just a sampling of who Mr. J's given headaches to.

Batman: J's experience here would give him the edge in escaping GG's toys and such.

Carnage: If Joker could beat this insane, murderous brute, he could deal with Gobby.

Superman, Wonder Woman, JLA, Hulk: He's matched wits with all of them and almost won against each one. More important, he's SURVIVED matches with them. He may be nuts, but he learns from past mistakes. Spiderman: GG's arch foe. Joker went up against Parker AND met the clone.

Arkham Inmates: Joker is sort of their unofficial leader-- and with nutsos like them being ordered around by the Joker (albeit reluctantly), GG would probably follow suit.

I see it as the Joker lets GG think he's won, and then, Mr. J will pull a major trick out of his sleeve and put GG away permanently or somehow get GG to face Batman long enough for Joker to escape.

Editors Note: Now here is a man who knows his classic comic book confrontations, and you have to respect that.

Thomas Addams writes:

Why is everyone giving the tactical advantage to the Green Goblin, just because he's got super-strength? The Joker routinely goes into hand-to-hand combat with a man whose ability to wreck people hand-to-hand far outstrips his, and just as routinely gets away with a whole skin.

The Green Goblin is used to people who dance around and try to hit him, or shoot sticky webbing at him. You know... superhero-type attacks. Non-killing attacks.

So what's he going to do when he flies in for his grand battle with the Joker... and suddenly starts inhaling that lethal laughing gas? Or finds out that those warehouse crates he's flying over are full of C-4? Or gets shot in the face by a laughing madman holding a .44 magnum?

He's going to DIE, that's what. Joker in 5 minutes.

Sephiroth080 writes:

While the Green Goblin may have killed Spider-Man's early love, she wasn't trained by the BATMAN and both Robin and The BatGirl were. He may have ruined his young son's life, but the Joker TOOK a young life (an quite violently I might add). The Green Goblin throws pumpkin bombs and laughs, the Joker, throws grenades, bombs, knives, rocks, etc. (the occasional chainsaw) and laughs. Now it comes down to who is more crazy, on one hand the Joker is completely nuts and the Green Goblin only comes out sometimes, so you have completely crazy vs. sometimes crazy.

'Nuff Said

Robotech Master writes:

The joker would get his butt kicked. The Green Goblin has both insane strength and the strength granted from the serum. While Joker does have a lot of tricks and gadgets, these are nothing compared to lasers, missiles, pumpkin bombs, and a fast glider. Joker would only have a chance if the battle was in his home turf.

Mani writes:

Wow.

Lets see , on one side we have the GG. The one and only GG, Norman Osbourne. Superstrong and super resilient, he's a physical match, if not superior, to Spiderman. This means he's able lift in excess of ten tons. Now we have the Joker. the scrawny little Joker has the all too human strength of a madman.

Simple right? No. The Joker is not merely ruthless like Osbourne is, Joker will go out of his way to do something utterly repugnant. When he went to Commissioner Gordon's house to kill him, he found his daughter Barbara Gordon (aka Batgirl) Not satisfied with "merely" crippling her, he took photo's of her naked body and sent it to the Commissioner. On a whim. Against a monster like this, Norman Osbourne is a petty little crimelord. Expect to see his body scattered all around Manhattan.

Freaky-Freaky writes:

The Green Weenie is insane with revenge, he wants to pay back everyone who has done him wrong, even his Phys.. Ed. teacher who failed him. The Joker is just fucking nuts. He kills, he steals, and he destroys for the hell of it. I wouldn't want to meet him in broad daylight with armored guard. Plus, Bruce Wayne is wealthy as, if not more than Osbourne, and he barley can beat the man.

�indel 77 writes:

True, the Joker did kill Robin, but the Green Goblin killed Gwen Stacy, (who I thought was cool) and in doing so, forced Spiderman to fall in love with Mary Jane, WHO I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND! So, I have to vote for the Green Goblin, for ruining a good romance.

Szarekta writes:

Get the hell outta here, there is no way that Joker could EVER defeat G.G.-so if Joker ends up winning this battle, it is only because people voting don't read the comics. Yeah, I'll admit Joker has caused some havoc in his run as supervillian, but look at the Goblin: he has single-handedly corrupted the good name of Spiderman, taken Peter and Mary-Jane's DAUGHTER, caused his son to don the Goblin costume and suffer an untimely demise, killed the clone Ben Reilly, used his grandson as leverage to make the public think he's legitimate, and the list goes on and on...so if there was a chance that these two would meet up, I'm sure that Goblin/Osbourne would utilize Joker to kill Batman, and to move forward in the quest of ruining Peter Parkers/Spidermans life. All this in the span of a two-parter.

Bob, the NY subway turnstyle writes:

All right, not only is The Joker a much cooler villain than the Goblin, the Joker as this definite advantage.

1. The Green Goblin's natural habitat is flying around on his "Goblin Hover-Board of Doom"(tm).
2. The Joker carries a "Pocket Howitzer"(tm) in his pants.
3. The U.S. army uses howitzers to bring down enemy planes.

I leave you to come to your own "Crash-and-Burn-you-Green-Skinned-Freak" conclusions.

Demon knight writes:

Anyway you look at this its the Joker's fight. First this is THE JOKER, the supervillian's supervillian I mean he was doing the evil thing before it got trendy with upstarts like Venom and Carnage. Also the Joker doesn't have to even get close to Goby to kill, his mind is equal to Batman�s which mean Joker can think up something nasty deathtraps. Goblin always hides behind gadgets but when push comes to shove the Joker can throw a good punch. All and all I just have to say HE'S THE JOKER PEOPLE!!!!!! HE CAN KILL YOU AND MAKE YOU LIKE IT!

WhereWolf writes:

Joker! (heh... heh, heh) OH, YEAH!!! The only guy from the DC universe actually WORTH anything! This fight is so one-sided, it's not funny. (actually, it IS... but it shouldn't be.)

The Joker has class, style, and a line of trademarked "Joker-Brand" smiling fish. He was also portrayed by Jack in the first WB Batman movie, and Mark Hamill in the Animated Series... both characterizations which kick royal a** on the Coolness Scale.

The Green Goblin has a little hoverboard, can't dress himself, and throws silly little pumpkin bombs (or at least he did the last time I saw him... years ago in the old Atari 2600 Spiderman game.)

The Cat writes:

Green Goblin will need a good undertaker. Sure he's got whatever "flavor of the week coffee" to use, but the Joker is just, well, MAD! This guy killed Robin and basically killed Batgirl, too. The Green Booger only took out a girlfriend, which are (in comic books) the most easy thing to kill. Besides, I don't see the Greenie guy with his own girlfriend (like Harley Quinn) OR being played by Mark Hamill! Oh, wait that's not a compliment. Woops!

Argyle writes:

Okay I voted for the Goblin, because he is just the superior villain.

But first - let me take this opportunity to thank the Joker for killing of that annoying little brat 'Robin'! He might have went a bit too far in crippling Batgirl, but I thank him for killing 'Boy Blunder'!

Now for the fight - the Joker comes in first ( he always does, somehow). So he goes after whatever he's after (let's say some mega-laser from Wayne Corp), but then the Goblin comes crashing in through the roof and he sees the Joker. Both laugh a maniacal laugh, and then the Green Goblin throws down one of his bombs. Somehow, the Joker escapes, and manages to knock the Goblin of his board. GG gets up, and jumps at the Joker. Overly confident, the Joker tries to fight with the goblin, but his super-human strength leaves the Joker no chance. Gasping for air, the Joker dies, still holding that smile of his. The Green Goblin takes the loot, and flies away. As he's long gone the Caped Slug appears (Batman comes too late again). Next day Norman Osbourne reveals that Oscorp has researched and developed a Mega Laser, and he earns additional millions.

Nuff said.

(Once more, let's be grateful to the Joker for killing Robin!)

Hsieh writes:

I gotta go with the Green Goblin on this one. But seeing how the Joker's a Batman Villain and more popular, this match is going to be like that JLA vs. X-Men matchup a while ago with the Green Goblin ending up like the Hulk against Doomsday and Yoda against Moses. (It ain't easy being green).

The Goblin should win this one. I probably won't be the first to mention this, but your matchup has Norman Osbourne as in the profile, but Jay's disagreement with Pat has him supporting Harry Osbourne. I'm just going to have to go with Norman.

Norman is THE Goblin, the one that created and used the Goblin Super Strength Formula(which became as coveted as Captain America's Super Soldier Formula) and he's the one that's currently alive.

As for Pat's point about the Joker finding out Norman's secret identity, remember, that the Green Goblin easily found out Spiderman's secret identity, while the Joker still doesn't know who Batman is. Even if the Joker knew who Norman was it wouldn't do him much good, Norman's wife is dead and he turned his son into an maniacal homicidal super-villain who's also dead.

Besides, now, the Osbourne identity is merely a facade Norman uses to gain power in society. His criminal organization easily eclipses the Joker's and probably even Wayne Enterprises. He owns a criminal empire in Europe, Oscorp, and even the incredibly influential Daily Bugle.

But enough about Osbourne, the Green Goblin with super-strength, jet-glider, laser gloves, razor-bats(just like Batman), and vast arsenal of weaponry easily out powers the Joker, if it weren't for the fact that there's that evil clown connection between the two this probably wouldn't even have become a fight. If they both weren't such serious characters, this might even have been a "Tempting Suggestion of the Week." The Green Goblin against the Joker, would be like the Joker against Bozo the Clown. Yeah, I know this thing isn't rigged, certainly is usually a popularity contest. Maybe next time you should have the Fantastic Four take on Batman, one will win in a real fight, but the other's obviously going to win at CBUB.

Editors Note: And there you have the Cynical of the CBUB Letter of the Week. Join us next week as we help Hsieh regain his faith with a live call to Psychic Friends Network.

Lurch writes:

I gotta give it to Green Goblin because he is more maneuverable. He flies around dodging everything that comes at him while unloading a barrage of bombs at the Joker.

faust writes:

I'm for Mr. J on this one. The Joker never enters a fight without a brilliant (albeit murderous) plan. He would get to know his enemy first, studying the Goblin's habits and tactics. Tapping into the media files would be easy. Everyone makes a mistake except Mr. J. The reason he gets caught by Batman is because their kindred souls in a twisted way. He may fear that in killing Batman his life would lose meaning. Goblin, on the other hand, is a competitor for the crown of the King of Crime. He would go full boar into this guy. Another factor is that Mr. J does not work alone he has goons and, of course, the beautiful Mrs. Harley on his side. Goblin has super strength, reflexes and gadgets. This is a major plus for goblin. But greeny is way too overconfident for his own good. It will be close but in the end Mr. j will be hailed the winner.

ricci writes:

ok first off im kinda poed at all u ppl for not putting my letter on the commentary page... *Snip*

Editors Note: Get over it. We only print so many letters each week to keep the page at an acceptable file-size. Heck, the pages are already too big. Besides, your Pseudo-Cool writing style with the words spelled out in syllables ticks off my spell-checker. 'Nuff Said!

THE BATTLE

JAY:   Okay, Pat. We're going live to an old chemical factory where the Joker's gang is holding Osborne's young grand son as a hostage. This ploy by the Joker really has the Goblin upset...

PAT:   Jay! Crashing through the skylight in the ceiling, it's the Goblin! The thugs fire their guns skyward in a blaze of rapid bursts as the Green apparition drops a series of gas pumpkins.

JAY:   The Joker's men are running about now, fumbling to put on gas masks, as the Green Goblin circles about. The Joker himself just watches the entire situation with more amusement than concern...

PAT:   Grabbing the kid, the Joker suddenly rushes forward with a maniac laugh into some kind of side tunnel. His gang will be left to take a hurting, I'd guess....

JAY:   But they're far from helpless. They got their gas masks on and are opening fire on the Goblin again! This doesn't please the Green Goblin, he wants to help his grandson but has to deal with the Joker's lackeys first... Violently!

PAT:   And violently he does! Strafing fire from his wildly careening glider coupled with a double fistful of grenade pumpkins leaves mounds of goon limbs and entrails littering the floor. Meanwhile, Joker has jumped into a.... roller coaster car ....? Miss Quinn, where does that tunnel lead?

Harley Quinn:   Gotham City Boardwalk Amusement Park, natch. Mr. J's gonna ....

JAY:   Sorry to interrupt Miss Quinn, but the Joker and his hostage are racing down the tunnel in the roller coaster car... the Green Goblin is now jetting after them. The Joker is screaming taunts, knowing that Green Goblin won't dare cut loose with his firepower.

PAT:   I don't know about that, Jay.... I wouldn't put it past Osbourne to off them both... Wait! The Joker's car has emerged in the park... he's out of the cart and running with the kid down the boardwalk....

JAY:   He's holding the kid like a sack of potatoes as he runs but where is he going? He glances over his shoulder... the Green Goblin is flying out of the tunnel... Joker is reaching into his pocket... pulling out some kind of remote control looking device?

Harley Quinn:   Ha-Ha! Yeah... Mr. J; he's got the whole park totally rigged. It's gonna be a scream!

PAT:   Suddenly, a dozen model jet fighters from a nearby carnival games booth explode out of the top of the tent... and lock onto the Green Goblin!!

JAY:   Even through his mask I can see the Green Goblin eyes popping out. He sets his jet glider into a nearly vertical climb while pointing his glove hand at the closest fight plane...

PAT:   Joker pulls a canister of gas out of his vest and pops the valve. It's Smile -X!!! As the joker pushes through the Boardwalk throngs, people begin clawing at their throats and falling away...

JAY:   The Green Goblin blast several of the little fighter plane out of the air but a few crash burning into the ground below amongst the crowded masses of people exploding... Good god the carnage!!

PAT:   The Goblin is more annoyed than threatened by the planes.... he wheels his glider and dives... strafing into the crowd just on the chance of winging the Joker.... Jay, he's playing fast and loose with his Grandson's safety now...

JAY:   I guess family only goes so far, Pat... People are just running everywhere to escape from these two. The Joker himself is zigging and zagging dodge the laser bolts blasting about him and he's just smiling!

PAT:   No wait, Jay! Joker suddenly spins around... pulling a pistol out of his pants that must have a 3 foot long barrel!

JAY:   Uh-oh... I think I know what's coming...

PAT:   Okay, Jay... I just have to say right now that the scene in Batman where Joker brings down the Batwing with that pistol was absolute poop. I just didn't buy into it, and I didn't like it. Whew, been wanting to get that off my chest since the 80's.

JAY:   Well, despite your strong feelings on the gun, Pat, the giant hole which just erupted in the Goblin's glider seems to speak for itself. I say the gun works pretty well.

PAT:   The glider sputters and catches fire as Osbourne finds himself falling straight towards a water canal in the park below....

JAY:   He fights for control for a soft landing but... Ow! I guess a semi-soft landing is better than nothing. Say Miss Quinn, the Joker is holding pretty good against the Green Goblin.

Harley Quinn:   Ya! You better believe it! My puddin' will have him by the bal...

PAT:   Joker had been making his way towards the canal. My God, Jay.... the Joker has left a trail of dead, pasty faced and smiling victims in his wake. Jumping into a boat on the canal, he tosses aside the now empty gas canister of Smile-X...

JAY:   Osbourne has fished himself out of the canal and is running along the side to catch up with the Joker. He has a another pumpkin bomb ready... Pat, if he uses it he will take out his grandson for sure!!

PAT:   No, the goblin wheels and throws it into the mini-formation of the last remaining planes.... the explosion sends shrapnel flying everywhere, into panicked, fleshy masses of humanity. The Goblin screams with laughter...

JAY:   They keep missing one another but still manage to kill and maim every bystander in sight! Those two sickos need to be locked up behind bars and everyone else like them!!

Harley Quinn:   HEY!!!!!

PAT:   The Joker thumbs his remote control again, and the Canal Ride boat suddenly lurches forward with hidden power. He's gonna ditch the Goblin with an escape through the Tunnel of Love...

Harley Quinn:   Mr. J's soooo romantic.

JAY:   The Joker shoves the kid down into the back of the boat. He's grabbing the helm.... laughing like a madman....

PAT:   The Goblin dives from the side and manages to land in the rear of the boat....

JAY:   The Joker turns in time to see the Goblin cock a gloved fist...

Harley Quinn:   Look out Puddin!!!!

PAT:   Joker takes a massive hit right in his grinning face! Blood sprays out of his broken nose as he slams against the control panel...

JAY:   The Goblin climbs over the seats to finish him off, Pat! Wait! The Joker recovers slightly and points that infamous flower on his jacket towards Osbourne...

PAT:   Goblin doesn't see the threat... acid sprays all over his rubber mask...

JAY:   The intense acid just burns away at his mask. Osbourne hands clutched up at his face unable to see or breath through the fumes!

PAT:   Osbourne is driven berserk... ripping off the mask! Wait... the Joker has another trick to play....

JAY:   The Joker pulls out a retractable aluminum bat, fully extending it and swings!!

PAT:   Osbourne takes a blow to the head which leaves him bleeding as well. Joker laughs hysterically. Goblin screams in rage! his gloved hands fly out grasping for the Joker's throat...

JAY:   Osbourne hands wrap about the Jokers throat and starts to choke him but the Joker does the Three Stooges maneuver and jams two fingers into his eyes!

PAT:   Goblin pulls away, Joker follows with a kick to the groin and multiple bitch-slaps... wait, he's pulling out... My God...

JAY:   A RUBBER CHICKEN?!? Wait, he pulls a pin out... it a exploding rubber chicken! But don't asked me where he pulled that pin from...

Harley Quinn:   But that's the funny part! He pulled that pin out of that bird's A...

PAT:   Wait! The Joker hands the chicken to Osborne�s grandson and dives from the boat...

JAY:   This is it. The Goblin is blinded and the kid is holding the deadly Rubber Chicken... Pat, look!!

PAT:   Spider webbing suddenly grabs the kid, jerking him out of the boat as a Batarang knocks the deadly chicken from his grasp!!!

JAY:   The superheros are on the scene... but the Rubber Chicken falls into the boat and Osbourne doesn't know what is happening!

boat:   KA-BLAAAM!!!!!!

Harley Quinn:   Pop goes the Weasel!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Joker: 304

Green Goblin: 210

THE WRAP UP

PAT:   The explosion is bringing down the tunnel...

JAY:   Slippery as always, the villains will probably both escape, but I think we know who won this one.

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Issue #159 Beatlejuice vs. The Crow vs. The Joker vs. The Mask vs. Pennywise vs. Violator
Issue #142 Spiderman vs. Wolverine
Issue #132 The Punisher vs. France
Issue #126 Q vs. Mr. Mxyzptkl

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Joker and Harley Quinn (TM) are the property (c) of D.C. Comics

Green Goblin (TM) is the property (c) of Marvel Comics

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