The CBUB Character Database


Bugs Bunny vs. Mickey Mouse


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Parallax vs. Dark Phoenix

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Wonder Woman vs. Thor


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ISSUE #129

Martial Mayhem - Round Three!

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The Predator vs. The Road Runner

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Xena vs. Buffy

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ISSUE #145

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Batman vs. Dr. Doom

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Great Pumpkin vs. Jack Skellington

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Jason Voorhees vs. Ash Williams


Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones

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Bond Girl Blowout


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Lex Luthor vs. Dr. Doom

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Nightwing vs. Daredevil

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Black Canary and Huntress vs. Black Widow and Silver Sable

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Q vs. Mr. Mxyzptkl

ISSUE #153

Mum-Ra vs. Skeletor


Leisure Suit Larry vs. Austin Powers


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Wolverine vs. Predator


South Park vs. Peanuts

ISSUE #144

Kerrigan vs. Diablo

Martial Mayhem - Round One!
[ Canary ] [ Leonardo ] [ Iron Fist ]
[ Shang Chi ] [ Lady Shiva ] [ snake eyes ]
star star
Black Canary vs. Leonardo vs. Iron Fist
vs. Shang-Chi vs. Lady Shiva vs. Snake Eyes

This week's Fight Inspired By: Xian Terrel's (and Match Maker's ) martial art's tournament on the CBUB Message Board. Thanks to board posters and the peeps in the FPL chatroom for helping pick the first six contenders in the Martial Mayhem Olympics.


Welcome to the Khazan Olympics as you prepare to witness the beginning of the Martial Arts event. It is the first of three rounds of elimination play. Competing in this event, six of the most deadly martial artists from the American comics scene:

Black Canary - Member the Justice Society and world traveling adventurer, Dinah Lance is a world class martial artist who can hold her own against even super-powered opponents with her incredible fighting ability.

Leonardo - Leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo is considered the most balanced fighter of the four heroes on a half-shell. (We're talking original TMNT, here - indy comic Eastman and Laird - and they ALL wore red. Mmmm'K?)

Iron Fist - Lost and orphaned on an expedition to the Himalayas, young Daniel Rand was found and raised by the people of the lost city of K'un-Lun. Trained his entire life as a martial artist, Rand eventually received the greatest power - the Iron Fist; a single devastating blow of focused Chi.

Shang-Chi - Called The Master of Kung-Fu, Shang-Chi was trained almost from birth to be a fighter and assassin on the order of his criminal mastermind father. Shang-Chi spent his early life unaware that his father was evil and, upon discovering this, declared himself his father's mortal enemy and fought his evil empire.

Lady Shiva Woosan - Ruthless fighter and expert assassin, Lady Shiva has been known to show an honorable side on occasion. While her motives and methods are mostly clandestine, she re-trained Batman in the martial arts after his paralysis and also worked to train Robin.

Snake Eyes - Code Name for the G.I. Joe team's mysterious commando. Snake Eyes does not speak, but has proven himself an expert and deadly fighter on numerous occasions. Snake Eyes is known to be an expert in the martial discipline Ninjitsu - the way of the Ninja.

Got your ticket ready? Good! Then get down to the Khazan Expo Center, because this event is gonna blow you away.

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

Every body was Kung-Fu fightin'... (sing along, now)


CALLISTO:   Welcome to the Khazan Olympics. We are here at the vast Khazan Expo center where we have for your entertainment Round One of the Interdimensional Martial Arts Tournament.

QUINN:   This event has been sold out for weeks, folks. Everybody who is Anybody is out there inna stands to see this event. You can feel the excitement in the air, 'cause this place is Supercharged.

CALLISTO:   You know what I love about the Olympics, Clown Girl? All these neat Olympic collectable pins. Look, I got this one today from the Klingon Empire Interdimensional Olympic Team.

QUINN:   Hey, that's pretty neat. Look, I gotta Olympic pin from the Strawberry Shortcake and Friends Interdimensional Olympic Team. Wanna trade?

CALLISTO:   Uh... no. Okay, lets go into the stands, now, with our Live Olympic Cam and get opinions on today's match from people in the crowd here at the Khazan Expo Center.


Favorite Olympic Cam Interview of the Week

Nine writes:

Iron Fist: Your costume is green and yellow, and your mask is a rip-off of Spider-Man. A master of Kung-Fu? I think not. Feng-Shui, maybe.

Black Canary: Okay, when I was about 11 or so, I must confess I popped a boner for you. But you ain't no Wonder Woman. You're goin' down.

Lady Shiva: You're kinda cute even with the butch haircut, and I like the Hindu name, but you're just a plot-mover for Batman. I'm sure Bruce Wayne paid you well, but this is the big leagues, sweetie. Your money's on the dresser, now scram.

Leonardo: Nice beginnings in your semi-underground comic days, but then you went commercial. And what's with the "Kowabunga" crap? If you're gonna coin a phrase from Beach Blanket Bingo, try not to impose on Bart Simpson territory. Get outta the way or you'll be roadkill.

Shang-Chi will win, probably cause he looks more like Ralph Machio than any of his competition. When you're done with these losers, Shang, could you stop by and wax my car?

The Match Maker writes:

There can be only one real winner here, but I'll get to that later.

First off, who goes down and why.

The first to go is Black Carney. I'll admit that I'm puzzled as to why she's even here. She doesn't crack the top 6 in DC, and I'm not even all that sure she belongs in the top 10! She doesn't really have the skills to merit her being in this tournament. She's good, but she's not *that* good. She's the least skilled of the bunch. She's gone.

Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes? I'll admit, I'm not terribly familiar with him, but if he were a true master I'd like to think that I've had heard about him. He may be good, has some training in one discipline and military training besides, but this tournament is for the "big boys". For him it'll be an honor to have even been invited, but he'll bow out fairly quickly. Don't get me wrong, he'll put up a struggle, and may even be the one to down Black Carney, but he's just out of his league in this one.

That leaves the *true* martial arts masters.

Leo is mighty good; the best of the turtles, but he's still a student, still learning. Of the four he's the least skilled. Really, had it been any other four I think Leo could have been a real contender in this one. But it's just his singular bad fortune to have drawn *these* particular three opponents. In my own informal tournament (And I feel that I'm the first one to seriously bring up this as a CBUB match by the way :-) Iron Fist beat Leo, and I have no reason to argue with the results.

Now that leaves Iron Fist, Lady Shiva and Shang-Chi. Now, you're not *really* allowing the "Iron Fist" to be used are you?!? That's a *gross* unfair advantage that wouldn't be right to be allowed. And seeing how you *are* the kind and fair master of the CBUB, I don't think you'll allow it. :-)

With that said, Iron Fist ranks about #3 or #4 on the best martial artists in the Marvel Universe. Shang-Chi is #1. And Lady Shiva is #2 or #3. So again, Iron Fist could have gone very far in this tournament, but he had the bad fortune to draw these two opponents in the first round.

And that leaves Shang-Chi vs. Lady Shiva. Really, this is *finals* kind of material. To see this in the first round will make almost everything afterwards seem anticlimactic.

It will be very, very, *very*, close. But in the end I see Shang-Chi having a very, very, slight edge over Lady Shiva. She can get frustrated, and that can used against her. Shang-Chi *is* Kung-Fu. He doesn't get frustrated.

I give the win to Shang-Chi. The only one who could really win from the beginning.

Man, to see this in the *First* Round can only make my mind boggle as to what will be presented to us in the second...

Noel Schornhorst writes:

I gotta go with the Lady Shiva Woosan. She
A) can take out Batman.
B) Took on BOTH Black Canary AND Catwoman AND freaked the HELL out of them
C) Easily took out a Superman villain (who was a bad-ass ninja/thief-- While he was INVISIBLE).
D) Knows almost every "touch of death" created and doesn't hesitate to use them.

Lady Shiva can identify almost any martial art employed by the others, choose one to counteract it and use it, defeating or killing each opponent.

Barima aka Ninja-B writes:

When I saw this fight up,I KNEW I *had* to get my vote in.This is the kinda fight I always wanted to see and never put in the suggestion box.All of these martial artists are exceptional and some of the greatest in comics.No question.

My vote went to Leo.Why?Because when I received three collections of the original Eastman and Laird books for Christmas 1990,they forced me to see the error of my ways and badmouth the name of their ridiculous animated show for all eternity.This is the *real* Leonardo,Ninja Turtle.Leo defeated and killed the Shredder in one-on-one,a man who was Shiva-level and due to his perfectionist nature has mastered the art of ninjitsu past almost anyone I've encountered in my reading experiences,save Master Splinter and Stick and Stone of Daredevil fame.His body physiology affords him the best protection,makes him the strongest and he has high levels of agility.He's not just the most balanced of his brothers,he's the best(although Raph is more deadly and Mike more creative).And Leo isn't even dependent on his katanas and shuriken to win.To coin a phrase,he'll fight and die with honour.And he'll win with honour too.My man Leo is the wild card.

Iron Fist and Shang Chi are regarded as the highest practitioners of the Asian martial arts in all of Marvel(again,apart from Stick).These two have such great friendship and mutual respect to even tap each other in a non-violent way.So Shang will spend most of the match fighting Shiva.In the Khazan multiverse,Shiva and her big ego will be filled with stories of Shang's prowess above most of the others and will without doubt seek him out.And against martial artists of her level,she'll really get the challenges she's been seeking.She's not even a clear winner here(for once).

Danny is in great athletic condition and posseses high skill levels but his Iron Fist can be avoided or even blocked(though avoiding works far better).I can't even think of a real way to knock Danny down,after all he's one of my favorite Marvels and his best friend is an intelligent and good-hearted black man(just like me :-)).But possessing the fist doesn't guarantee his victory.

Snake Eyes,while damn cool and also having something in common with me and Leo(child of the eighties,Nooch!),isn't quite up to the levels of the four big guns.Sorry silent one,in good conscience,I couldn't vote in your favour.

And finally,Dinah Lance,Black Canary 2,the Blond Bombshell.Even sexier than her partner,the woman who may be dating Nightwing himself(Oracle,who else?).Dinah has beaten Lynx,Hellhound and freakin' *Cheshire* and beaten them all.However she only survived her fight against Shiva due to evasion and Shiva taking out her aggression on Catwoman instead.Dinah could sneak a victory if she downs her opponents with a Canary Cry bomb(sadly excluded from her Huntress team-up against Black Widow and Silver Sable).Otherwise she goes down.And come to think of it,Shiva will probably do it on her way to taking on Shang Chi.

Peace out!Looking froward to the next two rounds!

Oh,and it's been a while since I've been printed but I'm desperate to have this one put up-this is probably my favourite tournament in a while.Thanking you very much.

XXUTAK, Lord of Werkon writes:

I gotta go with Leonardo. If this were that crap-happy animated version, Snake-Eyes would just look at him or something and he'd fall over, but we're talking about the guy who lopped off Shredder's head. You know this guy's gotta be good, cause, I mean, just think about it. Leo's ALWAYS gotta be on his guard, ALWAYS gotta be sneakin' around. He can't just take off his mask and relax. You can't be a giant turtle and not learn SOMETHING about stealth. Plus, he's the only one outta the bunch that I can think of who's willing to kill his opponent, and that gives him a definate edge in battle.

Mr Sinister writes:

Iron Fist! Iron Fist! Iron Fist! Let's hear that again - Iron Fist! Danny Rand has the power, the motivation and the kick-ass martial arts skills to take this one over the edge and into his domain... he's the ultimate master of the martial arts! Just one blow with his Iron Fist will knock down those pretenders faster than you can say "Wax on, wax off"...

unknow Joe writes:

HA! Snake Eyes can mop the floor with all of his opponents and 2 squads of Cobra infantrymen, with his hands tied, and still never break a sweat. He is the man! (now, Snake Eyes vs Sgt. Slaughter, thats another story)

Packrat writes:

I give this to Snake Eyes for one simple reason...the issue of G.I. Joe that didn't have a single word balloon in it. Simply put, it was one of the best I ever read. (Wish I had bought it, dammit).

Okay, but to be fair, here's why the others lose:

Black Canary: She, Huntress, and Catwoman couldn't take down Shiva, so they ran away. BC falls quickly.

Iron Fist: Got his ass handed to him by the Invisible Woman...that's right, the INVISIBLE WOMAN! He's too confident and will get his clocked cleaned before he can say 'Wha?'

Leonardo: Easily the lamest turtle. If it was Donatello or Raphael, I would have given it to them.

Lady Shiva: Too damn confident for her own good, she'd try to take everyone on at once and will get pounded.

Sang-Chi: He lost to Wolverine in a kung-fu match...that's just horrible.

Snake-Eyes: He's smart enough to stay in the shadows, striking when he has an opening, as opposed to the others just beating the hell out of each other. Editor's Note: I believe Galactus also had his ass handed to him by the Invisible Woman, for what it's worth.

Greebo71 writes:

This is going to be an excellent fight. but there will be only one winner...Leonardo the Ninja turtle. Let's see why.

First the only ones who can pose a threat to Leonardo are Iron Fist and Snake Eyes. Shiva takes out Black Canary cause she is useless and in the way of Shiva's real target, Shang-Chi. Both of these fighters skills are excellent but Shang-Chi is finally taken down by the Leopard Paw strike. Shiva stands gloating over her opponent and is dropped by Iron Fist, who accidently crushes her skull. Horrified by what he did, he is silently knocked out by Snake-Eyes, who can't kill him because everyone knows that GI Joe members seem to have a complete inability to kill ANYONE. This leaves the two Ninja to face each other. They move toward each other and explosive cloud of smoke!!! When the smoke clears, Leonardo is sitting calmly, katana resting across his folded legs, while Snake Eyes is also resting...about 5 feet from his head.

Second reason that Leo wins is one of his creators, Kevin Eastman, who all know is married to the Beautiful Julie Strain. If he can get a goddess like her, Leo can whup total ass on any opponent.

Now how can you argue with that?

Borneo Jimmy writes:

I voted for Iron Fist, but I must note that the clear would-have-been-winner --- the hands-down ass-kickingest, three-fistedest can of hand-to-hand whup-ass in the history of comics --- is not a contestant. Whenever the Daredevil vs. Batman vs. Moon Knight vs. Elektra arguments would start, back in the glory days of 1982, I could quell them with a single name: the Badger. He was totally insane, and he rarely had any idea where or who he was, but no one could deny that he didn't lose fights, and he wouldn't have lost this one.

Mystery Geek writes:

Whoa, nice fight, with some tough calls. Let's break this down:

Snake-Eyes - You've got to be kidding. Ninjas aren't even appetizers to the other fighters here.

Leonardo - Was never that good. Against any one of the others he'd be history in two seconds. Against all of them...? Ouch.

Black Canary - Don't get me wrong, the lady's tough. In any crowd but this one she'd be Queen Badass, no question. Against these bad mofos, though, her moves just won't hold up.

Shang-Chi - Whoo. M'boy here is one mean Chinese guy. If his old man were behind the fight, I'd honestly back him, because with his familial-revenge vibe going on he'd be unbeatable. As it is, though, I don't see him prevailing in the long run.

This brings it down to the two most dangerous martial artists of their respective universes, Captain America and the Batman excepted. Let's look at the REAL fight here...

Iron Fist - Holy glowing goat shit, he's tough. He's got moves most people can't even spell, and he has all kinds of secret K'un L'un mojo working for him. He could take most folks down before they saw him move. But...

Lady Shiva - Christ on a flaming sidecar. This crazy-ass wench makes a career of wandering around killing the best martial artists in the DCU. She routinely does stuff that shouldn't even be remotely possible. Tim Drake, the world's most dangerous teenager, who's taken down King Snake and KGBeast solo, has been scared shitless of Lady Shiva since he was 13. She is, without question, the most frighteningly lethal fighter in this match, and I think in the end, she will be able to take Rand. Even she's not walking away from a brawl like this unscathed, though.

Rumble in the Bronx writes:

what the hell is going on!!!!the freaking trutle is winning.... who the hell will vote for that wimp... my vote goes to lady shiva...why? well one thing she trained robin AND the BAT... now to train the bat you have to be one hell of a martial artist since the bat is supposed to be number one.... everybody else is going down faster than ross perot in every election he has gone into!!!!!

Beetle Bomb writes:

...those kicks were fast as lightning...

sorry, I was singing.

Now we're gettin' nasty boys and girls. I live for this kind of fight here at CBUB! I like most all these characters, but here's my take on this round:

1. Black Canary- Babe. However, she fails to defeat one or two of 'em. I'd vote for her in a bikini contest, but not now. Sorry G.A.

2. The turtle? C'mon. A turtle. One who ripped off Daredevil's origin at that. No. Not today.

3.Lady Shiva- So much of me wants to say her, if not for...

4. Shang-Chi- He's bad. Real bad. But I see Snake giving him problems.

5. Snake Eyes- Love Snake Eyes. Where's Storm Shadow in this? He should be in round two. Snake gets ultimately whipped by...

6. Iron Fist- My man Danny Rand! His training speaks for itself. In issue circa 74,75,76 of PMandIF, Danny takes on a ninja, one with heavy mystical,almost sorceress ties to a wizard of K'unn L'unn. Danny wins.

Snake Eyes, Shang and Lady Shiva give him a run for the money, but Fist comes through in the end. Keep kickin' y'all. L8.

'Lord' Rev. Dr. Paul Soth writes:

Woohoo, i fight i can comment on! Ok kids, let's take this by the numbers...

Canary goes down first. She really isn't much against the rest of the combatants, some of who are the best martal artists of their respective worlds. Next is Leonardo. First, much thanks for useing the orginal Frank Miller inspired verson. Leo kicks ass, but he just does not have the experance against the rest of the buch. Next, Snake Eyes. Since you're useing the Eastman & Laird Leo, i'm assumeing you're useing the comic book Larry Hama verson of Snake Eyes. Allthou one of the best fighters in his world, he really can't compare to the last three who prove their skill against superhuman oppoents. I'm going to say Shang-Chi and Iron Fist are just about evenly matched, but Iron Fist has the fist, and the edge. But, he won't be able to stop Lady Shiva, the best hand-to-hand fighter in the DCU. Batman can barely beat her, and that's only beacuse he can hit harder. Shiva has proven herself time and time again, against oppenents both human and superhuman. Hey, she's the best, and my pick. Give it to her.

VBTusky writes:

C'mon, people! It's Shang Chi: MASTER OF KUNG FU!

Aaahhh....why do I even bother...

Great Bob writes:

Look'll come down to a matter of physics.

Real World Physics: Ever see a martial artist win one of those steel cage "World Fighting Championship"? Nope. Me neither. You se, martial arts sure look pretty, but they don't mean squat in the real world. Let's go to the lab and try this out. Go to a bar. Pick a fight with a big burly lumberjack and someoneone wearing a blackbelt. Lumberjack will hurt you real bad. It's the nature of things.

Turtle world: Similar to the real world. The turtles win not because of the martial arts, but because they're frickin' ninja turtles. Please observe how useless ninjas are in their world.

D.C. Universe: Although newtonian physics are routinly discarded, the DC universe strives for realisim...of sorts. Although martial arts work better in our world, you're not going to beat up superman unless you have a suit of armor.

Marvell Universe: Has anyone here read the issue where Iron Fist beat the Hulk? In the Marvel Universe "it's all a matter of leverage" You see, in the Marvel Universe physics are such that a guy with martial arts can knock the frickin' hulk unconcious. You know, the Hulk. Guy who can jump thousands of miles, and withstand atomic weapons? yeah him. In the Marvel world all you need is martial arts.

G.I. Joe Universe: Physics are really screwy. Everything, even desiel fuel, blows up in a great explosion, but in a slow enough fashion where people can get out of the way. Bullets don't seem to hit anyone (except they are oddly attracted to robots.) One can assume that martial arts is ungodly effective in this universe.

What does this mean? Simple. It's either going to be Shang-Chi, Iron Fist or Snake Eyes.

Shang-Chi hasn't been in a comic since before I had my first beer. Snake Eye was trained in the way of the ninja. The term "Ninja" is Japanesse for "guys who get beat up by the dozen in martial arts movies".

That leaves Iron Fist.

Daki writes:

Oh the pain...THE PAIN!...make it stop!!!

*guy in a white coat injects some glowing blue stuff in his arm*

Ahhhh....Arigato. Okay, this fight caused me to develop several brain tumors. For me, it all came down to two people...Lady Shiva aned Snake Eyes.

Lady Shive is considered one of the best martial artists in the entire world! She was the one who re-taught Bruce Wayne to fight. She's cold, bloodthirsty, and she kicked the holy hell out of Batman until he got back up to speed (because, we all know that Batman is supreme #1 when it comes to fighting and there really was NO WAY Captain America could have beaten him!!)

But I digress. Lady Shiva's resume speaks for itself. Let's move on...

Snake Eyes (Hey! Where is Storm Shadow??? He was COBRA's bad Ninja, but later became Snake Eyes' friend in the later episodes). I had to vote for him. Why? Because he trained in Ninjutsu and since I have also trained in that art form, I have an understanding of just what it is capable of. Ninjutsu encompasses ALL fighting techniques...Weapons, juijitsu (wrestling), Hand-to-hand (taijutsu), weapons, evasion, acrobatics, walking, breathing, EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH FIGHTING!

Ninjutsu is not a martial art. It is a way of life. If there were a perfect martial art, I would daresay that Ninjutsu is it.

Lady Shiva, you are a tremendous fighter...but Snake Eyes fights with the spirit of Daisuke, Tanematsu, Hatsumi and every other soke (grandmaster) on his side.

Dark Queen writes:

Ahh, the Olpympics. Where only the best survive. This is where Lady Shiva comes in.

Here are the main reasons for elimintaing the rest:

1. Just because you have a superweapon and can use it only once to defeat your opponets doesn't make you an awsome fighter. You have got to have skill an rely on your instincts to survive.

Besides, this fight would be just to boring if you hit your opponets once to win.

2. Ever heard of the silent assasin? It is a known fact that the quiet ones pack a huge punch. However, we need real fighters not people from the army. I mean, the army?

3. Now we have the mutant freaks who run around saving people from the evil brian and the annoying reporter who we all that the shell heads have a crush on. Hey, I don't care who you have for a leader but unless you have all for of the guys working together they can't fight thier way out of a wet paper bag!

4. Truthfully, does anybody actually think that these other no bodies can actually win?

Why lady Shiva? Well, Batman hasn't died yet, has he? Noooo! Now, anybody who can train the Bat has to be some tough B***h! (Ain't that right, Harley?)

'Nuff said. Lady Shiva has got it won!

Sailor Xena writes:

Got to get tough yo joe! Who doesn't remember that line? And who best represents that then Snake Eyes? He was hands down the best fighter in the entire GI-Joe team; the equal to all those Cobra ninjas. When the group consisted of only Duke, Scarlet, Gung-Ho, Lady J, and Snake Eyes, Snake Eyes WAS the commando team. His only equal is Lady Shiva; heck, anyone who can IMPROVE Bat Man's fighting skills MUST be good. As for the rest of those second rate comic heros, they're just stepping stones.

Thrawn02 aka Wolf Leader writes:

I voted for Snake Eyes for one simple reason: It reminds me of when I was a kid. G.I. Joe was cool and everyone's favorite character was Snake Eyes. He was, and is, da man.

Skeearmon writes:

Thank god that the turtle is from Mirage Studios, good and proper. * Certainly better than from the TV *

Anyway, about the rest. Shiva's gonna' kick some. Canary's gonna' kick some. And the Iron Fist is gonna' get the brunt of it all! I'm not kidding! And it's because the man has the worst outfit known to mankind, and STILL he keeps on wearing the pantyhose. Why do you think HEROES FOR HIRE sunk while Deadpool lives on? That COSTUME of Fist's disgusted the customers (that and ol' Deadpool has a interesting personality to make him more marketable). Let's just spend a few moments just laughing at the Iron Fist! BWA HA HA HA HA HAH HA HA HAH HA HA!

Ah, that felt good. Back to Shiva. That >CENSORED< just gives me the creeps, until Chuck Dixon got a hold of her. Kinda' made her into a fallguy/girl/whatever without really adding anything of interest to her. Peh. She's still a kickin' daughter of a >CENSORED<, though.

Snake Eyes? Why you diss Snake Eyes? The man knows that to win he should just wait for the others to kick the crap outta' of each other before going in. He knows he has limits. The dude's smarter than ya' think.

Who's left? Uh................I dunno' anymore. Hell, I vote for Mr. Miyagi to come in mysteriously and unexpectedly and taking victory from them all! After all, no one in comics really knows anything about martial arts anyway. Especially the writers.

Mr. Silverback writes:

Due to Marvel�s famous financial woes, Shang-Chi and Iron Fist are working three jobs each and holding up their end in the hero department. They are, therefore, unavailable for this match.

Ashamed at what has become of his franchise, Leonardo climbed into the bottle and pulled the cork in after him. All he ever talks about now is the glory days ��before they redesigned us for kids too stupid to tall the difference between a sai and a katana.� Last time I spoke to him, I couldn�t get him to shutup about their victory over the Power Rangers over at the WWWF. If he is somehow accidentally reminded of the current Turtle incarnation, he may add himself to the current Hara-kiri epidemic.

Snake Eyes: One of my sources says he�s currently on a mopup assignment in Kosovo, another says he�s put to bag Hussein in Iraq, a third said he�s sneaking into the top Pakistani nuke lab to assess their program, and another cryptically, �Four words: �Don�t ask, Don�t Tell.�� Any one of them or none of them might be right, but one thing�s for sure: He�s not taking the trophy home if he�s not here. That leaves Black Canary and Lady Shiva.

I�d rate these two about equal (and I�ve always had a soft spot for the Canary), but when you come right down to it, Bruce Wayne wasn�t on the Batphone to BC when he needed to make the big comeback. Besides, LS has The Rage(TM) (forgive me for bringing that over) because, in her own words �People are always mistaking me for that Marvel chick who hates Wolverine!�

Bri Rob the Caveman writes:

Snake Eyes in a cakewalk. As much as I love Leonardo, I can't give him the win, because of that godawful live-action tv show they did about a year or so ago. The FIFTH TURTLE??? Gimme a freakin' break! Personally, I think that Mona Lisa salamander-type chick from the cartoon series would kick her butt, but I digress. I've never even heard of Shang-Chi or whatever his name is, so he'll naturally be the first to go in my book. The next to follow is Black Canary. She may be hot, but let's face it. She's a chick, therefore, she pretty much can't fight. She has that whole hit-like-a-girl(tm) thing going against here. Same thing goes for Lady Shiva. Leonardo and Iron Fist go at it, but the turtle takes the fall. After being on the receiving end of the Iron Fist(tm), Leo gets shell-shocked and is out for the count. Iron Fist and Snake Eyes then go at it. Snake Eyes psyches him out with his eerie silence, forces him to lose concentration, and that is his downfall. Snake Eyes stands victorious! None of it was really a challenge, though. However, Snake Eyes vs Stormshadow, now THERE'S a fight I'd pay to see. By the way, how did QuickKick get excluded fromt his fight???

Christian writes:

Mmmmm... Kids today.

While all these characters are good at what they do, Shang Chi was always shown to be an utter world class top 5 fighter in the Marvel Universe. Really. He was supposed to be the best at straight fighting they had.

But, since he's been in limbo for a while, when not being written by poor, uneducated writers, everyone has forgotten.

But, while everyone else here is really, really good: He was the best.

Of course, over at DC it was stated categorically the RIchard Dragon was the best in the world. Ah, comic limbo... curse you.

Crook writes:

I might have gone with Shang chi, but if you saw that appearance in X-men, he has been downgraded a bit. Since this is a martial arts contest, logically the fighter with the better training and dicipline should win.

The Black canary- D.C. character with no powers. I just cannot take this one seriously.

Iron fist-has spirit, but relies to much on his iron fist gimick

Snake eyes- Decent, but he's used to being able to use a gun. I think he's blind with other people trained in being silent around he's in trouble. Besides, I REALLY hated the GI joe cartoon. I twitch invoulentarily everytime and that the phrase "now you know! and Knowing is half the battle...."keeps running through my head. I hope snakeyes dies horribly.

Lady Shiva- She sounds pretty good. Trained batman? now that's dicipline! Logically I should be votting for her but....

Leonardo took my vote because the TMNT comic was very cool. There was blood, and killing and running and humor and really cool stuff. If you only know the turtles from the toon, I don't blame you for hating them, but read the comic. Leonardo was the ultimate leader, like cyclops, but with more Edge and less angst. That fun WhEeEeeeee. Chogh cough ahem.

Sailor Dragonfyre writes:

Lady Shiva could kick the pants off any of the other contestents, she trained Batman for god's sake!! That and she also likes to sit in snow naked! And she never complains! As if anyone else in this competition has balls that big.

Firestar Artemis writes:

Lady Shiva is better than Batman. This is the woman who INVENTS her own martial arts disciplines. Don't think that any of these folks stand a chance in hell.

Scott Heisel writes:

Oh, come on, this one goes to Snake Eyes, hands down. First off, he doesn't speak. This gives him the obvious intimidation factor. I mean, who needs trash talking, when people can't even see your eyes (ala Boba Fett)? Then you have the fact that, in over 150 issues, Snake Eyes was faced with bad guy after bad guy, and NEVER got hurt. Heck, Firefly couldn't even break into his memory with a brainwave scanner (issue #124, if I recall correctly)! This man has the mind of a steel trap, and the power of... Well, the power of a steel trap, too. Besides, none of the other guys (and gals) have their own action figures (and there's like 15 versions!). So there.

Britannia Boy writes:

A very awesome choice for a fight. Though, I must say I have never actually heard of Snake Eyes.

Anyway, it looks like the GI Joe guy will win. But, heres who I think should emerge as master of the martial arts - Iron Fist! I think the Kun Lun Kid will triumph because of his one advantage, his "Iron fist". All of the competitors are very accomplished fighters but only Mr. Rand can utilize his Chi in this way. He is skilled enough to spar with the others, biding his time until WHAM! The Iron Fist unleashes his full force and whups the other combatants. And thats all I have to say about that. Cheerio!

Katrover writes:

Although I voted for Dinah, I predict that Tifa Lockheart will jump into the ring and take out all the contenders with her Final Heaven attack!! Nothing, not even a hard shell of a life of intense training, can prepare you for a Nuclear Explosion!!

Cleo: You know, you never saw that limit break, Kat.

I know! But's a nuclear attack,right? Not even a hard shell-

Cleo: You said that already.....

Okay, okay!! Seesh!! I should whack you a good one, but that would be playgerizing Toro from Anime Deathmatch. I'm Katrover Swatroad-

Cleo: And I'm Cleo Anthonymark-


Bobcatt writes:

As much as I loved Snake-eyes back when I was a kid, Lady Shiva has to win! She is a butt-kicking machine.

Gothamite1 writes:

This is a competition? We have Lady Shive. She is recognised as the worlds greatest martial artist. Second to none.

In the Birds Of Prey miniseries Black Canary had Catwoman and Huntress on her side. Did she go against Lady Shiva? Did she? NO! She ran from a fight faster than a... a... Damn. Can't think of anyone who can run that fast. Lat's face it. Shiva can scare Batman.

BATMAN!!! THE DARK KNIGHT!!! SHE SCARES HIM!!! He scares Superman but she still freaks him out. SHE FREAKS BATMAN OUT!

Anyone who is the undisputed martial artist of the world and can scare Batman is not going to be stopped by an oversized pizza eating frog. And the others? They're gonna get spanked harder than a politician at an Anne Summers Party (at least the ones I've been to anyway). And in case you don't know.


If that doesn't let her win, what will?

Iron Lantern writes:

Without singling anyone out, would it actually kill some of you people to do some research *before* you vote?

Yes, I have fond memories of the GI Joe and Turtle cartoons. I've read some of the comics they've appeared in. Yes, Snake Eyes and Leonardo are cool characters, and I do respect their abilities, even if they're not quite in the big leagues.

Unfortunately, both Snake Eyes and Leo are raw sushi compared to some of the fighters in this bout. The minute either of them come even close to Captain America or Batman's fighting ability, call me... because, right now, even Nightwing could take them.

This battle comes down to exactly two contestants: Lady Shiva and Shang-Chi. Shiva beats or holds Batman to a draw more often than she loses. Shang-Chi is Marvel's answer to Street Fighter's Ryu... he plays on the same level as Captain America, Marvel's best fighter.

I'm a Marvel fan, and I admit it. But I've seen Shiva fight, and she could quite possibly beat even Cap in pure martial arts skill. To be fair, Shang-Chi could take her, sure, but not without a long and difficult fight. But aside from Shang-Chi and *maybe* Iron Fist (and then *only* if he uses the Fist), the rest are so far beneath Shiva's notice that it's pitiful.

In short, Shiva could be fighting blind with both hands tied behind her back, and she'd still mop the floor with Leonardo and Snake Eyes.

Eagerly awaiting Round 2...

LoneViper writes:

Well I've been a big fan of the work done by Snake-Eyes in the past. Even though Cobra hasn't been a big challenge for him, he has proven time and again that perfect training comes above heavy weapons. As far as the other competitors go I think that it will be a good battle but I don't believe that they have the stamina to go the distance with Snake-Eyes. That's all I need to say about it for now so let's get on with the battle.


QUINN:   Wow! Here come the contestants into the ring. The six martial artists will face each other in what looks like a massively oversized boxing ring. The rectangle takes up most of the Expo center show floor.

CALLISTO:   And there's the signal to start the match. Here we go...

QUINN:   Lady Shiva snaps her fingers and points at Shang-Chi... calling dibbs on the "Master of Kung-Fu".

CALLISTO:   Iron Fist calmly walks to face off with the big turtle, choosing the largest opponent in the ring to contend with. Typical hero mentality, there.

QUINN:   'Canary and 'Eyes just shrug. Looks like them two is gonna have to pair up by default.

Lady Shiva:   Shang-Chi - I have heard your reputation. I look forward to testing it. HIIIII-YAAAA!!!!!

CALLISTO:   Shiva after 'Chi... high kick, Chi ducks... goes for the leg sweep... Shiva jumps back - miss...

QUINN:   Iron Fist and Leonardo both are bowing deeply to one another... Now they take the fighter stance...

CALLISTO:   Snake Eyes and Black Canary trading moves... Canary playing big defense...

QUINN:   'Chi an Shiva - big moves there... Shiva - jabbing, striking... playing offense, 'Chi on defense... analyzing the attack... Finds a hole and pops Shiva inna teeth!

CALLISTO:   Crowd goes crazy! A big, bloody Shiva lip is showing up on the big screens...

QUINN:   Fist and the Turtle, both talented, both strong... Fist is havin' a tough time workin' 'round the turtle's shell, both are being very defensive...

CALLISTO:   Shiva on offense now... smiling like a madwoman through the broken lip... can't follow their moves... Shiva tags 'Chi in the midriff... Chi's face scrunches up in pain!

QUINN:   Snake Eyes and Canary - Canary is lookin' for a hole in Snake's defense - this bird's got the moves - chop, twirl, kick, duck... goes for an uppercut - NO! 'Eyes catches her wrist and flings her to the padded floor!

CALLISTO:   'Canary rolls... avoids a kick... spins like a top - leg sweeps 'Eyes for a take down! Both contestants on their back now...

QUINN:   'Canary leaps to her feet... Cally, look! All the contestants are fighting their way to the center a� this huge ring. They're getting all bunched up.

CALLISTO:   Getting very crowded down there... 'Canary takes a swipe at Lady Shiva - it's Shiva against 'Chi and Canary... Shiva blocks... blocks... Cartwheels back... No! OH MY GOD!

QUINN:   Whatta move! She leapt back on her hands and sprang back - double kick to 'Chi and 'Canary's smug little faces! 'Canary and 'Chi both hit the mat! Ha!

CALLISTO:   Let them eat shoe. Snake Eyes screws up the dynamic of the Iron Fist - Leonardo contention. Fist and Eyes both trying to figure out how to get past that turtle shell... Leonardo is easily the best protected here.

QUINN:   'Chi and 'Canary instantly up and back on their guard... Shang-Chi lunges at Shiva, Shiva dodges... dodges right into an attack from 'Canary... Shiva takes a glancing blow, but quickly retaliates - connects with a sharp blow to 'Canary's head! Ouch!

CALLISTO:   'Canary's eyes roll-up in pain - She can't see! 'Chi, now - with blinding speed - tries to take down Shiva fast while she's distracted...

QUINN:   Shiva - a hair faster - blocks the attack, goes for offense... Wait!

CALLISTO:   'Canary! Striking blindly, hits her buddy 'Chi with a perfect, graceful nerve strike to the neck...

QUINN:   'Chi locks up... his fighting dynamic is totally screwed...

CALLISTO:   ... but it puts off Lady Shiva's rhythm, too... allowing 'Chi's final kick... to find a solid home on Shiva's chin!

QUINN:   Shiva whirls, all instinct now... she throws all her strength into a classic roundhouse on the blind 'Canary... lifting 'Canary off her feet with the punishing force!

CALLISTO:   'Chi hits the mat! 'Canary hits the mat! Shiva hits the mat! TRIPLE KO!

QUINN:   Expo Center crowd is on their feet, stomping and roaring! They'll be showin' da replay a' that one on the news all night.

CALLISTO:   Three-way dance between Snake Eyes, Iron Fist and Leonardo... No alliances on this one, it's every martial artist for themselves.

QUINN:   Turtle attacks 'Eyes - leaves himself open to a strike from Iron Fist... Fist with an excellent kick to the Turtle's exposed knee joint!

CALLISTO:   Leonardo collapses - 'Eyes immediately presses the Fist. Strike, block, kick... Fist finds a hole... solid punch right to 'Eyes diaphragm!

QUINN:   'Eyes hits the mat... rolls over.. on his feet again already... high kick CONNECTS!

CALLISTO:   And Fist gets to hit the mat... wait! The recovered Turtle picks up the Fist... Sleeper hold...

QUINN:   Snake Eyes strikes the helpless Iron Fists once inna stomach. The double team leaves Iron Fist a limp, unconscious bag a' bones. See Ya, Fisty.

CALLISTO:   Snake Eyes cartwheels back several meters... Wait. He bows to the turtle... and draws his katana. I guess Snake Eyes figures the best way through that shell is with a blade.

QUINN:   Leonardo looks game for it. He draws his double set of fighting blades. We gotta sword fight on our hands now.

CALLISTO:   And the crowd here today is loving it. The thunderous sound out there in the Expo Center is deafening.

QUINN:   Clash of steel... two fast... can't follow it...

CALLISTO:   It's like a pair of blenders sitting and churning face to face down there...

QUINN:   Little nicks and cuts appearing on both fighters now...

CALLISTO:   The crowd is falling silent... trying to follow this incredible action on the big screens...

QUINN:   We can't see Snake Eyes' face - but Leonardo's expression tells the tale of extreme concentration and exertion...


QUINN:   Snake Eyes with an unexpected, perfect kick to the Turtle's elbow sends one of Leonardo's katanas flying away! Good disarm!

CALLISTO:   It throws off Leonardo... gives Eyes an opening to work with...

QUINN:   Thrust, swipe, feint... another kick!

CALLISTO:   Right to the same knee joint Iron Fist had hit before! Leonardo stays on his feet, though...

QUINN:   ...But Snake Eyes follows with the low sweeper kick! The turtle's feet are knocked out from under him! He hits the mat!

CALLISTO:   Eyes stands over Leonardo... sword tip at the turtle's neck. The turtle must yield!


[ Pic ] [ Pic ]

'Nuff Said!


Black Canary: 59

Shang-Chi: 93

Iron Fist: 179

Lady Shiva: 204

Leonardo: 247

Snake Eyes: 254


CALLISTO:   Wow! Incredible

QUINN:   And now... on to round two...

Resources for this weeks big fight came from:

Most images were scanned from Serge's private stash for this week's fight

File Card scan from the original Snake Eyes GI Joe action figure from Yo Joe dot Com


Snake Eyes(TM) is the property (c) of (I dunno - hasbro? marvel?)

Leonardo (TM) is the property (c) of Mirage Studios (I think)

Shang-Chi and Iron Fist (TM) is the property (c) of Marvel Comics

Lady Shiva and Black Canary (TM) is the property (c) of DC Comics

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles