The CBUB Character Database


Gambit vs. Catwoman vs. Black Cat

ISSUE #131

Kingpin vs. Penguin vs. Jabba the Hutt


The Borg vs. Aliens

ISSUE #115

Robin v. Robin v. Robin v. Robin


Thundarr vs. Conan vs. Beastmaster


Robotech Defense Force vs. The Decepticons

ISSUE #107

Tom and Sylvester vs. Jerry and Tweety


Iron Man vs. Steel

ISSUE #137

The Predator vs. The Road Runner


Cheetarah vs. Harley Quinn


Jawas vs. Ewoks

ISSUE #117

Kraven vs. Pokemon Island


The Joker vs. The Green Goblin

ISSUE #171

Batman vs. Dr. Doom


Superman vs. Thor


Wolverine vs. Predator


Chun-Li vs. Orchid vs. Sonya Blade

ISSUE #136

The Thing vs. Colossus

ISSUE #126

Q vs. Mr. Mxyzptkl


Ken & Ryu vs. Scorpion & Sub-Zero

ISSUE #142

Spiderman vs. Wolverine

ISSUE #152

Yogi & Boo-Boo vs. Chip 'n' Dale

ISSUE #125

Great Pumpkin vs. Jack Skellington


Galactus vs. Unicron


Elvira vs. Vampirella

ISSUE #153

Mum-Ra vs. Skeletor

ISSUE #176

Daredevil vs. Snake Eyes


Parallax vs. Dark Phoenix


Mario vs. Sonic


Borg Cube vs. Death Star

ISSUE #129

Martial Mayhem - Round Three!


Supergirl vs. A-ko vs. Ryoko


Scooby Doo Gang vs. Hellraiser


Mach 5 vs. Batmobile

ISSUE #177

Master Yoda vs. Professor Xavier

ISSUE #169

Galactus vs. Galactus' Weight in Krypto the Super Dogs


Leisure Suit Larry vs. Austin Powers


Batman vs. Captain America


Sailor Moon vs. Ranma 1/2


Smurfs vs. Snorks

Girls Just Wanna Kick Arse

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Xena vs. Buffy



Welcome to an Arena of Khazan event which will shake your being to the core. Fighting under the pounding Khazan sun, sweating in the hot sand of the fighters pit, The Warrior Princess takes on The Slayer in a masterful display of martial mastery and mayhem. Lets look at the contenders...

Xena Warrior Princess: This Greco-Roman goddess of gore, howling like a banshee as she bashes in the bad guys, battles ever onward against the forces of tyranny. Weilding her mighty chakram and sword she is a nigh unstoppable one woman army of mass destruction.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Every generation a Slayer is born, and perhaps the greatest of them all is this barenuckle bombshell of supernatural supremacy. Vamps and monsters of every stripe cower in fear of this femm-fatale as she stakes through the forces of walking dead like a hot knife through butter.

Join Us Now in a brawl we had to call...

Violent Love




Harley Quinn:   ... So, ya' promised. You're not gonna to do anything weird, right? I mean... it's Xena down there inna ring. XENA!

Callisto:   No, really. I'm ok with it. Besides, what's important here is that the fans get what they want - and what they want is a good, solid battle.

Harley Quinn:   Wow. That's really ... er... mature, coming from you. How'd ya' get so big hearted all of a sudden?

Camera Man:   We're live in ten seconds, Callisto. Camera two is on you.

Callisto:   Well, in the end I decided I loath both these tarts, so if either one gets their nose bloodied, I'm happy.

Harley Quinn:   Ha! That's a good attitude.

Callisto:   'Sides, I designed the fighters pit for this week.

Harley Quinn:   Uh-oh...

Camera Man:   three... two... one... We're on the air!

Callisto:   Hello and welcome to another fantastic edition of the CBUB! Today we have an incredible show for you! The Warrior Princess takes on the Slayer in a contest of blood, gore and death!

Harley Quinn:   Blood, Gore *and* Death?! Wow! I'm so excited I think I just wet myself.

Callisto:   Well, get us a roll of paper towels, Clown Girl, because when this is all said and done I think both our chairs will be soaked.

Harley Quinn:   Wow. you really know how to rev a gal up.

Callisto:   And here come our contestants! Skating onto the outter ring of the fighters pit!

Harley Quinn:   Skating? You put the warrior chikas on ice skates?

Callisto:   Yes, that's right - Ice Skates.

Harley Quinn:   Oh, my... what's that glistening red stuff in da' inner ring of the fighters pit?

Callisto:   A foot and a half of Raspberry jello, dear Clown Girl.

Harley Quinn:   "Dear"? You called me Dear? You Must be inna good mood. Lemme guess, this contest has some kind'a bizzare win condition as well...

Callisto:   Yes, that's right. This fighting pit set-up is a little something I like to call "The Ring of Shame". The first contestant to strip her opponet totally naked wins!

Harley Quinn:   And you got Xena and Buffy to Agree to this?

Callisto:   Yeah, sure. Neither thinks they're gonna be the one humbled before the crowd, of course. Note that both the Slayer and the Warrior Princess are dressed in typical Dorothy Hammill ice skating attire - thin, guazy, glittering skirts with form fitting, sleevless body tights. Xena's colors are black and gold while Buffy has gone for silver and blue.

Harley Quinn:   Ooooh! Well, lets see what the viewers in the stands think about all this...




Editors Note: There were soooooo many responses this week we had to trim hard. Sorry if yours didn't get posted, here. Special thanks to Kid Nitmo who passes along this idea:

Kid Nitmo writes:

I don't really care who wins, as long as Khazan is filled with 1.5 feet of Jello for this match! Woohoo! Jello!


RedWolfe writes:

OK, this is probably the most difficult battle so far to predict (thanks to whoever suggested it), both competitors are incredibly evenly matched. Thus:

Strongest adversary: Xena: has defeated several gods; Buffy: has defeated at least one obnoxious god; slight edge to Xena

Weapons: Sword and Chakram (plus a longer reach) vs. wooden stake and crossbow: advantage Xena (although both are capable of turning an innocuous object into a deadly weapon)

Writing: hey, we're talking about Joss Whedon: Advantage Buffy

Sidekicks: Gabrielle (excellent mortal babe, but minus points for Joxer) vs. Scoobies (including the increasingly powerful Willow): Advantage Buffy

Battle call: Xena wins this easily

Willingness to fight dirty: Hard to say, probably Xena.

Willingness to Kill Humans: big advantage to Xena, and possibly the point on which the outcome of the entire battle will rest

Hot Babe Factor: Depends on one's individual taste: Advantage: neither (personally I prefer Ares in his black leather :)

Sense of Humor: easily Buffy wins

So from this list we can easily see each competitor's weak point: For Xena, its distractions: either Buffy's smart mouth or Willow (if she's allowed to assist)

For Buffy: it's her ethics--she will not kill Xena, but it may take a killing stroke to defeat her.

So I'm calling this one for Xena, but I wouldn't make any bets on it. Frankly, I'd rather see them tie, and walk off hand-in-hand into the sunset (much to the chagrin of both Gabrielle and Willow--until they discover each other, heh heh :)

El Kabong writes:

First of all, Xena had no place beating Wonder Woman. That was just sad.

Let's look at how each one died. Xena got ganged up on by 10,000 soldiers and got her head cut off. And she didn't come back. Buffy threw herself into a mess of energy to prevent 10,000+ hell-beings from entering earth. And she came back. Clearly, Buffy is smarter and favored by whatever supereme beings govern the world. She wins.

T-1000 writes:

Oh man, has THIS been a long time in coming. Posters have kicked and screamed about this one for a while and now we are finaly going to find out who is the best.

Well first off let's consider a few vital facts.

Xena takes on soldiers, demons and gods, all of whom are really poorly chorographed in terms of battles.

Buffy takes on vampires, demons, and yes, even gods, all of whom are really well choreographed in terms of battles.

Buffy is stronger, younger, faster, and way better written.

Xena is more experianced, wiser, smarter, but has terrible writters.

Xena is 1 for 2 in the CBUB.

Buffy is 3 for 3 in the CBUB.

Xena has finally been cancelled.

Buffy was just bought by another network who is going to want to keep Buffy running as long as possible.

Xena's weapons of choice include a sword, bow + arrow, chakram, spear, pressure points, and even hard alcohol(when lit on fire)!

Buffy's weapons of choice include a stake, crossbow + arrow, sword, and a rocket launcher!

Buffy's boyfriends are all vampires, and really bad @$$ ones too.

Xena's boyfriends include Hercules, Ares, a warlord and a thief. (can you say inconsistent?)

Buffy's best friend is a powerful witch, even though she used to be kind of annoying!

Xena's best friend is a bard, ex-Amazon queen, and a warrior, even though she used to be really annoying.

Buffy did a muscial episode, which was really bad.

Xena did a musical eppisode, which was really bad.

Buffy villains all have really cool dialogue, really neat combat moves, and really neat outfits.

Xena villains all have really cheesy costumes, really lame combat moves, and some of the worst dialogue (with the sole exception of Callisto, who is better than any Buffy villain ever).

I vote for Buffy, since SMG is going to be able to pull way more money for a movie or appearance anywhere than LL is going to be.

Eddie Filth writes:

Despite the disapointing series finale, I'm putting my vote for Xena.

Both have an equal amount of martial skill but Xena has more power than Buffy. Xena was able go toe to toe against gods of war. Don't see any of that on Buffy's credit.

Battle of Xena, you'll always have a home at the CBUB!

Justicar writes:

Sorry Callisto, I'm going with the charming Harlene Quinzelle on this one. Xena is going to beat senseless that Saiban meets soap-opera queen, Buffy. In comparison to Xena, Buffy would be a few-episode story-arc takes to beat villain. Xena has taken on armies, dieties, monsters and Callisto. Buffy may have enhanced skills against demons, vampires and various undead, but Xena is none of them. Xena is also a demigod which ranks higher on the power chart than your average vampire or even a master vampire. If you put Xena in the Buffyverse Xena would be just as successful as Buffy without Buffy's slayer status. If you matched up Buffy against the higher-eschelon personalities that Xena had to face Buffy would struggle. You see Buffy's success in her universe is because of her chosen status to eliminate her enemies. Xena does not have that luxury she is just as defeatable as the enemies she faces. So Xena had to develop her skills because of her mortality, even though she is a demigod.

Plus, through in the fact that brunettes are hotter and better than over-hyped blondes and you have some icing on the cake.

Xena is going to bitch-slap Buffy with the ease of a five-year old child suing his abusive parents because they beat him at K-mart.

Z-mage writes:

I love Buffy, I really do. It's one of the best shows on television, and it's musical episode beats all the Xena ones.

But Xena fights gods constantly, has a massively powerful projectile weapon, and laughs at the laws of physics.

Buffy, you see, is nowhere near as airborn as Xena is. Sure, Xena can't fly, but she's close enough. She'll be landing five kicks for every punch Buffy throws.

I'm a huge Buffy fan, but there was no question here.

D.Merzel writes:

Both sides

-Fight Super natural forces up to god level

-Use Bad special effect's martial arts

-Have formfitting clothing.

- One has used a bazooka, the other has gabrille.

This goes to the final call. The ultimate Law of Anime, Royal females are tougher than non-royal ones.

Xena is a 'princess'

Case closed.

metaphysician writes:

Lord, a battle between two characters I loathe.

Blade v. Buffy v. D

Xena v. Wonder Woman

Need I say more?? Both characters have already achieved totally unrealistic victories.

How to choose?? Well, of the two, I dislike Xena far more. Buffy has better acting and stories, mostly. Buffy actually has superhuman abilities, sort of, while Xena is stated to be a normal human, despite the ridiculous stunts she does. And, lastly, Buffy isn't based solely on testosterone, as Xena is.

I give my vote to Buffy. She'd still get her ass kicked by Blade or D.

superbadger, Ewok Hunter writes:

Well I hate both of these shows and I must say the only good point of either one of them was Callisto who SHOULD have won but then again we had to put up with the lousy cop-out the good guy (in this case girl) has to win. Even if Callisto didnt win at first once she became a goddess she should have won so easily it wouldnt be funny. So you say if you hated these shows how do you know so much about Callisto and Xena well two reasons 1) I have a friend whose sister liked the show (so naturally he was forced to watch on occasion) and 2) Callisto episodes are worth watching if only for Callisto. Really the only reason I voted was to say Callisto comes in and takes out Xena. If Buffy intervenes she gets chopped to pieces too. ANd Harley you might not want to be in the area seeing how you get picked on by Callisto, it definitely wouldn't be good to be there with Callisto in a bloodlust mood. One final note if there are any ewoks in the area (or any other annoyingly cute animal) KILL KILL KILL

monkeyspank writes:

Okay, Xena's been decapitated. Buffy's come back from the dead...TWICE!!! Plus, she can sing and dance!! BUFFY RULES!!!

Some Guy writes:

I've never seen either show actually. Both shows r either for girls under 18 or lesbos. Not that i got any beef with the carpet lickers; few things r as entertaining as some good girl on girl porn.... Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I voted for Xena becuz she has a large size advantage on Buffy, who's about 5 feet tall. Also, Buffy's specialty is killing vamps, and as far as i know Xena aint a vampire.

AngelusJC writes:

Xena vs. Buffy?? Cmon, Buffy is a 2 time CBUB champion on top of the fact that she has an impressive list of kills, including a god (without the help of hein's blood) and she's died not once but twice. Xena, though she's slain many mythical foes, has never killed a god except in an alternate non Khazan type universe. Xena's gonna get knocked out like Tyson's family.

I am that is writes:

It's really hard to determine who should win. I do believe both chicks have come back from the dead, both have laid the smack down upon armies of enemies, and both have creamed at least one god. Also, both have rather inept male sidekicks and incredibly capable brainy female sidekicks.

While some may argue that Buffy doesn't have the Chakra or whatever it's called, Buffy has used ranged weopons far beyond the scope of ancient Greece (crossbow, let alone the rocket launcher), and even wielded the Hammer of a Troll god. And without a doubt, some moron will claim that since Xena is not a vampire, staking will be useless, as was said in the Buffy vs D vs Blade match. When it comes to staking, Buffy said it best: "You'd be surprised how many things that kills."

Xena though has had training under Ares from what I understand, protected her child from armies of soldiers the gods sent down upon her to slay the foul child (Buffy rarely gets into fights of platoon size and takes them all at once, routine for Xena), is capable of jumping incredible distances and using that ululation of hers to incite seizures into the mind of her enemies.

However, since I'm a Buffy fan, and less a fan of those Hercules and Xena type shows, you can tell where I'm going.

Peter writes:

Never fear everyone, I'm here! We can stop arguing now, we can stop debating the ifs and maybes and buts, I'm here to shoulder the burden, the incredible responsibility of telling it like it well and truly IS. And judging by the current score, I think you all need a little talkin' to from Unca Petey. Putting it simply - this whole fight boils down to one, single, solitary rule (for want of a better word).

Buffy is good, but Xena is better.

Say it with me now.

"Buffy is good, but Xena is better." There ya go.

That's what this whole entire scenario boils down to.

Strength: When was the last time Buffy picked up Willow and launched her about thirty feet into the air with a mere flick of the wrist? Xena, OTOH, has managed a trick like this - while hanging from a cliff, no less!

Acrobatic ability: Buffy can backflip and leap like a natural born gymnast. The Warrior Princess can routinely perform fifty-foot vertical leaps from ground level - and let's not forget the two-hundred-foot horizontal leap from the cliff top to a passing ship. Xenaverse physics - Gravity Need Not Apply.

Weaponry: If Buffy has a wooden stake, don't go near her. She learns quick, but....the Lady in Leather has been an expert in any kind of weaponry-combat for about two decades now, so much so that in any duel (and Xena has fought several, with Draco or the Amazon queen in the first season) Xena is confident enough to let her opponent choose the weapons. And so far, Xena has *always* kicked butt, no matter what weapon she's using (including fish, or pots and pans).

And that's negating the near-sentient chakram. Don't underestimate the chakram kids. Just don't.

Combat skills: Buffy has had training from Giles for about five years now. Xena has been learning (and practicing) combat skills in hand-to-hand for the last twenty years or so - and become astonishingly good at what she does.

Which brings me to experience: Buffy has about five years worth of expereince fighting mostly vampires, demons, and one god. Xena has twenty years worth of experience at being one nasty b*tch. Vampires, demons, monsters, demigods, gods themselves - Xena's experience at what she does is so far above Buffy's it not even funny.

The Kill-Count itself: Buffy can take on hoards of demons, and it's quite a fight. She took on about thirty once, right? Xena single-handedly fought the entire Persian Army to a standstill once - and sent them running home scared.

(not to mention, death for Xena is a very minor setback. Buffy has died twice, whereas Xena has died a full total of eight separate times. Even if Buffy does kill Xena, which I strongly doubt - that won't stop the Destroyer of Nations, the Warrior Princess, for any longer than a minute at best)

I mean, are we getting the picture here? Buffy is good - no-one is claiming otherwise - but Xena is better.

I could go on here about Xena easily taking down gods from every ancient religion and then some, I could say that, as has been shown, without Hercules' intervention, Xena would have conquered the whole entire known world, I could mention Xena's bizarre chi skills or I could mention Xena's incredible knowledge of pressure points and human biology - but I really don't think I need to. This fight is simple.

Buffy is good. Xena is better.

It's that simple.

The Bunyip writes:

How in the name of All-That-Does-Not-Suck can you people be voting for Buffy? So Buffy wins a few fights - Barney and Wesley Crusher could take out the less-than-threatening villains that appear on Buffy's show.

How can anyone be impressed by a character whose defeated foes include Paul Reubens, aka Pee-Wee Herman, playing a wuss vampire? It took the original Buffy several tries to finish him off. THAT is the character you folks are voting for? You people are not worthy of this website! Haven't you all noticed how incredibly wimpy modern vampires have become?

Look, it's Sarah-Michelle-Gellar (look, I'm a skinny blonde scripted to look tough! Aren't I cute, teehee!) vs. Lucy Lawless (one of the few women that both hetero men and lesbian women agree would look good next to them in the sack). Callisto can go pout in the corner like a good defeated Goddess-wanna-ba, for Xena would smack Buffy faster than the Great Brian Boitano can eat a plateful of Nuclear-Hot chicken wings.

Leo Tokarski writes:

Point-By-Point Comparison Time!

1.) The Babe Factor

They're both hot chicks. This isn't going to go anywhere.

Xena: 1 Buffy: 1

2.) The Weapons

Xena: Chakram, sword, and martial arts. The chakram is cool, I'll grant, but it's really just a steel Frisbee(tm).

Buffy: Stakes, crossbows, Vampire Hunter D's sword, holy water, a rocket launcher...mostly vampire equipment, but that rocket launcher should be plenty.

Xena: 1 Buffy: 2

3.) The Sidekicks

Xena: Joxer. Need I say more?

Buffy: Willow...well, just having Willow makes her win this round by default.

Xena: 1 Buffy: 3

4.) The Enemies

Xena: Callisto. A goddess. Xena killed a goddess.

Buffy: Vampires, demons, werewolves...basically, all the forces of evil. And she's slain every last one of them.

I gotta give them each a point here.

Xena: 2 Buffy: 4

5.) The Myth Bastardizations

Xena: Gives new meaning to the phrase 'poetic license'.

Buffy: In the series, the vampires she faces instantly disintegrate when a stake goes through their heart. In the myths, they also need their mouth stuffed full of holy wafers and their head chopped off before that happens. (The movie, however, preserved that part of the myth.)

Xena's worse.

Xena: 2 Buffy: 5

Final Result:

Buffy: 5

Xena: 2

What'll Happen:


Buffy: (pulls out the rocket launcher) *BOOM!*

Fluffy writes:

Okay, i gotta go with the slayer on this one. Mano a mano they are both hard as a scotsmans heed and although Buffy doesn't have the awesome array of weaponry and moves at her disposal, she does have one major advantage. The deciding factor for this fight will be the warrior princeses penchent for little blond girls. There is no way she'll be able to destroy that beautiful visage, and when she hesitates Buffy will open a six pack of whoop ass.

Plus i'd just love to see Xena try and do that annoying ass warble "AyAyAyAyAyAy" with Buffy's fist in her mouth.

Jesus writes:

Ok, sorry to all the Buffy fans, but the gal has nothing on Xena, and I don't how the hell she would have won against D, with no skills, no weapons and no powers. SO what if she has boobs, guess what, so does Xena, Xena can fight, has weapons, and generally is more attractive anyway then a dramaish whiny brat with an overstuffed bra.

Trutenor writes:

I don't believe that the bimbo Buffy is winning! Has the world gone insane? Are pigs flying? Has hell frozen over? Xena is a lot more experienced than Buffy. Xena has more speed, more power, and more agility than Buffy. Sure, Buffy has taken on vampires, but Xena has taken on Undead monsters, aerodactyls, and immortal Gods! Can Buffy give Callisto or Ares a challenge? I don't think so. Buffy is trained to fight the undead. Xena is trained to fight whatever comes her way. Man, beast, or machine, Xena always prevails. Dead, Undead, or immortal, Xena always triumphs. I haven't even mentioned her sidekick Gabrielle. There is no way that the warrior princess is going to lose to some Zit-faced teenager who can't decide what to wear on Friday night. Xena will beat Buffy so bad that all her ancestors will feel the pain! Why do you think Xena is called the warrior princess? She has to be good at what she does. Go Xena!

Andy THE MAN Alexis writes:

Sorry, Callisto but Xena's got this match hook line and sinker! Even though Buffy would put up a hell of a fight, but Xena can match any move Buffy can, and then some (super flips, chokram tricks, pressure points, etc.) So in the end, Xena will spank blondie into oblivion! Notice a coinidence, Callisto? Also if I recall correctly, there was an episode in which Xena had a whole army of vampires to fight, and she came out on top! Buffy has to fight the same ones over and over and over.... Also who wouldnt put their money on someone who can take over the world if she chooses? Even in real life, Lucy Lawless could whoop up Sarah Michelle Gellar before you can say 'WB' no, er, I mean 'UPN'. (isn't that where all crappy shows go before they roll over and die? i.e. 'Clueless' [Gee, another blonde!]) So when the fights on i'll be cheering for XENA!!!!!

Darkshifter writes:

I was torn in this one since I consider both Femme Fatales fearless warriors. BUT, after long debates from within, I had to give it to the warrior princess. Buffy may kick serious vamp booty, but Xena has gone toe to toe with the Gods themselves and survived to tell about it. She was raised in an era where it was kill or be killed. Buffy is warrior born, tis true, but she relies on her friends and allies a wee bit too much sometimes. Though Xena has the ever present Gabrielle, she can normally handle the situation, be it a dragon or an ogre or whatnot, by her lonesome. She's not called the Warrior Princess for nothing!

SonicHunter writes:

Xena has taken down gods. Buffy? Demons and po'ed vamps. Could Sunnydale's resident vampire slayer take down the likes of the greek pantheon of gods? I think not. On the other hand, Xena could easily handle vampires and demons.

I am Ed writes:

Are you freaking people insane! Have your brains been hi-jacked? Xena is a daughter of Ares! Buffy?? Some little blonde twink who beats on vampires because she's... oh yeah... the chosen one. Wake up people!

DamieN Brimstone writes:

Those who know in person, on the message board, or from the old fights Justy and I hosted, are well aware of my cold, unyeilding hated towards one Buffy Ann Summers. So rather than rant and gripe about how her F*%$%)$)%* fans are currently giving her the lead, I'm just going to very calmly anaylyze *some* of the areas in which Xena is clearly superior. Calmly. Calmness is good, yes...

1. Weapons. Xena's got a broadsword, the mighty and versatile chakram, a whip, and several daggers strategically placed on her person. Buffy has some pointy sticks, and maybe sometimes a crossbow (negated by advantage #4).

2. Agility. Leaps small buildings in a single bound. Hang time would make Michael Jordan weep with awe.

3. Mastery of pressure point attack. A touch or two is all that the Warrior Princess she needs to immoblize Buffy's limbs, kill her outright, or make her require an immediate change of undergarments, assuming the little skank wears any (sorry sorry, that was crude. Back to the calmness).

4. Superhuman reflexes. This gal catches and blocks crossbow bolts on a regular basis. She's even caught arrows in her teeth!

5. Willpower/mental toughness. Buffy's reaction too deep emotional pain is always either retreat or collapse. Hurt her on a personal level, and she'll do something weak and stupid like let the mass mudering vampire go free, run away from home and responsibility, or laspe into a catatonic state. Xena's typical reaction to a difficult loss or painful decision is to start unleashing DARK XENA, aka, the Destroyer of Nations.

6. Her nose doesn't droop like Buffy's does. Come on guys, I know I'm not the only one who sees it. Look at her face! Her nose, it's all weird at the end, like it's been pulled downward by something (perhaps that's Hell dragging to drag her home). Damn your eyes, naysayers, I know I speak the truth. Others have noticed it, WHY CAN'T ALL OF YOU! WHY DAMN YOU, WHY!...

Ok, very calm again. That's it, nice and easy, deep breath, be the ball, Na na na na na na...

DarthVegita writes:

You're joking, right? Some blonde preppy cheerleader/slayer vs. a WARRIOR PRINCESS?

Come on, Buffy slayes vampires and the occasional monster. Xena has slapped around vampires, monsters, armies, monster armies and gods. Yes GODS. I'm sorry, but Buffy doesn't stand a chance.

Deristasion writes:

Xena all the way,if you want too go on truth,however Buffy is winning at the moment probally based on looks

Xena is a better fighter,smarter,more athletic,and stronger(Evan a better actress)

But Buffy is better looking (I bet Xena is better in bed tho) Anyways the original Buffy was a wayyy better actress,and athlete and would actually stand a chance against Xena but the S.M.G Buffy would just get wasted!!!!

next fight= Movie Buffy VS TV Buffy

Ghost writes:

Gee, tough one. Xena has the size, experience and weaponry to overcome the Buffster, but she is only human. Buffy has the strength and speed of a vampire, which is worth considering even though the Buffy-vampires are no Lestats. Buffy could most likely kill a ordinary human with her bare hands, since she routinely beat up 200+ year old vamps and breaks the necks of demons. Xena�s weaponry is a problem, though. Buffy is though, but she still bleeds. I wouldn�t worry about the chackram, though. Buffy can catch high-speed, sharp metallic objects with easy, it seems to be a part of her Slayer-genes (see BtVS The Movie where Merric, her first watcher, throws a knife at her face). I hope Giles borrowed her that sword I�ve seen hanging in his closet. If he did this might be a really even fight. I also hope this fight is a friendly one, like the Tick vs Hercules fight. I wouldn�t want to lose any one of these girls.

Anyway, one incident comes to mind which made me pick Xena. Xena and Gab were travelling India when Xena faced off against the local Demon King. The Demon King smacked her good and cut her arms off, King Arthur vs Black Knight style. Xena called upon the power of Vishnu (I think it was) and transformed into an avatar of KALI! Imagine Xena with black skin, wild hair, SIX ARMS ALL HOLDING SWORDS and a freaking necklace made out of decapitated HEADS! She was lean, she was mean and she was� exactly the kind of being that Buffy defeats on a daily basis! Sweet, merciful crap! I voted for the wrong chick! Damn!

Darth Phage writes:

I really HATE Brunnetts, but I love Blondes so Buffy drives a stack through Xena's black coal heart

Charge Man writes:

Oh, please. Metallic sword and armor versus garlic and a wooden stake, and the garlic and wooden stake are winning? Childish fanboyism, sadly, wins again.

charysa writes:

This is how the battle *should* go:

Harley: Well, it looks like Xena's gaining the upper hand her Cally.

Callisto: Hhn, not for long. (Makes gesture with hand.)

Harley: What's this? It appears two new challengers have appeared on the field. One of them's a lady in a red white and blue bikini...

Callisto: (with an evil grin) And Wonder Woman immediately rushes Xena. She hits! And Xena flies out 50ft to slam into the stadium walls.

Harely: Before Xena could recover, Wondie's already there! Oooh, superspeed. And now the Warrior Princess has been cornered by the Amazon Princess. Oh! The pain! The horror!

Callisto: Well, it looks like Xena's not gonna be winning this one.

Harley: So does that make Buffy the automatic--Wait! It seems that Buffy has been KO'ed while Wondie was beating up Xena by that guy with the black hat.

Callisto: It's Vamp Hunter D! I guess he's also kina bitter about the three way contest he lost earlier.

Harley: So... who won!

Callisto: Why, that would be Diana and D, of course. They should've won in the first place, not that warrior b-- and the little girl. (grumbles)

Harley: err...right (edges away)

PerfectJova writes:

I'm not too familiar with Xena, but any girl who can come back from the dead twice, defeat a god in combat, kill the most powerful vampire that ever lived, kill a giant demon snake that, in a previous incarnation, destroyed an entire city, kill a human/demon/cyborg monster, kill countless demons and vampires, and still look THAT HOT has my vote.

Kaoslord writes:

Oh come on. I admit the show Xena: Warrior Princess sucks resently. Hey its been sucking for a long time now. Buffy's show is almost indescibibly better. That isn't the point though. The question is who would win in a fight and the answer is Xena. Buffy is stronger, tougher, and she is a much more likable character. Xena is the better fighter. Buffy is good, Xena is better. Both of them have fought a variety of bizarre and powerful enemies but it is Xena who has demonstrated that she can take on a god and back a diety up with pure skill. When Buffy faced Glory she got her ass kicked because she relies on strength almost as much as skill and she payed the price for it. Buffy should lose. By the Void, if this was a popularity contest I would vote for Buffy instead. Buffy is awesome. Xena sucks. But Xena would win.

Landon writes:

If this were the movie version Buffy, I'd be rooting for her all the way. And Xena? Eh.... no. If you ask me, I'd be rooting for Captain Liberty. Yeah, yeah, The Tick is only been around for 2 episodes, but it rocks far more than Buffy and Xena ever did or ever will.

The Rookie writes:

Man, if this is a fight between the tough girl on tv I vote The Tick's Captain Liberty. I mean she.. uh... well... she has the best legs in the galaxy, at least according to the Immortal.

Spaceballs writes:

I like Buffy but I gotta give this one to Xena. I mean, it's not like Buffy is all that great. She's just really strong and has adept skills. A demon here, a demon there, no big whoop, we're talking super-strength fireball chucking weirdos here. Besides, Xena is a tested warrior and I hate to break this down to a match of wits but since I did it for just about the last 3 fights, Xena is a better strategist. Buffy needs Giles to do all the thinking.

The Incredible Mr. Ed writes:

You bastards.


You are making choose between two things I hate. And I mean HATE, with a red-hot, boiling, rip-my-own-throat-to-shreds-in-the-very-thought-of-this-match hate.

As for my vote... uhh, I don't know, Xena I suppose. Gotta support the underdog.

The Lucky One writes:

Man, these are always the toughest fights to comment on- the ones where you don't particularly care for either of the combatants. I mean, I'm not especially fond of Buffy, and I've never seen an episode of Xena, so... what's a poor guy to do? Well, the way I see it, there's only one fair way to settle this. Let's take a look at the facts:

-My roommate freshman year was the world's largest Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanatic, complete with framed Sarah Michelle Gellar "Got Milk?" ad, every episode on tape (to be played incessantly on my VCR), and numerous posters contained within his self-constructed "Whack Shack" (TM).

-My roommate freshman year was the biggest tool on the face of the earth, up to and including the final act of quitting one of the best college swim teams in the nation IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF THE BIGGEST MEETS OF THE YEAR, when his presence could have scored much-needed points, simply because he wasn't performing well.

-'Nuff said

Anyway, even without that last part, the kid was unquestionably the biggest dork I've ever met (and this is coming from a comic book reader, mind you), and therefore, I'm gonna have to give this one to Xena. Sorry, SMG. For what it's worth, I do think you're hotter...


How in God's name can Buffy be winning this fight??? Shes nothing!! She is some ditzy,although very sexy, blonde that considers herself a vampire slayer. The vampires that she fights aren't even all that powerful or vicious and is usually too busy daydreaming about banging a few of them to kill them like she is supposed to be doing. To think she can beat someone like Xena is absolutely ridiculous. Lets see here, Xena has fought with and either beaten or held her own against warlords, giants, monsters, and gods. Shes pretty freakin' ruthless, master of virtually any fighting style or weapon...Need I go On?? Good God..If Buffy wins this fight, it'll be the dumbest outcome of any battle I've seen on this site since the Predator beat Wolverine!

The ace of knaves writes:

Well , this one is a laugh , two contestants who both have ridiculously unrealistic moves. Lucky for them they live in a fantasy world where they are the heroines so they can get away with it. This is the criterium on which I am going to base my judgement. Xena has some wild moves and can really defy the boundries of what you are prepared to accept as possible (no-one and I mean no-one leaps like that. If Evel Knievel couldn't do it on a bike , no way can she do it on foot)but otherwise she has nice sword fighting skills , a great outfit and a pair of thighs that can crack coconuts ...




(sorry , I lost control and had to drool a bit there)

Buffy , well Buffy ... I'm sorry , I just can't say anything positive about Buffy. All she does is so irrealistic , far fetched and plain annoying that she really gets up my nose. I mean look at Blade ; now there's a guy to mambo with some vampires , but this frail blonde arrogant greenhorned snotnosed **** ( I used a really ugly word there , shame on me) does things that even he can't !

Xena is going to win this one because she is more real, more fallible. A buffed up fairy tale character such as Buffy just doesn't deserve to win. Xena is going to kick some ass ! (and then possibly introduce what's left of it to a lesbian lifestyle.)

Shark writes:

Buffy's a tough girl, and she's bound to get in a few good hits, but comparing her skills to Xena's, I'd say that the Warrior Princess should have this one in the bag.

However, it's votes that count, so logic aside, I think that Buffy will win in the end, simply because she's much hotter than Xena. That will undoubtedly garner most of her votes, like it has in all of her previous fights.

Shazaka writes:

This is lopsided. Ludicrously so. Xena is a woman, nay a war goddess. She's been a Valkyrie, for Pete's sake. Buffy is but a mere girl. And if you want it to come to this, Xena's come back from the dead more times than the Slayer, so Xena's BEATEN Death more times. Twenty seconds into the fight, Xena's slender but iron-hard fingers slam home into Buffy's neck. "I've shut off the blood supply to your brain. And I'm not turning it back on, either." End of story.

Bee writes:

Xena would kick ass not saying Buffy is really bad or anything but Xena has the experience and years behind her, not to forget her super cool Chakram.

Buffy just wouldn't stand a chance no matter what she did cause Buffy fights because she has to, Xena fights to show she isn't what she once was. Xena has the dark side lurking and that comes out during her fightin she goes for game over everytime.

Rock on Xena!!!

Cruton writes:

This has to be the hardest vote I ever had to cast. And not because I think this is a display of amazing prowess or think in terms of fan service.

I could vote for the person whose show completely mutilated classical myth...Oh, wait, they both did!

I could vote for the person who defeated a GOD for no good reason....Oh, wait, they both did!

I could vote for the person whose villians weren't blithering incompitants...Oh, wait, they both have incompitant villians!

I could vote for the supposed "strong positive role model for all young women"...Oh, but wait, they both "are"!

I could vote for the person who gets votes solely on her bust size...Oh, wait, they both do!

I could vote for the ambigious lesbian...But, as you may have guessed, they both are!

I could vote for the person with the lone male sidekick meant as comic relief...Oh, wait, let me check....

I could vote for the show whose writing doesn't suck royal lemons...But....Aw, you get the picture.

Anywho, in the end, I vote for Buffy. Why?

1)Without "Buffy", there would have never been "Angel". And I like "Angel" with a passion.

2)"Xena" maligned the good name of Bruce Campell. Bruce Campell!

So, in this case, it's the lesser of two evils.

And, just so the hoards of whinny little fanboys and fangirls out there don't think I'm striking out under the shield of obscurity, [email protected]

atomickitkat writes:

I'm hoping Faith makes an appearance and we get an unscheduled Triple Threat. But just in case she doesn't I have a run-down on each of our contenders. Has either one been killed before? Both: yes. Has either one been brought back to life? Again, yes. Has either one got supernatural origins? Buffy: yes. Xena: No. I personally think Buffy will spank Xena like a red-headed step-child, on account of her having the whole "Slayer" source advantage inside of her. Go Buffy! Stake her metal covered bustier!

Knastymike writes:

I hate both of these twerps. To be perfectly honest, both of their shows sucked total ass. Everything about their shows sucked, no offense to Callisto. I didn't watch Xena enough to experience her divine badassness. But at least Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a good *movie*!!! Then they took the concept and turned it into more tv trash. So screw that. I go with the warrior princess.

Phantom Dennis writes:

While some may favor Xena based on her superior combat background. It should be noted Buffy routinely beats fighters more heavily trained than herself based on her ability to improvise and think outside the box. Consider these facts.

1. Xena is out to redeem a dark past. Essentially, Xena is Angel. And Buffy has beaten Angel repeatedly.

2. Buffy is undefeated at CBUB. Xena lost to Callisto and only beat Wonder Woman after gaining god-like power.

3. Buffy did eventually defeat the Callisto rip-off Glory mostly on her own. If she had access to something like hind's blood she would have made short work of her a long time ago.

4. The fact is there is probably no maneuver of Xena's that Buffy can't counter. Giles has worked hard to train Buffy on ancient weapons. Buffy can probably catch the Chakram in mid-air and throw it right back at Xena.

5. Buffy has proven heself better than two other slayers. Kendra who was trained from birth to be a slayer. And Faith who was more street smart and psychotic.

Bryan writes:

I actually got a little sick of Xena towards the end there. After she started offing gods, the stories got dull.

Still, think about it. The woman was offing GODS.

Plus, Buffy has been such a whiny little sow since being brought back from the dead that I find myself wishing that Willow would send her back about once a show.


The Quasi God writes:

Okay, I will admit it, this is a hard battle to determine.

Both are damn sexy (enter Babe Factor[tm]). Both are pretty damn good fighters. Both have their own hit TV shows. Have I mentioned that they are hot?

But in the long run, Xena, with her lust for battle, EXCEPTIONAL fighting skills, and the wide array of monsters she defeated, would definitely put Buffy, who is more concerned with looking good and can only defeat vampires, in her place.

That is my 2 and a half cents.


Echo Garrote writes:

I voted for Buffy for two reasons.

1) I wish to avoid the agonizing pain that Callisto can dish out.

2)Buffy had a hell of a better musical than Xena did.

Obssessed with Buffy writes:

Yeah sure Xena's a princess and she's a warrior and she's bigger than Buffy. Yet Buffy's the strongest slayer EVER, she's died TWICE and she's so fast, so strong and so graceful when she fights. Not to mention a killer wardrobe! (No points to Xena for the same outfit day in and out!!!)

Buffy could catch Xena's little boomerang thing or even her sword with her own bare hands and use it to her own advantage. The only person that could come close to hurting our beloved slayer would be the ones she loves! Haha Xena! Sorry babe, I love you..but no way in hell you gonna take on the Chosen One !!! GO BUFFY GO!!!!

DragonFang writes:

Ugh, I'm voting Xena just cuz Buffy fans annoy me.

Bingodoo writes:

Well the first things first Xena is built as if she could beats someone's ass. Buffy Has stick arms, is about 5 feet in height and 40 kg in weight and looks both anorexic and bulimic.

2nd point, Xena can fight hand to hand, uses the sword and chakram exceptionally well whereas buffy has what, her stakes? (which might not go through xena's armoured breast cups). i might add, they both have loser sidekicks, but buffy has MORE loser sidekicks (a lesbian wiccan, a jock, a repressed librarian, a socially-impaired demon, and i lost track after willow got a lesbian lover). At least Xena has the dignity to stick to ONE lesbian bard(and the occasional recurring loser like Joxer)

Basically Xena will cut those stakes in half, head butt buffy , break off those stick arms and use them to repeatedly stake xander, willow, dawn, giles and anyone else .

He Who Can Not Be Named writes:

I my mind, Buffy to win, though in the votes, Xena will probably take SMG out...

But lets look at them both:


Both abnormaly strong...

Xena once stood toe-toe with Hercules (in her very first appearance, though I think she was powered down a bit after that)

Buffy is as strong as some of the strongest Vampires. Don't know how the show classes them, but according to DRACULA, the Dman has the strenght of more than twenty men...pretty tough...


Both trained from an early age extensively in hand to hand combat. According to an episode in season 5 of BVS, a slayer is trained in all known forms of martial arts. Xena while skilled seems to rely on basic hit them before they hit you techniques...


Both use weapons extensively...swords, spears, stakes...and in buffy's case Rocket Launchers and enough home made explosives to level her entire skill.


Both show a lot of guts and have been killed at least once each (buffy twice), but hey, they got better!!!

Buffy however is willing to kill herself, her friends and her lover (Angel Sin season two finale) to get the job done...I thik it's this that gives her the edge.

Plus Buffy is hotter (sorry)

Buffy to win!!!

Lord of Nothings writes:

Wow! I'm so glad this place still exists... I used to go here. But i thought it was gone. I have no idea what I used to post as. But whatever I was, i'm baaaccccckkkk!

Okay, commentary:

Um, I don't really watch Xena, so I don't have many specifics. So I'll just go with Buffy's assets (no, not those kinds):

Supernatural calling:

She's the One. The Slayer. She's got minor superpowers and a calling to fight Evil. In other words, she's got magic on her side. And destiny. That's gotta count for something.

Weapons: Stakes. Crossbows. Guns. Rocket launchers. Karate skills. She can use whatever she needs, and probably as good as Xena.

Allies: A powerful witch. Heck, two powerful witches. An ex-demon. A construction worker. A vampire. Who's Xena got? Really... I'm asking ya...

Other stuff: she's come back from the dead multiple times. that's gotta do something to her... though i guess it happened to Xena, too.

Creator: Buffy's scripted by Joss Whedon, who creates some of the most awesome stuff ever. Xena's got Sam Raimi, who created some of the most awesome stuff ever. This might go to Xena...

But I still like Buffy, 'cause everything else is in her favor.

The (Buffy fanboy) Floyd

Dark Queen writes:

Xena vs. Buffy, eh? Well, lets look at some stats:

At first glance, I would have voted for Buffy. I mean, face it Xena fans, that show was stinking up the airwaves by the time it ended. Any show that goes on longer than it should is really pathetic. Like Simpsons and the X-Files. (C'mon FOX network, get a freaking clue!!) Buffy gets a point just for that. (0,1)

But then they had to resort to the most dreadful and horrible sights ever to see happen to a TV show. That's right, I'm talking about the musical. AHHG! If it is one thing that I can't stand its seeing a kick ass action show resort to doing a musical number episode. Why bother? This just becomes a GIGANTIC red flag waving over your TV show showing that you are running out of ideas. All musicals on TV shows must die. Point for Xena. (1,1)

But then you have to remember that Xena did have a musical type show waaay in the beginning. *Shakes head* That is just sad. Point for Buffy. (1,2)

Hmmmm, now on to how the guys vote:

They can't go by facial looks 'caues both girls have this exspression that says "Don't expect me to be on the bottom you [Insert derogative comment here]." Well, since no man is even going to suggest being on the bottom this means they got to look at the outfits. Buffy wears what most people on tv wear nowadays. Tight shirt and tight leather pants. What are guys thinking?

"Look at how they bounce when she fights."

But there is one problem with this for some guys. You don't see nothing. Just a shirt. For all you know she could have water balloons under that shirt. Now when a guy looks at a picture of Xena:

"Check it out! You can see her cleavage!"

Point for Xena. (2,2)

Then again, most guys are probably intimidated with females wearing all leather and carrying an assortment of objects into the bedroom with them. (2,3)

Then again, most aren't. (3,3)

The characters:

Buffy fights the undead.

Xena fights Gods/Godesses.


Oh screw the points! You know how this is going to go down? Here:

Buffy is gonna see Gabriel in that episode where she runs around in short blonde hair and those wierd symbols on her upper chest. Those symbols are gonna leave her to think that this is some weird type of vampire thing causing her to kill poor Gabriel.

As my friend Sindel 77 pointed out waaaaay back in the Wars fan vs. trek fan. vs. Xena fan. vs. X-Files fan, Xena and Gabriel are defnitite lesbians. Always traveling together, taking baths together, even kissing in an episode. (My poor eyes.) Once you realize that back in those days not many people are gonna admit that they are gay for fear of religious persecution, Xena is gonna be pissed that she may never again find another woman to fill her needs. Xena is gonna become this horomone-enduced, pissed off, raging lesbian warrior woman and chop up Buffy before she even has a chance to look pretty for the camera.

Sad, but True. Happy Turkey day!

SassboxJen writes:

I like buffy don't get me wrong but can she lacks the gust and kick ass attitude to take down a strong woman like Xena. back with physcal and mental power, not to mention the fighting skills Buffy will have to learn it's going to take alot more then just a few kicks and punches to take down the warrior princess. And i hate to say it, but if buffy plans to stake her she's got one hell of a god ahead of her.


Gothamite1 writes:

Buffy Vs Xena? Good choice. Both are strong powerful women. Though Buffy has the edge in strength and stamina.

Both are skilled tacticians though Xena has a slight edge in experience and weapons knowledge, but that's only because she's older ;)

But I look at it like this:

Buffy is the best written series out there. Even the worst episodes are better than the best of any other series.

It got robbed at the awards when Hush and The Body weren't nominated.

Can you say that about Xena?

Are there any episodes that can even compare? Aside frome those with the goddess Callisto that is ;)

And look at the sidekicks. Gabriel? Joxer? That fat con artist guy?

They're going against an all powerful witch who can bitch slap a god and the only vampire ever to kill 2 Slayers?

Yeah, sure Xena's a threat. You keep on believing that. I'm going with Buffy.

The EX/LaSH Collective writes:

Not to diss Xena (being from New Zealand and all), but we of the Collective have to go with Buffy on this one.

Fighting: Both are kickass fighters. Xena is skilled, strong and laden with combat equipment. Buffy doesn't do as many flips, but she's been known to use a sword, or crossbow, or ranseur, or an anti-tank weapon (!). Both are capable of absorbing incredible punishment. We have to call this one just about even.

Sidekicks: Compared to either of these warriors, any mere mortals fade into the background. But we have to say, Joxer is EVEN MORE USELESS than Xander. (We haven't got as far as the wrecking ball here yet, but...) As for the rest? Gabrielle has a staff, sometimes acknowledged as the best weapon in history. The rest of the Scooby Gang is a motley crew, capable of summoning potent sorcery. Quarterstaff? Witchfire? We'd say it's a draw.

Lineage: Xena is the child of Ares, right? How many illegitemate god-children are there in Ancient Greece? More to the point, how many ancient Grecians *aren't* related to a god in some way? Buffy is the Slayer. There is one in every generation. That kind of power simply overpowers a brood of demigod bastards. (Technical term. Respect.) Things are starting to look good for Buffy.

Villains: The tie-breaker. When it came time to consider these, we decided there was a clear winner. Xena has fought evil troopers, monsters, even the odd demon or god. But even Xena can't face down a full deity (as opposed to a Greek one); she'd be vapourised. Buffy fights supernatural vampires every night, takes down demons almost as often, and even took out a crack team of hormonally enhanced supersoldiers without breaking a sweat. We haven't seen her beat Glory yet on our bonny shores (if she does), but she does fairly well against an evil hell goddess.

In the end, Xena is a hero, but Buffy is a superhero. We of the Collective doubt if Xena could defeat vampires with the frequency and success that Buffy enjoys.

Xena's going down like Schumacher-Levy 9 over Jupiter. (Yes, the comet swarm. The one that landed on the far side and we saw it. That one.)


Now I don't know everything about Buffy,I do remember that corny movie that came out in the early 90's and God have mercy on us all is all I can say. Over this past Thanksgiving weekend, I've watched some kind of Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon on that FX cable channel and I gotta be honest,Xena would kick the living @#$# out of Buffy in about 30 seconds. Just look at this logically people, Xena has fought and killed monsters, giants, warlords, and gods and Buffy barely can handle vampires, most of which aren't all that powerful to be honest. Buffy also seems to have some kinda trouble killing these vamps cuz she wants to jump the bones of about 2 or 3 of 'em from what I've seen so far. The show is entertaining but to think Buffy could beat somebody like Xena honestly can't find a word to describe how ridiculous that is. If Buffy were to win this fight then there are a few people out there giving Buffy wayyyyyyyy too much credit. I'm surprised how close the fight is to be honest, Xena is only up like 5 or 6 votes. A few jabs with that pressure point thing that Xena does and it's bye bye Slayer. Thirty seconds, I give Buffy thirty seconds if she is lucky, anything more than that and Xena isn't even trying.

The Professor writes:

Let's take a look at a couple of things:

1) Xena has a sword, and a flying disk. Buffy has neither.

2) Buffy only fights the undead and supernatural creatures. Xena fights that, plus immortal Gods, dinosaurs, monsters, animals, sorcerers, lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my. The point is Xena has more experience in enemies.

3)Xena also has hand to hand combat training. She can attack somebody and stop the flow of blood in their body. Xena is a trained killer. All she has to do is find the right point, and Blondie is a thing of the past.

4)Xena is more agile than Buffy.

5)Xena is way hotter than Buffy.

6)Xena's sidekick Gabrielle is hot.

7)Buffy's sidekicks are dorks.

Need I say more?

JoeBobBriggs writes:

Xena. Period. End of discussion.

I mean come on, shes a shoe in, yea I bet I spelled that wrong...but anyways...

I mean look at their enemies. Buffy fights a bunch of no nothing vampires that have nothing better to do with their time than schmuck around and bite people. And contrary to what many believe, vampires aren't all that hard to kill, you can do it lots of ways (wooden stakes, fire, sunlight, that blue crap in a can from Blade). Any hobo from Rednecksville USA could be a vampire slayer if he wanted.

Now Xena on the other hand, now thats a warrior! She went toe to toe with the friggin' god of war and screwed him over royally (repeatedly!) I'd love to see Buffy take on Ares, one fireball and she's a corpse. And just for good measure, some other opponents Xena has fought and survived: Hercueles, a whole city of warriors, any punk that tries to gain power and enjoy the lamentations of the women, the amazon warriors, lets face it, Xena has fought AND defeated the legends! Where is the amazon chick that became a god after fighting Xena? Stuck in a lava pit for cryin' out loud. Lets see Buffy try to do THAT. Xena will have Buffy decapitated before she even hears the bell at the start!

In summary, Xena is sending Buffy pre-packed and gift-wrapped straight to Hades via express mail.

HalloweenJack writes:

This is a fight my friends and I have talked about quite a few times. There have been a few interesting ideas pitched forth on how the battle would go too. Though, I'm going to try to analyze this in a few categories to really see who is the baddest b-word out there.

Strength: Okay, Buffy has the edge here. Most definately. She has lifted steel girders, crushed armored helmets and kicked in huge doors with relative ease. Xena is strong but nowhere near so as Buffy. Buffy is simply more buff. However, when you've fought the likes of Hercules and Ares before, both of whom I think outclass Buffy in strength, brute force isn't really going to get the job done.

Speed: Both are damn near equal here. I mean as far as speed goes both have run great distances before and have top notch reactions. Buffy trains by deflecting throwing knives. Xena has caught arrows before. It's just too close to call here.

Agility: As with speed, both ladies are extremely agile and I'd venture to say equals. However, Xena uses hers alot more often in a fight. So much of her offense is leaping and kicking. I'm going to have to give her the edge here.

Fighting skills: Both are top notch fighters, but Xena clearly has the edge here. There's good and there's better. Buffy is a great fighter, no question about it. But she only has a few years of experience under her belt. Xena on the other hand has at LEAST fifteen. She's learned from Romans, Celts, Giants, Barbarians, Amazons, and even trained how to develop chi in the Far East. That's not even counting her years of piracy and the fact that her father and brothers were all soldiers. Then I'm sure Ares himself has taught her a thing or two.

Intelligence: Okay, Buffy has the edge here. While some people might not think she's that smart remember she is in modern times. Xena on the other hand was raised two thousand years ago. Not dissing Xena or anything but that's quite the gap.

Stratefy: Buffy is an excellent strategist, figuring out how to beat such foes as the Mayor. But Xena has lead armies. She defeated the giant Gareth a different way than she had helped defeat Goliath simply because she doesn't like to do the same thing twice. Hell, if it weren't for Hercules, she'd have been ruling the planet. Literally. Buffy's just outmatched. Plus alot of the ways that Buffy has defeated past foes has required alot of help.

Weapons: Buffy can win this category if she has help. I mean if Xander can get that bazooka again then we're in business. However, if it's just weapons that are commonly carried into battle, Buffy just has a stake. Xena has a sword, a whip, daggers, and the ever present chakram, which in later episodes could split in half.

Extras: Xena has that "To kill a god thing" in addition to underused chi abilities. Buffy has limited clairvoyance. Course none of these abilities are coming in handy.

Allies: Buffy basically has Giles, Xander, Willow, Tara, Spike, Anya, Dawn, and possibly Oz, Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, and Wesley. Xena has Gabrielle, Joxer, Ares, Aprhodite, Eve, Eli, Ephiny, another Amazon whose name escapes me and possibly Hercules, Ioulus, and Autolycus. I'd go for the side that has three children of Zeus and a pseudo Christ over a couple and vampires and witches.

Enemies: It's funny because their rogues galleries are pretty interchangable. You have the Mayor, Faith, the Master, Adam, Glory and Spike(ironic) to take on Caesar, Callisto, Bacchus, Gareth, Hope, and Ares(again ironic). I'm giving the nod to Buffy's side here as they have a goddess that took Ares-like attacks last season (Glory) and a giant demon that was only destroyed by extreme heat and force (the Mayor). I'd love to see the Judge or Mavagan pop in here too. If Dahak decides to show though, he takes out BOTH sides by himself. Note to CBUB use Dahak soon.

the Lowdown: I'm giving it to Xena. When it comes down to it she's all business and has loads of plans and weapons. Like Batman. Buffy on the otherhand likes to smart off in the heat of battle and can occasinally get sloppy like when she took on a normal vampire who ended up putting her stake in her gut. Like Spider-Man. Now I usually hold that Spidey takes Bats, but in a situation where his only advantage would be strength, then no. Xena takes Buffy just as Batman could take Spider-Man minus super agility, spider-sense, wall crawling, and webshooters. Do not refute my comic book logic.

SSLRranma writes:

Just my opinions on who i think is going to win

Experience goes to Xena. She has been fighting longer then buffy, and is an equal match for the numerous olympion gods and demons. Buffy just hasnt spent as much time as Xena has fighting, and that will be her downfall

Xena 1 - Buffy 0

Speed and Agility go to Xena. Again its that experience factor. Xena has been fighting all her life, while Buffy just started training when she was in high school. Although its very close, i'd have too give it to Xena cause she might be a little more responsive to Buffy's attacks.

Xena 2 - Buffy 0

Strength and Constitution go to Xena as well. Xena I feel can take more punishment then Buffy, due to the power of their enemies. Xena has been in wars, in life and death. Buffy can take punishment, but isnt as conditioned as Xena

Xena 3 - Buffy 0

Fighting Skill goes to Xena as well. Buffy's knowledge is mostly twords demons and vampires. Xena's is more focused on humans and other mythological beasts. No contest here

Xena 4 - Buffy 0

And as for moves, Xena has buffy outmatched here. Xena knows pressure points, has the chakram, a sword and can use almost anything she damn well pleases very easily. Although Buffy comes from a more modern time and has access to more deadly weapons then Xena, i think xena has it in the bag.

Xena 5 - Buffy 0 No contest.

It will be close but i think xena will be anticipating buffy's moves and waiting for her to make one mistake. When buffy does, she will behead her with her sword or cut the flow of blood to her head.




Callisto:   And there's the bell! This fight is underway!

Harley Quinn:   The two are skating on opposite sides onna ice ring, but with the bell Xena picks up the pace, chargin' to catch the Buffster.

Callisto:   Buffy slows down a bit, whirls and starts skating backwards! Waiting for Xena to catch up!

Harley Quinn:   Buffy pulls a crossbow from under her skirt... same time Xena whips out her Chakram for a toss!

Callisto:   As Xena closes the gap, she launches her chakram just as the Slayer pops the trigger, firing a crossbow bolt!

Harley Quinn:   Both go into evasive action... but wait! Buffy fires another bolt and another ... and dodges the speeding Chakram at the same time! What moves!

Callisto:   Xena leaps above the first crossbow bolt, doing the splits... catches a second in her hands... OOOPS! The third strikes as gravity pulls her back to the skating rink!

Harley Quinn:   Wait! The chakram has bounced off the arena wall, riccochets off a guard rail and returns towards Buffy! Her back is turned... doesn't see it coming...

Callisto:   Excellent placement with the crossbow bolts! That last one takes Xena on the right shoulder... whizzing past it just cuts the shoulder strap on her body lycra!

Harley Quinn:   OUCH! The chakram whips past Buffy's waif-like waist, cutting the skirt off of her!

Callisto:   Buffy is down to body-top and a frilly pair of heart-covered panties while Xena's own body top is held precariously by one strap.

Harley Quinn:   Yah, and you can see the strain Xena's generous chest size is puttin' on that strap, too. Goodness! The crowd goes nuts!

Callisto:   Xena recovers her flying chakram as the two close. Buffy ditches the crossbow and pulls out a pair of stakes... Xena yells...

Xena:   Ay-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi!

Harley Quinn:   Xena spins like a top... launches into da' air! Gonna be a nasty kick!

Callisto:   But No! Buffy does the Limbo, bending backwards at the waist, and ducks under the flying kick!

Harley Quinn:   With her super speed and strength she lashes out like a snake, catching Xena's thin skirt that's flying over her head! The skirt comes off to the roar of the crowd!

Callisto:   Black panties. No surprise there.

Harley Quinn:   Again, the crowd goes crazy as the silky thighs of both contenders are laid bare for all to see! You know, Cally, while I enjoy the element of personal humilition in your "Ring of Shame", it seems to be missing something.

Callisto:   Hmmm... really?

Harley Quinn:   Yah, personal injury and collateral damage.

Callisto:   *sigh*. Xena lands back on the ice... brakes hard! Buffy makes a tight turn, heading towards Xena... sees Xena has stopped dead on the ice! Buffy tries to brake, but her forward momentum on the ice sends her crashing right into the Warrior Princess, anyway!

Harley Quinn:   Xena uses the momentum to her advantage, picking up the lithe, off-balance Slayer and shooting her over the rail right into the Raspberry Jell-o pit!

Callisto:   Oh, wait! What's this? Xena is standing there laughing, twirling something around her finger!

Harley Quinn:   It's Buffy's heart-covered white panties! Xena pansed the Slayer in mid-throw!

Callisto:   The crowd goes absoloutly nuts as a Raspberry covered Buffy sits in the Jell-o Pit, naked from the waist down!

Harley Quinn:   Ohhh... and she doesn't stop trimming at the bikini area either. Can we get a close-up?

Callisto:   Buffy is all kinds of pissed, now. Completely unembarrassed by her predicament, she tears off her ice skates and motions the Warrior Princess into battle.

Harley Quinn:   Xena tosses the heart-covered trophy up into the crowd for some lucky shmuck ta' catch, then calmly takes off her skates.

Callisto:   A huge brawl for Buffy's knickers breaks out in the lower deck as Xena does a gymnastic leap over the guard rail and into the Jell-o pit. Ah, the spectacle.

Harley Quinn:   The move was too much for Xena's last remaining shoulder strap as it snaps, exposing her buxom attributes to the crowd!

Callisto:   Buffy launches herself like a mad cat at the bare-chested Warrior Princess!

Harley Quinn:   The two grapple and tug... but the slick footing topples them both! They go sprawling down together in the Rasperry gelatin!

Callisto:   ...hard to make out what's going on under all that Jello...

Harley Quinn:   ...pieces of cloth being ripped to shreds down there...

Callisto:   Oh, my!

Harley Quinn:   Oh, MY!




Fight Masters Note: This contest was dead even for almost it's entire run. Examination of the vote logs showed supporters for both sides were hitting the vote booth pretty damn hard. Given this, and the fact the program re-set itself at one point late in the contest from all the abuse, we decided to Officially call this match at the last point we had scores for before the reset which was a Tie.

'Nuff Said!


Xena: 2178

Buffy: 2178

Fight Masters P.S: Unofficially, this was probably the highest scoring match in CBUB history with a total of 5458 votes (Buffy: 2745, Xena: 2720), plus a couple hundred more not counted in as the program spun it's wheels after the re-set. Damn close even to the bitter end. On sheer votes Buffy took the match, while on sheer Responses from readers Xena took it (as Xena had more opinions suppoting her position before we trimmed down to the ones posted here). Who Really won? The crowd, of course.




Callisto:   The crowd is stunned into silence as the refs slosh through the Jello now, trying to bring blankets to cover these two totally naked women.

Harley Quinn:   Hmmmm.... So whadd'a ya' think Cally - Buffy a "B" or "C" cup? Hey, Camera guy, let's get a close-up!

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