THE SCENARIO

The Smurfs: a bunch of happy-go-lucky blue cartoon dudes 3 apples tall. They live all together in perfect harmony in "Smurf Village", lead by head-honcho "Papa Smurf" and only one girl in the bunch - "Smurfette" (only one girl, weird I know!). Exploding cakes feature heavily in each episode as they pit their wits against the evil Gargamel and his twisted side-kick of a cat Azriel.

The Snorks: these guys were a short lived cartoon created by Hanna-Barbera due to the success of the Smurfs. The Snorks were different colours and had a snorkle (a breathing tube) which protruded from the tops of their heads, which made "Snork" sounds when they got excited!! They lived in "Snorkland" (as original sounding as Smurf Village) led by Allstar Seaworthy. They also had more girls in this cartoon.

Sit back, relax, and watch the fight commence between these small odd-coloured cartoon critters with as many exploding cakes, booby traps and great white sharks as they can muster. Watch out, this could get messy...

Join us now in a battle we had to call...

This fight was suggested by Dominic and Spark

THE SPORTS BOX

CLARE:   Hello everyone and welcome to today's scheduled beach scrum: a sand and sea shootout between the Smurfs and Snorks on the breezy beach at Brighton in England. Hi, I'm Clare Razer....

BOB:   Hi and I'm Bob Panning. Great day for a battle eh Clare?

CLARE:   Yes Bob, the sun is shining and the wind chill factors dropped to a hot and steamy 6 degrees C. These Military binoculars are great! I can see right up your.. OH! I spy a Smurfie!!

BOB:   I can too Clare! Those little critters are a bugger to see with the naked eye viewers, so, with thanks from Mr A J Pfisterhammer of BioTechnologies Ltd, we can view the battle using state-of-the-art CrabCams! Thank you Mr Pfisterhammer.

Now viewers, the Battle commences thus : Each side has one sandcastle in which to formulate their strategies. One is on the beach (Smurf camp) and the other is under the water 15m off the beach (Snork camp). Each sandcastle has a flag in which the opposing team must take and RETURN back to their own sandcastle. That's the ONLY rules that govern this battle. Anyway, before Armageddon falls on this lovely seaside resort, lets see what some voters have said :

CLARE:   Can't wait !

YOUR OPINIONS

ChaosBurnFlame writes:

Its the snorks. I don't know what the two things are, but the snorks look more dangerous.

The Bunyip writes:

I suppose that one would think that the Snorks' amphibious ability would give them an edge, but that won't matter with this fight. What WILL matter is the sexual frustration factor. The Snorks have about an even balance of males and females so are fairly "well adjusted" - but think about all those male smurfs who can't get any because, as everyone knows, Papa has dibs on Smurfette, and that Sassette is still too young. Why do you think the Smurfs are BLUE, for goodness sake?!?! It'll be Smurfs all the way as that frustration turns into violence. And poor Azrael better run.

LVtheman writes:

The snorks, cute as they are, really can't compete. The smurfs are bred so each one serves a specific purpose, (ie- handy, brainy, etc). You have to look at this one from a Darwin standpoint, because the smurfs are much more advanced. They live in the forrest, completely camouflaged in houses built with 100% bio-degradable materials. How can anybody beat that? Smurfs all the way!

Briscoe writes:

Not those stupid smurfs!Hey smurfs are unintelligent pea brained losers. The Snorks however are ok in my book. Smurfs should be shot just for that annoying theme song! No knows this until now but in reality the smurfs are evil! You name it they were in involved. You can bet there was a smurf on the grassy knoll. hAIL TO THE kING BABY!NUFF SAID

Jeannie Mc writes:

The Snorks, with their little adventurous ways, could easily take the Smurfs. The Smurfs could beat Gargamel, but look at that guy! He's obviously hated by the creators of the Smurfs, cause he has to listen to that stupid 'La-La' song of theirs.

ROYCOOL writes:

The Smurfs have it in the bag. Just grab the Snorks by their air tubes, swing 'em around a couple times, and throw them into the wall and BOOM! GAME SET!

Cobra69k writes:

the snorks all the way!!! i mean i used to watch the cartoons and lets face it the snorks are a little more prepared in the war department. and besides i doubt their stupid enough to get on land they'll probably trick the smurfs and drown them. but if all else fails they can reproduce as much as they want and overwhelm the smurfs. the smurfs only have one girl so they cant keep up in that area. snorks all the way.

Doctor Fate writes:

I never liked the Smurfs when they first appeared on TV and I still don't like them now. Any species that only has one female in the group and still manages to reproduce has some serious evolutionary problem. Snorks all the way!!!

Beavis writes:

Uh, they like both suck and stuff. But the Smurfs would kick ass, because that dude with the presents would blow them all up. heh-heh Explosions rule heh-heh.

Spark writes:

You picked my choice of battles. Bout time the smurfs had to prove themselves in battle. Let's face it folks, a collection of men that have been living with only one woman in the village have a lot of energy to get out of their systems. The snorks are out numbered and with most assuredly by overpowered by those blue little boys.

The Genius Formerly Known as Eddie writes:

Just by looking at the pictures, I can tell the Smurfs would win.If ever there were a situation in which "getting the tubes tied" were a viable option, this is definitely it. Then we can watch the little Snorks' heads explode, one by one...kinda like those aliens in "Mars Attacks!"

Dougan writes:

Lets face it, the snorks were just more realistic than the smurfs. They have the tech (underwater tech, but still tech) to smash the smurfs. Only Papa Smurf ever had magic. Besides, seeing all those women their own size will drive the smurfs hormones crazy... :)

warrl writes:

I just want to go on record and say that even though I voted smurfs I have high hopes that this will be a massacre on both sides. If ever two characters deserve to die these are it. personally I think we should bring back voltron and just stomp both of them out of existance and save future children the trauma of watching these shows.

THE BATTLE

BOB:   Some pretty varied comments there Clare. Wha- Oops! The whistle has blown! Battle commences!

CLARE:   And the Smurfs are off first and heading for the waves! It's a bit like the opening of "Baywatch" but with less babes in tight swimming costumes. What in the name of Neptune have they got on their heads Bob??

BOB:   ...Not quite sure Clare-wait! Its a Smurfa Lung! That genius of the Smurf World Brainy has created tiny compressed air tanks with matching mouthpieces! Can the Snorks counter this unexpected development before it is too late?!

CLARE:   Lets turn to the CrabCams and take a nip and dip into the water to find out.

BOB:   Good thinking Clare! Waiting for the picture to clear........yes! I can see the Smurf incursion team! Wow! For little critters with short legs they can sure swim fast! Can't see any Snork response at the moment......in fact, I can't see any Snorks at all! Clare......?

CLARE:   I see them!! Snorks are coming in fast and furious at 3 and 9 o'clock. Looks like the old "surround and pound them" move to me. Good Tactical move by Allstar Seaworthy. From the looks on their faces it seems the Blue boys weren't expecting so many of them!

BOB:   Yes, it seems that an entire clan is providing a Tactical Response to the sandcastle defenses! 4 to 7 in favour to the Snorks! The 3apples-tall guys better come up with something bef- WAIT! Smurfs are removing something from their waistbands..... its a....harpoon gun!?! These guys are taking it seriously! The Snorks don't look happy with that one do they Clare?!

CLARE:   Nope, can't say they do... Moving the Crabcam in for a closer look... WHOA!!! Major Snork kebab there!! Ouch!! that gotta hurt!!! That's 3 snorks down in a single shot.. Nice shooting from Papa Smurf!

BOB:   No wonder his clothes are always red Clare! The Snorks seem a bit put off by the display of violence. They seem to communicating with their whistle and clicks language while avoiding harpoons with their jet propulsion via the snorks on their heads....they seem to planning something........hold on....I've got a disturbance on the CrabCam's motion sensor.....something large......a shark Clare?

CLARE:   Does anyone else hear cello music!!...JESUS...ohhhh yuk!! Well Bob, I'm counting 3 legs and 1 arm remaining out of 4 whole smurfs. Looks like something had take-away!! That was gross and I'm feeling a bi.........

BOB:   Here, use this......I am getting a signal from the land based CrabCam! The Snorks were using the Smurf attack to cover their own little raid! Zooming in now...Some Snork has had the same idea for life-support....bowls on their heads filled with seawater....they are approaching in a non-standard bull-horn formation! 5 Snorks against a Smurf Sandcastle.....they better have a good defensive game-plan ready just in case! Clare? Feeling better?

CLARE:   Oh! Just great Bob.. Those Snorks are storming up the dunes there and I can't believe there's not a smurf in........BINGO!!!!! Looks like Joker Smurfs been busy laying cake mines Bob. Nothing's gonna shift the Snorks stain out of this top now! Opps, there goes my lunch.....

BOB:   A small band of Smurfs are storming from the sandcastle doors....wearing black rather than their white clothes and wielding some heavy hardware...checking the ID files....these are Navy SEAL Smurfs! These guys seem to have type for any possible scenario. In they go, into the ocean, past the floating remains of their fellow men... these guys look pissed and ready for some payback! SHARK BEARING 0 MARK 0 TO THE SMURF POSITION - ITS GONNA BE HORRID!!! STOP ! HOLD THE PRESS! The Navy SEALS smurfs are using something like shark repellent! That ultimate eating machine 'aint coming back here in a while! Clare!?

CLARE:   Can't remember eating that! OH, what?? Now that's cool, are they allowed to call these guys in Bob?

BOB:   I Guess if you got it, flaunt it, eh Clare?, Hehehehe-OW! Okay, the Navy SEAL Smurfs have a clear run--nope! Snork Marine Corps closing and fast. This is going to be a messy finale Clare!

CLARE:   Don't care about them Bob, Tooter Snork just had his Snorkle tube slit open and there's bubbles and blood everywhere!!! Sneaky move by Smurfette.Must be PMT. Allstar snorkles for a regroup but the SEAL smurfs are all over them!! Bob, it's a bit bloody where I am, you got a clearer view?

BOB:   Using the CrabCam's colour-filter system to eradicate the red from the view........my God! That's one hell of a carnage! It seems that the SEAL smurfs are finally being held in check by sheer numbers! Not one of them can get away- Clare! Look! The Smurfs had a back-up plan! The British Smurf clan are using their Special Boat Service Smurfs to attack the sandcastle while the Snorks defenses are occupied! Whoa! Its no wonder that Gargamel can't win against these guys! Oops! Stray Snorkle has blocked my view!

CLARE:   OH YES! One of the SBS smurfs just sliced a couple of Snorks into Shark bait with the propellers of his "Personal Underwater Smurf Sub". Nice touch!

BOB:   The Snorks were not prepared for this kind of assault viewers! They figured the Smurfs would be helpless in this environment, but those plucky blue-buggers are proving to be more ruthless than the Borg or an Alien!......One SBS Smurf has broken from the fray......he's heading to the mast......he's AT THE MAST LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE FLAG IS HIS!!!!

CLARE:  AAARRRGGGHH!! Harpoon through his chest.....he's still alive.....you can feel his grit determination, his will for survival, his oath to complete his mission more important that his own life! He has tied the flag to his Smurf-sub and set it for automatic pilot back to base! What a hero!
What a Smurf!! Game, set and Snork to the Smurf clan!!

BOB:   Whew! That was a sweat-draining battle viewers! The final score was :

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Smurfs: 137

Snorks: 136

THE WRAP UP

CLARE:   So, it is a Trans-Atlantic goodbye from me at bloody Brighton beach, England.... I have got to get out of this top, I'm freezing!!!

BOB:   And goodbye from me...... Hold on....Crabcam picking up motion from over the dune....Gargamel!....and he's traded Azriel for a Wolverine......picking up sound......

"SNNKKTT! Let's go bubs........"

EEEEEEEEE.....looks like we'll save the replay until after the watershed, viewers...this is not nice..........See you next week!

[Visit Current Battle]   [See Back Issues]
Related CBUB Fights:
Issue #153 Mum-Ra vs. Skeletor
Issue #23 Jawas vs. Ewoks
Issue #132 The Punisher vs. France
Issue #16 Keebler Elves vs. Krispy Elves

Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

• The web page of Mira
• This place with Snorks stuff

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Snorks (TM) is the property � of Hannah Barbara

Smurfs (TM) is the property � of (Unknown)

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

Clare & Bob written by Carl & Melx

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles