THE SCENARIO

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

JUSTICAR:   Welcome everyone to another CBUB induced slugfest. We are ready, and LIVE, from Milliways - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. All you viewing this at home or at the Khazan Arena Bigscreen I pray you have your affairs in order. I am Justy "Justicar" Hakubi and I give you over to DamieN Brimstone.

DAMIEN:   And now we're set to bring this battle of omniversal proportions, as our comsic competitors, Q and Mxy are expected to bring all their God-like powers to bear in this fight for existential supremacy (whew). Justy, let's inform the rest of us lesser beings how we found out about this little shin-ding anyway.

JUSTICAR:   Ah yes, Its really quite simple actually. A man who looked amazingly like Corben Bernsen handed me a production sheet, waved, then blipped out of existence. On it, was stated the where and when of most incredible opprotunity. It was signed "Q". So here we are. These tickets to Milliways aren't cheap so I hope this battle kicks booty.

DAMIEN:   This is indeed a wise choice for a location to hold this fight. You see, Millways is the only place that will survive the end of the universe, in fact, it already has, thanks to...you know...one of those temporal mobius loop paradoxes for something, right?

JUSTICAR:   You've never had dinner here have you? Well DamieN, I am going to talk to my dinner for a little bit. Why don't hit the viewer mailbag before the action heats up.

YOUR OPINIONS

Zisteau writes:

Q will win because if you pronounce 'Q' backwards you get 'uek'. Q is a person, therefore an 'I', so if you subtract the numeral value of 'Q' from 'I' you get 'H'. Add 'H' to the 'uek' and you have 'Huek'. Now, because we added a consonant to the beginning of the word, we have to downgrade the second sound to the vowel below it, so change the 'u' to a 'o' making the word 'Hoek'. Hoek, as we all know, is the last name of one Ren Hoek, roommate and best friend of Stimpy T. Cat. Ren, as we know, is the most devious character we've ever encountered, and from this evidence, it is clear that Q is actually Ren Hoek in disquise. I think my case is clear. **JUSTICAR'S PICK OF THE WEEK**

Daki writes:

Q? How can anyone vote for Q??? He's just some old guy who builds all those neat toys James Bond uses!

HAHA! YES! Revenge is mine against all those who said something similar in the fight I did between Q and MacGuyver! I have waited so long for this day and now I feel MUCH BETTER!

Now, on to this fight. I have to give it to Mr. Mxyzptlk. I'm sure people will go on about how each is capable of pretty much anything they want. My reasoning is slightly off kilter (as usual).

As it has been demonstrated before in the past, toons always win because their minds are capable of coming up with things no one else possibly could. Allow me to state an example...

Marvin the Martian VERSUS the MiB. Marvin won. Why? Because he's a toon. Is Mr. Mxyzptlk a toon? Well he originated in the comics but he's been on the cartoon too! I really love finding loopholes like that.

Anyway, I beleive even a prankster like Q will be hard pressed to overcome the "stuff" Mr. Mxyzptlk digs from that demented brain of his.

Crazy Malk Boy writes:

Ok, while it is true that Mxy has routinely given the man of steel a hard time, and Q got his kicks from bothering a bunch of space-faring mortals (and one nigh-invulnerable android...hmmm..the tick vs data...)I still had to go with Q on this one. While both have been punished by their respective high councils, Q has always seemed to come out on top, and succeed in cracking a few bald jokes on Picard.

When it comes down to the wire, I think Q's gonna beat Mxy like a red-headed stepchild, possibly one in K-mart.

Niffiwan the Relatively Impressive Within Proper Context writes:

This is a difficult one. Seeing as both beings are technically omnipotent, or at least claim to be such, I suppose the determining factor will be style.

In this Q decidedly possesses the advantage, as his wit is just about sharp enough to pierce the elusive lepton, whereas his opponent's cartoonish antics are honed to the point at which they're just about capable of making grade A applesauce.

Unlike Mxyzptlk, Q also benefits from the divine powers influx of a much higher budget than a single, semi competent animator, exploring the Crayola dimension.

If popularity is at all a factor here, Q's elevation to social godhood rivalling his more natural endowments to have a tad of an advantage over Mxyzptlk's 1000 point Jeopardy question obscurity.

Finally, let us consider the fact that the animated character to whom I will conclusively refer to as "The Mr.", for brevity's sake, may only effect any of his stupendous abilities when comically appropriate, whereas Q does just about anything he pleases, whenever he pleases, possibly several times.

The Chubby Bullfrog writes:

Let's try comparing these two, shall we?

Dimensions:

Mxy comes from a dimension twice removed from ours. Voyager traveled to Q's home, so we'll assume that it's not in the 5th dimension.

Advantage:

Mxy

Portrayors:

Q is done by John DeLancy? I forget. But he's cooler than Gilbert Gottfried, who does Mxy in the cartoon.

Advantage: Q

Name:

Q's name is Q...and so is the name of every other being of his race. They're all called Q. That just sucks. Meanwhile, Mr. Mxyzptlk has a damned hard name to say. And you can say it backwards. Q backwards, is, uh, well, nothing, really.

Advantage: Mr. Mxyzpltk

Love Life:

Mxy spends his time obsessing over an inferior being from an inferior dimension, instead of staying at home with that 5th dimensional babe of a wife he's got. On the other hand, Q had to be taught how to love by Janeway.

Advantage: Neither. Each one loses 5 points.

Clothes:

Mxy: the Elmer Fudd thing doesn't work on anybody. Meanwhile, Q tries to make fun of his adversaries by wearing their uniforms, not realizing that they look kinda stupid. Speaking of which, what happened to the short skirts the women used to wear in the original?

Advantage: Q, by default.

Decor:

Q lived in a Civil-War era house--at least, that's how he depicted it. Meanwhile, Mxy is stuck in the sixties (hey, that rhymed!)

Advantage: Q

Aggressiveness:

Q led a rebellion to introduce sex to the Q. Mxy started off his career by turning Superman's parents into big dog-like creatures. Q still has a stupid name.

Advantage: Mxy, from the sixties.

Omnipotence:

Both have had their powers taken away from them by their people at one time or another.

Advantage: Walter Payton, the greatest running back ever to play the game.

So, I see this happening. Q sees Mxy and goes off on a ten minute tirade about how inferior Mxy is. Mxy interrupts him halfway by turning him into a cheesecake.

That about says it all, for me.

Borneo Jimmy writes:

There isn't much in the way of logic that can predict the outcome of a battle between two all-powerful beings. In this case, however, power is shaped by personality, and that gives Q the edge.

Myx is a holdover from the gee-whiz days of comic books. He would use his power to put Superman in a clown suit, or inside a bowling pin about to be hit by a giant ball; his taunts were on the order of "That's right, you Super-Dummy!" He's a little kid's vision of power (as are most DC characters). And his name-backwards weakness is just stupid.

Q really does play God. He tests humans; he toys with them; he is cruel. No scheme is too elaborate for him to construct if it will amuse him or will satisfy his taste for humiliating lesser beings --- lesser beings like Myx, who simply cannot think big.

Somehow, Q will arrange a cunning plan --- complex enough to fill an entire Star Trek episode --- that will lead up to the word Klypzlxym (or whatever). Myx will make his standard vow of revenge, and *poof*. Game over.

Mr. Silverback writes:

Gentlebeings, I have returned. I'm sure I didn't miss much...26 FREAKIN' MATCHES???? HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN?????

(administers sedative)

Ah...that's better. OK, show of hands; how many people here think that Q is too stupid to go find out about the name-in-reverse thing? Good, now how many think that Q is a mental midget compared to old Kal-El (admittedly no dummy) who has tricked Mixy back to his dimension umpteen hundred times? Yep, that's what I thought.

Q makes Mixy disappear faster than nuclear secrets at Los Alamos. It's what the people want.

T-1000 writes:

I hope Khazan has my V.I.P seats all ready for me cause this is one match that I do not want to miss. These two have so much in common, and although I always thought Mxyzptlk would enter the Khazan arena fighting the Impossible Man, I still figured that we would soon see the little imp in action. However, to be quite honest, Mxyzptlk doesn't stand a chance. Q is a god in the Star Trek universe. He walks through time like an oridianry man walks through a field of corn. He can turn entire galaxies inside out with but a thought. And if you want to look at pranks, he has had the enterprise on trial for the crimes of humanity, nearly turned Riker into a Q like himself, introduced the federation to the Borg(for which I am ever in his debt), and has even pestered Janeway on occasion.

Mxyzptlk on the other hand can change himself and anything around him. He bothers Superman on occasion but Supes can always get rid of him by making him say his name backwards. Don't get me wrong here, that little imp is powerful. But Q can cross through time and space with the snap of a finger while Mxyzptlk needed the help of the Impossible Man just to trnasport Superman into another dimesnion. Besides, all you have to do to get rid of the little guy is just make him say his name backwards and when he does, bye-bye Mxyzptlk.

The Big Pink Rhino writes:

Oh come on, Q got outsmarted by COmmander Riker.

RIKER!

Numerous times!

I believe that removes him from the list of "Cosmic Forces"

Packrat writes:

I'm sorry!

I thought that Star Trek: TNG was the best of the Star Trek Series (Followed closely by the original, IMHO)!

Q's talked to the Watcher! (In that rather lame Star Trek/X-Men novel)

However...I had to give this to Mxy *sob*

Why? Q seems to be limited to 4 dimensions. Mxy has no such limitations. Furthermore, Q is not a fighter...this is too much like the vampire fight, and Q is Lestat. A nice politician, but rarely gets his hands dirty.

Mxy goes toe to toe with cosmic powered beings, and isn't afraid to mix it up.

So...even though my heart screamed "Q"!...my brain gave the nod to 'Mixed Pickles' (The Superman/Silver Surfer crossover wasn't THAT bad!)

Jeff"T-REX"Hayes writes:

Q has this one in the bag. Mxyzplk is just a dork that can be easily fooled into defeating himself. Q is a ruthless well this is family website and I cant say it. Look at who it is who portrays these guys as well. Mxyzptlk=Gilbert Gottfried Q=John De Lancie who would you rather hang around. Mxyzpltk will be trashed faster than a movie theatre at a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Skeearmon writes:

"Oh very funny, Worf. Ate any good books , lately?"

"Oy! Amateur.."

"Now what are you babbling about, now?"

"Heh, I was just reviewing your Staaarrrrrr TRUCK episodes, and these things just make me sick."

"That's Trek, bulbhead. And besides, what do you expect from Picard's gay little troupe? They're not exactly the most...savvy people around."

"You got that right. Between the Mudhead, the PitDroid, and that twerp, Wesley, you had no challenge of wits at all. Talk about a bunch of bores!"

"Ahhhhh....but you forget Picard himself, the old grinch. Plus, Riker had a marvelous personality to fence with."

"Ptui. That still doesn't say how you gonna' defeat me Mr...what was your name again?"

"...None of this says how this will defeat anyone, Mxy. It just you have the voice of Gilbert Godfried...you have to be a loser. *SMILES*"

>Grumbles< "Had to bring that up, the overtall jerk....sniff...that was the under the belt"

Greebo71 writes:

Q vs. MXY...whatever. I had to vote for the "M" guy. Here's why:

First: Trekkies, Trekkers, etc. SUCK!!!!

Second: Q got beat by Picard, a mortal human with no powers other than the ability to straighten his shirt every single damn time he gets out of a chair. It took the mightiest man alive, the man who put "super" into "superhero", Superman to beat the "M" man.

The "Q" has no imagination, that is why "M" will beat him.

Q may have one small chance. If he can take control of "M" and force him to say his name backwards (if those rules apply here, which they might not) "M" is gone and match is over. If that rule doesn't apply, Q is going to be trapped forever as a guest at every freakin' TrekCon in the universe.

I truly feel sorry for him.

Eddie Filth writes:

anyone who has Gilber Godfreid as a their voice is a winner to me. So my vote goes for Myztxplx. Plus, I have fun out of upsetting Trekkies.

Anonymous writes:

Is this supposed to be a fair fight? Q is clearly several millions times smarter than Mr. Mxyzptlk. Superman could defeat Mr. Mxyzptlk, do you think he could beat Q? This is either a conspiracy to pump up stats for Star Trek characters, or to pump up stats for characters named Q.

Bri Rob the Caveman writes:

To start things off, I'll state the obvious. Anything Star Trek HAS to lose. It's an absolute truth. Second, there's the Chick Factor(tm). Mxyzptlk has a pretty hot wife, or whatever she is. Then, there's the arch-nemesis factor. Who had Q lost to? Captain Kirk? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! At least Mxylost to Supes himself, a man that has total recall(tm). Q gets beaten like a pinata during Cinco de Mayo. "Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor!?"..."Germans?" - Justy

Don King writes:

For all his power, what has Q ever done? He's turned the crew of the Enterprise into a mariachi band. He's done other things too, but nothing all THAT impressive considering how powerful he is.

On the other hand, Mr. Myxyzptlk is, pound for pound, the most annoying being in this or any other universe.

I mean, Jar-Jar Binks? Barney? Urkel? All lightweights compared to ol' Myxy.

Even Wesley Crusher, who did more harm to the Enterprise than Q ever did, is nothing next to the Imp from the 5th Dimension.

Assuming he doesn't use that weakness schtick (he wouldn't need to, that was always just to give Superman a fighting chance) then Q's gonna be in a straightjacket by the time this battles over.

And as long as in the Star Trek universe, maybe Myx can make Whoopi Goldberg implode, sort out that Tasha Yar foolishness, and take Will Riker and Deanna Troi aside and say, "Look kids, this sexual tension schtick is beyond old. Just get over it and $%$# already!"

DangerAce writes:

Ya gotta hand this one to Q. I can see a long drawn out battle with a lot of special effects and universal mayhem (come to think of it, the citizens of the universe are porbably going to be the BIG losers of this battle), but in the end Q will prevail. Why? Easy, both maybe be omnipotent, both may have vast cosmic powers, but Q has the obvious intellect advantage. How do I come to this conclusion? Sure, he screws around a lot, but in the end anything he did was done to teach a lesson to humanity, therefore, a deep intelligence behind the seemingly loony actions. Myxy on the other hand is a certified fruit loop, who has been outsmarted time and time again, and it seems the only force actually driving him is to play stupid jokes on a universal scale. Q will more than likely draw the battle out until he becomes bored, then come up with some really complicated challenge for Mixy that will ultimately send the little runt running home with his tail between his legs.

Flip writes:

When dealing with two omnipotent beings it comes down to inteligence and creativity. Mix isn't even quick enough to deal with Supes. When Q wants to torment his oponents, he does. When he wants to test his oponents, he does that effectively too. Mix never succeeds.

Nuff said

D. Merzel writes:

Q will KO Mr Myx

1) The little imp can be banished by being tricked into saying his name backwards and is consistently done so by superman (who is no mental giant). Q has no such limitation and is quite intelligient to boot.

2) Q ticks off people who can use technobabble to stop almost anything in 2 hours at most (like quantum subspace anomolies with phase variance). The most innovation myx's opponent has shown is lead suits (besides dylitium crystals are probably kryptonite). Q wins again.

Myx is used to people who can't really fight back. Q has put up other omnipitant beings. Q wins

The Animator writes:

I think Q will win. Let me explain why...No there is too much to explain, let me sum up.

1. Q humiliates Picard. Myx looses to Superman.

2. Everyone in the Q-Continuim is named Q. So while Myx thinks he's just fighting Q, he really fighting Q, Q, Q, Q, Q, Q, Q, and of coarse, Q.

3. Q is undefeated in both the CBUB and Grudge Match, where he has defeated MacGuver and Inspecter Gadjet.

4. Q has starred in the best ST:TNG shows ever...Encounter at Farpoint, All good Things, etc. Myx has appeared in a couple unimportant carttons.

5. Q is a much sharper dresser than Myx.

6. Q knows the Borg.

And finally...

7. Mxy is a parrot...(Iago)

As you the old saying goes...N'uff Said!

Silent Watcher writes:

Mr. Mxy has a serious disadvantage on this fight. The High Council on the 5th dimention. These muckety mucks make sure that the big M always keeps to his word such as never ever bothering Superman again. Q however, answers to no such authority and thus can utilize powers that are restricted to Mxy. Hence the match goes to Q.

Dougan writes:

Q has this one in his hot little dimentional pocket. He's ruthless. He doesn't play with his food all the time, sometimes he flat out kills someone for breaking his rules and ruining his fun. Also recall that this particular Q was thrown out of the Continum for being too mean to the mortals. Someone get a stopwatch, this ones gonna be quick.

Jasper writes:

Okay, M's got it going on. I mean, the guy almost beat Superman, and that takes a lot. Plus, Q tries all of these stupid ways to get at the crew of the Enterprise. There's no way that Q could beat M.

Razorwitt writes:

Q has this one in the bag, and for so many reasons.

For one thing, Q leaves when he feels like it. Mxy leaves when Superman wins a mind game with him. Point one: Q.

For another, Q's stunts are much more elaborate and show a deeper level of intelligence than Mxy's cartoonish slapstick. Point two: Q.

For another, Q has shown degrees of pure menace, whereas Mxy is often little more than an annoyance. True, Mxy can be a real threat, but more often than not he isn't. Q puts all of humanity on trial. Myx just wants to bother Superman. Point three: Q.

Look at the way these two dress. Point four: Q.

Then there's the pure class angle. Q has always been played by John DeLancie, who is able to give his demi-god comic aplomb and an edge that sometimes reminds us he's dangerous. Myx has been plyed by the voice of Gilbert Godfried on the Superman Animated Series, and by Michael J. Polard in the long gone (but best forgotten) Superboy Live Action syndicated Series. Point five: Q.

And how many beings can make Worf exclaim in frustration, "I must protest! I am NOT a Merry Man!". Point six: Q.

And finally, though Mxy's character has a longer history, at no point in Q's life did he ever look like Elmer Fudd, as Mxy did back in the 40s. Point seven: Q. Game, set, and match.

Charge Man writes:

Remember the old Superfriends episodes from the seventies? Superman pronounces Mr. Mxyzptlk's name "Mix-el-plek". Why? It was the seventies.

As for Q, you never see anyone in Star Trek mispronounce his name. Mxy takes all.

(and Justy? That's "Little Big Head Man". Had to clear that up.)

Charge Man, you're taking Bizzaro's grasp of the English language over mine? tsk...tsk... - Justy.

Big Brother writes:

This is an excellent Idea! But after

seeing the current score I was ticked

What the Hell?!!???!?!?!

Mxypltk is the winner for this he can

drive Q insane or breakdown Q's ego by actually showing Q that there is some more powerful (or at least as powerful)

as him! But, Q could trick Mxy into saying," ktlpyxM!" and POOF! There goes baldy back to the 5th dimension! Which by the way What the hell is this 5th dinmesion crud anyway?

ah, What the hell do I know anyway?

BUT JUST BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FIFTH DIMENSION DOESN'T MEAN THAT

BIG BROTHER

STILL ISN'T WATCHING!

(phew)

Darth Eddie writes:

Yeah. A billion years ago. Which is about when I FIRST SUGGESTED THIS MATCH!!!!!!! AT LONG LAST!!!!!

Q has this in the bag. Who cares that Q is easier to spell than Mxyzptlk? Getting Q to say his name backward (which, BTW, just happens to be Q) doesn't do squat to him. And why bother tricking Mxy into saying his name backward? Q can just snap his fingers and poof Mxy all the way to Hell if he so chooses. And as much a Superman fan as I am, Big Blue can't do diddly to bail Mxy's butt out of this one (not that Big Blue would want to in the first place). But aside from red suns and Kryptonite, magic puts Superman out of commission, as well. Q would have a field day (or perhaps a field millennium, if he so chooses) with the Man of Steel. In fact, he'd probably turn Superman into Data -- get it? Man of Steel? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

While I would never call Q omnipotent (only God is omnipotent -- and Q had his powers taken away at one point), Q would lay the all-powerful smackdown on the little imp. Mxy's about to be introduced to a sixth dimension -- about six feet under, to be exact.

Shadowfinger writes:

With both of these guys being super powerful, it is nonsense to think you can judge the match by comparing infinite power to infinite power. You have to look at one all important fact. All Q has to do to win is get Myx to say his name backwards. Superman gets him to do this like he was making tea, it will be childs play for Q to do it. Q has an IQ of how many odd thousands? If Superman can trick Myx, Q could sell him encyclopedias.

The way I see it, they entertain each other for a while, Q gets bored and sends him on his way.

End of story.

Corwyn writes:

Ok folks...Q couldnt get Janeway into the sack...how can he beat a midget in a bowler!

Lets ignore the Trek Geeks that live in their own filth in their Moms basment

He's gotta win! Cause I wanna see Callisto Say his name!!!!

Marksman writes:

In what may be the most damaging battle EVER fought in Khazan, Q will walk away with the fight within mere moments of turning Mxy into a striped turnip. Heck, turnip is MUCH easier to spell anyway. It's about time SOMEONE from Trek won a fight outside of their own universe anyway.

THE BATTLE

JUSTICAR:   As always opinion hewn straight from the bedrock of our viewers. Well Mxy and Q have come to within a few feet of each other. Looks like we're underway.

DAMIEN:   They're both glaring intently at each other. It looks like like each man..or whatever...is trying to delete the other from existence by willing it. That's sure not a move we typically see here at CBUB.

JUSTICAR:   Both have stepped back a bit. Its amazing what higher beings can do in astral space. Mxy is adjusting his bowler and laughing smugly as is Q. Both still appear confident.

DAMIEN:   Well it looks like our fighters are going to give it another try anyway. Q and Mxy stare, both showing instense determination on their faces. Mxy's eyes are even bugging out of his head...but still nobody gets oblivion.

JUSTICAR:   Well, I thought that they were supposed to be omnipotent. Perhaps there's an explantion to be had here. Luckily for us, universally-reknowned scientist Washu-chan is here at the remote setup. Washu, what gives here?

WASHU:   Heh, well its really quite simple. I bet that you like to know... of course that's why you're asking me. Hmmm... do I want to tell you or not? Nope... not! Haha. I know and you don't... nya! Beg me... right here...right now...

JUSTICAR:   Kids don't try this at home is just goes downhill from here. (Drops to knees)... Please, Washu-chan-sempai-megami... I beg of thee... tell me...

WASHU:   OK, you have humiliated yourself before me. The Q Continuum and the 5th Dimensional beings both have powerful locks to prevent such an attack. It extends to all of their members and it's enforced by the collective wills of each of the populations. A single being must be more powerful than the entire race to deny existence. Its simple-self preservation of the species. *mike is cut off* (Washu continues on...)

JUSTICAR:   There you have it, I don't know if its true, but it works for me... Woah!

DAMIEN:   Q just pointed at Mxy with his finger, and he just sent the little imp flying towards a nearby star at warp speed! I guess Q has decided to get physical here.

JUSTICAR:   Looks like Mxy's gonna be char-broiled. No! Mxy just disappeared. Kee-ripes!! Mxy just reappeared and he bigger than Galactus and Omnipitus combined! The Uber-Mxy has just kicked the star at Q.

DAMIEN:   Whoa, Q just completely reversed the star's momentum with a glance, it's traveling back towards Mxy, and it connects. Incredible! There's a super nova explosion and Mxy is right at the center of it. Justy, you are sure we're safe over here, right?

JUSTICAR:   Oh yes, quite safe... I assure you. Have you met my dinner yet? Anyway, the rucus that supernova caused has finally calmed down. Hey, whataya know, Mxy survived! He's a little crispy but he still appears determined.

DAMIEN:   With a snap of his fingers and flash of light, Q has made his typical exit. While we have a pause in the action, we go now for a special interview with someone who knows one of these contestants quite well. Ladies and gentlemen, live via satellite from the Daily Planet headquarters on Earth, it's Clark Kent, better known as Superman!

SUPERMAN:  Hello good citizens. I must say it is happy to see that those cosmic fiends have chosen a safe location for their battle.

DAMIEN:   So Supes, it seems that Q hasn't even attempted to use Mxy's backwards name-saying weakness against him. What's your take on that?

SUPERMAN:   Well, as despicable and arrogant as Mxy is, he feels that against another entity of his caliber, it would be foolish for him to give that opponent such a tremendous advantage with that rule.

DAMIEN:   I see, so how do you...

SUPERMAN:   Say, you guys said this show is being broadcast LIVE, right? Across the whole multiverse?

DAMIEN:   Well yeah, it always is.

SUPERMAN:   So, does that mean that you guys potentially revealed my secret identity to all my enemies during when you introduced me?!

DAMIEN:   ...

SUPERMAN:   Well, does it?

JUSTICAR:   ...oh yeah, he's right!

DAMIEN:   *gulp* Well okay big guy...err... you see...umm...Hey, we've got a live report coming in from DC Earth. It seems that a large, blonde-haired man with a war hammer has been sighted on a course towards Metropolis even as we speak?

JUSTICAR:   I wonder if he has that hammer ready for Lois?

SUPERMAN:   WHAT?! NO, IT CAN'T BE...

DAMIEN:   Geez folks, it looks like our guest had to fly off. Now then, let's get back to the fight now.

JUSTICAR:   Our sensors have picked up Q. Let's zoom in. Q is standing there waiting for Mxy. He appears to be holding something... a small humanoid.

DAMIEN:   We've got a close up shot now so we can see who Q has in his and. Look, it's Mxy's woman, I'm not even gonna try to say her name. Q is threatening to crush her in his palm.

JUSTICAR:   Egad! Mxy just turned Gsptlsnz into a bananna cream pie.

MXYZPTLK:   Hey Q, I see you got a little of my pie there! Try some more!

JUSTICAR:   That pie just nailed Q square on the face. Point for Mxy. Q's ego, his biggest target, just took a direct hit.

DAMIEN:   Q sure didn't take too kindly to that. Now he's pointing at the empty space below Mxy, who is looking downward right on cue.

JUSTICAR:   Uh-oh... something big is happening beneath Mxy. Immense graviton readings and they're increasing exponentially. A gigantic black hole is forming beneath Mxy. Mxy is stretching like taffy as he's trying to escape. Mxy, along with a few star systems have just been sucked down the hole.

DAMIEN:   While the singluarity plays havoc with time and space, we now to our next interview, an old friend of Q's, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise. So tell us sir, are you nervous about taking on such a high-profile role as that of Professor X?

PICARD:   What the devil are you talking about?

DAMIEN:   ...oh...damn, wrong set of questions. Boy my interviews never go smoothy do they? Anyway, how about you tell what you think of this week's battle.

PICARD:   Regretfully, I think Q if far too cunning an adversary for that cartoonish fellow to defeat. Of course, we'd probably all be better off if they eliminated each other.

DAMIEN:  And what are your thoughts on the quantum singluarity that's currently sucking everyting into nothingness.

DAMIEN:   Well as far as such reality distortions go, I've seen worse. Look, it's already calming down.

DAMIEN:   Okay, back to you Justy.

JUSTICAR:   OK, With a tremendous flash of light Q and Mxy have reappeared. Mxy is latched around Q's throat and is trying give a replay of the Deacon Frost manuever. Mxy must be made of stern stuff to have survived that black hole. *battle music playing in the background*

DAMIEN:   Anybody know where that music is coming from? It sounds like the fight music from the original Trek series, you know, from when Kirk fought Spock. Da-da da da da dun dun dun....err.. it would also appear as though the enormous energy output from our grappling contestants is destabilizing space and time *crackle* destabilizing space and time. Man, I hate when that *crackle* happens.

JUSTICAR:   Q has just unlatched the cursing, freaking Mxy. Mxy is unceremoniously tossed aside by the actually ruffled Q. Q attempts to scramble Mxy's atoms somehow Mxy shugs off the attack.

DAMIEN:   Wow, I've never seen Mxy look so seriously pissed before. He's waving his arms in some elaborate gestures, he's literally glowing with energy now. His hands are cupped together, he seems to be saying something in a foreign tongue..

MXYZPTLK:   kaaam-e-haaa-mmmmmmeee-ah!!!

JUSTICAR:   If Goku has a power rating that makes most calculators freak out, then the power that Mxy is summoning would give a super-computer fits. Mxy falls into a ready stance as he releases the energy with a primal scream that would make a berzerker proud.

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Mr. Mxy... Mr Mix... Ah, you know: 313

Q: 575

THE WRAP UP

DAMIEN:   That blast is approaching rapidly, Q is just standing there..it's about to impact...wait, Q snaps his fingers...

JUSTICAR:   They've switched positions!! Mxy has a very deer in the headlights look as time has slowed down for the full effect. Those who can read lips are cringing at the tirade that is now eminating from Mxy. Mxy is caught dead on as chaos incarnate crashes like a tidal wave upon Little Big Head Man. Not even his bowler is gonna survive this one.

DAMIEN:   Heh, Q just conjured up a cleaning lady to sweep up Mxy's mystical remains with a dustpan and little broom.

JUSTICAR:   Hey, That's Deanna in the French maid's outfit. Q has just opened up a small portal to Mxy's home world and bids her deposit the dust. Boy, the cosmos didn't look like this when we started, man what a mess.

Q:   With a drop of a lid so ends Mxyzpltk.

DAMIEN:   Well folks, I guess we've seen who the most powerful the uber-powerful cosmic gods is. Even if Mxy's still alive, I think having the extradimensional smack layed on him has taught him not to mess with the Q. Speaking of which, word is there's going to be a wild party at the Continuum to celebreate. This DamieN Brimston, sighning off for Justy, Washu, Captain Picard and Clark Ken....err...nevermind.

Mxyzptlk - The New Adventures of Superman

Q - The Miscellaneous Starfleet Picture Gallery

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Mxyzptlk (TM) is the property (c) of DC comics

Q (TM) is the property (c) of Paramount / Viacom

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CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles