THE SCENARIO

THE SPORTS BOX

T-1000:   Hello everyone at home and welcome to the inter dimensionally famous Khazan arena and we are just getting ready for a LightSaber brawl that will make your head spin as the finest Light Saber swinging, force using Jedi in the history of the Galaxy go toe to toe in an all out Jedi Royal Rumble. I'm T-1000.

NERON:   And I'm Neron and I would just like to say what an honor it is to be here at Khazan stadium. Man, this place has a long history.

T-1000:   Oh, shut up. We have quit a crowd here today as the arena is filled with rabid Star Wars fans that are screaming for blood.

NERON:   Man, I can't believe I am in the very arena where Callisto actually beat Xena for the first time.

T-1000:   Ah, memories. Anyway, the Jedi should all be coming out in a few minutes. While we wait, let's take a look at what some of our viewers at home had to say about this week's match.

NERON:   T old buddy, this may not be the best time to ask this but exactly how is it that all of these guys want to kill each other.

T-1000:   Well, what happened is�

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

Jeff"T-REX"Hayes writes:

Hey why vote for Qui Gon Ginn? Look at who plays him. Liam Neeson. Yup the same
guy who was Darkman and Oscar Shcindler.
A man who is adept at portraying heroes.
Luke is cool true. Vader is tough. But I gotta to vote for Qui Gon. Maybe its cause I'm part Irish I dunno. Besides my girlfriend has a crush on Liam Neeson
and she'd kill mr if I did not vote for
Qui Gon Ginn. Ow honey that hurts.

Kuririn writes:

I am totally backing Darth maul on this fight. He is extremely skilled in the Force as well as with the lightstaff. He is much more agile and he has a hell of a defense, but with 5 other Jedi to worry about, he may have his hands full. But seeing how there is an even number of Jedi in this match, he can fight them in 1 on 1 situations and pick them off 1 at a time. Darth Maul rules!!!

Azrael writes:

Maul is the biggest ass-kicker in Star Wars history. Luke, Vader, Qui-Gon, and old Ben's lightsaber techniques are based on old-fashioned european broadsword combat. Maul's techniques are kendo, katana, and capuera. He has the sheer advantage in athletic ability and fine-control of the force. Remember, Vader just used the force to toss his lightsaber and throw desks at Luke. Maul can use it to push you off a ledge.
Maul takes it in the end, after a gruelling battle with Ewan that is NOT near a bottomless pit.

RollingSkull writes:

Vader died. Qui-Gon died. Old Ben died. MAUL IS @#$!IN UGLY, and he died. Luke('s evil clone) died. I go Young Ben. BUT WHERE IS MARA JADE?! IF SHE WERE IN SHE WOULD KILL ALL OF THESE POSER'S ***S!

Eddie Filth writes:

I'm making this a toss-up between Luke and Vader. Darth Vader is a master of every dirty trick in using the force and the lightsaber. Only person that can take on Vader would be his own son who has the expirence in dueling with him and live. By the middle of the fight a whole debree of space machinery will by flying right into the other Jedi.

Peter writes:

Wow. Talk about a massive fight to end all fights, this is nothing short of apocalyptic! Anywho, I reckon it'll be out of the two Darths, and I'm sticking to Maul here. No 1 - he's got that neat double-edged light sabre, and no 2 - if he can take on two Superly Trained Jedi Knights all by himself, then he can survive this fight easily. Plus, Darth died just by losing his hand.

A. Nonymus writes:

Luke's gonna bite it first, let me tell you. He's inexperienced and bloody annoying besides.
Darth Maul was able to get rid of Qui-Gon Jinn once and can easily do it again.
Now the fight's between the Obi-Wans and the Darths. Vader will impale Old Ben in the icky disgusting way and then both he and Maul will gang up on Young Ben.
Now we're between the two Darths. Maul's got his double-bladed light sabre, his deadly agility and his Sith ancestry which makes him a generally nasty fighter. Vader's practically made out of Midiclorians with plenty lots of control over the Force. Coupled with that cool voice and those mechanical implants he's also plenty nasty.
Those two are an even match and it's a judgement call between them. Even so, I'm putting my money on Darth Maul, last of the Sith who has a lot more cool features.

David Dayton writes:

Vader destroyed all the Jedi but Yoda and Luke (who wasn't a major issue at the time). Luke beat Vader, AND has mastery of the Force to the point that he spares Vader's life; thus, Luke is the clear choice for victory...

NOT that stupid, spiked-head, pointless "Maul" character.

Mockingbird writes:

Qui-Gon was killed by Maul, Maul was killed by Young Ben. Luke defeated Vader, who defeated Old Ben. Young Ben had a lot more tricks up his sleave than Luke did, so I chose Young Ben. Plus, Young Ben is the cutest.

The Devil writes:

Hell yes. It's about time. I tell you what I have got my VIP seat reserved for this one.(I talked King Arthur out of his, great seats) Well I think the obvious winner here will be my boy, Vader. It was close decision, Maul is a supreme fighter, and a true badass, but, let's face it Vader is the one. this guy doesn't even have a human father, hell not even a mortal father. First thing will happen is that him and maul will mercilessly slaughter the jedi, and then duke it out on their own. and then vader will quickly dispense some whupass down on Maul. Of course I would pick the darkside, Because leat's face it, evil always wins because it is stronger. that is all from me this week. TTFN

Sailor Xena writes:

Holy Sh@#t! Ever since I saw Phantom Menace I have thought of variouse Jedi vs. Jedi fights, but nothing this big! Everyone will agree that short of the councle that the greatest Jedi are in this battle both past and present(reletive to the star wars universe).
Here's how I see the fight go down; I see the old Kenobi being the first to fall (he'll use that, 'if you strike me down I'll be more powerful than you can possably imagine', schtick; but he's still dead). Since I don't see either Luke or the younge Kenobi fighting Qui Gon he'll last quite a while against how ever he faces(most likely Darth Maul). But just like in the movie he will lose to him. While it might be two on one, Vader will hold his own against the combined skills of Luke and Kenobi; Vader will never bring himself to strike down his own son so he'll dispatch of Kenobi(hey; he did it before he'll do it again) and while he is gloating over the fact that he finaly got rid of his ,"old friend", Maul and Luke will duke it out; and if he can handle two Jedi at one time Maul will get rid of one with ease.
That leaves the Sith lords, the two are excelent fighters but Vader has one advantage, the force. Remember that Anikin Skywalker is the most adapt and strongest with the force; the more experienced and battle hardened vader will be more so. Not only that, Vader will be emotionaly charged with anger at seeing Maul kill his son; these combonations will be too much for Maul to deal with. Although the fight will be one of the best in Jedi history, Vader will defeat Maul in spectacular fasion.

Seahawk27 writes:

As Quo-gon Jin himself stated, Vader is the one who will bring balance to the force. Unfortunately for everyone else in this brawl, he going to use that balance like a baseball bat and beat everyone else senseless. What kind of challenge will the other contestants offer?

Luke: Please. He only seems tough in an era without other Jedi. I know he defeated him on the death star, but unless Vader decides to turn his back on the dark side again he'll crush Luke
Darth Maul: The guy's a test run for Vader. All the power, none of the guile. Vader will trick the guy into a pit or something.
Old Obi-wan: No challenge. Doesn't have the power.
Young Obi-wan: a good match. It will be a good fight, but in the end Vader's too smart for his future master.
Qui-gon Jinn: probably the toughest fight. Jinn knows how to use the force, won't be tempted to anger and has the fighting skills to go one on one. The only way I see Vader winning is by crippling Luke or Ben. Jinn will be distracted and Vader will cut him down.

RHJediKnight writes:

People, people, people. It is so obvious who will turn out the victor in this duel. The choice is clear, the only logical person to pick would be young Obi-Wan Kenobi. Not every Jedi is trained by the best swordsman in the order, y'know, and he gets better with practice. And who was the one who wasted Darth Maul? That's right, young Obi-Wan. So do yourselves a favor and vote for the obvious winner, young Obi-Wan Kenobi.

falkon5 writes:

Um, this might get confusing, so I'll do my best.Luke wins because young Ben beat Darth Maul, who beat Qui-Gonn, but young Ben died of old age and became Old Ben, who was beat by Darth Vader, who was beaten to a pulp by Luke Skywalker, albeit he saved Luke's life.Besides, in Episode I, Anakin, future Darth Vader, had the highest "midichlorean count" that was higher than Yoda's.Luke, Vader's son,inherited this and, since he was trained by Yoda, increased it somewhat,with lots of help from the Dark Side that he momentarily gave in to in Return of the Jedi.Darth Maul won't be a problem for Luke, because in the books by Bantam, Luke fought a man with a ton of force power with a lightsaber twice the standard size.On the lighter side, who knows?This may turn into a philosophy battle between them all!anyway, Luke is losing in the votes right now, so i'll help him out.

Spikey writes:

Darth Maul in an easy one. We know that Maul can kill Qui-Gon-Jinn from watching The Phantom Menace. Young Obi-Wan can't win because he doesn't have enough life experience. As soon as Young Obi-Wan bites it, a rift in the Space-Time-Continuim� will form and consume Old Obi-Wan. That is if Darth Vader hasn't killed him first. We know from Return of The Jedi that Vader can't bring himself to kill Luke and Luke can't bring himself to kill his own father. While they are paralized with indecision, Maul can lop both their heads off, leaving him the clear winner.

Goldenbane writes:

Vader is the man! Remember my fellows, that he was deemed the mightiest force user of them all! It was said his power availibility surpassed that of even the mighty Yoda. Darth Vader is not only a canidate for jedi master, but he is also a force(pardon the pun) to be reckoned with in light sabre combat. I see the battle going something like this: Old and Young Ben kill each other right off the bat, since Old is probably bitter about the mistakes young will make. Maul will kill Luke because Luke is too hotheaded and brash to survive against such a dangerous opponent. Vader will kill Que gon by battering him with telekinetic items, then killing him with the sabre. That leaves Maul and Vader. Maul will put on an "Impressive" show with his moves, but Vader will silently, and without remorse, break his neck using the force! The winner: Darth "The Hitman" Vader!

Scott Heisel writes:

Luke Skywalker is the only obvious choice. Follow the logic:
-Darth Maul kills Qui-Gon.
-Young Obi-Wan kills Maul, in essence killing Qui-Gon.
-Old Obi-Wan is killed by Vader, who in essence kills young Ben, Darth Maul, and Qui-Gon.
-Luke COULD HAVE killed off Vader had he wanted to, but he let it slide. But in this fight, he will see his "father" killing all of his friends and comrades, and will not stand for it. Look out for his new move, the Skywalker Spear. Long live the guy who kissed his own sister in the Trilogy.

YuPing writes:

Hey, where is Mara Jade? Oh c'mon! THAT would've been my vote. Seeing as she's not here, I guess I have to go with Young Ben for his fighting ability. Notice that Jedi's don't really use the force too much (I didn't say "at all") during a duel unless to enhance their physical status. Y. Ben's tenacity and verocity, combined with his youth, will definitly outweigh his slight inexperience.

~the Stranger writes:

First, we have to look at Luke. Judging by the picture you've provided, this is Luke from SWRotJ, and therefore will be too preoccupied pleading with Vader (his father) to come back from the Dark Side. Vader will be distracted by this, but not so distracted that he doesn't see Old Ben shuffling up to him, Lightsaber extended. As can be expected, Old Ben just stands there and lets himself be cut down because he thinks he looks better all blue and glowy.
Meanwhile, Young Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon duel it out with Darth Maul. As the battle progresses, Qui-Gon slows down, whining a Lethal-Weaponesque "I'm getting too old for this sh**" just before becoming Qui-Gon Kebab. He decides he looks better all blue and glowy, too. Young Obi-Wan, who obviously is no match for Darth Maul (i mean, hey, he can't beat him in a two-on-one fight, so hey) realizes he is in trouble. He doesn't have any handy pits nearby to stage an ambush from, so he's pretty much screwed. He calls for help, attracting Luke's attention just in time for Luke to see Maul cut the young Kenobi down. Understandably upset at seeing his mentor killed twice in one day, he charges. Just before attacking, though, Luke realizes that a paradox has just occurred. "If young Ben just got killed, then old Ben never existed... so how did i just see him die??!?!?" Darth Maul, who doesn't care, he just wants to kill Jedi, slices him into julienne fries.

Darth Vader is pissed. He strides up to Darth Maul in what is sure to be a titanic battle, but then... *snap~fzzzt*
Darth Maul's lightsaber malfunctions, leaving him defenseless against Darth Vader's merciless attack.

Aurora - Gate Jumper writes:

Now THIS is going to be interesting. One can only wonder what form of Force Masking and illusions caused these Jedi to go for each others throats. For one thing, shouldn't Obi-Wan recognise the tell-tale Force Signature of Qui-Gon? Likewise for little Skywalker (Luke) and Obi-Wan, old or young. Some sadistic Dark Jedi must be doing some serious Force clouding for noone to recognise each other.
Now that that's over with, my synopsis:
While Darth Maul DID fight two opponents at once, Vader did this on a regular basis. SHADOWS OF THE EMPIRE states that Vader kept an army of hyper-fast dueling droids for practice. It also shows him fighting TWO at once. [["Send in one of my deuling droids." Vader thought for a moment. "No, send two."]] (I think that's what he said.) Due to the quality of the droids, even if Luke and Old Ben teamed up on him, he could probably beat them. I have also seen Vader fight one-handed. This would lead me to beleive that he coiuld also fight with EITHER hand. I think we could see some dual saber work in the near future. Combined with Vader's power with the Dark Side, he could probably blast an opponet to peices with a well placed Force bolt. But where would the challenge, or fun, in that be?
Maul will also give a pleasing performance, fighting off anyone who comes at him. We could see some dirty tricks from him, like a sift kick to painfull localles.(head,etc...)
Old Ben's performance will be weak, as he was under alot of pressure fighting Vader in Episode IV, and Vader wasn't even trying. Mastery with the Force or not, Old Ben just won't cut it. Middle-aged Ben? Possibly, but we won't see him until Episode III.
Young Ben has possibility. His fast moves and quick thinking saved him from Maul once, but the Sith Lord won't underestimate him a second time. [Side Note: Fix the hair kid. The rat tail and braided bit at the back should go. Let's have some Respectable looking Jedi.]
Qui-Gon will be fun to watch, he lasted a good two minutes alone with Maul, and we should see a repeat performance.
Luke Skywalker will be interesting. He's already lost his temper once with Vader, nearly sending him to the Dark Side, and has dabbled with it when Emperor Palpatine's Clone took over.(It was a ruse, but the influence was there.) Let's see how the great Skywalker performes when he is confronted by his Nemesis. Will he go easy on his father, or go for the furious kill?

[[(I'd like to see Mara Jade in this, but she hasn't got a movie. Pitty.)]]

Mephisto writes:

You can talk all you want about Maul and his one great kill. You can say how Luke is one of the stringest jedi ever, and about how he killed the empire. You can chat about how Qui Gon taught the best in ObiWan, and about how with that training Obiwan beat first Maul, and then Aniken. But there is only one man who stands above them all. The one true lord of the sith Darth Vader. Vader killed off an order that lasterd for hundereds of years, he has swept fear acrossed the universe, and he did it with style. Vader will walk away from this fight just as he did every other fight, the winner. For I am Mephisto, and my Word is Final!

buzzkill writes:

I think that Darth Maul has the most skill out of the group. If he can keep his double lightsaber in one piece, he will win easily.

Jiggs writes:

So why young Ben will win? Ok, look old Ben lost against Darth Vader, Darth Vader now has asthma and lost against Luke (well Vader cut his hand off but anyway)Darth Maul beat Qui Gong and young Ben killed Maul in a flash of rage (do I sense the use of the dark side?).
Luke and young Ben are left to go against each other. Luke will propably have doubts fighting the man who trains him later on and therefore be slain by Ben whom he thinks is an encyclopedia salesman.

Archpriest of the Cult of R2D2 writes:

Darth Vader will surely take home the prize this time. There's just something about a classic - he's the original Man in Black and he takes no prisoners. Darth Maul is just the new kid on the block, and Vader will school him like he has never been schooled before.

Of course, if R2D2 were in the fight, they would all fall before his wrath. Hail to R2D2! He crushes mountains with force of will alone. He destroys continents and rules nations! R2D2 will reign supreme!

Maskim Xuul writes:

Whoah...this is a hella fight. I think it unlikely that the 'light' Jedi would raise arms against each other. But, for the sake of argument...

Luke Skywalker: Huge potential power, but largely self-taught. He never completed training with Yoda. His fighting style is furious and forceful (no pun) but unsophisticated. He has rarely been seen to use the Force overtly, prefering to rely on his sabre skills. We've seen him take down Darth Vader. But was Vader really trying?

Darth Vader: The most inherently powerful and experienced. He can do things with the Force that the others can only hope to defend against. But age and injuries have slowed him. We've seen him take down Kenobi. But was Kenobi really trying?

Obi-Wan Kenobi (old): A warrior, skilled and experienced. But the Force cannot reverse the effects of age. Not a pushover, but unlikely to defeat these opponents. He is not the Jedi he was in his youth...

Obi-Wan Kenobi (young): A Jedi Knight and a strong fighter. He has the youth, the skills, and the speed, but he lacks mastery of the Force that some of the others have. We've seen him take down Darth Maul. But was Maul really trying?

Darth Maul: While referred to as an 'apprentice', his skills clearly show that he has completed his training. Maul is a Jedi Warrior. His sadism and overconfidence in SW:TPM allowed Kenobi to sucker-slash him, but that is unlikely to happen today. His mastery of a suicidally-dangerous weapon is overwhelming. However, like young Kenobi, he is not a Jedi Master. We've seen him take down Qui-Gon Jinn. But was Jinn really trying?

Qui-Gon Jinn: A Jedi Master. Lethal, experienced, and powerful. Unorthodox, yes, including his fighting style. At harmony with the Force. His previous loss to Maul was quite likely due to his efforts to protect his protoge' in the same battle. He will suffer no such distractions today.

My money: Anybody's game. But Master Qui-Gon Jinn has the edge.

Switz writes:

Uh, we talkin' live old Ben or spirit old Ben? Gotta be the one with spirit, Kenobi opens a can of Jedi style whoop-ass! Plus, the old Obi-Wan's actually been knighted....nuff said.

THE BATTLE

NERON:   But, isn't this illegal. I mean, we could get arrested for this.

Catbert:   Will you two shut up. You are on.

T-1000:   Oh, um. Some very interesting opinions this week. Okay, the Jedi are all stepping out into the arena and at this time I would like to introduce the temporary judge for today's match. The evil Mr. Catbert, who will be filling in as judge in place of the former judge, Callisto.

NERON:   Darth Maul and Darth Vader are both removing their ceremonial black, Sith robes while the Jedi are all removing their ceremonial brown robes.

T-1000:   The contestants are all pulling out their own Light Sabers. I see Darth Maul still has his double-edged Light Saber.

NERON:   The contestants are all staring at each other intently, probably using the force to sense for any weaknesses in their opponents. A real waste of effort considering the contenders gathered here today.

T-1000:   The temporary judge, Catbert, is motioning for the fight to begin. There is the bell and the match is under way.

NERON:   Light Sabers from every contestant come to life as the Jedi all charge each other.

T-1000:   Qui Gon Jinn is attacking old Obi Wan Kenobi. This should be good. These two opponents are most experienced in the ways of the force.

NERON:   Just a few meters away from there it looks like Luke Skywalker is in under attack from the young Obi Wan Kenobi and another few yards from them I can see, good lord. It looks like Darth Maul and Darth Vader are engaged in one-on-one battle.

T-1000:   Vader goes for a low thrust to Maul's legs but Maul expertly parries the blow and comes down with the other edge of his light saber. Maul goes for an attack, first high, then low. Vader blocks both attacks and goes for a blow to the head. Maul blocks and kicks Vader in the helmet.

NERON:   Onto the Luke/Obi Wan battle. Luke goes for a thrust to Obi Wan who leaps over Luke, landing directly behind him. Obi Wan swings at Luke from behind but Luke spins around, blocking the attack.

T-1000:   Qui Gon swings at old Obi Wan, whom parries the thrust and uses the force to knock Qui Gon back. Qui Gon uses the momentum to turn the fall into a back spin, landing right in front of Obi Wan and goes for another thrust, this one to the upper part of the body.

NERON:   Going back to the two Darths for a second. Maul goes for a low wound, then a high wound, Vader blocks, now he goes for a low blow, Maul blocks but Vader parries the attack.

T-1000:   Maul quickly reverses into a round house attempts to bring his light Saber down on Vader's head.

NERON:   Back to the two old guys. Qui Gon Jinn swings high, then low. Old Ben blocks the attacks and lunges forward at Qui Gon.

T-1000:   Qui Gon parries the thrust but Old Ben uses the momentum to go into a flip over Qui Gon. Pretty impressive for someone his age.

NERON:   Qui Gon goes for the kill but Old Ben uses his Light Saber to parry Qui Gon's out of his hand. Qui Gon is defenseless and Old Ben goes for the kill.

T-1000:   Qui Gon leaps over Old Ben's head and quickly grabs his fallen Light Saber. Ben swings around for the kill but Qui Gon blocks the lunge and swings around uncontrollably, decapitating old Obi Wan.

NERON:   Qui Gon is staring at Obi Wan's body. It's almost like he just realized what he did.

T-1000:   Blast. The radiation must be wearing off. Without the hallucinogenic effects of the radiation to confuse them, the opponents are now aware of what they are doing and exactly whom they are fighting.

NERON:   You mean, you exposed them to radiation that is hallucinogenic and could accidentally lead these guys to kill each other.

T-1000:   That was the plan.

NERON:   Clever. I got to hand it to whoever came up with that one. Anyway, with the radiation wearing off, the Jedi and the Sith have stopped fighting each other and are now separating themselves into two teams. The Sith on one end and the Jedi on the other end.

T-1000:   The two teams are charging each other. Young Obi Wan and Qui Gon both go after Darth Maul, again while Luke is once again fighting his dear old dad. I guess it is better to deal with the devil you know.

NERON:   Qui Gon moves first, lunging toward Maul. Maul parries the attack and brings the other end of his Light Saber down and through Qui Gon's gut.

T-1000:   Qui Gon is finished and it looks like it is two on two. Young Ben charges Darth Maul attacking first low, then high. Maul blocks both attacks but Young Ben brings his Light Saber down, slicing Darth Maul's Saber in half.

NERON:   Luke comes charging in to battle Darth Vader. He swings at Vader, first to his left them to his right. Vader blocks both attacks and kicks out wildly and Luke, knocking him to the ground.

T-1000:   Maul lunges forward at Young Ben, Ben blocks and leaps over Maul. Maul quickly decks Obi Wan in the face with a fight fist and then, using his left hand, thrusts his Light Saber into young Obi Wan's stomach.

NERON:   With Young Ben dead, Maul charges Luke who is distracted with Darth Vader. A quick stab to the heart and Luke Skywalker falls dead as well. Man, this is a dark day for Jedi knights everywhere.

T-1000:   With all the rest of the Jedi dead, Maul and Vader are staring at each other. I guess this is called a draw.

NERON:   I guess not. The two of them charge each other, Light Sabers swinging. But I thought that they were on the same side.

T-1000:   The Sith are never on the same side. They all hate each other. As far as they are concerned, there is only room for one Sith ruler. It looks like these two are about to decide which one is walking away today as that ruler.

NERON:   The two Sith are being absolutely viscous out there. It is impossible to keep up with them.

T-1000:   Maul goes for a low blow. Vader blocks and reverses into a round house swing.

NERON:   Maul blocks and kicks out wildly.

T-1000:   A direct hit to Vader's helmet. The helmet protected Vader from any real damage but the force of the blow has sent Vader stumbling backwards.

NERON:   Seeing the opportunity for an easy victory, Maul charges forward. His Light Saber is up in the air, preparing to dice Vader in half.

T-1000:   Oh no! Vader brings his Light Saber up, running Darth Maul directly through the heart. Well, that it, the match is over and Darth Vader is the reigning Jedi champion.

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Darth Vader: 329

Darth Maul: 230

Luke Skywalker: 159

Young Ben: 139

Old Ben: 57

Qui Gon Jinn: 51

THE WRAP UP

NERON:   Um, T-1000, the representatives of the Jedi council are here and they would like to have a word with you.

T-1000:   Quick, run!

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