THE SCENARIO

The Khazan Sorcerer's Guild yearly Thieves Invitational Challenge. A chance for the Sorcerers to test their latest defenses against intrusion, and for the thieves to possibly make out like... well... bandits

This years contenders are some of the finest history has produced. Who will take the gold, and who will bite the bullet? Stay Tuned...

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   We are LIVE in front of the Khazan Sorcerer's Guild for this weeks match! It's a contest of wits and guile the likes of which the world has never seen. Hello and Welcome, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. We got the the best three thieves that the universe has ever seen. Autolycus, Aladdin and Robin Hood. These gentlemen will battle it out for the right to grab loot from the Sorcerer's vault! And the guild has sure prepared a challenge for them Pat!

PAT:   Yes indeed! And while the contestants are casing the joint, lets see what the fans have to say about it.

YOUR OPINIONS

Joseph W. Duis writes:

Hey, thanks for doing this battle! Robin Hood should win 'cause he's better at this than the rest of them. Autolycus may give him a run for his money, but Robin Hood robbed from the rich for a very long time and never got caught permanently. Aladdin shouldn't even be in the running. He's just a cheap hood.

Justin Lee writes:

Autolycus should win simply because he has the most working gadgets and is an expert with lockpicking, grappling hooks, etc. Also...according to the last Aladdin movie, wasn't Aladdin's father called "The King of Thieves"? What an odd coincidence.

Captain Swing writes:

Regarding the Battle Circle Match between Aladdin, Robin Hood, and Autolycus: The choice is simple really. Autolycus would win hands down. Why? Because Aladdin is a street rat punk and Robin Hood is the prince of thieves where as Autolycus is the "King Of Thieves". Hail to the king baby! Besides he has something the others don't....style.

Scary Mary writes:

Easy! Auto wins! Why?

• Robin Hood = pantywaist
• Aladdin = quite smelly and not very nice at all
• Autolycus = what a man!!!

(Uh, basically I revere Bruce Campbell as a god. 'Nuff said.)

A pro-Aladdin Kim writes: Aladdin, most definitely. Autolycus, yeah, he's got some tricks. And Robin does have those looks, but Aladdin has the man on his side. You know, Genie. Of course he's gonna win!

Paul Spacie writes:

Aladdin has always been a "fun for the whole family" marshmallow. Fighting large and powerful enemies with Genie, carpet, and abu has made him soft. I'd be interesting to see him put up against his own, but he's gonna get his tail whipped by a world class archer and swordsman, and a guy who knows Hercules.

Laberna writes:

Aladdin won't win cause he has ben in the palace and was only a petty thief, robin hood doesn't really have the inner thief so that leaves one choice (**And concerning Josey & The Pussycats v. The Village People**): Josie and the Pussy Cats would have to win that one.........Cause they have been to outer space they helped scooby doo out they are tough and ready for a bloody battle

A pro-Auto Kim writes: Autolycus would win!! He has more style, more sophisticated gadgetry, and less scruples than those other two pantywaists. (And of course being portrayed by Bruce Campbell doesn't hurt)

Margaret Taylor writes:

Hey! Something's screwy with the system. When I voted for Autolycus, Aladdin got a vote instead (and, no, I didn't accidentally hit the Vote Aladdin button instead). Aladdin should be disqualified for cheating like the vile street rat that he is. Long Live Autolycus!!!!!

(**Browsers are just weird in how they display things... some things are cached by your browser, some things are not... If you went to the Sports Page first to get current scores, that's what happened. Your computer just kept a copy of some stuff it saw there. However, your vote to Autolycus was recorded. Really.**)

Midnight writes:

Personally, I think Autolycus should win, he has more style than any of the other contestants, but I have to admit that Aladdin has that entire TEAM of his, including a cosmically powered genie to help him, but if he were to operate without them, Autolycus would wipe the floor with him, and as for Robin Hood, he's a bandit for the most part, don't think he could pick a lock if his life depended on it....

THE BATTLE

JAY:   The fans have spoken and I see Autolycus studying on the Main Gate. He must be feeling very daring today Pat.

PAT:   Yes indeed. Robin Hood is stringing line to an arrow. He obviously intends to go up over the wall. And Aladdin is looking at squeezing through a grate which leads into the underground water system.

JAY:   Autolycus studies the crack between the double doors at the gate. He sees something... He pulls out a flat metal sheet and shoves it between the doors... pushes up... he opened the door! There must have been a wooden rail holding the two doors shut and he lifted it off!

PAT:   Aladdin has disappeared from view - taking the underground route... And there goes Robin Hood scaling the wall... Up, up, up!

JAY:   They're all inside the fortress now... we're switching to our remote-cams. Robin Hood has scaled over to the other side of the wall and he finds himself in a strange garden, a carrot patch? Autolycus is carefully crossing the courtyard inside the walls, but I'm having trouble locating Aladdin... Pat can you find him?

PAT:   Aladdin has just surfaced from a pool and is choosing to try moving along a tunnel, Jay. Oh, Hey... this is interesting. Zoom in on Robin Hood.

JAY:   What the!? He's been surrounded by a pack of cute and sharp fang bunny rabbits? They're all jumping at him... Robin is trying to cut and dodge but they're tearing into him Pat! WHOA-ICK!! what a way to go! Robin is dragged down in the garden!

PAT:   Robin Hood down, Folks! Eaten by a carnivorous pack of Bunny Rabbits... Will the others fare any better?

JAY:   Let's see how Autolycus is doing... Hmmm! Looks like he hit a snag in the form of a three headed dog guarding the main door. Looks like it hasn't been fed lately. Comments Pat?

PAT:   Well, Jay, Autolycus is sizing up the situation. The beast won't bother him apparently, as long as he does not go any further into the fortress.

JAY:   While we wait let's look in on Aladdin, maybe he's having better progress.

PAT:   Aladdin has run into a trap! Steel gates have slammed down behind and in front! The ceiling is lowering!!! Could this be the end of contestant number two? Lets go now to our own sideline commentator Frank Williams who has this special report.....

JAY:   First of all, let me deny any rumors about me and the placement of that trap! I've been in Jamaica since the Borg vs. Alien fight, and had nothing to do with it! Anyway, Abu is praying to whatever gods monkeys believe in, and the Merry Men are already celebrating Aladdin's defeat. If you'll pardon me, I want to celebrate as well! Back to you, Pat. Hey guys, ale all around!

PAT:   Thanks Frank. O.K. What do you have, Jay?

JAY:   Fast thinking on Aladdin's part Pat. He jammed his dagger into a crack between the bricks in the wall and for now it has stopped the descending ceiling but for how long?

PAT:   Jay, there has been much debate on Aladdin's abilities without the Genie... And the dagger is slipping... But wait! Aladdin is contorting, straining his thin body to fit through the bars in the gate....

JAY:   The ceiling just snapped the dagger and is falling again! Aladdin has slipped almost halfway through the bars, this is going to be close, the ceiling is almost upon him!

PAT:   He's out! He has moved farther into the fortress. Flipping back over to Autolycus, we see he is now facing off against the dread three headed dog, and he seems to be holding.... a cat? Where did he get a cat?

JAY:   He probably pulled it out of that backpack of his. He puts it down... the 3-headed dog growls at the cat and the cat hisses and spits back...

PAT:   The Dog charges... Autolycus jumps... The cat runs... Folks, Autolycus has cleared... jumped over... the dog!! The three headed dog is off on a chase and the "King of Thieves" is off the hook.

JAY:   Autolycus easily gets inside the keep... switching over to Aladdin, we find him jumping across a pit of spikes. He clears it! So far our two remaining thieves are doing well Pat.

PAT:   Yes, Jay. Aladdin has hit a new snag, though! Can we get a close-up on that pool of water?

JAY:   Aladdin is up against a pool full of crocodiles and he has to cross it to continue forward.

PAT:   Yes, and look at that tight-rope. Meanwhile, Autolycus, is beginning to walk down a hall of mirrors. All different sizes and shapes of mirrors.

JAY:   Autolycus glances at himself in the mirrors... wait he stops! He's... he's checking his hair. He moving on now with ALL his hair in place... Look! Something's happening in one of the mirrors. An image of Autolycus jumps out of it!!

PAT:   Aladdin is starting his tightrope walk. Those Crocs are big and hungry. Aladdin is keeping his balance very well... good form....

JAY:   Autolycus just notices the image of himself behind him. He turns... his jaw almost hit the floor. The image of himself laughs and points to his hair..

Autolycus:   You missed a spot!

PAT:   Aladdin is about halfway across now... looking confide... whoa whoa! He's swaying...

JAY:   The two Autolycus's are fighting... I lost track of who's who! Jab! Punch! Kick! Ouch, low blow!!

PAT:   Aladdin has lost his footing, but a brilliant jump lands him on a crocs head!!!

JAY:   The two Autolycus' are still fighting. One is giving the other a combination of lefts and rights. Looks like the other is about to go down Pat but who?

PAT:   Jay, Aladdin is hopping across the heads of crocs in a rush to get to the other side of the pool.... A last jump.... AMAZING!!! He pulled it off!

JAY:   Well it's not good for one of these two Autolycus'. The one has knocked the other out flat. It's... the victor is disappearing! The doppleganger has beaten Autolycus. Well, on the bright side it took a copy of Autolycus to knock-out Autolycus.

PAT:   What's this? Autolycus beaten by himself, while Aladdin finds himself in a circular room filled with heaped treasure. Aladdin grabs a HUGE ruby and is teleported back out side. Autolycus has vanished, too, Jay.

JAY:   Pat, Autolycus is holding his head and coming to his senses. Aladdin is talking with reporters about his victory.

PAT:   There's a crowd around the two men now... Can we get some comment from Auto... Hey, where did Autol...

JAY:   ...And Aladdin is now going to reveal the ruby... er... Aladdin is looking for the ruby...

PAT:   And there goes Autolycus, folks! He has amazingly thieved Aladdin's ruby and is running for the hills!

JAY:   Aladdin is in hot pursuit... well, I think that's a wrap. Aladdin beat the fortress and wins the match. And, if he can catch Autolycus he might get to keep his winnings..

THE FINAL VOTE

AUTOLYCUS: 74

THE WRAP UP

PAT:   From the Khazan Sorcerer's Guild, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. Good day.

The Part of Pat written by Serge - Electric Ferret Studios

The Part of Jay written by Shawn - Callisto Tales

The part of Frank Williams by Robert - Callisto's Corner of Tartarus

Special Thanxs to: Disney's Aladdin (Official)

Special Thanxs to: Robin Hood New Adventures (Official)

Special Thanxs to: Vicky's Autolycus Page (Cool)

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE: ALADDIN As seen here is the property (c) of Disney. ROBIN HOOD As seen here is the property (c) of Turner. AUTOLYCUS is the property (c) of MCA/ Universal. This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.