THE SCENARIO

Que standard Space / Time warp anomoly which drops Harry Mudd into a worm hole and brings him to Deep Space Nine...

Harry Mudd: Harcourt Fenton Mudd is a con-man, smuggler, liar, disreputable businessman, and all-around ne'er-do-well. He was been a thorn in the side of James T. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise on numerous occasions. Travelling through out federation space, his scams are the stuff of legend.

Quark: Quark, a member of the Ferengi species, is a con-man, smuggle, liar, disreputable businessman, and all-around ne'er-do-well. In other words, he is the heir to Harry Mudd's Star Trek legacy. The owner and operator of Quark's, a combination bar and casino located on the promenade of the Federation space-station Deep Space Nine, he has been a constant thorn in the side of the station's captain and crew.

When Harry Mudd sets his eyes on Quark's operation, he thinks he might be able to muscle himself in on a piece of the action. Of course, Quark probably won't take kindly to the competition. Then they both catch wind of an incredible opportunity: a scam so big that it will test their skills of deception, greed and criminal sensibilities to the fullest. At stake, One billion bars of gold-pressed Latinum.

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

James T. Kirk:   Captain�s Log, Stardate date 4895.919; I�m here in Quark�s with that King person again. It�s been five days since an unexplained spatial anomaly transported myself and incorrigible con man Harry Mudd over one hundred years into the future, to a Federation outpost called Deep Space 9. Harry wasted no time attempting to muscle in on the organization of the local crook that owns this bar, but so far the two are locked in a stalemate . . .

Don King:   Still talkin� to yourself there, buddy?

James T. Kirk:  Damn you! Why have you brought me here? Why do you force me to only observe these events, not participate in them? Why . . . do . . . you . . . torment . . . me . . .so?!?!?

Don King:   Jeez Jimmy, tone down the melodramatics just a tad. People are starting to stare. Look I brought drinks, soothing alcoholic beverages!

James T. Kirk:   Gin?

Don King:   You know it. Gin makes a man mean! At any rate, all you fight fans watching this on the big screen back at the arena of Khazan are in for a real treat! Consummate con men Harry Mudd and Quark have their eyes on the prize, a transport carrying one billion bars of gold-pressed Latinum! First, a little background . . .

Announcer:   When legendary flim-flam artist Harry Mudd arrived on Deep Space 9, Quark was thrilled to meet one of his childhood heroes. Of course, his excitement was dulled somewhat when Harry played a few games of Dabo, bankrupting Quark�s in the process. Harry offered to buy the place out, but instead Quark challenged him to a game of High-Stakes Dabo to settle the score. Quark won his money back, and in the days since the two have entered into uneasy truce.
Meanwhile, the ridiculously wealthy government of the planet Bacchus has decided to donate one billion bars of gold-pressed Latinum to the beleaguered world of Remus, whose economy recently collapsed. The transaction could have been completed electronically, but the Bacchites are big on ceremony and insisted on physically transporting the billion bars, which they could then present to the Kundaloon government in a lavish, highly publicized event. On its way to Remus, the unarmed and unescorted Bacchite transport carrying the Latinum will be making a routine stop for refueling right here at Deep Space 9. This is supposed to be a secret of course, but both Mudd and Quark have learned of the transport�s impending arrival . . .

Don King:   Hmmmmmm, wonder how that could have happened?

James T. Kirk:   You told them.

Don King:   Shut up. Well, transport is docking with the station even as I speak, so let�s take a look at what our audience has to say before the fun starts!

YOUR OPINIONS

--JP2 writes:

Quark's gotten too straight-arrow in his service to the Federation. Harry Mudd plays dirty. Plus, anyone who introduced us to Tribbles has to be pure evil.

Thee onee formerlyy knownn ass McLdoo(tmm). Myy truee namee iss You'lll neverr knoww. writes:

I'mm writingg thiss inn Mudd-Latinn. Likee Pig-Latinn, onlyy youu doublee thee lastt letter inn aa wordd. I'mm goingg withh Muddd onn thiss onee. Thee onlyy personn whoo couldd stopp Muddd wass Kirkk andd hee iss deadd. Unlesss theyy managee twoo spacee-timee anomaliess inn onee showw, Quarkk iss doomedd. Besidess, aa tribblee inn aa drinkk andd Quarkk goess brokee payingg offf thee healthh inspectorr.

Andy Anime writes:

I gotta give it to Harry Mudd, for two reasons:

1. As you stated, Quark is the heir to Harry's legacy. However, it is a well known-fact that the original is always best.

2. Last time we saw Harry Mudd on Star Trek: The Original Series, he had been stranded on a planet with a bunch of nagging clones of his wife. Such a cruel and unusual punishment is sure to give him the dreaded Rage(TM)

Predator writes:

Quark has this one in the bag! I mean come on, the guy is FERENGI!!! They live to swindle people. All Mudd ever did was piss Kirk off a bit. Quark has survived dozens upon dozens of hairy situations. He even took on the Dominion fer pete's sake! Like I said, Quark all the way.

PoisonPen writes:

Harry Mudd had nothing to do with tribbles (as far we know...). That was Cyrano Jones. In any case, it's not even close. Mudd has more style, more class, and more guile than any Ferengi that ever lived. He would *own* the entire Ferengi Empire in a week, and sell it scratch-and-dent two days later to the Klingons at a 500% mark-up.

Besides which, original Trek is better than any of the lacklustre wannabe-Trek imposters that have followed sheepishly since.

Chuin writes:

Ever notice how much Ross Perot looks like Quark?

When I got my PhD and started looking for work, I took the lowest paying job because of the fast talking of my boss, a man who looks just like Roger C. Carmel. His first advice to me was, "Become a bigamist!" How could I ever vote against anyone who offered that kind of advice?

Skeearmon writes:

OK, you silly children, Mudd was not responsible for the tribble incident. That was some other ridiculously cheesey schmoe. However, he WAS responsible for turning the disgustingly ugly into supermodels, so he gets points there. He does know the ropes.

But for Quark, it's in the blood. His whole species are a bunch of no-good money lusting, reprobate, shysters. My god! They're religion and politics is resolved around making the biggest, fattest nestegg you can make. That's why Quark is going to win, especially with so much at stake, even if the gold-pressed latinum is eventually confiscated by Odo.

That and Harry Mudd is dead. And Kirk's dead, too. So, shut up, ghostboy, and lose the hairpiece.

S. Todd writes:

Quark Quark Quark Quark. The man is the quintessential Ferengi. He has seen(and survived) it all. No offense to Mr. Mudd, I'm sure he has thrown a few in his day, but compared to Quark the man is a gomer. Quark has run more scams than Mudd ahs even heard of, and done a lot of it right under the Federation's nose. This fight is his.

Dark Queen writes:

It's not how many episodes that a person is in, it's what kind of impression that you leave. I mean, exactly when was the last time that Quark's scheme (any scheme) worked out? ::Waits for response::

Exactly.

Mullibok writes:

Is there even a question? Mudd ends up trapped on a planet surrounded by hundreds of his nagging wife. Meanwhile, Quark always manages to avoid capture. Besides, Mudd dealt with a drug that didn't even actually work, while Quark deals in rare artifacts and treasures. The choice is obvious.

Bobcatt writes:

I'm going with Quark on this one; all those failures aside, he has a better success record than Harry Mudd. And let me say, Quark may have failed, but he's never failed as spectacularly as Mudd! All kibitzing aside, let me tip my hat to this match; great choice!

HexxJo writes:

I don't know... if this Mudd dude was so great, why don't I remember him. I may not be the biggest Trek buff around, but if he's supposed to be such a major villain-type character, you'd think his name would ring a bell. Not that Quark's all that great either, but at least that ugly mug sticks in your mind...

Jeff "T-REX" Hayes writes:

Well Quark will win this match up. Cause he is the better Con Man. But were you not Forgeting someone? One Templeton "FaceMan" Peck? I know he's not a Star Trek character but no baatle of con artist would be complete without Face. Remember He got a 57 Chevy into the Jungles of Vietnam. Could either Quark or Mudd do such a feat and still be able to trick B.A Barracus into eating a sandwich laced with sodium pentathal I think not. Well anyhoo Quark is sneakier than Mudd and he could sneak into Nazi Party HQ wearing a Yarmeka and sell Hitler a Bagel. thats just how good he is ok you got that

The Toast Rider writes:

Ow. Talk about a tight call here.

As far as talent and experience go, Mudd and Quark are darn near evenly matched. Frankly, it wouldn't surprise me if Mudd held honorary Ferengi membership. Expect him to be more of a handful than any human or nonhuman Quark's -ever- run across.

Yet in the end, Quark's had to match wits with his own kind, with a shapeshifting constable, a humorless Bajoran, and a Starfleet officer who once slugged Q. Mudd will lose, but he'll lose well -- and knowing Quark, he might try and cut Mudd a minor piece of the action.

Gothamite1 writes:

Well it's Quark against some guy whose name is mud, er, Mudd. Quark has stood up to killers, cut-throats and Klingons for several years.

Mudd has annoyed an intergalactic playboy.... Twice.

Quark stood up to a seven foot blood crazed Klingon, dared him to kill him and then insulted the man's parents.

Mudd... pitted his... wits... against some guy who... rips his... SHIRT!! Wears a..... wig... and chases... women!

He's even made a pass at Kira and lived. If Mudd wants a rep on DS9 he's gonna have to ask Kira to work as a Dabo girl (at least that's what Quark will tell him :)

Mudd's gonna get castrated like a dog.

sladethesniper writes:

I can not believe that nasty-looking excuse for a humanoid is winning! Mudd gave the all-time biggest badass starship captain, (better known to all of you as James T. "Take no prisoners but the chicks" Kirk) hell. Quark? He couldn't even pull a fast one on the Bajorians. We all know how lame the Bajorians are. They fold faster than the French.

Mudd not only stuck Kirk with a ship full of multiplying furballs (furballs that even scared the KLINGONS), but that were more emotionally addictive than any furby. Even SPOCK liked them! (And he's notoriously more difficult to pull a fast one on than the Bajorians.)

Plus, Mudd had all those android chicks in skimpy outfits in that one episode. Quark has no chicks, at least none that I remember so they can't be very good looking.

Besides, I HAVE to vote for the Human! The Ferengi WERE badasses at one time before they became the watered down, alien-freak-of-the-week, crack dealers on Deep Space Nine.

Mudd should've taken this one easily. Quark should've been worshipping at Mudd's nasty, fat feet and drooling over Mudd's animatronic "drinky" girls.

If Mudd can take down Kirk and Spock with a wry grin and a twist of his greasy mustache, he can take down Quark.

Quark doesn't even have the trademarked "greasy handlebar mustache" that all good con men are supposed to have. He only has greasy handlebar ears. He is not a "contenda". He's a macrocephalic freak.

Lobe man writes:

Mud:small lobes.

Quark:really large lobes.

The winner is obvious the bigger Lobes the better the man.

Ard-Man writes:

I'm sure if we verify the DNA of Mudd and Quark, we'll see some similarities. Maybe the whole Ferengi race is the genetical throwback of an evolution of Mudd. Therefore, it'll be a tie: both of them will be discorvered in mid-con by Major Kira (And since she's not happy of losing past fight (#133), Mudd and Quark will run for their lives !!!).

Fan 665 writes:

I've seen Quark in action. He's been a schemer since he was an embryo(or whatever Ferengi females have). Mudd's just an amateur compared to Quark. besides, the Ferengi don't have weaknesses such as compassion or honor.

Quark for the latinum(or gold or...whatever)!

THE ANGRY MAN writes:

There are three factors that will determine this fight: the federation factor, the technology factor, and the Ferengi factor.

Everyone knows that exposure to the Federation nullifies killer instinct. Quark has been exposed to the Federation on every episode of DS9. It shows, because he has gotten soft. Mudd was born in the Federation, and he is still bad. Point: Mudd

On technology, Quark is centuries ahead of Mudd. While I think reliance on technology is a poor crutch for any self-respecting con man, it could make the difference between a successful one and a failure. Point: Quark

Finally, the Ferengi factor. Everyone knows the Ferengi are sneaky and manipulative. That is the problem. Everyone knows it. People who deal with the Ferengi tend to take precautions. Starfleet represents humanity to most aliens. They are boyscouts. Point: Mudd.

Therefore, Mudd has to win.

Runewulf writes:

I don't know exactly what these two are supposed to be squabbling over, but I do know that Quark has one crippling weakness: he actually has a conscience. Not much of one, but enough to make him hesitate when Harry would be stabbing his finger with a fountain pen in order to sign the paperwork to close the deal.

Quark also has a weakness for women, and selling attractive women was one of Harry's first scams, so he should have no trouble whatsoever keeping Quark distracted.

Harry Mudd should take this with no trouble whatosever.

Greebo71 writes:

Harry Mudd vs. Quark? The Ferengie has this one in the bag. You can pick any number of reasons.

Harry Mudd is new to the area and though his dealings may be legend, he still doesn't have any connection. This is Quark's stomping grounds.

Mudd just doesn't have the lobes for business that Quark does.

Damn near any of the supporting characters from classic Trek generally sucked. At least Quark went on to be eaten by a giant Mayor demon in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

Besides, Quark knows the value of a bar of gold-pressed Lattinum. Harry Mudd wouldn't know Gold Pressed Lattinum from Gold plated hood ornaments.

All Quark would have to do to get rid of Mudd is tell Worf,

"That Mudd guy said your Mother was a To'pah and your father was a Romulan cross-dresser."

After that, I give Harry Mudd approx. .10428 seconds before Worf beats the fat bastard to death.

A ROUND OF KLINGON BLOOD-WINE FOR EVERYONE!!!!

LVtheman writes:

I gotta go oldschool on this one- Harry Mudd. He doesn't need to have a book of his species's knoweledge published in order to make him a believable character. That, and he's original Gene Roddenberry (sp?) Trek.

The Pilot writes:

I am impressed, a battle in which a Star Trek character simply can not lose. Those people who were conspired against Kira in issue #133 are gonna pay once I find you. Damn you all!

Anyways, Quark is gonna win this one easy. Mudd is used to 1960s designed garbage while Quark has access to 1990s sophistication. Mudd will not use all his tools effectively because he has no idea how to use them. Quark wins.

McLDo(tm)/You'll never know writes:

I want my vote to go to the TRUE lying, smuggling, disreputable con-man. His name: Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, from the Discworld series of books. He sells hot dogs made of anything within earshot of a pig and has sold them to the same person more than once. He also has the powers of the Music With Rocks In(Rock Music) and Moving Pictures(Movies) on his side. If that weren't enough, he has at least 10 long lost cousins/alter egos/clones/psychic doubles/somatypes/dopplegangers/whatever to gang up on Mudd and Quark and shove food down their throats. Discworld forever!

P.S. Will Pat and Jay ever return? Say, maybe for the 150th or 200th fight.

RealLoneWolf writes:

No Way Mudd is taking home the prize this time! Mudd is a small time operator who keeps getting himself into trouble, and then asks (read Begs) for Kirk to get him out of it. Remember the planet with the robot duplicates? Mudd started the trouble, Kirk fixed it.

Now, Quark, on the other hand, is a succesful small-time operator. He's managed to stay on the good side of every single governement to have run Deep Space Nine since it's installation, has managed to hold his own in the cold war/chess game that was his relationship with his rival, Constable Odo, and more or less manages to work his way out of every difficult situation he's even gotten himself into. I'd like to see Mudd survive even a third of the stuff Quark's been in.

Hell, Quark's been raised in an environment that breeds crooked merchants conmen, thieves and profiteers: Ferengi culture. They even have the Ferengi equivalent to a Bible of profit-making: The Rules of Acquisition. Over 200 rules (at latest count, I believe) that teach one how to maximise profit-making opportunities, no matter what the situation.

Add to that the fact that Quark's got the home-field advantage in numerous ways (from simple familiarity with the station to general knowledge of the space-time period), as well as contacts with the station crew (from Commander Kira down to his brother Nog, the station engineer).

Harry might as well forget his first name, cause by the time Quark's through with him, his name really WILL be Mudd!

Rick R. Mortis writes:

I goive it to Mudd. Umpty-billion episodes of Deep Dish 9 have proven several things things: 1) Quark is a total idiot. 2) Quark never wins. 3) Watching DS9 makes you want to slit your own throat.

The Seraph writes:

True,Quark has had more screen-time to hone his skills but Mudd has quite a few more things going for him:

1: Quark has managed to screw up most of his schemes without the need for outside interferance. Mudd has only been stopped by the captain and flagship of the Federation.

2. Mudd has no scruples and let's face it would make a better Ferengi than Quark anyday (and he wasn't even brought up on the Rules of Aquisition)

3. Mudd had his own planet, Quark has almost lost his Bar on a number of occasions.

All these factors add up to making Mudd the winner, because if there is any problems of morality in gaining the latinum Quark might be too caught up in his morality to keep his eyes on the prize, Mudd won't. And as for danger, both are cowards and so Morn will win.

Fruitbat Messiah writes:

Oh,dear Heaven. I predict that Quark will simply have Harry drugged and deposited in the holosuites to enjoy a two week vacation on Raisa. Harry,having never heard of a holosuite and being totally unaware of what they are,(and being a bit of a dim bulb besides)will simply assume that this whole contest was merely an odd dream and have a very good time(swindling virtual vacationers out of virtual money) on vacation. Quark,on the other hand ,will now be totally free to do whatever he likes,without any interference whatsoever. And, as an added bonus,when all that gold-pressed latinum is safely in hand,he'll be able to let Harry out and explain to him exactly what happened. The look on Harry's face will be worth all the money in the Alpha Quadrant. MY CALL:Quark beats Mudd like a tornado in a trailer park. Nuff Said!

The Captain writes:

I don't know why Quark's winning...

Sure, I like him, and DS9 was my favorite Trek, but Quark is a LOSER!!! He owns a bar that, for years, was in the middle of nowhere (Cardassian space before the Federation came along). Then he made the mistake of hiring Rom, of all people......and finally let Rom be appointed Nagus instead of him!!!

Mudd was the ruler of a planet full of robots, for Pete's sake, and he captured the senior crew of the Enterprise!! He knows how to negotiate better than Quark, he knows how to con people. Quark sneaks and snivels, where Mudd asserts himself and takes control. 'Nuff said!!!

xianartman writes:

Since when can a normal human compete with the greed of a bred and raised greed incarnate ferengi? Quark has a entire race dedicated to the con. Who did Mr Mudd learn from. Mudd may have bothered Kirk to no end, however it never took much for Kirk to go running off because something was bothering him. Quark manages to stay in business despite the incredible watchful eyes of Odo (the MAN!!! of DS9).

Nuff said. Quark is the most underhanded of them all.

Crinos writes:

Mud is a genius! he is the ultimate villian! that quark guy dont stand a chance against this fool. COME ON MUDD! WIN THIS ONE FOR THE HUMANS! (note: this vote was in no way influenced by mudds hot android servants who are gonna spank me later... uhh nevermind)

D.Merzel writes:

Analysis submitted to the Centauri Republic commerce committee.

1) What entity has 1 billion bars of latinum lying around. This is equal to the GDP of the average planet. Result it is obviously a governmental deport of some sort

2) What government center is near Ds9, also what govt could be suckered by two small time con artists?

Therefore target is the federation.

Suspected target, Federation aid convoy to bajor due to stop at DS9.

Which of the two is in the best position.

Quark has an organization already in place, with links to odo & sisko. his brother is even working in maintance.

Mudd has nothing but a charming manner.

Prediction; as soon as the ships dock the captain is challenged by mudd to a little game of chance, unfortunately the captain is IVANOVA (who is trying to find a certain levithan). After Mudd has recieved multiple PPG's shots for cheating the ship is impounded by sisko for 'quaritine', while quark sues over the death of his 'dear associate mr mudd'.

Captain Tautimez writes:

Harry Mudd is a very respectable con man, but Quark is a true blue Ferengi, an entire race built on the principle of conning the other man before he can con you. Quark has the resources, the know-how, and the experience to get the job done. Let's see Mudd memorize 340 rules of Aquisition!

DL Mighty writes:

I reluctantly voted for Quark simply because I found Mudd to be more transparent (and annoying). Mudd's bombast makes him immediately suspicious and Quark's values are so 1980's that it's hard to imagine him hustling anyone. Where's Lando Calrissian? Now there's a guy who could con anyone short of a Sith Lord.

bobberick the viking writes:

Any body would have to be crazy to not vote "quark" on this election. Being a ferengi, Quark is a born Hustler; his entire species wrote this Bible-like book called "the rules of acquisition" I've got my Latinum on the short guy with the bad teeth.

Cody Ackbare writes:

Ten bucks says Rygel from Farscape leaves 'em both in the middle of the Promenade wearing barrels on suspenders.

Topcat writes:

Where's the option for "Jabba the Hutt feeds them both to the Rancor"?!?

Nine writes:

Okay the question here is "who would you rather buy a used car from?"

A) A bald guy with a mustache,

or

B) Ross Perot

Harvey Mudd wins, with only a slight lead.

Niko writes:

Quark may be the fan favorite here, but I still have to bet on Mudd. He's got the style, he's got the attitude, he's got his wife Stella to answer to if he fails. Mudd also understands the finer things in life, like hundreds of female androids ready to please. Even if Mudd loses in the voting, I have the feeling he'll win on the side bets. I wouldn't put it past H.F. Mudd to bet against himself and then tank the fight.

Gryffen writes:

Once again, the near-infinite 'Plot Device'(tm) has struck! Yes, the incredible miricle of technology that has provided billions of dollars -- er, SATISFIED FANS -- surged its phenomonal powers upon the spaceways! Once again we see the cross-time paradox that can ONLY be possible through the powers of the mighty 'Plot Device'(tm)! Let us take a moment to bask in it's awesome grandure.

OK, moment's over; let's get down to business. ;)

I voted for Quark, and the reasons are rather easy to see. If you'll indulge me for a moment, I'll give you the rough analysis.

Our first contender is Quark, a member of the Ferringi race, and seemingly standard scoudrel. On first appearances, we'd likely assume from all the episodes from Star Trek: the Next Generation that were contaminated with the Ferringi, that Quark is much like the rest of their ilk. In some ways, that is true, but in many subtle ways he's very different. Yes, 'profit' is his main goal (like the rest of his race), but even he grasps the concept that monatary profit can only give you so much. But 'loyalty,' 'comradry,' and even more importantly the thrill of 'the game' are things Quark quietly takes to heart.

If you'll recall, he was romantically involved with one 'Natima Lang.' Natima was a leader of a major Cardassian dissidant movement, and very mush the idealist. After a drawn-out angst session that reminds you a bit of something off of Org -- er, PARTY of Five (Fraudain slip. Honest! ... not), Quark not only provided Natima and her followers with a ship to escape, but also gave up a one-of-a-kind cloaking device (free of charge, no less) AND let Natima go. He knew all he had to do at that point was merely to ask her to stay and she would have, but even he had the slightest shread of nobility much like Bogart's 'Rick' had in Casablanca.

That's just one of many examples. There's also what happened with Gorvan, the Minister of Trade for an entire race. He caught Quark skimming profits off their ledger, was going to prosecute when a Pho-Torp interviened (thanks again to the mighty 'Plot Device'!). Remember the episode? The Defiant's got trashed in the Badlands, different members of the crew get trapped in different sections, and they all do different acts to save the ship. Gorvan and Quark alone disarmed the Pho-Torp saving the ship. What's significant in that event is that Quark admits it's not the monatary profit that drives him, but the thrill. It was an either-or decision. Either this fuse or that one. Go with the instincts. Risk it all. And the payoff is everything.

And talk about a payoff. If you followed DS9 much, you'd have overheard snatches of conversation of Quark's still highly profitable and LEGAL trade treaties with Gorvan.

It's not just about money (thought that's very nice). It's not just about being on top. It's about the game -- the risk -- the thrill! This is what drives Quark. This is why despite many of the loses, he's still winning. Don't believe me? Take a look at the series again. He's friends with the Nagis. He's still one of the power-players of DS9. He's got dozens of trade treaties with every major power in the known galaxy, including the Federation!

Contender number two: Mudd.

...

Sorry, guys, but there's really not much to say about Mr. Mudd (anyone else getting images of the old Warner Brothers cartoons?). Yes, he's witty, and yes, he was an effective thorn against Capt. Kirk at times. But that's one of my points. It was only 'at times.' And he failed every time. EVERY time!

Mudd's two motivations for being in the game are 1) profit and 2) getting away from his wife. Not to sound cruel, but I'd like to point out that if the guy didn't have enough sense to find a wife he could actually live with, then what's he doing in the cutthroat realm of business?

Mudd's made some good deals, I'll give him that. And he does have a certain charm about him, too. Speaking politicrat helps. But there's a difference between speaking politicrat and actually UNDERSTANDING contract law and the like. That's something that killed Mudd. All of his deals were partially illegal. To be a true member of the game, you have to know how to make it LEGAL. Ask Al Capone, Don Gotti, and Don King on this, guys. Profit is one thing, legitimacy is a completely different subject!

Besides, last we ever saw of Harthcort Fenton Mudd, he was trapped on a world of emotionless androids that would never obey him again, not including the 250 androids of his wife (built accurate right down to the hidious hair)!

I still support that the original Star Trek series was the best of them all, but Mudd? You've been cancelled.

End of discussion. Quark takes this one in his sleep.

Shadowy Figure writes:

Wel, doesn't this suck? It seems to me that the one who would obviously win such a fight is going to lose. The reason is quite simple, Most of the people who vote here are too young to even remember Henry Mudd much less respect him, they have grown up on Next Gen, DS9, and Voyager. The only episodes they have seen of the original series are the ones they saw when they got up before 11:00 on a saturday morning and saw it on Fox. here's the lowdown: Quark is a screw-up. Nearly every one of his schemes is shot down, either by his own stupidity or his (ugh) morals. Henry Mudd has neither stupidity, nor morals. Nearly every plan he had succeeded, except for a rare few that were blown apart by those stupid kids and their mangy dog.... oops wrong series. Anyway, Mudd is a genius with no morals and a lot of guts, Quark is and bumbling, idiotic coward. End of Story. TTFN

Tarzman writes:

After a couple of tough recent matches, this one is easy to pick. I have to go with Quark in this for one reason - ODO.

Harry Mudd used exotic women to cloud the judgement of the "human" men in one episode (Spock remained imune)and took advantage of an android society that was looking for someone to serve after their original makers died from some catastrophe. He fell into that one and could have led an easy life if he would have followed the androids rules. Too bad his desire to plot and scheme his way around trouble usually lands him in worse trouble than he started. He could have retired on the android planet with all his needs attended to by beautiful androids; instead he was left with 500 versions of his unnattractive (need I say hideous, ugly, Ruth Buzzi-like) wife(EX?) to nag him through eternity.

These are Harry Mudd's only appearances in Trek lore (excluding the cartoon). It is true that in Mudd's Women the Computer was able to rattle off an impresssive list of charges against Mudd, but this only helps to prove my case for Quark. Harry Mudd was caught AND charged for his misdoings, a LOT.

Quark by far has had a tougher time on DS9. Odo had him pegged as a crooked bartender from the start (he's Ferengi). Even though most of Quark's big "DEALS" have gone sour, usually because of Odo interference, Quark was still smart enough to destroy any evidence of his involvement in any wrongdoing and has thus remained out of jail and off the charged with a crime but not convicted lists. Also he must have been successful in some of his lesser schemes because his bar was the focus of black market activities on the station. Why would criminal types continue to do business with him if he could never deliver?! Plus his casino in the bar was crooked in a way that Odo didn't catch (this can be verified in episodes of the show, I just can't think of which ones offhand but his D'Abo girls did get into trouble for having too many winners). Add to this the fact that Quark was able to run several schemes at one time, some specifically designed to keep Odo busy, and is from a race known to be disreputable, and Harry Mudd doesn't stand a chance.

One last point. This battle of criminal wits is occurring on Quark's home turf. HHHHUUUGGE advantage for Quark. He knows all the ins and outs of the station, the other players to tap for the SCHEME, and who to AVOID, ie Odo, or the plant/chair/cargo container/etc. that he doesn't remember being there before.

My take on the battle is thus :

Quark upon hearing that Harry Mudd is pursuing the same prize he is does two things. First, he sends Odo off on a wild goose chase by leaking info about a scheme he has going on in one of the upper pylons of the station. Second with Odo out of the way for a while he has one of his D'Abo girls bend Harry Mudd's ear with a story about some hidden stash of Romulan ale in a cargo hold on the edge of the station. Harry rushes off to raid the stash and is trapped as the airlock in the cargo hold depressurises and opens to space. Quark, standing behind his bar, and watching his monitor, chuckles to himself as he activates the trace program to erase the trail showing him activating the airlock. He then commences to plan out how to get his hands on the billion bars of latinum.

Dougan writes:

Without the "benefit" of being a true die hard Trek fan, I say Quark will take this one. He wouldn't have the reputation to get all of Odo's attention if he didn't get away with more than just a high priced bar/casino. He's got connections everywhere, just waiting to make him money. Just so long as his bungling brother stays out of the way, he's all set.

Morgoth d'Bellatoria writes:

This was tough. On the one hand you got a man who sold a drug that turned plain looking women into babes. While on the other you've got the Ferengi who tried to sell the 50's US govt 24th century tech. Man, I don't know. Both can run the ultimate con, but I had to go with Quark. DS9 is his home, he doesn't have Odo or Sisko breathing down his back anymore(though Kira is bad enough), and he has the home court advantage. Mudd doesn't have the contacts in the 24th like he does in the 23rd. Ol' Harry is going home a loser.

Nine writes:

Before Quark could finish his daily ear-cleaning, Harvey Mudd would already have submitted the forged documents to take over Quark's business without paying a cent.

Then just before Quark shows up for work, Mudd would auction off the phoney deed to the highest bidder, and return through the wormhole to his next brilliant scam:

Getting William Shatner to pitch "Priceline.com"

Iron Lantern writes:

Methinks the vaunted reputation of the Ferengi is just a tiny bit exaggerated. Because, before this deal is over, Mudd will play Quark like a Vulcan lyre.

I'm hard pressed to come up with *any* advantage Quark has going in his favor against Mudd.

Quark operates a bar out of DS9, which means he has Starfleet breathing down his neck. Everyone knows who Quark is; Quark's local celebrity, and arguably even a hero to some. Mudd doesn't have that problem, as he's infamous for creating new identities when the old one wears out. The element of surprise belongs to Mudd; Mudd knows who he's up against, but Quark won't have a clue who Mudd is posing as or what Mudd even looks like.

Quark has superiors he has to appease, while Mudd answers to no one. Harry Mudd is a free agent. Quark has to worry about other Ferengi cutting into his racket and maintaining a clean image so Starfleet doesn't take his entire business away. Mudd can simply infiltrate and do the job. And it can't hurt Mudd either if Odo "conveniently" gets an anonymous tip about Quark's latest scheme while Mudd flies away at maximum warp with the loot.

Quark suffers from a serious drawback: he's a Ferengi. The Ferengi are notorious for being disreputable. Humans, in general, are not. Who would you believe, a known Ferengi scam artist, or a nice, unassuming merchant like Harry Mudd?

The Ferengi literally wrote the book on being liars, cheaters, and scammers... the Rules of Acquisition. Quark, like a good Ferengi, has to play by the Rules. Mudd, being human and not Ferengi, gets to cheat however he wants. Mudd also gets to predict Quark with perfect accuracy, because Mudd will have read and memorized the Rules of Acquisition in advance. (It's called researching your competitors.)

I can't name a single occasion where Quark has gone into a battle of wits with someone his equal or better and won. Odo beats Quark regularly, and Odo is no mental giant. It usually takes Kirk and Spock to outwit Mudd. It takes just about any Ferengi to outwit Quark; if not for Rom, Quark's would have closed down ages ago.

Today's lesson: don't mess around with anybody from the Original Series. Especially if he was played by the late, great Roger Carmel.

Mudd makes off with the latinum and the shirt off Quark's back. After that, he spends a nice, long retirement (all expenses paid) on the planet Risa.

jenny may writes:

Mudd makes trouble in *three* (3) episodes only. Quark does in *how* many episodes? Experience wins.

It could be argued that episodes in which Quark helped out the DS9 crew disqualify him as a bad guy. I say they just prove his power for crafty thinking. Gotta sharpen those filching skills somehow.

PlayfulHeart Monkey writes:

Quark will win. Christ, his entire races' reason for existence is acquisition of material wealth. All Harry Mudd has is a fat ass and a bad combover. Quark will be up to his dumbo ears in riches before you can say, "Dax is a hottie!".

Now everyone go outside and play nice.

The Animator writes:

What has Mudd ever done? He's been the 'villian of the day' for several origional Star Trek episodes.

Wha has Quark done? He was a important part of the greatest story-arc in Star Trek history: the Dominion War, and more specifically, the Loss, Occupation, and Recapture of DS9.

Clearly, Mudd is way out of his league in this one.

compsci_guy writes:

Quark has this fight down for three things.

First of all, Quark is an actual character. Quark is a regular on DS9, and has appeared on more than two episodes, which is more than I can say for Harry Mudd. Quark is a member on perhaps the most character driven show in Star Trek history. He has been the Grand Nagus, he has help Sisko & crew capture the station back from the Dominion.... heck, he's even married a Klingon! Harry Mudd is very one-dimensional--he never changed throughout the two episodes we saw him in. Quark is way more experience for the stereotypical Mudd, and that is why Quark should win.

Second, Quark is a born swindler. He is a member of the craftiest race in the galaxy, the Ferengi. While I have to give credit to Mudd for being well known in the galaxy, there is no way that even the almighty Q can match wits with a person trained since birth to steal your money.

Third, Quark has definite back-up. I have no idea if Mudd has any friends, but Quark has got Rom, Odo, the Grand Nagus, and the whole crew of DS9 to help him out. I doubt that Kirk would even bother listening to Mudd's pleas for assistence before charging up the Constitution class out of their.

The winner is definitely, without a doubt..Quark

KC writes:

Quark is gonna take it. Why? 'Cause Mudd ain't got the lobes for business.

Kat writes:

Just because Quark is more endearing than Mudd I'd be tempted to vote for him but unfortunately, Quark has Odo to come up against who will ALWAYS foil his plans. So sorry but Mudd takes it by default.

Sailor Dragonfyre writes:

Quark. why? because of his big ears, thats why... why are these two going at it anyway? isn't there enough money to go around? why can't they just work together? why do they need to compete? Quark had a good business goin on DS9, so i don't want him to loose it. THAT is why i vote Quark.... that and his big ears and that he doesn't wear one of those stupid lookin shiney things around his head.

THE BATTLE

James T. Kirk:  Beam me up Scotty, there�s no intelligent life in this audience!

Don King:   Ha, ha. Very funny, Jimmy. Anyway, camera drones are situated throughout the station to keep us up on what�s happening and here�s the situation as it currently stands. Breet Jader, captain of the Xeonian transport, is meeting with Captain Sisko in his office. Meanwhile, Odo and a contingent of heavily armed security officers are in the docking ring, guarding the entrance to the transport while Chief Engineer O�Brien is inside performing a routine inspection. We�re just waiting for Quark and Mudd to make their moves . . .

James T. Kirk:   What�s that? Is that Mudd in the docking ring, approaching the security guards?

Don King:   Quiet, let�s listen in!

Harry Mudd:   Good evening, gentlemen! Doing a fine job as always, I see. It makes me feel safe to know men like you are safeguarding this station . . .

Odo:   Don�t patronize me, Mudd. I�ve been doing some checking up on you and I know your reputation. Turn around and leave the docking ring right now or I�ll be forced to place you in custody.

Mudd:   Touchy, touchy, Constable. No need to get riled up on my account, I�m just out for a leisurely stroll . . .

Security Officer #1:   Yeah, and I�m the Grand Nagus!

Odo:   Just do as I say Mudd. I don�t want any trouble.

Don King:   Wait, it looks like Mudd is making a move . . .

James T. Kirk:   He�s . . . reaching for a weapon? What is that idiot doing?

Security Officer #2:   Watch out sir, he�s got a phaser!

Odo:   Somebody stop him!

Don King:   And now Mudd has turned around and he�s running down the corridor back towards the promenade. Wow, he moves pretty fast for a fat man!

James T. Kirk:   What is he doing? Has he lost his mind?

Odo:   Lawrence, Perkins, come with me! Barris and Yallman, you stay behind, make sure that madman doesn�t double back!

Security Officers:   Yes sir!

Don King:   Well, Odo and two of the security officers have left to chase Mudd, leaving two behind to guard the . . . Wait a minute, something�s happening!

Phaser Fire:   *zap* *zap*

Don King:   The two security officers are down! Someone�s stunned them with a phaser! It�s . . . It�s Quark!

James T. Kirk:   He�s quickly tying up the unconscious guards and dragging them behind the support strut where he was hiding. Now he�s entering the transport . . . Could this be it, could victory really be this easy for Quark?

Don King:   Don�t speak too soon. Mudd�s still out there somewhere . . . You know, that was quite a move on Quark�s part, I didn�t think he had it in him. I guess a billion bars of Latinum is quite a motivator.

James T. Kirk:   But what about Harry? Could they be working together?

Don King:   I doubt it, but with these two anything�s possible. Let�s take a moment to check in on Captains Sisko and Jader while we�re waiting for Harry to show his face again.

Captain Sisko:   Captain Jader . . . This entire enterprise is just too risky for my liking. I insist you allow me to assign an escort to make certain you get to Remus safely.

Breet Jader:   I appreciate your concern Captain Sisko, but I think you�re being overly cautious. A security escort will be unnecessary. No one knows what we�re doing here, and by the end of the week the Latinum will be safely locked away in a Remian vault.

Sisko:   Well, I just hope . . . Wait, who�s that over there?

Jader:   What�s going on?

Phaser fire:   Pzzzzz! *Thump* *Thump*

James T. Kirk:   What? What was that?

Don King:   It looks like someone hit them with a wide dispersal phaser beam to stun them as quietly as possible. It looks like someone�s been hiding in Sisko�s office waiting for this opportunity. Who is that masked man?

James T. Kirk:   He�s switching clothes with Captain Jader . . . but why?

Don King:   Wait, he�s taking off his mask . . . Well, well. Looks like someone�s used a little creative plastic surgery to borrow Jader�s face. But who?

James T. Kirk:   I don�t know, this whole thing�s so confusing!

Don King:   Whoever it is, they�re leaving Sisko�s office, let�s see how well their disguise holds up.

Commander Kira:  Captain Jader, I trust everything is well?

Mystery Person:  Yes Commander. Sisko mentioned that he�d be in his office for some time going over the plans for our transport�s security. This is all, of course, completely unnecessary, though I do appreciate the Captain�s efforts.

Commander Kira:  Well, that�s Captain Sisko for you, constantly working to make sure everything�s perfect. Oh, if you�re going to be returning to the transport, be careful. Our security chief reported that he chased off an armed intruder attempting to get on the transport earlier.

Mystery Person:  Oh my! Well, I�ll try to be careful Commander, but I have every faith in this station�s security.

Commander Kira:  I�m glad to hear that Captain. I just hope your faith is justified.

James T. Kirk:  Whoever this look-alike is, he handled that rather well.

Don King:  Yes. But if that�s not Quark and it�s not Mudd, who is it?

James T. Kirk:  Well, he�s making his way through the station towards the transport.

Don King:   He�s almost there, but wait, someone else is standing in the corridor, It�s . . .

James T. Kirk:  It�s Harry Mudd!

Harry Mudd:  Captain Jader? I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?

Mystery Person:  Who are you? What kind of trick is this?

James T. Kirk:  Wait a minute, the airlock connecting the transport to DS9 is starting to close! What�s happening!

Don King:  The fake Jader�s gonna try to force his way past Harry and . . . wait! He�s passed right through him!

James T. Kirk:   How?

Don King:   Brilliant! It�s a hologram! Quark must�ve somehow adapted the technology in his holosuites into a mobile emitter and set it up in the docking ring before the transport arrived!

James T. Kirk:   So the fake Jader is Harry Mudd! Quark�s trick hasn�t slowed him down too much. He�s slipped through the airlock just seconds before closing and he�s on the transport!

Don King:  They�re just now figuring out on the bridge that something bad is happening. Let�s check it out.

Commander Kira:   Someone�s taking off with the transport! Security, what�s going on down in the docking ring?

Odo:  Chief O�Brien and two of my men were just found unconsciouson the docking ring, tied up behind a support strut!

Commander Kira:  This is a disaster! Where�s Captain Sisko?

Random Ensign:  He�s on the floor of his office unconscious! Captain Jader is too, and it looks like someone�s stolen his uniform!

Commander Kira:  Dammit! Put a tractor beam on that transport, I don�t want it going anywhere!

Another Random Ensign:  Will do Commander . . . Oh no!

Commander Kira:  What is it now?

Ensign:   Someone�s sabotaged the tractor beam!

Commander Kira:   What about weapons? Maybe we can cripple its propulsion system before it gets away!

Ensign:  Weapons are down too!

Commander Kira:  Then send a shuttle out after it!

Ensign:  All the docking clamps except the one for the Xeonian transport have been locked down and I can�t open them!

Commander Kira:  Dammit! Send out a message to the nearest Federation starship to . . .

Ensign:   Communications are down too!

Commander Kira:  What�s going on here?

Don King:  It�s lucky we�ve got a camera drone on the transport! Let�s check out what�s happening onboard!

Quark:  Captain Jader, I can explain . . .

Harry Mudd:   Save it, Quark!

Quark:  Harry?

Harry Mudd:   Yes, it�s me. Pretty good disguise, eh? Tell me, why are we fighting over this Quark? There�s no reason we cannot share the wealth.

Quark:  Yes there is. The third rule of acquisition states, �Never share the wealth when you can just as easily keep it all for yourself.�

Harry Mudd:   I�m sorry to hear that, Quark. Ours could have been an interesting partnership.

James T. Kirk:   Mudd�s pulled a phaser!

Don King:  Well, this is a tight situation!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Mudd: 378

Quark: 705

THE WRAP UP

Harry Mudd:   I�m sorry Quark, really. This is nothing personal.

Quark:  That�s where you�re wrong Harry. You�re trying to steal what�s rightfully mine. For a Ferengi, there can be nothing more personal.

Harry Mudd:  Rightfully yours? I�m as entitled to this Latinum as you, more maybe. I�ve waited all my life for a haul like this; I�m not letting you take it away from me.

Don King:   Mudd�s fired the phaser, but Quark managed to dodge the beam! Quark's going for the ship�s controls! Harry�s disappearing; he�s been transported off the ship!

James T. Kirk:  Transported where?

Don King:  Wait a minute! Check this out!

James T. Kirk:   He�s been transported onto the bridge, and Kira doesn�t look too happy with him!

Commander Kira:  Harry Mudd I presume?

Harry Mudd:   Oh, no, please! Not the face, not the face!

Karate Chop   *whap*

Don King:   That had to hurt!

James T. Kirk:   I get the feeling Harry�s going to be spending a long time in a Federation detention center.

Don King:  I think you may be right about that.

James T. Kirk:  What about Quark?

Don King:  Heh, what about him? With the kind of money he�s just made off with, he can afford to do just about anything he wants! It won�t take long for the Federation to realize he�s responsible, but with a few bribes in the right places they�ll never be able to pin it o him! Well, this is Don King . . .

James T. Kirk:  And this is James T. Kirk . . .

Don King:  Bringing to a close another exciting edition of the Comic Book Universe Battles!

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Quark (TM) is the property (c) of Paramount (I think)

Mudd (TM) is the property (c) of Paramount

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles