THE SCENARIO

All is not well in Callisto's palace... "Those idiots. Pat and Jay have been lost for weeks now and they are out of vacation time! I swear they are doing this on purpose! I can't trust them to find their way back on their own... so how do I get them back?" After turning a few expendable extras into scorched remains, Callisto decides on a plan.

"I'll use the two greatest gadget makers in the world to develop SOMETHING that will get Pat and Jay back here!"

Agents were called, money changed hands, contracts were signed (and a few people were...uh..."convinced" to make it happen). In the end, Callisto's private jet returned with the greatest gadget makers of all time...MacGyver and James Bond's best friend, Q. With these two minds working together, what could go wrong.

A lot actually. Creative differences have caused these two men to fight over how the device should be built. Q wants to use titanium housing for the power cell... MacGyver says an empty Spam can will do just fine. For two weeks they have gone at it until Callisto could take it no more. "That's it! You two can settle this in the arena. The winner gets to build the device."

Now, each man has one week to build the ultimate gizmo that can defeat the other's gadget and get Pat and Jay home. Just imagine these two guys building giant robot monsters that are going to attack each other. Sound better?

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

What does this button do?

THE SPORTS BOX

DAKI:   What a piece of junk...

ISIS:   Hey, we're on the air!

DAKI:   We are? Shi...I mean, welcome to the Khazan Arena. I'm your host Daki.

ISIS:   And I'm your co-host Isis. We have a real battle of the minds here today.

DAKI:   You bet. Both contestants have been working late into the nights this week on their, uh...gadgets?

ISIS:   Works for me. Q had his entire staff fly here earlier in the week to assist him while MacGyver spent his week in the local junk yard.

DAKI:   Junk yard? Gee, that should be a pretty sight.

ISIS:   Beauty is only skin deep Daki.

DAKI:   Yeahsurerightwhatever...the gates of the Arena are opening and our contestants are entering the battle field. Let's take this moment to hear from the audience.

YOUR OPINIONS

Starbolt writes:

Okay... it's like this...Q has all of Her Majesty's latest technology, right? BIG DEAL...Four words: Scotch Tape, Shoestring, Drano... THAT'S RIGHT!Q could build the largest, most destructive technologically advanced death trap ever conceived by man and all Mac would need would be some tape a shoestring and a teaspoon of Drano to send that Technomarvel screaming STRAIGHT TO HELL...Nuff Said...

Cide Order writes:

Q will win by a long shot. Giving MacGuyver a week is setting him up for defeat. He'll get bored and wander off to solve some insignificant problem somewhere (he'll write, direct, and produce the scenario too, and we'll only be able to watch it on TV, as a special, pre-empting something that was actually worth watching...). Anyway, he'll be back with one day left until the deadline (he works best under pressure dontchya know?). Realizing that he spent all his grant money flying to Britain to play around in some castle or something, he'll have to use what he has lying around the house. Although these are perfect working conditions for ol' Mac, they still stink. Using some old paper-towel rolls, pipe cleaners and a spare tire MacGuyver will create some kind of... thing. We'll be left with a close up of a fuse burning down, and then we'll all have to wait until after the commercial to see how it really works. Q on the other hand we'll begin work immediately like a good old Brit, completely remaking an Austin Martin (they were always better then the Beamer), with proper labs, tonnes of cash, and the all right equipment. Anyway, the commercial ends and we're left with some flimsy cardboard-and-oil-barrel contraption and a seemingly harmless sports car. The fight will start and the Marty will transform into a mega-gun-toting, laser-blasting, grapple-shooting, oil-slicking, chick-grabbing, bullet-proofing ass-kicking robot. MacGuyver's creation will be left standing there like some cheap Transformers rip-off GO-Bot. A GO-Bot with no weapons incidentally (MacGuyver doesn't like guns, remember?), just like the ones you find in the bottom of your toy chest, with loose floppy joints and the silver enamel chipping off in parts to reveal ugly blue plastic undeneath. Q's fresh-outta-the-box Transformer, with all weapons, parts, accessories present (even the little stat read-out with that special red celluloid you need view it still attached), will blow the crap outta MacGuyver's grade six science project. I think everyone will agree with me that a newly unwrapped Transformer (even Wheelie) could kick the ass of ANY lame old GO-Bot. ThE EnD.

Lovely Lady J writes:

The Mac-Man RULES!!! I mean a guy who can make his own welding torch with a $.5 cent piece is DA MAN!!! Who else could find use for such a worthless and useless piece of

Lord of Chaos writes:

MacGyver can think on his feet. So what? This is not some thing you can make with some duct tape and a bottle of glue. This takes planing. Q has a great deal of experience planning for contingencies. He is clearly superior there. And as for weapons making? MacGyver doesn't have a chance.

Lumpenprole writes:

If it had been a battle based on improvising, then clearly MacGuyver would have won. But the terms of the battle were a week's preparation to build some sort of weapon. MacGuyver is good at gadget building, but presumably he DOESN'T KNOW what he's going to have to go up against. Given that he won't be able to customize a device to foil whatever Q builds, and given that developing deadly arsenals is Q's specialty, I'm afraid that MacGuyver will need more than luck and chewing gum foil to come out of this

Devin The Mental Hospital Escapee writes:

I've got to wonder just HOW you expect me to believe that MacGuyver(who I'll refer to as Mac since I can't spell his name) could ever defeat the great Q. Come on, given a week, Q will add a couple hundred devices to a new, improved automated Bond car that actually came back in one piece. What can Mac build? He won't go get materials. He'll build a wimpy, shoddily made laser out of a ball-point pen and some old Spam cans, only to see the laser reflected back into his machine by Q's titanium-plated car of DEATH! Callisto is so impressed, she makes Q Chief of Security at Khazan Stadium, alongside Jerico Personal Security Leader, Ralphus. Pat and Jay are back the

Justicar writes:

Q wins this battle, no problem what-so-ever, Let's examine a few things here. Q is a COLD WARRIOR! MacGuyver is a PACIFIST WUSS.Q is planning. MacGuyver is improvisation. Q has had either little look-sees or maybe DISCOVERED Western Alliance government secrets. MacGuyver is simply a grandiose HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER.Q has helped SAVE THE WORLD on several occasions. MacGuyver AT BEST took down terrorists. Q makes JAMES BOND go "wow, that's cool!" MacGuyver was lucky to have washed up actors appear on his show. Q is going strong... for over 30 FREAKIN YEARS! MacGuyver is in syndication on the USA Network. Q will take Angus' little red pocket-knife and stick it, straight up that Scot's

Mr. Graves writes:

Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q! Q's gonna win this match gadgets down, here's why:1) He's a close buddy with James Bond. Not only does that automatically earn a billion cool points, 007 can always show up to take out Little Mac...2) Items : Mac's used to working with the bare essentials when making his best stuff, so when he gets the chance to use anything he wants, he's not going to be able to decide what to use! He'll end up trying to use everything possible and not even be half finished by week's end, whereas Q will have budgeted his time wisely and constructed the best-possible gadget in a one week time frame using the available tools.3) Experience Rocks : And what's to say Q couldn't make things out of everyday stuff like Mac can? Q's been making gadgets for dozens of years, he could make anything out of anything as good as Mac can...So I say: Q will whip Mac's hide faster than your Big Aunt Bertha can smother you with wet, sloppy kisses.

Sunwright writes:

First, this website is addictive. I actually have a life you know and after finding this site its slipping away. Second, Q is going to use MacGyver's skeleton as a prop in his laboratory. Why? Because MacGyver is a pacifist. In fact, he's a pacifist who won't even use a gun! Now Q. Q delights in the invention of weapons of destruction. His whole life is dedicated to making weapons. You name the carnage and Q has a weapon for you: lasers, rockets, .50 caliber machine-guns, sidewinder missiles, and on and on and on. While MacGyver is whining about how we should all get along, Q is going to whip his thing out and launch a tactical nuke at MacGyver.

The Man from Ganymede writes:

MacGuyver is much more ingenious than Q ever was. Q has a huge budget and all the equipment he needs. MacGyver can do the same thing with whatever he finds lying around. He also has a much more impressive variety of knowledge. He's got talent, experience, and knowledge that exceeds Q's any day.

Sailor Xena writes:

I have seen both people in action, and I have to say that Q wins hands down. Since I have seen all the Bond films and a couple of seasons of McGuyver I think that Q is the better of the two. He's worked with all sorts of mechanical and electrical device known to man; and he's sooooooo creative, turning even the most innocent looking things into lethal weapons. All that McGuyver can do is make enough things to save his ass so that the bad guys won't kill him that episode. Even though McGuyver is an expert at survival and a wiz at chemistry and mechanics I believe Q has him beat in the technology department which is the main factor in this contest. Q will whip up some multi-dimensional locator do-hicky thingy way before McGuyver can even

The Black Baron writes:

Come on! if MacGyver had as much money and access to cool stuff as Q he'd beat anybody! I mean with only foot powder and and a hangnail he can whup the entire Empire (I think) or at least clog their toilets(That ought to cripple the whole fleet.). Q just sits there and looks at his mini particle beam cannons and says "Hmmm, lets put this... in a breath right nasal strip!" Voila! Genius? I don't think

58 Photo Whore writes:

MacGyver all the way, baby! Here a tin can, a chicken bone, a tube sock, and a tire iron...go

The Saint writes:

I don't care what people say about Q. Heck, given his cool toys, even Dilbert's pointy haired boss can make really cool toys(although the only thing they're good for is blowing himself up, 'cause he's such a dope!). The trick is how to come up with something when you're in a situation to be considered lucky to have a screwdriver! So imagine what Mac will do given all Q's little toys! Heck, with Mac instead of Q, the UK would have won the Cold War from Day

Wolf Leader writes:

Let's be honest. McGuyver's better because he can make things on the spot. Q has to build, test, etc. all of his gadgets to be sure they work and Bond hardly ever uses them for what they were designed to do. McGuyver, however, makes things immediately and uses them right away. He never wastes his time with a device that might or might not be necessary or useful. I say Q goes down quicker than a stormtrooper on Endor. (How's that

Conman writes:

If you've seen a Bond flik,

The Grim-Jester writes:

Man, Q's got it in a heartbeat. That MacGuyver guy might win, but it would only be because Q might drop in disgust with a look at MacGuyver 80s haircut

Aubri writes:

I think Q would have to win. MacGuyver is great at improvising, this guy could put a satellite in orbit with a paper towel roll and a gallon of seawater. But I have to say Q has access to higher tech stuff and heftier brainpower. Though about half the devices he comes up with are totally loony, he has more technical knowledge. But watch MacGuyver for mirrors when you use your watch laser..

Lady Alhana Brightblade writes:

While the competition is close, the winner is definitely Q. Yes MacGuyver can build just about anything, just about anywhere, with just about any combination of stuff, but have you seen 007's gadgets! They rock the free world! Not only that but Q will take the time and build something right. You don't know what will happen with a bomb made out of a shoebox and an aerosol can. If I had the choice, I'd chose a Q invention over a MacGuyver invention any day of

Maskim Xuul writes:

MacGuyver ("I won't use a gun, so what can I cobble together to save my sorry butt?") will walk into the arena with an armful of junk he found in the dumpster outside. And step on a landmine. Q won't even look up from his morning newspaper. God save the

Flynn writes:

Q has a big disadvantage in this battle. Admittedly he produces impressive devices, but he never operates them himself in the thick of the action. Mac, on the other hand, is at his best when pressured. I predict Q will have a more impressive and powerful device, but Mac will modify his during the battle to take advantage of a weakness once his opponent's device is revealed. Mac will win.

Dethknyte writes:

THE BATTLE

ISIS:   Looks like Q fulfilled everyone's expectations. His creation looks vaguely humanoid in shape with a bunch of...errr...things sticking out all over the body. I don't know what it does, but it looks pretty cool.

DAKI:   Wish I could say the same about MacGyver's. His spider-creature looks like it came from...well, a junk yard. There's so many different parts I can't even tell what is a weapon and what isn't. But I can see the Chevy V-8 running the thing.

ISIS:   Each contestant is now at his remote control panel and are waiting for the signal.

DAKI:   The referee is walking to the center of the field. He raises his hand and....it's begun!

ISIS:   Boy that referee sure hauled ass out of the arena floor when those two metal beasts roared to life.

DAKI:   Seeing how fast they're going at each other, I can understand why.

ISIS:   The two contraptions have reached the center of the arena and Q is the first to strike. A bright red laser shoots out from the robot's finger and strikes Mac's spider dead center!

DAKI:   I guess Q is looking for a quick win here. The smirk on his face tells it all...NO! Mac's spider raises it's "arms" and reflects the laser back using some polished hubcaps.

ISIS:   Q is not a happy camper. The laser reflected back at the robot's hand and destroyed the laser. A classic case of overconfidence.

DAKI:   Mac's on the offensive now. The spider launches a large chain at the robot wrapping its legs and taking it down. Classic bolo maneuver.

ISIS:   Mac's got that sarcastic smile on his face as his spider crawls towards Q's downed robot.

DAKI:   Q is slamming buttons right and left to get his robot up, but nothing is working! Uh oh, a small cylinder just slid out of the spider's back! Can we get a close up on that?

ISIS:   It appears to be...shaving cream? That can't be....wait, a blowtorch flame ignites in front of the can.

DAKI:   Holy Flambe! Who knew you could make Napalm out of that stuff. Q's robot is covered in the flaming liquid.

ISIS:   You know, I figured Mac distaste for guns would be a disadvantage, but it looks like he found other ways around it. What's Q doing now?

DAKI:   Well the robot doesn't appear too damaged from the fire and a panel has opened along its chest...Isis, those things say ballistic, doesn't that mean...

ISIS:   Rockets away!

DAKI:   Yeah, those.

ISIS:   Q was just waiting for the spider to get closer. He launched a full salvo of rockets at the spider. Mac's creation was hit hard. We have first blood..er...oil spilled. He's pulling it back to assess the damage.

DAKI:   Which gives Q enough time to get his robot free of the chain. The Robot is up and moving towards the spider.

ISIS:   The Spider is turning around. It looks like all the equipment on the front of it was destroyed. Hey, check out the size of that tailpipe!

DAKI:   Well with a V-8 you kind of need one. WHOA! Mac's running the Spider's engine hard and white smoke is pouring out of the tailpipe.

ISIS:   He's burning oil and making an effective smoke screen. Not environmentally safe, but effective. The Spider is already moving out of range of the Robot.

DAKI:   Q's not giving up that easily. Two panels flip open on the Robot's hip revealing...wow...a pair of MINIGUNS!

ISIS:   But with its tracking system blocked by the smoke, Q is resorting to blind fire. He's just shooting in all directions!

DAKI:   And Mac is NOT happy. His feelings on guns are well known. He's maneuvering his spider in closer to the robot. A few bullets connect but cause only minor damage.

ISIS:   The smoke is starting to thin. Mac had to lay off the engine before it seized. The robot has ceased fire and is tracking now.

DAKI:   Too late! The spider rises up and knocks Q's pride and joy to the ground.

ISIS:   Mac's got the robot pinned with the spiders front legs while the side legs rip the mini-guns away and use them to beat the holy hell out of the 'Bot.

DAKI:   I think Mac just gained the upper hand. Mac is pummeling the robot with those mini-guns. Q's robot can't move and will be smashed to pieces in a matter of seconds. Wait a sec...doesn't that count as using a gun?

ISIS:   Well, even though the gun is only being used as a bashing instrument... Judging by the new look on Mac's face, I'd say so. Mac is just staring in horror at his creation. He broke his sacred rule.

DAKI:   He's distracted! Q takes advantage of the situation! His robot slams its fist up through the spider's chest!

ISIS:   It looks like Q is going for the spider's engine. Mac hasn't even blinked. He's in shock!

DAKI:   The robot pulled the gas line from the engine! The spider is grinding to a halt and the robot is making its way back to Q. Hey Isis, did you know Q smoked?

DAKI:   I guess so. Look at the size of that cigar...that he just threw at Mac's spider!

Spider:   KABOOOOOM!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Q: 467

MacGyver: 393

Number of people who wrote in to say "Q" was an extra-dimensional entity who could not be defeated by MacGuver: 8

THE WRAP UP

DAKI:   The cleanup crew is not going to be happy. They'll be picking pieces up all week.

ISIS:   No matter. Callisto has come down from her seat and has presented Q with the contract to build her device.

DAKI:   Q has taken the contract and is pointing to his Robot. Hey Isis, check out the size of the button he just pushed. I wonder what...

ISIS:   Wow! The robot's head slid aside and a giant beam of light shot straight into the sky. I'm getting a report here...it's a tractor beam built to lock onto the USS Leick and guide it home. Pat and Jay should be back in a week or two. That should about do it for today. From the Khazan arena, I'm Isis.

DAKI:   And I'm Daki. Good night everybody! Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

James Bond dot Net.

The MacGyver Page.

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Q (TM) is the property (c) of (?)

MacGuyver (TM) is the property (c) of (The USA Network ?)

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles