THE SCENARIO

Aye... Heroing is a tough and dirty business. When the dirt of the road lays thick upon the cloak and the bruises of battles behind blacken the skin, a hero thinks of nothing more than a tankard of ale, warm fire and a tale to while away an hour...

Knowing this, the Arena of Khazan's production team has arranged for some of the toughest fantasy heroing teams around to meet. Of course it wasn't easy, but in Khazan, the nexus of all realities, anything is possible.

And so it happens that at the crossroads of fantasy realms and adventures, there sits an Inn where three distinguished parties just happen to arrive at the same time...

From Middle-Earth, the Heroes from The Lord of the Rings. A staunch band who would overcome difficulties too numerous to name in the War of the Rings.

From Lodoss, the Heroes from Record of Lodoss War. A staunch band who would overcome many adversities to bring peace to Lodoss.

From Krynn, the Heroes from Dragonlance. A staunch band who would overcome enemies at every turn in their quests to overcome evil.

As evening draws nigh for our Heroes at the inn, tales turn to boasts and friendly contests turn serious. A spirit of competition takes over as they measure up one another ... and decide to see who is best.

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

Callisto:   Hello and welcome once again to the SportsBox. Today we have quite a spectacle of team battle for your entertainment: three hardened, veteran teams of fantasy heroes in close combat. I am your host, Callisto, and with me in the SportsBox, tied up and dangling precariously over this pit of hungry crocodiles, is Clown Girl.

Harley Quinn:   er....

Callisto:   Clown Girl was very naughty last week, as some of you may remember...

Quinn:   Heh! Ya! That part when you started dancing in front of the cameras and I asked you to take off your... No! No! Don't cut the rope! Don't cut the rope! Pleeeeeeesse!!!

Callisto:   You're going to talk yourself to death, clown girl. Also with us in the SportsBox today, giving his take on today's battle is Gollum. Hello Gollum.

Gollum:   My precioussss, yesss. Hello my preciousss.

Callisto:   Now, Gollum, you've travelled extensively with the Rings party, is that right?

Quinn:   Filthy Baggins, yess preciousss. Gollum travel with sneaky, sneaky Hobbitsessss.

Callisto:   Right. So let me ask you a serious question... Should I cut this rope and let clown girl fall to her death in the crocodile pit?

Gollum:   ...er...

Quinn:   *Pssst!* Gollum! The answer is 'No', Gollum. Hey you, say 'No', Gollum.

Gollum:   My preciousss, a riddle for Gollum, my preciouss? Hmmmmmm... Gollum will takesss a Life Line for the answersss my precioussss.

Callisto:   Gollum has decided to take a Life Line, folks! While he decides who to call, let's check out the letters!

YOUR OPINIONS

Editor's Note: There were many long opinions which came in to cover the scope of this battle. It was hard to choose which few to print. Thanks all for writing in.

Favorite letter of the Week

Dragoon T writes:

Dragoon T wrote quite a comment on this fight. As such we decided to give it it's own page.

Dragoon T's Comments On The Battle

Slasher Boldstar writes:

In answer to Dragoon T's admittedly pretty decent analysis on the fight page, some flaws:

Dude, Legolas not being good in hand-to-hand combat? What about his Knife-Work at Helms Deep? He fought Orcs weilding Axes and Swords with a Knife! He can do hand-to-hand.

Aragorn not having as much experience as Sturm? Uh-huh. Whatever. This guy is a RANGER. He spent over 50 years out on the frontier fighting evil before the LOTR (Heck, or the Dragonlance) Series even started!

And Gandalf, once again, is a Demi-God who came back from the dead. Raist is just a god wannabe.

And as far as worthless Hobbits:

Merry faced the King of the Nazgul and won.

Sam faced the Queen mother of all Spiders and won.

Frodo faced (At least Psychologically) the King of all Evil, and didn't give out til the last possible minute.

Pippin faced a troll and didn't wet his pants. Plus he could probably confuse Tasslehoff with all his talk about Pipeweed and ancestors. And did you see how he and Merry organized the resistance in the Shire against Saruman's goons? That's like...dude!

Plus, Let's see, with Sting, Glamdring, Anduril, and the 3 Hobbit's daggers, we is talking 6, count em, 6 legendary magical weapons! Heck, seeing as how Frodo got one of the daggers before he got Sting at Rivendell, we can even make that tally 7!

Game, set, match to the fellowship.

The Animator writes:

Gotta give this one to the Ringers. The Tolkien crew has stood up to the one thing the other two haven't: Time. The Hobbit came out in 1937, 63 years ago. And its still considered the 'Best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be.'

Twenty years down the line, will we still remember the Dragonlance saga? Will people still watch the Record of the Lodos war? Maybe. But I gaurantee you (there's that word again...) that people will still be reading Tolkien.

RealLoneWolf writes:

They say you can judge a man by his enemies. I say you can judge a Fantasy series by it's dragons. Let's see:

-Dragonlance: Dunno much here, but judging from AD&D, the parent universe, I assume they have your usual Whale-sized Dragons with various breath abilities and a lot of experience.

-Lord of the Ring: One known dragon: Smaug. Greedy, gullible and got killed by an arrow that got shot at his one weak spot.

-Record of Lodoss War: Huge, "Godzilla-on-Effing-steriods" sized dragons, which required some powerful magics, enchanted weapons and often self-sacrificing tactics to kill.

Darwinianism takes hold here: The Adventuring party with the toughest foes HAS to be the best.

My money's on Record of Lodoss War.

Rick R. Mortis writes:

I don't care who wins, just so long as someone rightously Lays The Smack Down on Tasselhoff. Preferably someone with a big weapon. Or a fireball. Or both.

Kenjiro writes:

No contest, The Rings crew would butcher the Lance, and the Lodoss crew without breaking a sweat. Let us do a comparison shall we:

Warriors:

Rings

Aragorn- He's a goddamn Numenorean. Not to mention he's lived in the wilds of Middle Earth scavenging like a warthog in the wilds, and is bar-none a master swordsman who has never, nor in any of the books ever lose a fight. (he may have tactially withdrew, but he was slaughtering fools the whole way).

Lance Crew

Caramon- Superb swordsman. But a really really really nice guy at heart. Sure he could fight, but when the chips are down, he's not got a tenth of the guts Aragorn has.

Lodoss Crew

Parn- He's a stupid kid that lived by pure luck, and he can barely lift his sword. If he fought either Caramon, or (god please say it isn't so) Aragorn, he's dead before he could draw his blade.

Mages:

Rings

Gandalf- Good God. IT'S GANDALF people. He is the penultimate Mage! Only Merlin may dwarf him in legendary status. When you think of Mages, you think: GANDALF. Not to mention he's a God himself a member of the Istari. He took on a Balrog toe-to-toe and faced Sauron on at least three occasions. 1st in the Silmarillion when Sauron was a lieutenant to Morgoth. 2nd in the Second Age of Middle Earth in the forest of Mirkwood (barely escaped). And of course in the Return of the King.

Lance Crew

Raistlin- Awesome Mage. Reeking of power. A master mage whose ambition knew no limits. He aspired to be a God. To be something that Gandalf already is... (on a side note, if you use the conversion rules for the Middle Earth RPG and convert Gandalf to AD&D, Gandalf is so ridiculously more powerful than Raistlin, he'd wipe the floor with Raistlin, Dalamar, and Elminster, and drop kick Mordenkainin too.)

Lodoss Crew

The wizard whose name currently escapes me. He's mid-level. He's get wasted by either Raistlin or his apprentice, Dalamar. Gandalf? hahahah, Gandalf can kill all the Lodoss bunch by himself.

The weasely thieves

Rings

Frodo, Samwise, Merry, and Pippin- that's right, you can't fight just one of the midgets, you gotta fight them all! in a fight they will kill because it's necessary, and they will go after Woodchuck's dumb ass because he's the biggest foe.

Lance

Tasslehoff- The ringer for the Lance crew. Tasslehoff is the only one that will survive the onslaught. He'll kill the hobbits after they've killed Woodchuck.

Lodoss Crew

Woodchuck- He's doomed.

Complimentary non-humans

Dwarves

Rings

Gimli- the template from which all dwarves come from. Show me a dwarf that does not descend from Father Gimli and I will laugh in your face. Gimli will split the skulls of all Dwarven impersonators, be they Krynnian, or Lodossian.

Lance Crew

Flynt- Stupid terrible carbon copy of Gimli and not smart enough to know the difference between horsehair and a griffon mane... so this proves he's too stupid to outwit a superior fighter, he's toast.

Lodoss Crew

Ghim- Worthy warrior. Classic Dwarf warrior. Almost a cliche'. He aspires to be Gimli, who would whip his ass and send him back to his Clan for a shave.

Elves

Rings

Legolas- Master Archer, royal blood. The stuff from which all other descriptions of elves utterl fall short in comparison too. Immortal. Almost immune to harsh weather, the Middle Earth Elves are mighty. And he can shoot the wings off a mosquito at a hundred yards with his bow.

Lance Crew

Taneth- One word: Arrows.

Lodoss Crew

Deedlit- she's so cute, she can fight. She'd giggle, she's whip out her sword, and Legolas's arrow will pierce her right eye and punch through the back of her skull, and he'll look at Gimli and say, "I killed mine faster than you killed yours."

Lets face it... this is not a fight.. this is a slaughter.

Lord of the Rings. Unless that damnable kender fouls up the obvious...

The Bunyip writes:

A no brainer match again, folks.

Gandalf doesn't NEED the rest of the fellowship. He'll take out these punks single-handedly.

Why? Let's look at the opposition.

Lodoss: Let's see. We have an Elf who spends more energy flirting than fighting, a Dwarf who gets himself killed after only a few episodes, a typical Anime fighter who isn't worth the shirt on his back until the very end of the story, a priest who does practically NOTHING throughout the story, a mage who does little more, and a thief who is good for nothing but sarcastic lines and getting himself possessed by the stupidest, cheesiest, most ridiculous anime villain since Rita from Power Rangers. Gandalf, unlike anime villains, isn't going to wait for the end of the story to get rid of these chumps.

Dragonlance: Look, I like Dragonlance, but they're outclassed. Raistlin has strong magic, true, but Gandalf will recognize him as the true threat and take him out while he's still coughing up blood. The others? pffft. A lovelorn half-elf (who doesn't do a lot of fighting), a beefy warrior with the brains of a carrot,his useless girlfriend, a cleric/ranger pair who would be too busy trying to protect one another to mount an effective offense, a dwarven senior citizen, a sidekick female elf, and a Kender who would rather go through Gandalf's pockets than fight. Not wimps, true, but...

Gandalf goes where he wants to go, seems to know everything, actually casts spells that WORK, single-handedly overcomes the Balrog and, though it meant his death, he came back STRONGER and whupped Saruman.

Anyone who can come back from the dead being even MORE of a bada$$ gets my vote.

Justy Hakubi writes:

I don't even have to spy on the commentary to know that everyone who is supporting the Ring or Lance teams are doing so because of Raistlin and Gandalf. I would like to remind them that Gandalf instructed not to use his heavenly powers in terrestrial matters, also Raistlin didn't really get powerful until he left the group and donned the black robes and totally wigged out trying to destroy the gods. Oh yeah, Paladine, any god who takes the name Fizzbin which is an imaginary card game thought up by James T. Kirk is auotmatically disqualified (Episode - A Piece of the Action). Hmmm... 2 weeks - 2 Kirk references... dangerous.

That's leaves Deedlit with her cheesy light spell and water sprites to win the contest. Now considering that's most of the spells she cast and still helped bring down an army, that's pretty damn good. (Well the fact that she is also one with the Speed Force is a nice addition - God forbid anyone harms a hair on Parn's head... bad mojo!).

I'm guessing that an out and out slugfest between these groups is not something that would appeal to them or the tavernkeeper for that matter. I see them travelling somewhere dangerous because that's what adventuring groups do perhaps killing some ancient baddy along the way because adventuring parties do that too. At least that DM wants them to do until the 5th keg of Mountain Dew has been cracked and pizza boxes are strewn about the room. Then it all really goes to Hell.

Now the point at which this contest will go to Hell is when Tasslehoff steals the One True Ring from Frodo. A Kender running around screaming "My Precious" is quite enough to bring the anger of the Ringwraiths down upon the Lance Team. Of course The Ring Team will have to attempt to steal the Ring back because that's Frodo's Fix and he'll be running around yelling "That bioch stole my crack!!".

Another thing to consider the Ludoss team will start the journey halfway into it so that's a nice head start. The Ludoss team is also more unified than either of the other teams. Its true.

So at the end the contest when Ghim inevitably plants his battle axe straight into the skull of Tasslehoff to the grand "HUZZAH" of all concerned Ludoss will carry the banner of victory.

No one faces off against the Laws of Anime Physics and lives.

Melchior writes:

I've studied all three teams, and... its hard to pick a winner (I have to think hard to remember the Lancers). Still, my not-so-short analysis.

Lodoss: outclassed magically (Slayn and Etoh are out of their league, and Deedlit will probably be too busy to use any), and physically (Parn and Woodchuck are decent enough fighters, Ghim and Deedlit are great). If they concentrate on one of the other two teams, they can probably weaken it enough to be taken out by the other team.

The Dragon Lance team: Massive, fast, and powerful. They are a match for any enemy. Unfortuantely, only one magic user, whose brother might be too busy to defend. The rest of the group are front-line guys or support troops, giving them a good melee advantage.

Rings: My favorites. Aragorn has the combat experience to go the distance (he's 60 in the books, if I remember correctly, and has been fighting for probably 45 years!) with any other swordsmen. Boromir can also counter most swordsmen without fire support. Gimli is a dwarven hero who can counter the other dwarves. Legolas is great with a bow, and decent with a dagger as well. He'll support the others as much as he can while worrying about the likes of the half-elves and elves running around doing the same thing. The four hobbits know they are weak individually, so they'll probably work as a group. Frodo has great armor and they all have decent weapons. Sam will do whatever Frodo says, and is good as a distraction. Merry and Pippin, well, one stabbed the Lord of the Nazgul (!) in the back of the knee, and the other one took down a troll all alone. All together, they'll take out the weaker support characters with no damage, and a few swordsmen if they can surround him. Finally, there's GANDALF! He not only can counter any magic-user out there, he's likely to move in and take the guy out with his sword (no other magic user can survive close combat). Swordsmen who try to take him out will meet a worthy opponent. As for ability and lineage... he has one of the three elven rings (bestowing awesome power), and is normally considered to be a Malar, second in power only to the Valar of the LotR series, who made the world. Gandalf has power to spare. Oh, and anyone who can come back from the dead is a force to be reckoned with (or whatever happened with the Balrog).

This will be a fierce battle, and my bet is that either the Dragon Lance team or the Rings will win. The deciding factor will be who the Lodoss team attacks, since they have enough power to damage either team but not enough to take them down.

The Analyst writes:

In an actual contest of who would actually win this confrontation, it would go to the Lord Of The Rings team. The Dragoon T's analysis of the capabilities of some of the characters involved is way off. For starters at the time that Raistlin was with the "Heroes Of The Lance" he was NOT that powerful (he had his famed power in the second trilogy, well after the death of Sturm. If Sturm is involved, Raistlin is a wuss). Furthermore at his best he could not REALLY defeat a god; part of the whole point of the Dragonlance stories was that the fight between him and Takhisis was rigged. Raistlin was allowed more power (by the Lords Of Magic) than mortals were usually allowed to wield; which means that he was technically a divine Avatar of sorts. Furthermore the standards by which a "God" are judged in Dragonlance are a lot less than the divine beings in many other fantasy worlds. They are like super-mortals who live a really long time (who usually knock out human/elven competition before it can really compete). For the purposes of this fight Raistlin would be considered a level 3-5 mage by the standards of AD&D. He's lucky if he can toss a single lightning bolt. By the same token the gods of Dragonlance are arguably weaker than (or equal to) a being like Gandalf (who is an Istari, not a human). A real god in Lodoss (like Kardis the Destroyer) or Lord Of The Rings (like Eru, or even powerful godlings like Sauron) would Pimp slap the entire pantheon of Krynn even if they combined forces to attack a single, truely divine target. That said, Gandalf has one of the three surviving rings of the elven lords, a powerful sword, and divine level magic (when he cuts loose, in this transdimensional arena he does not have to worry about giving away his location to the forces of Mordor). No one else in the entire contest could even lay a finger on him, excepting perhaps Aragorn (he is a descendent of Isildur who took down Sauron in a straight fight, and has the sword that was used to do it), and they are on the same side! While they are good fighters the likes of Pahn, Sturm, Tanis, and Caramon are barely equivilent to characters like Boromir, Gimli, and Legolas. Woodchuck might be the equivilent of Merry and Pippin (who actually became quite accomplished in the arts of war, although this did not come to the forefront. They fought with armies against overwhemling odds, they did not hide behind them).

Remember also the magical hardware on all sides. The Lord Of the Rings crew has weapons like a bow strung with Galadriel's hair that could take out the mount of a Ringwraith with one shot in addition to the more well known artifacts. All the opposing teams have for sure is the Staff Of Magius (light anyone?). The two surprise contenders in this fight are Orson (why isn't Shiris mentioned?) because of his invulnerability factor, and POSSIBLY Pahn's "Holy Sword" which allowed him to withstand the power of an Archmage (and get slammed around a whole lot) for a short period of time. However these things would not be enough to tip the tide. The big problem with this fight is that Dragonlance and Lodoss wars currently enjoy greater popularity than Lord Of The Rings. A lot of people dislike Lord Of The Rings because it defines the stereotype that other things (like Dragonlance) came from, and seems kind of trite and dry compared to the newer, sexier, fantasy series hitting the market. While anime is not quite yet mainstream it holds a current "cool" factor that could very well carry the battle in favor of Lodoss. In combat effectiveness I would rate the LOTR crew, Lodoss, and then Krynn (in that order). In popularity LOTR will probably come in dead last, being overwhelmed by Dragonlance. The big question is whether or not anime has enough o a "cool factor" at the moment to give it the runner up spot.

Robotech Master writes:

Ok, there are some REALLY important reasons Lodoss will win this one.

First off, Parn at his greatest is a competent swordsman, capable of facing off against any other swordsmen on the other teams. But one main advantage. The HOLY SWORD. With the sword, he gains resistance to many spells. Not total immunity mind you, but it reduces vulnerability.

Deedlit: How does any other elf stand up to her. LImited elemental magic perhaps, but her entangle spell managed to hold SHOOTING STAR for heavens sake! She held a freakin dragon 3 times larger than Godzilla. She could tangle up one whole group! Teleportation and superhuman agility, speed, and jumping are good. Also a good fighter.

Slayn: Limited power perhaps, but he could enhance his other friends. His forcefields would provide some good defense. Why not shoot some lightning bolts at a few warriors.

Etoh: Quite simply hides and then heals his friends. Kinda like dende during the Freeza fight. Course this time he'll be protected.

Orson: Yeah, he'd tear apart the warriors. He has a really BIG sword, and is a berserker. Surrounded by an energy sheath and full of rage, this guy can create huge gaps in a mountain with one slash, jump 100 feet in the air, and kick major ass altogether.

Shiris: Another swordsman human, but with very good agility.

Ghim: Probably the best Dwarf of any there. He'd smash the "Rings" dwarfs, I know that.

Leylia: Another priest, much better than Etoh. Another healer, and provides a little offense.

Woodchuck: Before or after being possessed by Karla? Just kidding. Nice to hide in the shadows and toss Daggers.

Also, what about these heroes:

Kashue: Was a big member of Parns adventures. An EXCELLENT sword warrior.

Wort: The hero of lodoss. A powerful mage that could rival Gandalf easily.

I believe thats all the heroes of Record of Lodoss war. the Dragon lance crew will probably go first, leaving Rings and Lodoss to face off. I'm betting on Lodoss.

El_Taco_Grande writes:

Well as usual these team battles usually come down to the leader of the team. And of course Team "Rings" is heavily favored here. First off Gandalf has a magical capacity that will probably allow him to destroy both the opposing teams by himself. The most magic power that the Dragonlance team has is som D&D Mages, and preists, sorry but an army of these guys couldn't take the G man. Furthermore most wizards are just trying to emulate him anyway, and as Michael Keaton says "A copy of a copy isn't as sharp as the original. As far as I know the only source of magic with the Loduss group is some elf chick. Big deal elven magic is mere childs play especially considdering Gandalf has a ring of power. Then there's the surprise factor. Gandalf like to look old and bent and the surprise his opponents by revealing his true power, and his sword. Will have cut down half of the D&D before the can say "Hey a Mage can't use a sword!"

Jace Von Varius writes:

In the End, there can only be one.

"...And unless you are brought to the feet of Sauron himself, I am the most dangerous thing you will ever encounter."

- Gandalf the Gray

As we all know, in the end, the WIZARDS are the ones to worry about. Early in a mage's career, a fighter can whoop 'em. Midway, they take out armies. Higher levels? Create PLANES. Highest level? They're not wizards anymore- they're gods.

Gandalf, when he reunites with the company (or a fraction) they think he's Saurman, and attack him. Alas, even thoguh they have MAGICAL WEAPONS, Gandalf is INVULNERABLE. He has defeated the Balrog, befriended the King of the Eagles, stood against armies of Orcs, overcome the bearer of the ring, and done thousands more.

"You cannot pass!"

- Gandalf to the Balrog

The only opposition that we can consider for the great mage is Raistlin of the Black Robes. However, we've seen Raistlin at high power and at low power- who's to say what level he is here? More importantly, who's to say that he doesn't just get disinterested and leave?

Gandlaf has yet another advantage- he wields a very powerful magical sword. Even without his magic, he's skilled with the balde, so why not just kill all the opponents that aren't uber-powerful mages with some spells, throw up an anti-magic field, and cut Raist to pieces?

"It is not who _wishes_ to go, but who _will_ go."

Gandalf isn't afraid of danger. He's perfectly willing to risk his life, and he's gotten out of it alive. Hell, eh fought the BALROG for cryin' out loud! He went INTO the proverbial lion's den, and killed the lion!

Anyway, are YOU gonna argue with Tolkien?

THE BATTLE

Callisto:   OK, well, it looks like the battle is about to begin, and Gollum is still working on the answer to todays Bonus Question, so let's see what's happening out there.

Quinn:   Callisto, I can't work under this kind of pressure... No! No! Don't cut the rope! I'll work!

Callisto:   Tempers have been heating up all day between these parties... oh, and there's our official bell: this rumble has just turned serious.

Quinn:   The fighters Aragorn, Boramir, Sturm, Parn, Orson and Caramon all charge... Whoa!!

Callisto:   What the...?

Quinn:   That's bizzare! All the Lodoss and 'Lance crew is startin' ta' look all wavy...

Callisto:   Slightly intangable. Hey, wait. Where's Gandalf?

Quinn:   He's gone... no! There he is. He was gone for a second, tho'.

Callisto:   The Lodoss and Dragonlance teams are looking around wildly. All of them are becoming ghostlike - fading away! They're saying something, down there. Let's get down to the action with a live sound feed.

Raistlin:   Damn you, Gandalf! Damn you! You've doomed us all!

Parn:   Deedlit! What's happening to us?!

Deedlit:   Oh, Parn! It's Gandalf, Parn. Gods, he's done it... He's killed all of us. Oh, Parn. I love you Parn.

Parn:   Deedlit! Deedlit!! Don't go! You're fading... I can't see you. Curse you Wizard! What have you done to her?!

Quinn:   Uh... oke, well... I'm lost. You?

Callisto:   Er... Let's go down on the field with our own Sideline Commentator Frank Williams. Frank - can you hear me?

Frank Williams:   Yes, I'm here standing besides Gandalf. Tell me, Gandalf - what's going on out there? Did you cast a vanishing spell of some sort?

Gandalf:   He He, well you might say that. Quite simple really. See, it's obvious that these other teams were simple shadows of our own Middle Earth fellowship; copies from alternate dimensions produced later in the time stream. So I simply stoped them at their source.

Frank Williams:   Ah, yes. And that means what, exactly?

Gandalf:   I simply stopped the scribe J.R.R Tolkien from publishing his narration of our adventures... causing a chain reaction whereby other story tellers were not inspired by our tales, and thus these shadow copies never came into existance in this form. Elementary, really.

Sturm:   Magic most foul!

Samwise:   What a fine idea, Mr. Gandalf. Why, everything is right as rain, again, eh, Master Frodo?

Frank Williams:   Wait, wait, wait, wait. OK, so, if you did that... if you stopped the story... how come you are not fading from existance, as well?

Gandalf:   We are fine as long as the original manuscript exists somewhere.

Quinn:   Oke, so whose this J.R.R. Tolkien guy?

Callisto:   Clown Girl, of course you don't know who he is, now. Gandalf just fiddled with the time stream and now you have no memory of the person. Nor do I, for that matter.

Quinn:   No! Wait! Wait! I know who he is! Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I met the guy in a pub several years ago. J.R.R. Tolkien... that was the guy's name.

Callisto:   Really? What a coincidence.

Quinn:   Yeah, he was an old guy. Kinda' down on his luck, ya' know. Heartbroken. He had a very sad tale to tell, about a great book he's spent his whole life writing, and then nobody would publish it. I was in tears, really.

Callisto:   Oh? So what happened, clown girl?

Quinn:   Well, I sez I wanna read it after all that, so he sold me his only manuscript for six-pence an' a fresh beer. Poor sod. He said he had ta' to get rid a' the curse of the work and was happy for me to take it.

Callisto:   Really? So where is this manusript?

Quinn:   Oh I brought it with me! Yes, I remember there was something about this battle which had ta' do with it... see, here it... ACK! I've dropped it inna crocodile pit!

Callisto:   Butterfingers.

Aragorn:   Gandalf! Mage! We're fading from view!

Merry and Pippin:   The curse has got us! The curse has got us!

Gandalf:   Blast! *POOF*

Callisto:   Well, there goes the old geezer again... back to meddle with the time stream some more, I guess.

Quinn:   Ah, some people never learn.

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

THE WRAP UP

Callisto:   OK! Now we're back with Gollum who has decided to take a Life Line on today's bonus question.... should I drop Clown Girl to her death in the crocodile pit.

Gollum:   Yesss, my preciousss. Gollum will call for answer, my precioussss.

Callisto:   OK, Gollum - here you go. Here's the phone, call your number.

Touch-Tone Phone:   *beep*-*beep*-*beep*-*beep*-*beep*-*beep*-*beep*...

Harley Quinn's Cell Phone:   *Ring Ring*

Quinn:   Yah, this is Harley Quinn, speaking.

Gollum:   My preciousssss, Gollum have hard question, my preciousssss....

Quinn:   Really? Well, I'll try to help you out, Gollum. What's the question?

Callisto:   *sigh*

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Lord of the Rings (TM) is the property (c) of J.R.R. Tolkien

Record of Lodoss War (TM) is the property (c) of (?)

Dragonlance (TM) is the property (c) of TSR

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

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