THE SCENARIO

THE SPORTS BOX

BOB:   Welcome boys and girls to the Klazan Arena for what looks to be an interesting fight. A fight to the last wedgie between the zany alter-egos of Stanley Ipkiss and Dexter Doulgas....any sign of them yet Clare?

CLARE:   Not a sausage Bob, but the invite did say "A few minutes before sundown", and from my satellite linked watch ($99.99 from all good stores now), we've got a little bit to go yet. Wait...there's some disturbance down near the ring Bob...two people are walking in....

BOB:   They're HERE! Stanley and Dexter have managed to give up their boring lifestyle tonight and join us.....

CLARE:   Stanley and Dexter are both looking very uncool, not the hottest looking guys here I can tell you girls. OHHH, there's some face pulling going on between them! Scary stuff (!)

BOB:   Roll on the violence I say!...But, while we wait for the sun to go down and the fun to begin, let's hear from the fans!

YOUR OPINIONS

Mr Paranoid writes:

SSSSSSSMMMMOOOOOKIIIIN'!!

Charge Man writes:

Oooohhh. This is the toughest match for me to decide in a while (except maybe Rudy vs. Frosty, but I wasn't supposed to :). While Mask is a cool kook, Freak is lightning-quick. And, while the Mask series is okay, it is pale in comparison to the flick. Freak never had such a problem. He never had any official movie to make anything look pale. The Mask has been has been asking for someone to stop him for quite a while, and here's the one to do it.

Andy The Anarchist writes:

Wow! My two favorite funny-colored smart-mouthed screwball superheros! I had trouble deciding who would win, so I had to think about it. Let's compare our fighters, shall we? Freakazoid: Strengths- super speed, super strength, incredible capacity for parody Weaknesses- a bit too easy to distract, not really that bright The Mask: Strengths- super strength, incredible capacity for parody, endless supply of deadly weaponry, not afraid to fight dirty, invurnerable Weaknesses- also easily distracted, not very popular in his home city, just have to get the mask off his face to turn him back to a mere mortal After some thought, I decided that the Mask's invurnerability would decide this fight. I realized that Freakazoid can be injured (remeber in "Two Against Freak" when he got hospitalized when he hit himself in the head with a brick one too many times?), so the unstoppable (well, sorta) Mask is gonna kick poor Freak-boy's butt back to Washington, D.C. (yes, I have deducted that Dexter Douglas [and try saying that five times fast] lives in our nation's capital). I'm sure Freakazoid will make a valiant effort, though.

MasterManG writes:

I'm just going with Freakozoid, because I like rooting for the underdog, and I personally liked his cartoon better. His villians were a hell of alot funnier.

The Cat writes:

Freaky's cuter. That's it.

Azrael writes:

Let's remember, the Mask is armed the the power(tm) of Asgardian Origin. Vs. a geek with a power trip, Loki is superior. Never mind that they totally skewered the story of Loki in the Mask, or that Thor(also of Asgardian Origin) got the snot knocked out of him in a previous match, Freakazoid's gonna get beat like a drum.

Corwyn writes:

If it was the comic book version of the mask... he would take it...hands down...guns balzin But since its that nancy Boy in the yellow suit gee isn't Yellow the color of Cowards and wussy boys...wussy boys get whupped..whupped like my grandpappy used to whup naughty little boys who stole his butterscotch candies...or his porn sorry but My Money is on freakazoid...

Euterpe writes:

I gotta go with Freakazoid, because the people who created him also created Histeria, which is the coolest cartoon in exsistence right now.

The Big Puking Rhino writes:

First Austin Powers vs. Leisure Suit Larry, now this? WHAT ARE YA'LL ON? (and where can I get some?)

Jeff"T-REX"Hayes writes:

Well first thing The Mask has been around a lot longer than Freakazoid. And he also gave a wedgie to Peter Riegert. Anyone who can do that to a Former Delta House member has got a lot of moxie. Beside how long was it that Freakboy was on the air not long. Nuff said

Raven_DHC writes:

Oooohhh.....I like this one! Gotta go with the Freak-man on this one.....Without that mask, Stan's just....well, Stan......Quite a sad individual, really... *insert violins here* Now that he's got the power, ya can't STOP the Freakaziod!

WhereWolf writes:

Stanley "The Manly" Ipkiss All The Way, Baby! He's got Class! He's got Style! He's gotta' really Cool little dog that can do that Muttley snicker! He's got the moves of the Tasmanian Devil, the suavity (it's a real woid! I looked it up!) of Tex Avery's Big Bad Wolf, and the speed of the Roadrunner! AND, Stanley uses high tech weaponry like balloon animal tommyguns! (That's jus' Too Cool!) Freakazoid's jus' some cheesy lame knockoff to fill time between toy commercials. .... Luh-Oo... Zuh-Er! LO-ser! Hey, Say it with me! :)

dengar writes:

COME ON! THERE IS NO CONTEST!THE MASK WHIPS BUTT BIG TIME!

Chris Sawler writes:

Freakazoid has to win this one. Anyone who has seen the show knows that he is far more insane than the Mask is. He doesnt need a mask to make him insane either... hes naturally that way. He doesnt need any clothes at all, cuz he runs around in his underwear for the entire show. Plus, the Freak knows how to speak french, and if you've seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, French Fellows are smarter than english kniggets.

Katrover writes:

Freakazoid!! All the way! Freakazoid(because he's a nerd in alter-ego form) is the hero of internet nerds everywhere. I bet 90% of the people who come here are nerds. We nerds must stick together, especially in this time of year when football-loving jocks have the upper hand. Viva la Nerd!! Mask's gonna get killed like Kenny in a South Park episode.

Hari Seldon writes:

Freakazoid will roll the mask into paste. The mask can be torn off being an inherent weakness. Then there is the knowledge factor. Freakazoid has the knowledge of the net at his fingertips and IS a cartoon character. The mask is just a cartoon wannabe. Besides blue is better than green.

Gaijin D writes:

This is a damn tough one, as both have not quite defined comic abilities. But, I'm going to have to give the nod to the Super Freak Extrordinare. While Freakazoid has no clearly defined weaknesses that I'm aware of, he'd only need to remove that Mask to get himself one-on-one with mild mannered Stanly Ipkiss. The fight'll be hella funny either way, though.

New Line Cinema writes:

"The Mask" was my fave movie. It was so &?!@#in' funny! Freakazoid's cool, but only just.

pluto writes:

freakazoid has this win in the bag all he has to do send out fanboy and make mask kill himself

Lumpenprole writes:

Gotta go with the Mask here; especially since if you go by the original Mask comic (rather than the toned-down movie or cartoon), the Mask is a slice-em, dice-em killer. He's on a par with the Joker when it comes to "knocking 'em dead" humor. Freakazoid is zany, but he's too innocent to survive meeting a psycho who's idea of good clean fun is crushing someone's head against a giant orange squeezer and drinking the juice.

The Black Baron writes:

This is a tough call! the freakazoid is a cartoon charactor and therefore invincible, but the mask has been a cartoon as well! I have never seen a freakazoid episode, but I do know the Mask has never lost and never can lose. so I have to go with the Mask, freakydink will be de-feeted like an artic explorer with gangrene, like a chicken near Col. Sanders, like, like, somebody stop me!

Robotech Master writes:

An excellent fight. The writers are gonna have one hell of a time writing this one up. Hmmm, lets see: Mask: Has cartoon invincibility. He is totally wacko and insane He can do anything a cartoon can do(pull out mallets,spin around and change costume) Freikazoid: Already has cartoon invincibility. He is totally wacko and insane. Developed Telekinesis. Has super speed, and super insulting powers. Well, I think that the telekinesis stuff will give Freak the edge. See, when the battle starts, they will break into a standstill. Eventually, Freak will get mad, and use his Telekinesis to full. Bye bye Mask.

Starbolt... writes:

you ever live with a living cartoon? it's a rea l pain in the keister... trust me, i know... this one is a draw... they are both impervious to physical harm... the most we'll see is giant mallets, popping eyes, and silly sight gags... nuff said...

Anonymous writes:

Wow!! This battle is almost too close to call, but Freakazoid has one powerful advantage that not even Jim Carrey can handle: the narrator. As we know from numerous cartoons, actually having a narrator allows you to take control of reality in ways unforseen. Throw in the Steven Spielberg effect, and the influence of Pinky and the Brain to distract the Mask, and Freakazoid doesn't even have to think to win (wait a minute, he wouldn't think anyways.)

HexxJo writes:

Well, The Mask is just a human who has cartoonish tendancies, whereas Freakazoid is a fullfledged cartoon character. I think The Mask will get green with envy (no pun intended, honestly) and throw a big hissy fit because he can't be a real catroon character like The Freakmeister. Score one for The Freak!

Peter writes:

Let's face it people - the Freak and the Mask are identical. They can both spin the villains right out and send them loopy and they both create the same sort of chaos. Personally, my vote, after a long few minutes trying to decide, goes to the Mask. Even though they are identical in personalities and powers, the Mask seems to use far more violent means. Sure, ol'Freaky can beat the living daylights out of his opponent, but the Mask's fight scenes are just, well, more destructive.

Dexter writes:

OOOH! OOOOOH I LIKE THE FUNNY FREAK MAN WITH THE RED PAJAMAS!

PerGus writes:

Hmmm if you?ve seen th animated Mask series you should know where to place your vote. I mean the guy pics a fight with the devil and WINS!

PerGus writes:

Hmmm if you?ve seen th animated Mask series you should know where to place your vote. I mean the guy pics a fight with the devil and WINS!

Justicar writes:

FREAK!!!

Noel Schornhorst writes:

The Freak wins with me any time. The Mask is okay and is a bit more powerful, but Freaky has friends, Cosgrove, Steph, Professor Jones, and many others. He'd either get Fanboy! to pester Mas k to death or call in his close pals the Animaniacs to drive Mask up the wall. Hugbees!!

Freaky-Freaky writes:

Okay.... Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Crusty old norse mask or the power of the internet? Is a tough one, well, since you can't get porn from a mask, I'll go with Le Freak.

Darkshifter writes:

My money's on the Freak! Freakazoid has several key advantages over the Mask. One advantage is that if the Mask loses his...um, mask, he'll lose his powers. Its been shown that he can and has lost his mask, therfore leaving him wimpy Stanley Ipkis. Freakazoid can't lose his powers no way no how, unless he willingly says the magic woids "Freak In." Another advantage is that Dexter can become the boy in blue and lighting in his hair 24-7. Stanley can only become the Mask at night, since Loki is a night god (according to the movie). And finally...intelligence. Dexter was a smart guy to begin with. Now he has all the knowledge and know-how on the internet! That alone would let him defeat the mask quicker than two shakes of The Lobes head! Add that to "superhuman strength, capable of doing just about anything" and you got one silly and perturb super hero. And since he's faced infamous villans like The Lobe, Candle Jack, Cave Guy, LongHorn, and Mr. Goodyerez, Freak-man will have no problem defeating The guy in the green Mask.

Hooper_X writes:

Eh, I personally think you guys should've thrown in Slapstick, but I'm voting for Freakazoid, since: a: He looks sort of like Madman. b: Jim Carrey is a loser.

The end. Look ma, no Transformers!

writes:

THE MASK IS GONNA KICK THE TART OUT OF THE FREAK

Player writes:

Talk about the battle of the Saturday Morning Rejects. I vote change the channel.

bluejayde writes:

"You gotta ask yourself just one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya'? punks?" (I will now quote a song from one of Jim Carrey's other amazingly cool and REALLY dangerous movies)"You're sorta stuck where you are,but in your dreams you can buy exspensive cars.And live on Mars, and have it your way.You hate your boss at your job. But in your dreams you can blow his head off.In your dreams show no mercy!"

Lord of Chaos writes:

This should be interesting. I think the Mask will be the winner, however. He has the power of a god. What does Freakazoid have that can beat that? The Freakadog? Even so I'd beat on Milo any day. It'll be fun to watch but I think it's a foregone conclusion as to the victor.

Dssstrkl writes:

I came THIS close to voting for the mask, right until I saw it was the weenie Jim Carrey version. If it had been the comic Big Head version, then there's no way Freaky-biy would stand a chance, but Jim's reluctance to draw blood or cause physical damage puts him and the bottom of this pile

Skunk187 writes:

well, it's about time Le Freak pulled into the lead. FREAKAZOID RULES!

Eddie Filth writes:

I'm Freaking out on this one for Freakazoid.The big advantage Freak has is that he can use his powers 24 hours a day,7 days a week where little Stan can only become the Mask at night.Also Freakazoid has dealt with weird and mental villans so he's used to dealing with people who've gone mad like the Mask.

Vegeta writes:

Oh my GOD!!! I mean there is NO contest! Freakazoid is super fast, super strong and just alot cooler. Plus Dexter just has to say "Freak out" and he becomes Freakazoid. The mask has to put on the stinkin' mask just to become a complete retard!!! And if the mask gets stolen they can just turn into the mask and whop him up!! (Plus Jim Carrey is gay.)

Cruton writes:

I think freakazord will win this battle for two reasons. 1. He can't be disconnected from his power. 2. He can use his power in the daytime. Plus, he's a whole lot funnier.

Sunwright writes:

The Freak-boy! Just one name: Estefan Spielburgo That's right. Freak-boy works for THE man of Hollywood. You heard what Brando said and what Bulworth said. He is the Alpha and the Omega. The Mask lays one hand on the Freak-boy and Estefan Spielburgo will be makin' phone calls to all his 'buddies' and the Mask's life is ruined for all of eternity. The Mask will get spanked like a naughty catholic girl in a nunnery.

zlo the meek writes:

this battle wil be a close call because even though Freakazoid has the edge the fact that his powers are internet based could be a draw back. Look for him to slow down at a crucial time in the match then revert back to dexter

XXUTAK, Dread Lord of Werkon writes:

The Mask will win. Go read the comics, and then go watch an episode of Freakazoid. The Mask is a maniacal engine of destruction, an insane death machine. He is completly invincible. LONG LIVE BIG-HEAAADD!!!!!!!

Ares Wannabe writes:

That Damn Jim Carey has seen his FINAL hours! No big toothed, greasy haired, butt talking, wannabe actor with a wooden mask is going to out do the Freakazoid. Being a cartoon character, Freakazoid will be able to endure ALL pain and suffering faced to him. As for the Mask, Freakazoid need only pull off the face, and hand him a nuke. Die Die Die!!!

Reactor writes:

You guys chose some stupied fights i give ya some good fights but ya chose else wise any way this is a good ba ttle i gota say the MASK will WIN!! BAH

Wade Wilson(AKA Deadpool) writes:

Well I'd think the Mask would win, crazy green guy that he is. Kinda like the Hulk's insane little brother in a way...Man damn these bruises still hurt from those darn feminazi's who beat me up outside the Swingers Ball. Still looking for that Loser Larry Laughte character. But yeah I think the Mask would win, I aint never heard of this other guy. "Freakazoid?" What a lame-o generic name! I mean isnt that supposed to be a insult? I should know, some of the chicks at the ball called me that. Guess they just dont know what a man in spandex can do...

Shadowlight writes:

This is SUCH a NO BRAINER. The Freakmiester all the way!!! I mean even if it wasn't completely obvious that Freakazoid was so much more the man than the Mask, Cosgrove would tip the balance all the way. I mean who else could go watch a bear ride a motorcycle and still catch the bad guys? And Freakazoid's enemies are so much cooler!! I'd like to see the Mask take on Lobe. The Mask can only hope and pray to be half as cool as Freakazoid. I mean even Freakazoid's theme song is cooler. How much more obvious could it be? Lets go team Freak!!!!!!!!!!

Valandar writes:

PUH-LEEZE! The Mask not only has the essence of Loki, He Who Shall Begin Ragnarok, the Gotterdamerung, the Twilight of the Gods, he also started in his own comic book! In that comic book, which, by the way, is the REAL MASK, he was not above killing gangsters, or even people who annoyed him. Freakazoid needs the help of a fat, bushy-eyebrowed cop, and a narrator, or he'd get lost in a bathroom. In addition, while neither of them can keep their attention on anything for long, once you have ticked off the Mask, he will do anything his demented mind can think of. Finally, while wearing the Mask of Loki, he is INDESTRUCTIBLE! Freakazoid is just a poser, created to cash in on the Green Faced One's popularity. The Mask, all the way.

SonicHunter writes:

Hmmmmnnn .... Who to chose who to chose . One one hand Clare is right . Freakazoid is a computer nerd ( and we know that nerds RULE ALL !!!! ) and he is the animated personification of an information overload . While Bob is also right in saying that the mask has the edge with the mask of Loki . When he transforms into that sssssmokin' green faced loon he is practically unstoppable . An opinion of my own is that the Mask can simply transform into someone who is smarter than the Freak . That and Freakazoid can't pull a limitless amount of mallets , guns and rubber chickens ( taste better than the real thing ) . Sorry Freakazoid , I'm voting for the Mask

LVtheman writes:

I vote for the Mask. Anyone who's got ILM providing them with movie powers is nothing short of all mighty. (Yeah, I'm a little biased)

The Chubby Bullfrog writes:

Yes! Excellent. This is a much better match-up than last weeks, which was amusing, but not really interesting. But I like this one. So now comes for my analysis. Well, let's see, I could focus on some insignificant point like Freakazoid's pajamas don't match up to Stanley Ibkis', or that I'd way rather be called Dexter Douglas than Stanley Ibkis. But that would be ludicrous. Hmmm, did I spell that right? Whatever. This fight should be decided by the better warrior. Now, I have to admit that The Mask has the better arsenal, but I still think that Freakazoid will win. Why? Two reasons: first of all, as far as I can tell, these two entities are indestructable, and can only be stopped by their need to tell a joke. Given that, this match should go on forever, right? WRONG!!! Remember, The Mask's powers only work during nighttime. Meanwhile, ladies, le Freak can go all night and day!!! (Slap!) Oh, sorry. Not sure what happened there. But it's simple: This match will end at the dawn's first light, when Ibkis will face a rampaging freak whose name isn't Kenneth Starr.

THE BATTLE

CLARE:  Some scathing comments from the fans there Bob!

BOB:   And who can blame them? Well, the suns about to go down, Stanley has got his mask in his hands and Dexter's....well, standing there.....AND-!

CLARE:   WOO HOO! The Mask and Freakazoid have ENTERED THE BUILDING!! The Mask is wearing his famous fetching two piece, bright yellow suit with matching wide-brimmed hat (with feather!).......and Freakazoid is still in the underpants over tights outfit....mmm, nice(!)

BOB:   It seems dress sense isn't part of the Freakazoid's powers. but its just right for wedging Clare! Let's move the mikes in to listen in..

CLARE:   Shhh, we're getting something...

FREAKAZOID::   Hi!Doyouwanttosurrendernowornoworinaminute?????

MASK::   Hmmmm, let me think.........

FREAKAZOID::   Well,inordertosavetimeandtroubleIwouldsaynow! Idon'twanttodieofoldage!

MASK::   Well, yeah, you ARE lookin' a bit wrinkled - wanna make-over??

BOB:   My GOD! The Mask has transformed himself into an AVON LADY! He's got the lipstick, (pink I think) and wearing a fetching pink apron...he's going for Freakie!

CLARE:   ..who's sidestepped out of the way in lightning speed! He's behind the Mask and it's....

BOB:   WEDGIE!!!!!!!!! Not even two minutes into the fight and Freakie has pulled the pantyhose up and over Mask's head. That's gotta hurt!

CLARE:   Not often that the Mask is on the other end of a tight-tug Bob! The Mask looks like he's SSSSMOKIN' with rage!

BOB:   His teeth sure are gritted at the moment Clare! All the men in the audience are shifting uncomfortabley!

CLARE:   The Mask responds with the old 'Hand-as-an-anvil' routine! Nice hit! Freakie looks a bit dazed, but not out.

BOB:   Freakazoid shakes it off - but he's still a stationary target!!!

CLARE:   Mask has changed cossies again..He's trying out the James Cagney routine, with....well, about two-dozen massive (and comically gratifying) guns to Freakies head...

MASK::   You wanna piece of me, you dirty rat??

FREAKAZOID ::   Poogas!

BOB:   Sheesh, can that Freakie move fast or what! He's nipped behind Mask again...looks like he's going for another wedgie...

CLARE:   Uh-uh, not this time Bob...Mask has got a ACME triple locked anti-wedgie trap where his underwear should be! Those stainless steel teeth sure look sharp Bob!

BOB:   Not very fetching on Freakazoid's hand Clare - but Freakie has smacked the Mask with it!! Good initiaive - some points there Clare.

CLARE:   Popping his face back out from that immense backhander, ANOTHER change for the Mask puts him in a long black, velet number - what class....

MASK: :   Ooo, and I don't even know your name! Come here sweetie, give me a kiss!

BOB:   Eeeeeee!, a sloppy smacker by Mask...followed up by crashing a pair of symbols on either side of Freak's head....ahhh, love...

MASK ::   Oooooo, Sssssomebody stop me!!!!!

CLARE:   Nice couple...but, Freakie is looking a bit dazed Bob...and sounds like he's rambling!

BOB:   Yep ....sounds like the last smack shook something loose....he's talking six-to-a-dozen here..

CLARE:   The Mask has pulled out a ridiculous large note pad and pencil....looks like he's trying to write it all down...The Mask can't resist the visual comedy value of it!! LOOK at the smoke from the pencil! Not even the Mask can keep up the pace!!! MASK: What was the middle bit??

BOB:   Freak's come out of it, and seen the Mask's current vunerability!!! I smell a 'Coup-de-Wedgie' here!!!

CLARE:   I can't watch this anymore!!

BOB:   The Mask has thrown the pad and pencil aside, and he's spinning around for ANOTHER change!!!!.......

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Freakazoid: 472

Mask: 466

THE WRAP UP

BOB:   ...But Freak is too fast.. wait... he catches Mask mid-transform...

CLARE:   ...it... they...

BOB:   ...uh...

CLARE:   ...ooh...

BOB:   ...can we see that again in slow motion?

CLARE:   ...I did not know underpants and the human body could be joined like that. Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

Freakazoid!.

JimCarric Park.

Dark Horse Comics (created The Mask).

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CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles