THE SCENARIO

THE SPORTS BOX

GARY:   in for the Treehouse of Champions, I'm your Roving Robot Reporter Gary Meyers

DALE:   Hi-yo all! What an exciting match up we have for you this week! From FPL This Week, I'm Dale Muse, Man-about-Multiverse.. Two masters of the marsh, Czars of the Swamp...what happens when they go mano y mano RIGHT here on the CBUB!?!??Man-Thing has been posted at the opposite end of the quagmire, guarding a portal to the Nexus of All Realities, Swampy's only ticket home. Confrontation is inevitable.

GARY:   But as stated, he'll first have to cross Dabogah. He's already conquered the lightning sands and the firespouts.

DALE:   What about the third? R.o.E.S.?

GARY:   The rodents of enormous size? I don't really think they exisAACHK! GET IT OFF! GO TO THE LETTERS! GO TO THE LETTERS!

DALE   Wow. Big rat. Better go to the letters.

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

Peter writes:

Hey Lord of the Pie - great fight! Anyhoo, I went for Swamp Thing for one reason only - I still own a little Swamp Thing toy, and you can pull his arms and legs apart to make him look like a pile of logs, and then press the little button on his back and he snaps back into place. Is that cool or what?

Beetle Bomb writes:

Cool! I actually suggested and supported suggestions for this fight awhile back. Thanks Pie Lord! Anyway, despite popularity, I went with Manny on this one. It goes like this: They're gonna fight, so they gotta meet, right? Swampy can control the plant life but as soon as he sees something uglier than him he will know fear. He'll say, "My good God, look at this pitiful ugly bastard..." and that's all she wrote. Swampy catches fire, Manny looks dumbfounded. Fights over kiddies, bring on next week. L8.

Eddie Filth writes:

My vote goes to Swamp-Thing.He can control plants,regenerate,super strength, asuume differnt shapes with his body parts such as extending limbs or extra apendages and turn into sludge. His only weakness is pollution which Man-Thing has no accsess to. So my vote goes to Swamp-Thing.

Sailor Dragonfyre writes:

I have just one thing to say..
Who ever picked this fight, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!
Thank you.

Producer's Note: That would be serge. Y'know, the man in charge of the place? Howzabout we not anger him

Daxamite writes:

At the end of the Moore era, the Swamp Thing was effectively a god. He could control the growth of both terrestrial and nonterrestrial vegetation, transfer his personality into any vegetable form or into the Green, create and control independant multiple bodies and traverse dimensions. The Man-Thing is a near-mindless automaton with a corrosive touch.

I'd call this a no-brainer. Swamp Thing all the way.

The Devil writes:

Well, I took some time off to say goodbye to Pat and Jay.I will miss them. However I hope the new hosts, will realize just how magnificent I am and finally give me my VIP box and special guest commentator position. Anyway, on this fight it is very simple swamp thing will probably get his ass whupped. Even thought he is the protector of the swamp and all that jive, he is no match for an extradimensional entity like man-thing. besides when they took a section of dagobah the accidently took Yoda's house. he will of course blame everything on the one with the brains and kick the crap out of him, also since man thing is like powerful because he is like the Protector of the Nexus of all Possible Realities, he is home! Khazan, if you remember, IS the nexus of all possible realities. He has home court advantage. Man-thing slaughters old spinach skin. Say, if anybody has a VIP box they don't want, send it to [email protected]. TTFN (Ta-Ta-For-Now)

Taz writes:

Man-Thing maybe a mindless critter but he can beat Swamp-thing any day of the week!

Noel Schornhorst writes:

Since I doubt many plants know fear, I think Swampy can simply trap Manny with hordes of alien plantlife and simply walk past Man-Thing to freedom.

SuperFreak writes:

Swamp Thing is cooler and had a much better writer, but the Man Thing always seemed more powerful. He's stood up to just about everybody in the marvel universe. How many times have he and the Hulk duked it out? I dont think Swamp Thing can say he could do that. So Man-Thing may be able to take down Swamp Thing but Swamp Thing wins the greater character and great story lines battle.

Chuckg writes:

In DCU and Vertigo, Swamp Thing is a truly cosmic being, the Earth Elemental incarnate, the being who is one of the most powerful mystic focuses for the gestalt consciousness of every plant on Earth. He is immortable, unkillable, and unstoppable... wherever any plant is, there can he be if he so desires. He can walk the planes of reality, has been a silent witness to entire wars fought between Heaven and Hell, and has faced down major demon lords and survived unscathed. He's walked through Hell itself and lived.

Man-Thing... is a mindless glop of animated plants that hangs around a reality nexus and guards it by sheer no-brain reflex. It's kinda strong, sometimes senses emotions, and can burn up anybody who's cared.

Yeah, this is an even fight all right... NOT!

Swamp Thing calmly stares at Man-Thing, and the mindless being feels peace and a unity with all of Creation for the first time in its existence. It then goes back to its swamp, as happy as it can possibly get, having been briefly touched wit h the grace and favor of the nearest thing the DCU has to a God of Plants.

Fred writes:

Hey, when the going gets tough, the tough...
call in sidekicks. Now, who's the Man-Thing gonna call? Howard the Duck? And when
Swampy calls in the troops, the one, the only, John Constantine arrives on the field.
And JC beats a talking duck, especially with Warren Ellis in his corner. Nuff Said!

GrimmSoupGod writes:

Before I am labeled as a Manthing Hater I will say that I think he is a cool character! Yes Those who know fear burn at the touch of the man thing but what does swampy have to fear from him? Nothing! But what is this? Swampthing is a million times more powerful, is not a rip-off of himself and captain america AND just pulled out...ALAN MOORE!! Now THAT is frightening! Swampy By a mile!
Producer's Note: According to my research(yes, RESEARCH) Man Thing came out prior to Swamp Thing. So nyah.

Dr. Woodrow writes:

The Swamp Thing is a little more then just your run of the mill scientist gone wacky with a monster serum. He turned into a creature capable of controlling all plant life. He once created a body for himself made from a Redwood while holding Gotham City hostage. He has the ability to grow new bodys on whim. So what if a little fear toast one and why would he be afraid of a little muck monster like the Man Thing anyway. If he has any emotion It would be pity.

Mockingbird writes:

Swamp Thing is a god.

Man Thing is what his name says, a man.

Swampy is gonna pulverise him.

Juggernaut writes:

Go back to recent Marvel books and you'll see why the DC version is no match. Man-Thing is the nexus of all realities for Marvel and they boosted is power level a lot.

Pksoze writes:

You know with two guys like Swamp and Man thing there is only one criteria babes! Swamp thing got Heather Locklear Man Thing got a skin condition that causes girls to burn if he touches them.

LVtheman writes:

Gee, an ecological battle of epic proportions. I say Swamp thing, but not by much. I just hope the swamp's still there after all of this goes down!

TheBigGiantHead writes:

I'll make this simple - Man Thing has gone toe to toe with the Hulk and not only walked away, but been unharmed. To put this simply, you can't hurt the Man Thing. He'll just keep reforming forever.

Oh, and for all the people who think Man Thing's a cheap ripoff of Swamp Thing - Man Thing actually appeared months before Swamp Thing did.

Ajota writes:

Ok, you don't get to be the guardian of the nexus of all realities by being a pushover. Man-thing in a rout.

Marksman writes:

Hmmm let me see here. The guardian of the NEXUS versus a plant guy. Those who know fear burn at the Man-Thing's touch. Plant + fire = ?

Needless to say, methinks Gary Coleman shall win over all even if the Man-Thing shall fall to a lesser being!

THE BATTLE

GARY:&nspb;&nspb; That is the last obscure pop-culture reference I'll EVER make! *achem*...we're back. Swamp Thing has almost reached the crux point of this fight.

DALE:   He's hoping to take the mindless brute by surprise, making a mad dash for the portal, melting into the background...

GARY:   OOF! Caught ...uh, where his throat WOULD be by the Man-Thing. OL' Ted there is really protective of the Nexus.

DALE:   Swamp Thing hits the ground swinging as he commands the growth of two huge vines to snare the Man Thing

GARY:   Man-Thing is being held aloft by the large plants...

DALE:   And his body slides right through! He lands on top of our pal Swampy, and, diversion and removal of obstacle having failed, the slugfest begins!!!

GARY:   Swampy deals a double-fisted sledgehammer-swing to the Man-Thing and plows right through his whole friggin face!

DALE:   Manny's face reforms as he tosses Swamp Thing aside like a sack of potatoes. If only Manny'd take the initiative...

GARY:   But he can't even think to do that. He's probably forgotten about Swampy already. Big mistake, as Swampy ..kind of MELTS into the swamp floor and comes back HARD...UPPERCUT style!

DALE:   SHORYUKEN! Man-Thing is rocked back, and recoils to meet Swamp Thing's flying fists face first.

GARY:   Man-Thing rears back and throws a massive blow at Swamp Thing...

DALE:   Who dodges easily....leaving him open to Man-Thing's backhand!

GARY:   Neither fighter is giving an inch! Swamp thing is trying to throttle the life out of Manny while covering him in growth-accelerated foliage...

DALE:   While Man Thing just keeps trying to nail Swamp Thing with those massive blows, his body ripping right through those constrictive tendrils.

GARY:   Inconcievable! Swamp Thing pulls a very cartoony move, accelerating the growth of a sapling until it's Slugger size!

DALE:   Like Jose Conseco himself, Swampy lets the log fly into Man-Thing's torso!

GARY:   Tis only a flesh wound! Man Thing maintains composure and plants one of his iron fists right through Swampy...hehe Dale, ya get it? Plants? HAHAHAHAHA....

DALE:   : stop it. Swampy begins healing at a bit slower rate than Manny as soon as Manny retracts his forearm to deal out another blow....

GARY:   Swamp Thing lets himself be absorbed into the ecosphere...and comes up again right behind Man-Thing! It's a full-nelson...trying to force the Man Thing into submission!

DALE:   Swampy's anger is getting in the way of his judgment. He could just bolt for the portal...but now it's personal. He hefts Man-Thing off his heels...

GARY:   shoulda ...PLANTED his feet, eh?

DALE:   STOP IT! JUST...JUST DIE! Manny gets a suplex laid on him, and Swamp thing causes the underbrush to coil around him.

GARY:   Man-Thing breaks through! Rarely ever have two opponents been so evenly matched! Manny delivers a sharp blow...and Swamp Thing hits the floor! Hard as it may be to believe...I...I think Manny knocked the wind outta Swamp Thing! Inconceivable!

DALE:   You keep on saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Man-Thing and Swamp-Thing are in a death-lock......what the monkey?

GARY:   ACK! GRATUITOUS GUEST STAR! Howard the Duck has arrived on the scene! IF folk see Howard here this column'll dive-bomb overnight! Get a mic in his hand, act like he's a commentator!

HOWARD the DUCK   Hi out there all you hairless apes! My old buddy Man Thing is locked dead-even with this fella from the Distinguished Competitors! Even Quack Fu couldn't save him! Manny is in it deep...the other swamp creature wins the struggle and hefts Manny overhead to toss him! This looks bad...

DALE:   ...heard me, get security down there! UH...I mean thanks, Howard! Man -Thing goes flying into a nearby tree, which gives under the force of impact.

GARY:   Swamp Thing is spooked. Never has he been so evenly matched! He's making a break for the portal...while Man Thing seems to have forgotten about him!

DALE:   Oop! Looks like Swampy must be feelin a twinge of anxiety...the Man-Thing stirs! He senses FEAR! He's inches away from Swamp thing in one mighty leap...this is BAD!

GARY:   And as it is written, whatsoever knows fear...BURNS at the Man Thing's tou...

HOWARD   Manny! Hi guy! Remember me?

DALE:   I said SECURITY! Both Swamp creatures stare at Howard in an uneasy silence......and Swamp Thing breaks him in half! Man Thing backs off of Swampy, Alec's fear gone...

GARY:   : Swamp Thing hurls Howard's torso into the portal...and something's WRONG! Energy's spewing outta it like Rosanne Barr eating in reverse!

DALE:   The Nexus of All Realities...it must've crossed over!!! With HYPERTYME! CURSE YOU DC! HYPERTYME SUCKS!

GARY:   : Dozens of Swamp Things start pouring outta that portal and attacking Man-Thing, while the real one just walks right by Manny. But...will he make it?

DALE:   Man-Thing looks horrified! He knows what'll happen if someone evil gets hold of the Nexus. He isn't even paying attention to the mass beating he's receiving!

GARY:   Manny is tossing away Swamp Thing left and right as the real SWAMPY IS INCHES FROM THE PORTAL!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Man-Thing: 318

Swamp-Thing: 374

THE WRAP UP

DALE:   He...HE'S ENTERED THE NEXUS! Man Thing lets out the most bloodcurdling sound I've ever heard! He must be afraid that Swampy'l...afraid...oh CRAP!

GARY:   Man Thing goes up like a box of matches and a keg of kerosene! For whatsoever knows fear BURNS at the Man-Thing's touch! EVEN THE MAN-THING!

DALE&ndsp;  Tough break for ol' Ted. Ah well...he won't even remember it tomorrow.

GARY   Little solace as you're running towards swamp water, blazing white-hot! OH well...Until next time, this has been Gary Meyers

DALE   And I'm Dale Muse. Good Journey Faithful Viewers! C'mon, Gar...looks like we get free salad bar with this fight.

GARY   THAT'S DISGUSTI...will there be soup?