PERSONAL

Gender: Male

Kit: Divine

Location: Auburn Hills, Michigan

AFFILIATION

Alignment: Hero

Team: Solo Hero

VITAL STATS

Strength: standard (rank 1)

Agility: weak (rank 0)

Mind: standard (rank 1)

Body: superior (rank 2)

Spirit: (rank )

Charisma: (rank )

RECORD

Fame Points: 498

Personal Wins: 88

Personal Losses: 71

Team Wins: 0

Team Losses: 0

Tourney Wins: 0

Tourney Losses: 0

STATUS

Status: Active

Canis Minor

Sometimes, life just sucks. Sometimes, it just really, really sucks. No two ways about it, unless your in a coma, life is gonna suck... come to think of it, being in a coma would suck anyway, so that doesn't work...

I'm getting of topic. Sorry.

Anyways, this is a story about a man named Stewart Bidasoe, 'Stu' to his friends. Stu was your average, everyday, guy, more or less. The dude was absolutely mortified of anything to do with fire, but aside from that, he was a pretty normal guy.

There's such a thing as an irrational fear. Fire, generally, is not an irrational fear. Usually, if you mess with fire, you end up getting burned. Stu, however, took fear to a whole new level. Even if he was watching TV and some fire happened to show up on the screen he'd break into a cold sweat.

So, it's ironic how this whole story happened. Here's a guy who goes through his whole life avoiding fire and all related elements like the plague, and guess how he died.

Fire. Exactly.

You gotta hate it when your at K-Mart trying to buy a box of Frosted Flakes when suddenly the whole building catches because some psychotic arsonist decides to light up that exact K-Mart at the exact moment you're trying to buy your cereal, causing you to burn to death in an inferno of hellish retail merchandise.

Yeah. Your day is pretty much shot after that.

Prometheus was a titan of Greek legend. More specifically, he was the titan credited with stealing fire from Zeus and giving it to the poor, cold human race.

Zeus was pretty P.O.'d after that. So he made the punishment fit the crime: he chained Prometheus to a rock. Then he let an eagle rip out and eat his liver every day, just so a new liver could grow back and the eagle could eat it all over again. This went on for centuries, and frankly, ol' Prometheus got used to it. He'd wake up to the eagle just finishing off his liver. He'd lay there and then a few minutes later a new one would grow back. A fairly monotonous life, to be sure, but it's better than nothing.

Well, one day Zeus decided to watch Prometheus' innards ripped out and eaten. Usually, the sight of that pleased him. But when he got there, the eagle was digging into his belly and Prometheus was sound asleep.

Zeus yelled, "Wake up, you fool!"

Prometheus slowly awoke. "You need something?" he said casually.

"That eagle is eating your liver. You're supposed to be crying out in horror and pain."

"Nah...I got used to that. A few millenia ago it bothered me but now? Meh, I couldn't care less."

Zeus left in a rage. Sitting upon his throne, he summoned Stu from the afterlife. Prometheus wanted the humans to have fire? Let them have it.

Stu stood before the god, Zeus. "Stewart Bidadsoe!" he cried.

"Um...my friends call me, Stu," said Stu.

"Stu Bidasoe! You are dead!"

"Yeah... um... about that..."

"Silence! I would let you remain dead, but you have been chosen for a very special task."

"Which is?"

"The titan Prometheus long ago stole fire from me and gave it to humans. I'm simply giving you a little bit more fire."

Stu froze. The color drained from his face.

"F-f-f-fi-"

Stu didn't even get to finish the word.

Stu's eyes shot open. He sat up in his hospital bed and looked around. Everything seemed normal enough. He was wrapped in bandages, but other than that, he seemed fine.

As it turns out, he was fine. Bah, a few third-degree burns here and there, nothing serious. What's a few skin grafts? Just about as much as pulling out a splinter. Stu was back on his feet in a few weeks.

Complete Engulfment in Flames

     Fire: superior (rank 2)

• Area Affect
• Super Area of Effect
• Multi-Attack

A few weeks later, Stu found himself walking down the street. It was quiet...

What? You expect me to say, 'too quiet'? Could you be more cliche? Jeez...

Anyways, it was quiet. Suddenly an alarm went off at the local bank and a couple of guys ran out carrying bags of money! It was a bank robbery (actually it was a cliche plot device, but whatever).

Stu suddenly felt very hot felt a stinging sensation all over his body. Suddenly he realized two things 1). Paris Hilton is in the news a lot for no real reason, whatsoever, and 2). He was totally engulfed in flames.

Stu ran around, panicking and screaming like a five-year-old girl.

Suddenly he crashed into the robbers and fell on top of them. Unfortunately, the bad guys had not planned on the contingency of a flaming man falling on them, and had neglected to wear fireproof clothing. Needless to say, they soon fond themselves ablaze as well.

Soon there were three very panicked flaming people running around in circles lighting everything in the immediate vicinity ablaze. The difference between Stu and the other two guys was that Stu randomly stopped burning. Confused and in shock, he ran off and left the bad guys to burn.

I'M ON FIRE I'M ON FIRE I'M ON...

     Mental Defense: standard (rank 1)

"Ah! Help! A psychic mastermind is attacking innocent people!" a random bystander yelled, solely because I needed some form of exposition to explain the scenario.

You didn't hear that last part.

The fire burned Stu. It hurt, not nearly as badly as it should have, but it definately hurt enough to distract Stu. He ran around and around panicking.

Anyways, the psychic person tried firing one of his mind blasts and tearing Stu's head up from the inside, but nothing happened.

He just kept running and burning.

He tried again. And again. Finally he tried reading Stu's mind, this is what he heard:

"I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!"

Suddenly Stu ran smack into the guy, lighting him on fire. A few minutes later he dropped dead.

Then it stopped hurting as much...

     Berserker: superior (rank 2)

A few weeks later, Stu had learned to ignore the pain. He was still completely freaked out whenever he lit up, but at the very least he had learned to deal with it.

Which leads us to Bob. Bob was a very bad man. Bob was the kind of guy who made the seven deadly sins cringe with horror. Bob was bad. Bob was Bad Bob.

Bob liked to kill people and destroy property. He treated it like a hobby like football or writing out descriptions for lame fictional characters on some website only about thirty people know about.

...Er...you didn't hear that either.

Anyways there was Bad Bob. Killing and destroying and... you get the idea.

Stu came running from down the street, completely engulfed in flames. Threw a rock at Stu, but he didn't even notice. Stu ran and tackled Bob, igniting him.

Now, most people would be pretty much out of it by then. Bob was not. Bob ran around, panicking at first, but in true Bad Bob fashion, he managed to light some random people on fire before going down.

Anyway, that's the story of Stu Bidasoe, 'Completely-Engulfed-In-Flames Man'. A while later some idiot kid decided to write an account of Stu's life...

...You didn't hear that either.