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I believed all the old stories, growing up. You can be whatever you want to if you try, and why not? Some people want to be the president, or an astronaut. I wanted to be a hero, and in this town, that's really not a big accomplishment. I mean, you can be a GOOD hero, but you don't get that with effort alone. You need to be born with power, or have special equipment, or lots of allies. Now, I was born a farmer's son. If you ever need a villain to be defeated by planting things, I'm all over it. But those other things? I don't have powers, and what army am I bringing around? Two surly cows and a chicken with a nail tied to its beak? I needed to find some magical artifact if I was to be a hero. So off I went, and I think I've done pretty well for myself. I may not be the greatest bastion of heroism you've ever seen, but I've got the spirit and the stuff, and damn it, if I need it I've got a cow.
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I help! Really, I do. Just last week I flattened a bank robber into the street, while he was in his getaway car. Yeah, I wanted to join the Sentinels, but they considered all my gear to be stolen property. Okay so some of the armor I found in a tomb, but come on! The guy is dead! Dad yelled at me for taking the sword along with its rock, because that meant the "true rightful owner" wouldn't be able to come get it. Well hey, clearly, the thing isn't trying to *stop* me from using it. As long as I'm helping people, I really don't see why so many of them complain.
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The Stone on the Sword
 Bashing Attack: Ultimate
- Weakness: Power in Item - Easy to Lose
Excalibur wasn't the only one. There are so many legendary magic swords, I couldn't hold them all in a book. A big book. That was what I first tried to go out and get, on my noble quest to be a hero...eventually heard about a powerful blade buried up to its hilt in a stone, and only the one person truly meant to wield it could pull it out. That's a favorite enchantment, I hear; quick, effective, gets the point across, lots of respect for that spell. There was a short line when I got there, and when my turn came around, I couldn't get it free. So I thought, hey, why not break the rock and just take the sword out of the rubble? Turns out that doesn't work either. The spell is actually cast on the rock, not the sword, so the thing is unbreakable and anything even remotely stuck in there isn't coming out. So, I took it. Why not? I mean, I was last in line. If that's where the magic is, that's where the weapon is. An invincible stone with a handle? I had my first tool on the road to heroism.
Duct Plate
 Body Armor: Supreme
- Weakness: Power in Item - Easy to Lose
I'm in good shape, I did lots of work growing up. But I'm not deflecting bullets with my face, here. Lucky for me, you can't visit your grandmother's grave in this town without tripping over the magic suit of armor buried with the warrior-king in the next plot. Not that I'M special enough to wear any of them, you understand...you have to be a descendant, or a great swordsman, or willing to endure a cursed piece of equipment. Those are only requirements on wearing the stuff, though. You can touch it. The solution was obvious, I think. Tape! What doesn't tape solve? I just collected enough bits of magic armor and taped them all over myself to make a good, solid defense. Sure, maybe I sound like a big bag of tin cans falling down the stairs, but who ever heard of a subtle hero? And I don't feel bad about not going out in the rain...there are plenty of other guys who'll do that.
Enchanted Arrows of Flingability
 Projectile Attack: Supreme
- Weakness: Power in Item - Easy to Lose
- Weakness: Limited Uses - Multi-Use
You hear tales about someone who stood alone on a tower with his bow and arrows, and fought off an entire army all alone. Wouldn't you know it, turns out you need the strength of a titan or something to pull the drawstring on one of those things. I don't even have baby ogre strength. Those are still some quality arrows, though, and I guess whoever made them didn't really think anyone would try and use them *without* the bow. I've thrown darts before, it's not that different, and a good shot goes through like a bullet. Gotta be careful, though. Dropped one on my toe once. GOD. I'll never again go without part of the Boot of Isocloscia glued to my sock, I can tell you that.
The Braining Ring
 Emotion Control: Superior
- Weakness: Limited Uses - One Use
Man, I thought I hit gold with this one. A non-cursed magic ring? What is there to lose? How about a tooth. I spent a good twenty dollars on that thing! It's supposed to control minds or, something. I never looked at the fine print. It alters the basic emotional state of the subject, but you know what? As soon as it's been altered, they aren't in their basic state anymore. No more power from the ring. Ohh, that's nice. The rampaging marauder knocking down buildings is a lot less dangerous when he stops at panicked on the way to frightened. I suppose it's handy if I need to make a bear angry without smacking it or something. At least my dad doesn't bother me anymore. His default state is angry, so whenever he goes into the old "why do you have to walk into public with tape and a boulder" rant, I can just make him confused so he wanders away.
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Main Event Winner!
Hall Of Fame!
Survival - 13 Wins!
Brutal - 2 Fatalities
