Hall Of Fame!

Survival - 8 Wins!

Brutal - 2 Fatalities

AFFILIATION

Alignment: Villain

Team: Freelance Villain

VITAL STATS

Strength: Weak

Agility: Standard

Mind: Supreme

Body: Standard

RECORD

Personal Wins: 8

Personal Losses: 3

Poe

Yeah, yeah...we all know the bit. All those Magic Knight/Dragon Master/Light Warrior/Avatar Of Hope, Justice, And Insert-Fruity-Sounding-Concept-of-Something-Or-Other-Here legendary hero-types start out as spunky, annoying cheerful adolescent boys who were raised by a kindly old uncle/grandfather/old friend of the boy's conveniently missing father. Then for some contrived reason or other they set out on a semi-plausible adventure, along with his obnoxious, supposedly-cute, talking pet/sidekick animal (or robot in the sci-fi version) thing that you wish you could just toss into a tree shredder. "Hey wait, you don't feel that way about me, do you?" And eventually after a bunch of repetitive quests and lots and lots and lots of random battles, the boy finds some sort of magical pointy phallic symbol, becomes powerful enough to kill god, (and in some cases, he goes and literally does) and finally ends up with some inbred, bimboish, weepy, passive/submissive, helpless-ass, pampered, bleached-hair-fake-boobed-nose-jobed-all-paid-for-by-her-rich-king-daddy, super negative feminine stereotypical princess- "Um...Meji? Could ya keep the number of adjectives under like five or so? If you keep this up, we'll be here all day." –that he rescued from some evil wizard king guy. And so...um... ... "You got so carried away with ranting that you forgot what you were SUPPOSE to be talking about again, didn't you?" Shut up, Nail. Oh wait...Villains... Yeah, that was it! As I was saying...but you never get to see how the big league, ultimate evil, god-like mage guy starts out, do you? I mean as nice as it would be, we don't just pop into existence full-grown with flashy eldritch abilities, a badass black armored outfit, and a cool looking floating tower headquarters. And we're not born instinctly knowing how to kidnap skanky princesses, corrupt major religions, and backstab the supreme evil guy just above us on the evil corporate ladder on our way to gaining ultimate power... Hell no, we have to start out as annoyingly cheerful (though slightly goth looking) little kids with obnoxious cute animal companions, just like the good guys do... Of course, we usually end up getting fed up with our animal sidekicks and break their furry little necks or bash their tiny little heads in with a rock while they're sleeping. "Hey, what did you just say?!" Hm? Oh nothing, Nail. Hi, I'm Meji Hinadori; I'm a trainee evil mage chick who dreams of one day becoming a cliche insane winged nihilistic demigod with the ability to wipe out all life, just like all my 'heroes'. "Yeah, and hey, what about your other dream...the one where you're the only girl at an all centaur gang-ba-" FLLAAARRRRE!!! *FOOSH* "...Cough...Ow...I'm gonna go get a potion now..." Dammit, I told you never to repeat anything about that dream! Anyway...um...really what I do isn't THAT much different than the good guys-in-training. I wander around, go on adventures, visit towns and steal what ever I think may be useful from the merchant and then burn the place to the ground, (though, in my defense, I almost never just barge into someone's home and take what ever money or personal items they may have in chests right in front of them... I mean, that's just plain rude) meet new people (who, inexplicably, for no good explainable reason are all expertly trained in exactly ONE form of armed combat or magic) and draft them into my unholy army of darkness, and, of course, I go beat up random monsters till they agree to pay me 'protection' money and give me cool stuff to stop. Oh yeah...and I also slowly, painfully torture and execute any elves, hobb- I mean 'halflings', and fairies that might cross our path. "Mheh, heh...Fry hobbits, fry!" It's um...a personal thing... "Yeah, we don't like to talk about it."

Meji is cheerful, violent, money-grubbing, upbeat, selfish, power hungry, friendly, childish, hyper-active, arrogant, sweet, treacherous, and all around very, very, very evil... But she's also quite cute, which sadly, in a society such as ours, where there is such a huge emphasis placed on a person's physical appearance...that one quality alone is often enough to make people overlook all her negative traits.

Evil Flying Kitty Cat

     Beast Master: Standard

Oh, and that's Nail. He's sort of my familiar, I guess. He's an obnoxious flying cat that talks in an unbelievably grating voice... Um... I don't know what else to say about him really... he's actually pretty damn useless.

Nail

     Beast Master: Standard

"What?! For the last damn time... I'm not a #$%@# cat! I'm a baby black dragon!" Groan... you're having delusions of adequacy again, Nail. You're just a weird little mutant thing whose mother was some mangy stray cat that ate a magically altered lab rat I was experimenting on while she was preggers with you. "No, I'm not! You're just lying because you're jealous that I can do cool stuff like fly and lick my own privates!" Um... No... Trust me, I was there when you were born, you are a cat. "God Dammit! I deserve a little a respect, I do watch out for you and all, y'know..." Riiight, so you were just 'watching out for me' that time when we didn't have any money to buy you a fish, so you went and sold me to a child prostitution ring? "Err... No, that was just... payback for that time when we got lost and ran out of food in the Endless Labyrinth of Certain Doom™ and you got so hungry that you tried to eat me." Bull I've explained this before... I wasn't going to cook you... you just looked a little dirty so I thought I'd give you a bath. "In a soup pot?" Well... we WERE lost in the middle of a cave, it was the only thing handy... had to improvise and all that. "Uh-huh... and why was the water boiling?" Um... well, it was pretty drafty in there... and I didn't want you to get a chill, so I warmed the water up a bit... Must have accidentally misjudged the strength of that fire spell, I guess. "...and the basil, oregano, and olive oil you dumped on me?" Um... would you believe, err... special homemade flea shampoo?

Evil Semi-Ultimate Dark Magic

     Spellcraft: Ultimate

• Ranged Attack Only
• Area Affect
• Target Seeker
• Ranged and Melee Attack

Mm-mmm... Let the good guys have whatever lame gimmick the want. The power of *snicker* 'True Love' and the *snicker again* 'Unconquerable Human Spirit', some tree-hugging, gaia-worshipping, song-singing, let's-all-sit-around-the-campfire-holding-hands-and-think-about-our-place-in-the-cosmos wussy holy white magic, or more often than not... just some big ass, fancy looking sword. (And what kind of @$@##$% up phallus-centric, Freudian crap is up with the sword thing anyway? Some sort of whacked out male power fantasy about saving the world with something that's a representation of your wang? Geez...) Thank god I, on the other hand, am completely evil, moral less and devoid of any and all human compassion and mercy... "YAY! Go team!" ...and therefore get to use good old-fashion arcane, ridiculously destructive, dark, unholy, wyrm/void/abyss/chaos/shadow tainted, who-gives-a-flying-@#$%-if-the-entire-space/time-continuum-gets-destroyed-in-the-process black magic. There's nothing quite as satisfying as the warm... tingly... throbbing... almost, um... orgasm-like feeling- "Oh well... at least it's cheaper then constantly replacing the batteries in her massager, I suppose." -you get when you fold, spindle, and mutilate the ratty old fabric of reality with just a wave of you hand and rain down death and destruction- "Not to mention, destroy three planets and causing the sun to go super nova in the process." Shut up, Nail, I'm ranting again. ...death and destruction upon some spiky haired moron with a Hackmaster +15 who can't seem to grasp how it's actually your god given right... nay, DESTINY to gain control of some uber-powerful, ancient cosmic manifestation of oblivion and use it's energies to fulfill your dreams and goals of complete domination of the multiverse, enslavement of all intelligent life, huge @*$## piles of money, immortality, a male harem, and then a little later, go completely bat-shit insane and try to destroy all of reality and straddle existence between my all-powerful naked perfect thighs and... uh... excuse me... "*sweat drop* ...Meji... I think you REALLY need to try getting a boyfriend or something."

Evil Cuteness

     Emotion Control: Standard

• Auto-Hit Attack

Sigh... unfortunately I'm still a bit of a late bloomer, so I can't quite fill out a regulation skimpy, skintight evil female sorceress outfit yet. So inst- "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 'late bloomer' my little, flea-bitten, hairy, winged ass! Please... you went through puberty like two years ago. You're just flat chested, get over it." Grrr... "A Cups, a carpenter's dream, built like a board, mosquito bite ti-" LIGHTNING BOLT!! *KRRAC-DOOOM* "AHAHAHAHHHHHH!! Hiss! Rrwwor!" As I was saying... instead I have this magic pedant that enhances my appearance (Um... not that I actually need it or anything, of course.) and makes me seem even more incredibly cute than I naturally am... Err... Cute in the 'I'll destroy you, enslave the planet, devour your immortal souls, and plunge the multiverse into everlasting darkness' evil cuteness sorta way I mean.

Evil Maniacal Laughter

     Psychic Vampire: Superior

Owww... my throat's starting to get sore... "Oh c'mon you crybaby, just a few more minutes of practice. Now do the Evil Anime Chick laugh." OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! "Nice one... you need to raise your hand up higher when you do it though. Now, the Cliched Vampire laugh." MWHHAHAHAHAHAHA!! "Hrm... your accent at the beginning still needs work; now try the Kefka." HEHK- *choke* Ack, cough, cough, cough... urrgh... owww... "Here, drink some water and take a break. We'll move on to working on your evil one liners next."

Evil Angelic Final Battle Form

     Energy Body:

Okay, so anyway... After a few quests, boss fights, and gaining a whole bunch of experience, I finally found some ancient elder god, kicked it's ass and then stole it's power. And you know what the best part of being elevated to the status of uber-powerful immortal demigod? In true supreme-evil-ultimate-bad-guy style, now I can transform into this mega cool naked, winged, demonic, angel looking battle form... that is just sooo badass looking, not to mention sexy as hell. "Yeah ... apparently for chicks, becoming an insane god-like entity bent on the destruction of the galaxy also increases the size of their chests. Who knew?" Shhh, Nail. I can't tell you what a godsend this new ability has been to me... I mean, do you have any idea how hard it is to make whole nations wet their collective pants in fear of you when you look like a underdeveloped fourteen year old?